How do you know if your partner is having an orgasm?
During an orgasm, hormones called endorphins are released into the bloodstream, causing intense pleasure and relaxation. People may feel flushed or warm, and may experience rapid muscle spasms all throughout their bodies, but mainly concentrated in the genital and anal areas. Orgasm is the peak of sexual arousal when all the muscles that were tightened during sexual arousal relax.
A guy’s orgasm is usually accompanied by the release of ejaculatory fluid, and about 10 percent of women also ejaculate during an orgasm. Women’s experience with orgasm is more varied than men’s, and not all women experience orgasm in the same way. It is often the case that a woman or a man won’t have an orgasm during sex. That’s perfectly normal. But some women are less likely to have orgasms than men.
With men, you can usually tell if they have an orgasm because they usually ejaculate. With women, it is not so simple because there is often no physical evidence. If you’re concerned about knowing when and if your partner has an orgasm, talk about how you can let one another know before you have sex. Letting partners know you care about making them feel good is a great way to show that their pleasure and enjoyment is important to you.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
What does an orgasm feel like for men?
It’s one of those questions that’s tricky to answer.
Can you ever truly know what someone else feels? Maybe not. But we can try.
So, just as we asked women to describe the wonders of the female orgasm, we asked a bunch of men to explain what an orgasm feels like when you have a penis.
Here are their answers – names have been changed because shockingly not everyone wants their identity associated with lengthy prose about ejaculation. Fair play.
- Steve, 28
- Jack, 35
- Matt, 25
- Charlie, 27
- Ron, 30
- Sam, 29
- Alexander, 31
- Noah, 30
- Luke, 32
- Marco, 37
- Oliver, 39
- Ethan, 44
- Ben, 28
- Liam, 38
- Harry, 22
- Ron, 66
- The Fix
- Men Want You to Orgasm Because It Makes Them Feel Manly, Study Says
- What’s an erection? Why does it happen?
- What’s ejaculation?
- What’s a wet dream?
- How to Easily Last 20 Minutes or Longer in Bed
- Step 1: Reduce Your Sexual Anxiety
- Step 2: Daily Exercises for Lasting Longer
- Step 3: Techniques for Lasting Longer During Sex
- Go Forth…
- Ejaculatory or ‘standard’ orgasm
- Blended Orgasm or whole body orgasm
- Wet Dream orgasm
- Multiple Orgasms
- Pelvic orgasm
- Prostate orgasm
‘I know maybe two seconds before that I am going to orgasm. The build up is short, like going from 0kmh to 100kmh in 2 seconds. It’s pretty short but super intense.
‘I think the old “shake a bottle of champagne” metaphor is accurate.
‘When my prostate is also stimulated the resulting orgasm is way longer and the intensity is cranked up to maximum. There’s also a significantly larger amount of semen.
‘It’s definitely a tingling/shivering sensation and when it’s a great orgasm my arms and legs go numb and I’m lightheaded afterwards. That’s usually only the case when I had sex. I’ve never achieved this from masturbating.
‘This tingling/shivering starts in my groin area and spreads along my spine.
‘When I use a butt plug the orgasm usually starts in my prostate. Then it’s like an electric buzz starting spreading in waves accompanied by muscle contractions in my stomach, back and chest. This is a much deeper feeling and I feel spent and exhausted in a good way afterwards. Probably comparable to an intensive workout that leaves you shaking.’
‘For me, there is a build up of tension but a good kind, where you’re trying to let it grow and grow, filling you up until I’m tensing my muscles hard.
‘At that point it’s either a challenge to maintain that feeling and prolong the climax or just let it go, and the release is felt all the way from somewhere deep inside, I can feel the pulse and the surges as it happens.
‘Then within five seconds a wave of relaxation, an endorphin hit that chills me out like nothing else can.’
‘Male ejaculation isn’t a one-trick pony, it’s a sliding scale of pleasure. A towering high to chase. The sensation can cover a wide range of bodily satisfactions depending on – but not limited to – method, form and timeliness.
‘At their best, they feel like a Spider-Man web sling from the pits of your being. Powerful in distance and mass. Sexcalibur unsheathed.
‘At worst, they’re a dribble that oozes out of you like a lost caterpillar.
‘It’s a precision game, but if everything lines up just right you can achieve an almost holy kickback from your release. The kind that makes you want to arch your neck backwards as you levitate into the ethereal plane.
‘To achieve carnal perfection (and I am sorry) you aim to stomp on the sweet spot of a full toothpaste tube, rather than desperately rolling the end up.
‘It’s the greatest game on Earth.’
‘I can feel my heart pounding then my mind goes completely blank and I’m not aware of anything around me.
‘Then I just feel relaxed and sleepy.’
‘It’s like a build up, anticipation, excitement, hormone rush. The balls feel little throbbing from within and tighten up.
‘With every stroke the sensitivity increases and comes the point of no return. You feel a sensation rising from your balls and through the cock. And then you explode into a world of ecstasy, relaxation, and pleasure.’
‘It’s great to hold your cock in your hand when it’s come out of slumbering, standby,mode, to feel it engorged and straining, like some wild beast that you’ve awakened, and you don’t even know yourself quite how it’s going to behave when you come.
‘I’ve filmed myself ejaculating in slow motion, and it’s fascinating, and suspenseful, waiting to see how each spurt manifests itself.
‘I keep stiff by gripping my shaft just under my helmet and stroking the top third of my shaft. The zone where my helmet meets my shaft becomes the starting point for the build up of sensation, and this zone expands in my consciousness, and other body sensations diminish accordingly.
