- Why Can’t Guys Get Hard Sometimes? 9 Reasons Why Men Can’t Get It Up
- 1. Booze
- 6. Performance Anxiety
- 8. Relationship Problems
- Erectile Dysfunction: Symptoms and Causes
- Common Symptoms of Erectile Dysfunction
- Symptoms of Other Sexual Disorders
- When Should You See a Doctor About ED?
- What Should You Tell Your Doctor About Symptoms?
- Why Do Symptoms Happen?
- Common Causes of Erectile Dysfunction
- Erectile Dysfunction and Other Conditions
- What’s to know about erectile dysfunction?
Why Can’t Guys Get Hard Sometimes? 9 Reasons Why Men Can’t Get It Up
Most of us are raised to believe that men are ravenous sex beasts, eternally horny and only pretending to be a part of polite society so that they can find some new crevice to jam their Jeremy Irons into. So the first time we cross paths (and genitals) with a guy who can’t get an erection, many of us immediately panic and assume that the problem must be us, the potential partners. We must be profoundly unsexy. After all, what could else possibly stop these hormone-addled maniacs from getting an erection?
Turns out, all that stuff you learned in middle school about how all guys are hump-crazed sex lunatics might have been slightly off. Unsurprisingly, that perspective is pretty unfair to men and the people who want to have sex with them. That narrow view of masculinity — a classic of pretty much every teen movie you watched growing up — hurts anyone with a penis who might be having trouble getting or maintaining an erection. And unlearning it might just be the first step to getting your potential sack-pal back on the right track.
“Men tend to think that their bodies are almost mechanical,” sex therapist and educator Lisa Hochberger, LMSW, MEd, tells Bustle. “But sex is so much more complicated than that.”
As it turns out, there are actually tons of things that can keep people from getting an erection that have nothing to do with you. Harvard Health reports that up to 30 million American men experience recurring erection difficulties, and almost all men have, at one time or another, had their top ramen refuse to boil. And while erectile issues are often seen as an older man’s problem, one 2017 study cited previous research that around 8% of men aged 20-29 had experienced erectile dysfunction; for men 30-39, that number went up to 11%.
So not only are erectile problems common, they’re nothing for you or your special friend to be freaked out about. Check out nine common reasons that dudes sometimes can’t get it up, and get ready to become the soothing voice of reason the next time the guy you’re with has a hard time pitching his tent in your happy valley. Everything (and every penis) is gonna be fine!
Ah, booze: you give us the self-confidence to talk to potential sexual partners with one hand, and take away boners with the other. While chronic heavy drinking can lead to chronic erectile dysfunction, according to one 2007 study, even one night of hitting the sauce too hard can make it difficult to maintain or achieve an erection.
Solution: Luckily, alcohol-induced softness is a totally temporary condition, one that should clear up as soon as your pal can once again walk a straight line and recite the alphabet backwards. If this potential partner has consistent erectile problems from drinking too much on an ongoing basis, however, you might want to talk to them about their alcohol use, or suggest they reach out to a doctor or counselor.
2. Recreational Drugs
You may already know that lots of hard drugs can cause sexual problems, but even pot can inhibit erections. (And you thought weed was just a harmless way to enjoy the musical stylings of Pink Floyd). While VICE reports that the devil’s lettuce can be a way to lower inhibitions or anxiety around sex, too much of it can cause the imbiber to potentially lose interest in getting down.
Solution: There’s only one fix here, alas — sober up (and if this partner now has to admit that The Wall is unbearable to listen to while sober, well, that’s just the price they’ll have to pay).
Being chronically overtired or burnt out impacts everything, including your sex drive and your ability to become aroused. People grappling with insomnia, or dealing with punishing work or school schedules that leave them barely any time to sleep, may not have the energy to get down and dirty.
Solution: Frustratingly enough, the only solution to exhaustion-based impotence is to get some rest, which is obviously difficult (or you wouldn’t be having this problem in the first place). But if your partner has been resistant to getting help for insomnia or asking for different hours at work, the inability to get that nine iron out on the putting green might be the thing that finally motivates them to make a life change. So, at least there’s that.