‘I find that, as I focus on my erotic thought or an erotic stimulus, I’m no longer so aware of my conscious control of my hand, it’s acting primarily on muscle memory as I focus on feeling myself becoming aroused.
‘This manifests itself in a feeling that starts from the base of my glans, where it meets my shaft, and then starts to spread both up and down from that region simultaneously.
‘I’m sensing that my body’s automatically started its own mechanism towards the end result, and I’m trying to assist this process, with my brain’s erotic conscious thoughts, a bit like my penis is sitting in swing, but the swing is the rest of my body, and my brain is me pushing the swing, picking just the right moment to push, each time, and also just the right amount of push, so that the swing keeps getting higher and higher, until…
‘As this is happening, I’m reaching full stiffness and engorgement, and feeling my girth, now fully developed, adds to the pleasure, and the sensation is almost at the base of my cock
‘I’ve been struggling to find the best way to describe how that sensation actually feels. The best I can think of is that it’s like that feeling when you are waiting to sneeze.’
‘I’ve always thought of orgasms feeling like a satisfying stretch after a long sleep, travelling upwards from my inside-knees, to the thighs, groin, and then penis head with an ‘explosion’ that I’d compare to a really exaggerated feeling of satisfaction at the penis head.’
‘The buildup is a tickly butterfly feeling that slowly builds around the head and in/down the shaft.
‘This spreads to lower stomach and groin area building with intensity. If whatever is causing this is stopped the feeling fades. If started again the same feelings build again, quicker each time.
‘Gooch area starts to twitch / tense as time goes on and the feelings build, until the feeling suddenly goes over my body and that’s it!
‘The ejaculation is a really nice feeling as the cum comes out. The amount can differ and it’s a better feeling if there’s more.
‘Initially the feeling as it comes out is uncontrollable, but towards the end, you can “push” more. At the very moment of orgasm my whole body shudders, any tense muscles momentarily go weak. Have to be careful not to fall on people.
‘I don’t know if it’s just me but I’ve never managed to orgasm with my eyes open. No matter how hard I’ve tried my eyes roll back and lids shut – the feeling is too intense and uncontrollable.
‘The end leaves my body feeling like those Indian head scratcher massager things do, only stronger – before a really nice sleepy feeling comes in and I lay there useless. After my ‘little chap’ is extremely sensitive – too much to touch.’
‘It’s like a surge of electricity that feels like a conversation between your human and spiritual bodies.
‘It previews in your root, where your sex organs are and then energy rises and connects with the rest of the core of your body.
‘The point of ejaculation is like a beautiful synchronicity between your body, mind and soul with an inescapable pulsating focused around your g spot, phallus and brain chemistry.’
‘Warm, tingly. Imagine shaking up a bottle of Coke and then unscrewing the lid.’
‘It’s almost painful. It grows from a want to a need very quickly. Like flicking a switch. Every ounce of energy becomes dedicated to getting that fix.
‘Sometimes I ejaculate but haven’t had the orgasm. Then when it comes it hits hard. Not just in my cock but all over.
‘It’s like an electric shock that courses round and makes every part of me buzzed and with heightened reactions.’
‘The best way to describe it is a release, like something’s been building up and you’re finally letting it go.
‘A bit like taking a shit or piss when you really need one, but better.’
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
‘Everything spirals in, sucked into a single point, a black hole in the pit of my groin, the whole universe collapsing into nothingness, waiting, waiting… and then suddenly exploding out the other side, flooding into some place with colour and light.
‘That’s what it’s like if I’m by myself. It can be like that with a partner, but usually isn’t.
‘Orgasm with a partner isn’t as dark; there’s colour and warmth the whole time. And, while that’s distracting on the one hand, it’s worth it on the other.’
‘My orgasms tend to come in one of three varieties:
‘The utility – basically my libido won’t let me focus on anything else, and it’s more of a chore. Just getting it done so I can focus on work.
‘The show piece – while I don’t fake my orgasms for my customers, this tends to be a bit more showy due to the fact I’m focusing on my moans, my performance, keeping the role, etc. While this feels fine (I love performing), it’s still not the best.
‘The actual – typically I only get this when I’m with my partners or someone I care about because I am an utter and absolute sap. This feels absolutely wonderful, like every synapse fires in my brain simultaneously.
‘It leaves me dumb-struck for a moment, and is absolutely woven in with the emotional attachment to the person. The last time I had one this good, I actually stuttered for like fifteen minutes after.’
‘The start of an orgasm is a point of no return – once it starts there’s a feeling of inevitability.
‘Ever held a hose and put your finger over the hole? That sensation of pent-up release, of the throbbing of the hose as the water is finally allowed to pour out, is very similar to an orgasm.
‘But it’s not one continuous stream of pleasure, but rather blissful bursts of joy which are sadly over all too quickly.’
‘For the build-up, breathing gets a lot deeper. When simulating the penis head, it feels incredibly nice. It’s like having a massage but for your genitals.
‘For the release, once the build-up has been achieved, and seconds before release you’ll feel the cum coming through the penis…It’s the same when you want to pee, except that this is forceful and once you reach this stage there’s no holding back. You can’t hold it in and you can’t stop it.
‘The release is the best feeling ever! But it depends on how well the person did for the build up.
‘To put it in another way so that everyone can understand, it’s like holding your pee for a long time and once you let it out, it feels good.
‘But in terms of release it doesn’t just all come out straight away, it comes out in bursts. So, the best way to describe it, is like peeing, then holding it for a second, then peeing again.’