4. Certain Medications
Just as certain meds can make it difficult to have an orgasm, some can keep the flagpole from even getting raised in the first place. Anti-depressants like Prozac and Zoloft, anti-anxiety pills like Valium, high blood pressure medicine like Diuril, and even over-the-counter cold medicines like Sudafed and anti-heartburn pills like Zantac can inhibit erections, according to the U.S. National Library of Medicine.
Solution: Obviously, no one should ever go off a prescribed med without consulting with a doctor. But there are erection-friendly alternatives to nearly every daisy-wilting medicine listed above. Embarrassment shouldn’t keep penis-havers from talking to their GP about this: Doctors are well aware that erectile difficulties are a possible side effect for all of these medicines, they just don’t know which patients will experience what side effects — so they’re waiting for the patient to bring it up.
RUNSTUDIO/The Image Bank/Getty Images
Not to give your already stressed-out bb one more thing to worry about, butstress is behind many erectile problems, from one-off boner blunders to a lingering inability to get and maintain an erection. Of course, sex difficulties are just the tip (ahem) of the stress-induced health problem iceberg — sustained stress can also lead to insomnia, stomach troubles, chest pains, anxiety, and more severe health issues in the long term.
Solution: Again, saying “stop being so stressed out” is easier said than done — but a lot of people find sexual dysfunction to be a stronger motivator to live a less-stressful lifestyle than the threat of, say, a heart attack down the road. There’s a chance that this could actually be a good thing in the long run for your boo, if it helps them take their stress seriously. Relaxation techniques like yoga, exercise, meditation, tai chi, and getting adequate sleep can all lessen the impact of stress on your body.
6. Performance Anxiety
Remember those cultural messages we discussed earlier, about how men are wild sex aliens? Well, people with penises are raised hearing those messages, too, and they can end up screwing with their sexual self-image — for instance, they can lead men to obsess over their own virility, and panic about impressing a new partner, until they’ve thought their boner into a corner and can’t get an erection. Performance anxiety is one of the most common culprits behind lost erections.
Solution: The best thing you can do here is be understanding. By not freaking out yourself, or asking questions like “Is it something I did?” or “Do you not find me sexy any more?”, you can help create a relaxed atmosphere where your partner can eventually see that there is nothing to worry about.
Smoking damages blood vessels, inhibiting blood flow throughout the body … and I mean throughout the body. In one 2011 study of a group of 65 smokers with erectile problems, the people in the study who quit “had wider, firmer erections and reached maximum sexual arousal (but, importantly, not climax!) much more quickly,” TIME reported. Quitting smoking has pretty consistent benefits to your health, and it stands to reason that better sex follows quitting smoking, too.
Solution: Show this article to your nicotine-loving lover. If all that cancer stuff hasn’t made an impact, maybe the promise of better erections will. (I’ve always thought that warning labels that just said “THIS WILL KEEP YOU FROM GETTING A BONER” would probably end almost all cigarette sales within, like, a decade.)
8. Relationship Problems
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Remember what I said before about how it’s not you? It isn’t that your not sexy, you perfect human you, but for some people, relationship problems (like fighting all the time, or having clashing expectations about where things are going) can severely mess up your sex drive and ability to become aroused. This happens regardless of the configuration of your relationship. Which makes sense — if you’re spending 90% of your time together fighting about whether you’re going to move in together, switching gears to make 10% of your time together into a sexy sex party is pretty dang difficult.
Solution: The only way over this one is through — as in, taking your relationship problems seriously and dealing with them, even if you’d prefer not to. Either you’ll solve your relationship problems/erectile difficulties, or you’ll break up, but look on the bright side — either way, you won’t have to worry about your dude’s penis anymore.
9. More Serious Health Issues
Of course, sometimes having a hard time getting hard can be indicative of a much more serious health problem. Some studies have found that erectile problems in young people are one of the first indicators of developing heart disease; erectile difficulties have also been tied to diabetes, thyroid problems, and other health concerns.
Solution: The good news is, almost all of these conditions can be successfully treated if you catch them early on. And since erectile problems may be the first side effect your boo has experienced, seeking medical treatment for erectile problems may be the thing to get them into a doctor’s office. If your person is a well-rested, non-drinking, non-smoking, paragon of relaxation who suddenly can’t get wood, urge them to talk to their doctor — a misbehaving penis may actually be communicating something way more important than “Not tonight, honey.”