‘It is an overall sensation unlike any other I experience. It involves my whole body. I am left gasping and shuddering after sex irrespective of size of orgasm. To the extent that female partners ask if I’m OK. Once my heart rate decreases I can usually reassure them.
‘Prior to orgasm I can feel a build up of tension through my mid section and at the base of my dick. During orgasm I feel spasms in my dick that are utterly uncontrollable.
‘In a really really big orgasm the level of spasms are scary, both for size and time. The feeling of ejaculation is sublime, but seems to have no relationship to the quantity of sperm shot out. As I’ve aged that quantity has decreased.
‘I do not feel my nuts throb as “I pump my love juices” into my partner. That appears to me to be a fiction of porn. A fun thought though.’
MORE: Straight men share what sex feels like when you have a penis
MORE: Straight women explain what sex feels like when you have a vagina
MORE: Covering your dog’s balls in glitter is now a trend – but vets warn it’s a bad idea
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Men Want You to Orgasm Because It Makes Them Feel Manly, Study Says
A study published in 2017 in the Journal of Sex Research found that men view the female orgasm as an opportunity to confirm their manhood. These findings, courtesy of two University of Michigan researchers, suggest that men who think sexually pleasing women is important are really doing it to please themselves.
Thanks to the sexual scripts society assigns people, men often feel like they have to “prove themselves through symbolically masculine achievements,” the study’s authors write. Because previous research has shown men gleaning sexual satisfaction from a woman coming, the authors were interested in finding out if men view female orgasms as a “masculinity achievement.”
The study analyzed the responses of 810 men who were 18 and older and currently sexually attracted to women. During the experiment, researchers posed an Imagined Orgasm Exercise: Participants read one of four anecdotes that had them imagine having sex with a female partner they like and had had sex with three times already. The four variables were that the men either always made the woman come even though she had or hadn’t with previous partners, or never came with him even though she had or hadn’t in the past with other men. Afterward, researchers took stock of participants’ feelings of masculinity as well as their sexual esteem, among other things.
Read more: How Masculinity Is Killing Men
Unsurprisingly, the men in the study “reported higher feelings of masculinity after reading a vignette in which a female partner orgasmed versus a vignette in which a female partner did not orgasm.” Moreover, “this effect was exacerbated for men with high masculine gender role stress.”
But, contrary to popular belief, a woman’s orgasm history had little impact on how masculine a man felt. This suggests that men take responsibility for a woman’s sexual satisfaction, the authors note. While this may propel men to do whatever it takes to get a woman to come, the study’s authors say that a man’s insistence to help a woman achieve orgasm may cause him to “dismiss important contextual factors and/or women’s own agency and experiences around sexual pleasure.”
In an interview with psychology news website PsyPost, the authors noted that women’s orgasms “shouldn’t be seen as another notch on the bedpost, so to speak. Women’s orgasms should be experienced—when they are wanted—as a wonderful part of sexuality, not as something men give to women as an example of their prowess.”
They continued: “Cultural ideas about masculinity push many men to feel like they need to live up to certain ideals, and this ends up being bad for sexual pleasure.”
Moreover, the study’s results “could be interpreted to support notion that the increased attention to women’s orgasms, often lauded as the symbol of women’s sexual liberation, actually reflects a repackaging of women’s sexuality in the service of men” and that “a reevaluation of women’s orgasms as symbols of sexual health and liberation is sorely needed.”
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Paul Joannides is a psychoanalyst and the author of the sex ed book Guide To Getting It On. While he has some issues with the current research—he says the authors failed to mention that women’s sexual pleasure isn’t as clear-cut as it is with men, and that many women struggle to communicate the ways men can give them pleasure—he says the bigger takeaway for women is that “it matters to a lot of male partners if you do or don’t have an orgasm.”
Women need to help their partners understand “that your overall pleasure is just as important as whether you did or didn’t have an orgasm,” he tells Broadly, “and that begins with how he greets you at the door, the feeling you get when he hugs you, and whether he makes you feel desired and valued.”
He continues: “You need to educate him about your body, your sexual pleasure, and help him to realize that your way of arriving at an orgasm could be very different from how his last partner orgasmed, or from how he has orgasms. Help him to realize the goal is pleasure, and if orgasm is part of that, great. But pleasure comes first.”
In This Section
- Who can I talk to about it?
- Are my vulva and vagina normal?
- Are my breasts normal?
- What’s up with periods?
- What can I expect when I get my period?
- Are my penis and testicles normal?
- What’s the deal with erections, ejaculation, and wet dreams?
- What are puberty blockers?
- What happens during puberty if I’m intersex?
Erections, ejaculation (cumming), and wet dreams are normal parts of puberty for anyone with a penis. Here’s what’s going on.
What’s an erection? Why does it happen?
Boner. Wood. Stiffy. Hard-on. There are lots of nicknames for erections. An erection is when blood flows into your penis faster than it flows out, and makes the spongy tissue in your penis swell.
When you have an erection, your penis gets bigger and harder. It may stick straight out, or curve up or down. Erections can happen at any point in your life (even when you’re a baby). But you start getting erections more often during puberty.
Erections usually happen when you’re sexually excited (AKA horny or turned on). But during puberty, it’s common to get random erections that happen for no reason at all, like when you’re in math class or doing something else totally non-sexual. This is called a spontaneous erection — it’s an erection you get when you’re not sexually turned-on. Spontaneous erections can feel embarrassing, but they go away if you ignore them. As you get older, you won’t have these kinds of erections as much.
It’s common to get erections during the night when you’re sleeping and when you first wake up — that’s where the term “morning wood” comes from.