If your partner sees a doctor and determines they’re in the clear, health-wise, the next step is going to be as gentle and kind as possible as they figure out what’s happening with their down-under. “Supporting them and being really understanding about how their body responded” is the best way to react in the moment, says Hochberger, to “calm their nerves” and reduce any feelings of shame or anxiety that might follow. She also suggests mindfulness-based techniques to help “keep their mind straight” the next time you endeavor to do it. As with any relationship (or dating!) issue, empathy really is the best policy.
Lisa Hochberger, LMSW, MEd, sex therapist and educator
Erectile Dysfunction: Symptoms and Causes
The most obvious symptom of erectile dysfunction (ED) is not being able to get an erection.
Some men have occasional trouble getting or keeping an erection, which is sometimes considered normal.
But, if this problem becomes frequent or lasts a long time, you should see your doctor.
There are many causes of ED. Sometimes, the culprit is another health issue.
Understanding the signs and causes of ED is the first step toward achievinga better sex life.
Common Symptoms of Erectile Dysfunction
If you have ED, you might experience:
- Trouble getting an erection
- Trouble keeping an erection for a long enough period of time
- Reduced sex drive
- Feelings of embarrassment or guilt
- Low self-esteem
Symptoms of Other Sexual Disorders
Some sexual disorders are related to ED and may cause symptoms that overlap, such as:
- Premature ejaculation (ejaculating too soon)
- Delayed ejaculation (when ejaculation takes too long)
- The inability to have an orgasm after sufficient stimulation
When Should You See a Doctor About ED?
It’s a good idea to see a doctor if you have consistent problems with getting or keeping an erection. You should also see a professional if you have issues with premature or delayed ejaculation.
Some men are too embarrassed to tell their doctors about their symptoms. Remember, your healthcare provider’s job is to help you find a successful treatment plan for your condition and to listen to your concerns.
Your primary care physician is a good place to start. At some point, you might be referred to a urologist – a doctor who specializes in conditions involving the urinary tract and the male reproductive system.
What Should You Tell Your Doctor About Symptoms?
When talking to your doctor, be as open and honest about your symptoms as possible. Tell your healthcare provider how often you have symptoms and how long you’ve had them.
You should also tell your physician:
- About all the medications you take
- If you have any other health conditions
- If you drink alcohol or use tobacco products
Additionally, it’s a good idea to share about any life changes/stressors that could be affecting your mental health, such as the death of a loved one, a job change, the birth of a child, or trouble in your relationship.
Why Do Symptoms Happen?
An erection occurs when blood fills the penis. Normally, when a man becomes sexually aroused, blood vessels, muscles, nerves, and hormones work together to create an erection. Symptoms of ED can occur when this process is disrupted.
Some men only experience symptoms occasionally. For others, the symptoms are constant and interfere with their sexual relationships.
Common Causes of Erectile Dysfunction
ED is a complex condition that can be caused by a variety of factors. Often, there’s not just one issue that’s responsible for ED.
Other medical conditions can cause ED symptoms. Common physical causes include:
- Heart disease or atherosclerosis (inflammation and narrowing of the arteries)
- High blood pressure
- High cholesterol
- Metabolic syndrome (a cluster of risk factors that includes high blood pressure, elevated insulin levels, high cholesterol and triglycerides, and increased body fat around the waist)
- Parkinson’s disease
- Multiple sclerosis (MS)
- A brain or spinal cord injury
- Chronic kidney disease
- Nerve disorders
- Hypogonadism (a condition where the body doesn’t make enough testosterone)
- Peyronie’s disease (scar tissue inside the penis)
- Sleep disorders
Tell your doctor if you have any of these problems and have signs of ED.
Medications That May Contribute to Erectile Dysfunction
Certain prescription medicines can cause ED, too. These may include:
- Diuretics (pills that cause increase urine flow)
- High blood pressure meds
- Parkinson’s disease drugs
- Antiarrhythmics (drugs for irregular heart problems)
- Tranquilizers and sedatives
- Muscle relaxants
- Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs)
- Histamine H2-receptor antagonists
- Chemotherapy medications
- Prostate cancer drugs
- Anti-seizure medications
It’s important to tell your doctor about all the drugs you take, so he can determine if any of your meds could be to blame for your symptoms.