After you ejaculate (cum), an erection goes away and your penis will get soft again. Some people masturbate when they have an erection. But an erection will also go away after a few minutes if you just wait it out.
When your penis is hard and you get very sexually excited (turned on), a sticky liquid may shoot out of your penis — this is called ejaculation. Some slang terms for ejaculation include: cum or come, jizz, and shooting your load. Most of the time, ejaculation happens during an orgasm (a sexual release that feels really good). But it’s possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating. And it’s also possible to ejaculate without having an orgasm.
The liquid that comes out of your penis during ejaculation is called semen, ejaculate, or cum. It’s not the same thing as urine (pee). You can’t pee and ejaculate at the same time — your body blocks pee from coming out when you’re close to ejaculating. (That’s why it can be hard to pee if you have an erection.)
Semen (cum) has sperm in it. When sperm gets inside a vagina, it can cause pregnancy. So if you’re having penis-in-vagina sex, it’s important to use birth control, like condoms. Read more about how pregnancy happens.
Sometimes a thin, slippery liquid drips out of your penis when it’s hard BEFORE ejaculation — this is called pre-ejaculate or precum. Precum is totally normal. Precum may have a tiny bit of sperm in it, so it can cause pregnancy — but this is rare.
What’s a wet dream?
You might wake up in the morning with sticky underwear or sheets and realize that you ejaculated in your sleep. This is called a wet dream, and it’s totally normal — especially during puberty. Sometimes when you sleep, your penis gets hard and you ejaculate. Maybe you had a sexy dream, or maybe your penis was stimulated when it rubbed against your sheets.
Wet dreams are common. As you get older, they happen less often or go away altogether.
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Here’s what he suggests:
- Lose Weight: “Thirty-three percent of obese men have a low sperm count, and seven percent have no sperm count,” Brahmbhatt says. “As you lose weight, your count will naturally improve.”
- Eat Antioxidants: “Increase your consumption of greens, fruits and veggies,” Brahmbhatt suggests. “Healthier foods full of antioxidants help improve your sperm count and quality.”
- Exercise (But Don’t Overdo It): “Mild to moderate activity is okay, but severe, high-intensity training may hurt your sperm quality,” Brahmbhatt explains. “Generally speaking, what most people do at the gym shouldn’t hurt your sperm count.”
Brahmbhatt also suggests avoiding tobacco and excessive alcohol consumption (which both reduce sperm quality and quantity), as well as lengthy soaks in the hot tub, since prolonged heat exposure damages the sperm.
Still, while doing all of this might help you produce somewhat larger loads, at the end of the day, there’s only one surefire way to significantly improve semen volume: Allowing your body enough time to recover between orgasms. That’s because repeated ejaculation over a short period of time results, naturally, in lower semen volume (as anyone who’s reached the end of a day alone to find they’re down to a puff of dust and a shrill, piercing whistle will know).
• Should you be worried if you can’t get morning wood anymore?
• Our guide to better, stronger, more intense male orgasms
“The body can only recover so quickly — it wasn’t designed to have sex like a rabbit,” explains Jason Barritt, chief scientific officer and laboratory director at the Southern California Reproductive Center. “When we see gentlemen who are experiencing variation, we put them on a regimen: Every two to three days, ejaculate. Once you do that for a period of time, your body becomes used to the pattern — it knows you just ejaculated, and that it needs to produce more semen. It’s like training for basketball — if you go out and practice a lot, you’ll get very good at it. But you don’t want to practice for 20 hours in one day; you want to practice for one hour each day — you’ll be just as good, but not as tired.”
In other words, allowing yourself a one-or-two-day break between ejaculations can help maximize semen volume.
This might all sound like a lot of work (or not a lot of ejaculating), but still, you shouldn’t be tempted to try online semen supplements, as there’s no clinical research to suggest that products promising to increase semen volume actually work.
“There’s nothing currently on the market (that isn’t prescribed) that can increase semen volume,” Barritt explains. “There are a lot of folk remedies and supplements out there that people think increases semen volume, but oftentimes, these are just a placebo.”
• Will kegel exercises for men help your orgasms?
• “Summer penis” and “vacation penis,” explained
There is one other option, though: As a last resort, if you’re not optimally producing (and you’re hoping to make babies), a fertility expert can prescribe steroids or stimulating hormones. “Sometimes men have hormone levels that are outside of the norm,” Barritt explains. “Therefore, a urologist or endocrinologist can potentially prescribe them medications that would allow them to return to mostly normal hormone levels.”
But if you’re simply seeking larger loads for your own gratification, your only option is to give your balls a break. And if that is you, let’s be honest, they’ve probably earned it.
The Forever War Between ‘Come’ and ‘Cum’
The Ultimate Guide to Pre-Cum
This One Weird Pee Trick Actually Works
Is It Normal to Ejaculate During a Prostate Exam?
What Happens If You Fall Asleep With a Used Condom On?
There Are a Surprising Number of People Out There Who Appreciate Your Premature Ejaculation
Ian Lecklitner is a staff writer at MEL Magazine. He mostly writes about everyone’s favorite things: Sex, drugs and food.
How to Easily Last 20 Minutes or Longer in Bed
How long does your sex last?
If you don’t want to share, here’s what the stats say. The average sex session is 5-7 minutes, but 50% of guys last less than 2 minutes.
And when you give guys some anonymity, they admit it. The most popular response to a reddit poll on “how long does sex normally last” was 1-2 minutes.
That’s a major problem.
The reported ideal length of sex is between 10 and 25 minutes, and 80% of guys suffer from some form of premature ejaculation and can’t pull that off.
Both men and women want longer lasting sex, but guys lack the sexual stamina to make it happen.
I had this same problem. I tried EVERYTHING to improve it. Eventually, I figured out what worked, but figuring it out was a huge pain in the ass. The advice floating around the Internet is terrible, and I suspect that most of it is written by people who haven’t dealt with the problem.
Which brings us here. Me drinking enough wine to talk about sex on the Internet. We’re going to cover a lot, so be ready to take notes.
I’ll start with step one: addressing the psychological factors behind lasting longer.
Step two is the exercises you can do to start lasting longer.
Finally, step three is what to do during sex to make sure you last as long as possible.
And to help you in the process, be sure to download the app, Stamena, which will help train you to last longer.
Step 1: Reduce Your Sexual Anxiety
If you go into sex thinking that you won’t last very long, you won’t. Sliding in with any sort of anxiety about your sexual abilities will make you cum much faster than you want to.
And if you consider it biologically, it makes sense. The insecurity makes you anxious. Your body can tell that you’re anxious. The anxiety suggests that this isn’t a very safe environment for you to be naked with your eyes closed and unprepared to defend against one of these.
So what does your body do when you’re anxious during sex? It reduces the amount of time you’re in a vulnerable state by subjecting you to either premature ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction.
The only cure is to approach sex with a confident, positive outlook on how you’re going to perform.
The best way to do that? Talk to your partner about it.
If you bring up your concerns about how long you’re lasting and that you want to work on it with them, they’re not going to think less of you. Rather, they’ll think higher of you for wanting to improve your sex life together, and want to work on it with you.
It’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, and you’ll find that just being open about it will solve half the problem on its own.
No partner? No worries. You can easily do the exercises without one.
Step 2: Daily Exercises for Lasting Longer
There are only two things you need to do regularly to control premature ejaculation: kegel exercises and masturbation practice.
Exercise 1: Kegels and Reverse Kegels (less than 10 mins / day)
If you do nothing else in this article, do this.
The best way to improve your ejaculatory control is the strengthen the muscles that control ejaculation. Makes sense, right? You do that through kegel exercises, and reverse kegels, which train your pelvic floor muscles to help you control when you ejaculate.
If you’ve never heard of kegels before, I wrote more in-depth articles on kegel exercises for men, and reverse kegels, to help you out. But you can get by with the abbreviated version below if you’re familiar with it.
Here’s what I want you to do:
- Get naked (I told you this would be fun).
- Put a finger or two on the skin between your legs behind your balls, but before your anus.
- Now imagine you’re trying to stop yourself from peeing. Flex that muscle. (This is also the muscle you flex to make your penis “dance” when it’s hard. Don’t give me that look, I know you’ve done it).
- You should feel some movement where you put your fingers, and you might feel movement in your penis and balls.
- Don’t flex your ass like you’re trying to show off your glutes, don’t flex your legs, and don’t flex your abs. Focus just on flexing that muscle.
- If you’re really having trouble finding it, then drink a bunch of water, go pee, and try to stop yourself. There it is.
This is called your Pubococcygeus muscle, PC muscle, or pelvic floor, and while it can control the flow of urine, it also controls your ejaculation.
Strengthening it will make you last longer, and eventually even allow you to stop yourself from reaching the “point of no return” and quickly bring yourself down from near orgasm.
To train it, we’re going to tie small weights to your penis, then you’re going to get hard and flex it to lift the weights.
Okay just kidding, it’s a little easier than that.
All you have to do to train your pelvic floor is “kegel exercises” which involve flexing it repeatedly, and “reverse kegel exercises” which involve pushing out on it repeatedly.
But, like any muscle, you can’t do the same thing over and over again and expect it to get much stronger. You need to keep increasing the difficulty.
The best way to do this is to use the app “Stamena” that gives you specific directions on how long to clench and push for, and the different speeds to do it at. If you’re on Android, you can use Kegel Trainer.
As you do more of it, you “level up” in the app and start holding and pressing for longer and for more repetitions. You’ll start seeing serious improvements in your sexual longevity around level 8+.
I assume this would have a really high conversion rate on Tinder
I set a reminder in the app to ping me 3 times a day to make sure I didn’t forget. You don’t have to do it that frequently, once a day is fine, but doing it 2 to 3 times a day will get you there faster.
Once you get to level 20+ you can cut back and just do it for maintenance. But like any muscle, when you stop using it you’ll get weaker. So keep training.
Exercise 2: Masturbation & Edging (10-30 mins / day)
If you want to last longer, you have to start masturbating differently.
Many guys who have trouble lasting a long time have gotten themselves into bad habits from how they masturbate.
If you typically open the spank bank, go full jackhammer on your dick and finish up in a minute or two then yeah, you’re not going to have very much staying power with the real deal.
Here’s your new rule for masturbating: nothing less than 10 minutes. I don’t care if you have to spend 8 of those minutes just staring at it, you can’t let yourself cum in less than 10 minutes. Once that’s comfortable, up it to 15, then 20.
Now, here’s what you should be doing during those 10 minutes.
When a guy isn’t lasting very long in bed, it’s because his “pleasure graph” is looking something like this:
A quick escalation straight to cumming. To last longer, you’re going to train yourself to have your “pleasure graph” look more like this:
This is done through “edging,” which you’ll do during sex later but also need to incorporate into your masturbation.
Here’s how it works:
- Start masturbating, and get yourself up to a 7 out of 10 on the arousal scale. (You’ll just have to subjectively decide what this is for you, it’ll be easier to identify with practice).
- Stop, and let yourself simmer down to a 5.
- Now work up to an 8, and then stop again and let yourself slide down to a 6.
- Up to 9, down to 7
- Up to 9.5, down to 7 again. A 9.5 is just before the point of no return when you know there’s nothing you can do.
- Repeat the 9.5 to 7 cycle over and over again until you get past 10 minutes. Then you can let yourself go, and you’ll notice this also makes your orgasms MUCH stronger.
As you’re getting more aroused, remember the STAB technique to slow yourself down:
- Squeeze: Squeeze your PC muscles HARD like you’re doing an intense kegel. Hold them for at least 10 seconds, but the longer you can hold the more you’ll come down. (You might also have success doing a couple shorter 5-second holds, or a bunch of quick 1-second holds)
- Think: Think about something else.
- Avoid: Change your stroke (avoid the head) instead of stopping entirely.
- Breathe: Take deep, diaphragmatic (with your stomach) breaths.
Ideally, you should combine all of them to get better control over your ejaculation, but start with one and then add others in until the technique becomes second nature.
Set aside 20 minutes a night for this kind of practice. The more the better.
If you have a partner you’d rather do this with, tell her what you’re working on, and ask her to help you either with manual/mouth stimulation or by having slow sex with a lot of stopping and starting.
It will be very tempting to just let yourself go when you’re hitting those 9.5 peaks, but trust me, exercising like this will be worth it.
Plus it’s a lot of fun.
Step 3: Techniques for Lasting Longer During Sex
If you’ve been doing your training, then you’re already going to last much longer in bed.
But we can layer more on top of it. These next four strategies will significantly improve your staying power, just by taking the same principles we’ve been using for masturbation to the bedroom
Strategic Foreplay Ordering
Foreplay frequently goes in this order, because women typically expect men to initiate the next stage of sex:
Kissing / touching -> Cunnilingus -> Fellatio -> Sex
There’s an obvious problem though: you’re going straight from intense oral stimulation to sex.
That’s no bueno. You want to be going into sex at a 4 or 5, not at an 8.
Here’s what you do. You’re already talking to your partner about lasting longer (unless you skipped down here, shame on you), so tell her that it’d be better if you got her off once manually (to get her warmed up more), then she went down on you, then you went down on her after.
Kissing / touching -> Get her off once manually -> Fellatio -> Cunnilingus -> Sex
When you’re receiving oral, after you get to 9.5 a couple times (same edging technique as before, just this time you yell “stop” at the peaks), switch it up so you can cool down while you go down on her and get her off a few times.
Also, tell her to push against your PC muscle (using two or three fingers or a fist works well) while she’s going down on you. It makes you last longer and feels great, but it’s hard to do during actual sex.
Then, when you’ve peaked enough times, getting a cooldown period with minimal stimulation while going down on her will increase how long you last significantly.
Alternatively, depending on how long your refractory periods are, you could get off when she’s going down on you then recover for round two (which lasts longer) while going down on her. Up to you.
Use Sex Positions for Edging
Edging during foreplay is easy, but during sex it’s a little different. You don’t want to keep stopping and starting thrusting since that’s going to be frustrating for her, and it’ll give you performance anxiety from worrying about cumming too soon.
Instead, you can edge yourself during sex by switching up your positions.
Some positions will move you up arousal stages faster. Others, less so. It’s a combination of:
A position with her legs more closed (more friction) plus you doing the thrusting while lying down (e.g. missionary) will be high stimulation and get you off faster.
But a position with her legs spread and you standing or kneeling will have less stimulation. Same story if she’s on top of you moving back and forth instead of up and down.
(If you’re not sure what I mean by “back and forth” (vs “thrusting”) well… this is the only way to explain it (NSFW).)
You need to find your “low stim” and “high stim” positions. Get in the high stim positions when you’re at a 5 or 6, then switch to low stim positions when you’re at an 8 or 9 to bring it back down.
And while you’re switching, take a few seconds to squeeze your PC muscles!
Breathing Slowly from Your Diaphragm
The way you breathe also affects how quickly you ejaculate.
You’ve heard about how you can trick yourself into being happier by making yourself smile, right? Well, you can also make yourself more or less aroused by changing your breathing.
If you want to be less aroused and feel less anxious, slow your breathing and make sure you’re taking deep belly breaths with your diaphragm. Taking quick breaths in your shoulders and chest is what you do when you’re about to cum, so if you’re doing that, your body thinks you’re close.
Breathe like you’re fine and you’ll become fine.
Last Second Squeeze When You Get Too Close
Those first three tips will help you stay in the 5-9 range. But what happens when you get to 9.9 and you don’t think there’s any way to stop yourself from cumming?
This is what training those PC muscles has led to.
Assuming you’ve gotten them strong enough, all you need to do to bring yourself back from that “point of no return” is stop thrusting and clamp HARD like a long kegel hold (or a combination of shorter ones if you found that worked better for you).
The longer you squeeze, the more you’ll come down. With practice, you can take yourself from a 9.9 to a 6 or 7 in a few seconds, and add another ~5 minutes to your sex.
Here’s the catch, though. It works better the closer you are to cumming when you do it, so you’re going to have some misfires. But with practice, you’ll start noticing when is the right time to squeeze, and you’ll get better and better at pulling yourself back from the edge.
And what about the other squeeze technique? Where you grip the head or shaft of your penis and squeeze it to restrict blood flow and bring yourself down? You can use that as well, but it creates more of an interruption and it’s hard to argue that it’s good for you. Try the kegel squeeze first.
That’s it. One psychological change, two exercises to keep you in good sexual shape, three techniques to manage how quickly you heat up, and the last second squeeze to bring you back. That’s all you need to control premature ejaculation and have great sex.
It’s just a matter of execution. Do the exercises, be open with your partner about what you’re working on, and you’ll see results in less than a month.
Last thing, this is the first article in a series. The next article is about how to have multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms as a guy, have fun with it!
Men can have an orgasm without ejaculating. Yes, it’s true—not all men ejaculate with orgasm! We tend to think of the male orgasm as ejaculating or “cumming,” however men can have an orgasm without emitting any fluid. And guess what? It can feel just as great!
__How long do guys need to “rest” after orgasm before starting another hooking up session? __
Most men need time to “recharge” after orgasm and ejaculation. After an orgasm, most males are not able to have another orgasm for a period of time even with continued stimulation. That time frame can be anywhere from minutes to hours or even a day. For younger men this time period is typically much shorter, however the amount of time varies between men.
So does that mean they can’t have multiple orgasms?
Men can be multiorgasmic! Some few men can have multiple orgasms during the same sexual encounter. However, this is not common and there are a few things you should know about them. First, as mentioned in the previous point, some men may take less time between ejaculations than others. So for those whose refractory period is shorter, it may appear that they are having multiple orgasms. Secondly, as mentioned before, some men can have orgasms without ejaculating. It is the ejaculation process that requires time between them. So, if a man has an orgasm without ejaculating, then he could potentially have a second or third orgasm with or without ejaculation. Remember, even though multiple male orgasms is possible, it is not all that common and sexual activity can be plenty enjoyable and satisfying with just one orgasm or even none.
Thanks Dr. Needle!
Smitten Kittens, is any of this information new to you? Have you been with a guy who can jump right back into the action after he orgasms? Or have your partners all needed a break (or more!) between sessions? And have you ever suspect a partner of faking an orgasm?
P.S. Dr. Rachel Needle is a Licensed Psychologist and a Certified Sex Therapist; she is in private practice. Want to keep up with her? Feel free to follow her on Twitter or Facebook.
Hooking Up: 5 Guys Confess What They Really Think About Receiving Oral Sex
Sex Tips: A Hot Way to Take Your Hooking Up To the Next Level!
Hooking Up: A Flirty New Position to Try Tonight!
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Yes, it does seem as if everyone at the all-boys high school and the methadone clinic is complaining of little else. I know what you’re thinking: If only we had the perceptions of 34 Canadian and American sex therapists on this. Well, good thing we do.
According to a 2008 study “Canadian and American Sex Therapists’ Perceptions of Normal and Abnormal Ejaculatory Latencies: How Long Should Intercourse Last?” coitus considered “adequate” lasted anywhere from three to seven minutes, not including the Pledge of Allegiance. For the more ambitious, seven to 13 minutes was considered a “desirable” length for intercourse. This data, from all the people who see therapists for sexual problems, corresponds closely to earlier studies, which put the average at five to seven minutes. (We can safely blame the two-minute discrepancy on the Canadians.)
Coitus considered “adequate” lasts anywhere from three to seven minutes, not including the Pledge of Allegiance.
Statistically speaking, a 2005 study found that sex lasts 5.4 minutes on average, although that data does not take into account foreplay, female orgasm, or non-heterosexual pairings. For historical perspective, Alfred Kinsey’s 1948 research found that 75 percent of American men ejaculated within the first two minutes of sex. Progress.
“Very few people have intercourse per se that goes longer than 12 minutes,” says sex therapist Barry W. McCarthy. Essentially, ejaculatory inhibition, which is also called “delayed orgasm” or “junkie orgasm,” has less to do with actual time than an inability to ejaculate when you’d like. And premature ejaculation, which is also called “rapid ejaculation,” refers to intercourse that lasts less than a minute or two.
McCarthy says you can slow things down by honing your technique through what he calls “nonintercourse sex” (what the rest of us call “jerking off”). You also might want to try switching positions and varying the speed and pattern of your thrusts, and then you might attain the required 18-minute minimum no legitimately normal person ever fails to meet.
Which orgasm should I have today? (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
It’s National Orgasm Day and in honour of the occasion, we’ve explored the many ways men can climax.
Most people are familiar with a standard ejaculation during sex or while masturbating, but there are other options to try – some of which could intensify your experience.
Get comfortable and settle in for some educational fun that could boost your orgasm game, with top tips from Annabelle Knight, sex and relationships expert at the sex toy website, Lovehoney, on how you can get yourself off.
Are you a woman? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered as well (and lucky you, because you have 12 types of orgasms to choose from).
Ejaculatory or ‘standard’ orgasm
You’ll be familiar with this one.
The ejaculatory orgasm can happen during both sex and masturbation, and is essentially the bog-standard climax that most men know and love.
But have you ever wondered what actually happens in the penis when a man comes?
‘When a man is stimulated physically or psychologically, he gets an erection,’ Annabelle tells Metro.co.uk.
‘Blood flows into the corpora – the spongy tissue running the length of the penis – causing the penis to grow in size and become rigid. The testicles are drawn up toward the body as the scrotum tightens.
‘Semen – a mixture of sperm (5%) and fluid (95%) – is forced into the urethra by a series of contractions of the pelvic floor muscles and prostate gland and then leaves the penis in a process called ejaculation.’
Blended Orgasm or whole body orgasm
It’s not as difficult as you might imagine.
A blended orgasm is essentially when you climax while several areas of your body are being stimulated simultaneously.
For instance, if your partner is playing with your nipples, clitoris or G-spot all at once and you orgasm as a result, but are unsure which area is responsible for the delicious feeling.
‘They can occur when you’re in the middle of fast-paced sex, or when you’re slowly building up to the main event,’ said Annabelle.
‘This is a great way to get loads of erogenous zones lighting up all at once.’
Wet Dream orgasm
There is a myth that wet dreams only happen to teenage boys during puberty.
While this is usually the case, adults – both women and men – can have them too.
The dream does not need to be erotic for this to happen (only 8% of dreams feature sexual content) so don’t be alarmed if you wake up in a small puddle of sperm after having a dream about running through a field, dressed as a flamingo.
Let’s try multiple orgasms tonight, honey (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
There are two types of multiple orgasms and not all men have had them.
The first version is where you climax, take a break – to hydrate, most likely – and then do it again.
However, if your tank is dry, you might find that you orgasm without a release of semen, which is completely normal.
The second variation is the holy grail of orgasms, as they just keep on coming with no resting period required.
‘If you’re hungry for more, try sequential style first,’ said Annabelle.
‘Orgasm, then take a 30-minute to rest (known as the refactory period when the male body recovers post-orgasm, this time lapse increases as men get older) and enjoy the extra oxytocin (known as the love hormone, it is secreted during sex) flooding the brain.
‘Then go back for round two! Two-thirds of men (67%) have experienced multiple orgasms, according to a survey of 1,000 men by Lovehoney.’
To achieve a pelvic orgasm, you’ll need to work for it.
This can be done through a method known as edging, where you bring yourself to the, well, edge and then stop.
The aim is two-fold; to gain better control of your orgasms and to increase the intensity for when you finally do decide to let go.
Both men and women have a G-spot that can be stimulated for extra pleasure – but where is it and how should you play with it?
‘The male G-spot is the prostate gland, also known as the P-spot,’ said Annabelle.
‘This pleasurable point is a small walnut-sized gland that is accessed through the anus.
‘It sits inside the body at the base of the bladder and can be most easily stimulated by a partner with a lubed index finger or P-spot toy. It is ultra-sensitive and men can orgasm through it being rubbed gently.
‘Prostate stimulators have been developed specifically for prostate pleasure.’
MORE: What are the benefits of having an orgasm?
MORE: YouPorn lets you choose porn stars by their zodiac signs so you never have to watch an incompatible performer
MORE: National Orgasm Day: Do men have a G-spot and where is it?
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From the Editors of Details
The question: Is it possible for guys to have multiple orgasms? Or are they really a one-and-done phenomenon?
The expert: Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a Los Angeles sexologist and author of NeuroLoveology: The Power to Mindful Love & Sex
The verdict: Yes, yes, yes, guys can! But it involves knowing (and feeling) the difference between 1) orgasms and 2) ejaculation.
“The orgasm is the part of the sexual experience that happens between two and seven seconds* before* ejaculation. It combines an increase in full-body sensitivity, quickening of breath, and a flood of sensations through the scrotum and penis,” Cadell says. “Ejaculation is the final step of stimulation and involves the release of semen, as well as the neurotransmitters that will send the body into ‘rest and recovery mode,’ or the refractory period.”
And, as you know, once you hit that refractory period, you’re down and out…at least for a little while. That’s why becoming multi-orgasmic means more pleasure for the both of you: You can go longer. And when you let yourself hit your final peak, it’s stronger than ever.
While it’s not certain exactly how many Os a guy can have before he pops, Cadell says that during their studies, Masters and Johnson (what Showtime’s Masters of Sex is based on) found one man who could achieve three orgasms in just 10 minutes. Talk about intense.
Want to up your O factor? As you feel yourself approaching “the point of no return,” clench your PC muscles, the same muscles used to stop the flow of urine. If you time it right (it’s all trial and error), you should be able to stop yourself from ejaculating but still experience an orgasm in all its glory.
Then repeat…and repeat…and repeat…
It’s time to get your right hand busy, fellas, because I have some incredible news for people who love to masturbate.
According to a new study from researchers from the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health, dudes who masturbate a lot, or just have tons of sex, have a much lower risk of developing prostate cancer than men who abstain, which is awesome news.
For the study, researchers examined the sexual habits of 32,000 men, and from that sample, determined that those who had higher rates of ejaculation, a.k.a. the dudes who whacked off often or had lots of sex, were less likely to have prostate cancer.
And guess what else? The study found that the magic number of times you should rub one out each month to reduce your risk of developing prostate cancer by a whopping 33 percent is 21.
Yup, 21 times per month. That’s about every day for three weeks each month that you should either jerk off or have sex. I think we can all agree that that’s a very pleasant way to keep your man-plumbing in tip-top shape. Much more fun than eating beets and drinking kombucha, or whatever.
“We found that men reporting higher compared to lower ejaculatory frequency in adulthood were less likely to be subsequently diagnosed with prostate cancer,” the authors stated in the report, suggesting all dudes should have orgasms all the damn time for the sake of health.
“This large prospective study provides the strongest evidence to date of a beneficial role of ejaculation in the prevention of prostate cancer.”
Scientists aren’t 100 percent sure why having many, many orgasms each month is good for your prostate, but they think it has something to do with flushing harmful toxins out of your system before the fluids and stuff in there get gross.
Apparently, when you don’t ejaculate regularly, the fluid in your prostate becomes stagnant and full of vile viruses and bacteria, which can lead to serious health problems, including cancer. And I’m pretty sure nobody wants cancer down there.
Ahh, if only avoiding other cancers was as pleasurable as masturbating. Well, c’est la vie.