Psychological Causes of Erectile Dysfunction
Psychological factors that may lead to ED include:
- Other mental health disorders
- Feeling self-conscious or nervous about sex
- Relationship problems
Often, psychological problems accompany medical conditions.
The Role of Hormones in Erectile Dysfunction
Sometimes, ED happens when your hormones are out of balance. Your doctor can perform a blood test to check your hormones.
Other Factors to Consider Regarding ED
ED can also be caused by tobacco or alcohol use.
Additionally, surgeries or procedures that target the spinal cord or pelvic area can lead to ED. Radiation therapy to the testicles can also cause impotence.
Erectile Dysfunction and Other Conditions
Because symptoms of ED are often a sign of another health condition, it’s important to seek medical attention.
Your doctor might discover a more serious issue that needs to be addressed. Diagnosis and treatment of an underlying medical condition could help improve your symptoms of ED.
Learn More About Erectile Dysfunction Diagnosis
Learn More About Erectile Dysfunction Medication
Learn More About Erectile Dysfunction Treatment
Learn More About Erectile Dysfunction Diet and Home Remedies
What’s to know about erectile dysfunction?
Normal erectile function can be affected by problems with any of the following systems:
- blood flow
- nerve supply
Share on PinterestErectile dysfunction can cause embarrassment.
It is always worth consulting a physician about persistent erection problems, as it could be caused by a serious medical condition.
Whether the cause is simple or serious, a proper diagnosis can help to address any underlying medical issues and help resolve sexual difficulties.
The following list summarizes many of the most common physical or organic causes of ED:
- heart disease and narrowing of blood vessels
- high blood pressure
- high cholesterol
- obesity and metabolic syndrome
- Parkinson’s disease
- multiple sclerosis
- hormonal disorders including thyroid conditions and testosterone deficiency
- structural or anatomical disorder of the penis, such as Peyronie disease
- smoking, alcoholism, and substance abuse, including cocaine use
- treatments for prostate disease
- surgical complications
- injuries in the pelvic area or spinal cord
- radiation therapy to the pelvic region
Atherosclerosis is a common cause of blood flow problems. Atherosclerosis causes a narrowing or clogging of arteries in the penis, preventing the necessary blood flow to the penis to produce an erection.
Numerous prescription medications can also cause ED, including those below. Anyone taking prescription medications should consult their doctor before stopping or changing their medications:
- drugs to control high blood pressure
- heart medications such as digoxin
- some diuretics
- drugs that act on the central nervous system, including some sleeping pills and amphetamines
- anxiety treatments
- antidepressants, including monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs), selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), and tricyclic antidepressants
- opioid painkillers
- some cancer drugs, including chemotherapeutic agents
- prostate treatment drugs
- hormone drugs
- the peptic ulcer medication cimetidine
Physical causes account for 90 percent of ED cases, with psychological causes much less common.
In rare cases, a man may always have had ED and may never have achieved an erection. This is called primary ED, and the cause is almost always psychological if there is no obvious anatomical deformity or physiological issue. Such psychological factors can include:
- fear of intimacy
- severe anxiety
Most cases of ED are ‘secondary.’ This means that erectile function has been normal, but becomes problematic. Causes of a new and persistent problem are usually physical.
Less commonly, psychological factors cause or contribute to ED, with factors ranging from treatable mental health illnesses to everyday emotional states that most people experience at some time.
It is important to note that there can be overlap between medical and psychosocial causes. For instance, if a man is obese, blood flow changes can affect his ability to maintain an erection, which is a physical cause. However, he may also have low self-esteem, which can impact erectile function and is a psychosocial cause.
Does riding a bicycle cause ED?
Questions remain about the effects on men’s health of riding a bicycle.
Some research has raised concerns that men who regularly cycle for long hours could have a higher risk of ED, in addition to other men’s health issues such as infertility and prostate cancer.
The most recent study to investigate this found that there was no link between riding a bike and ED, but it did find an association between longer hours of cycling and the risk of prostate cancer.
Prostate disease and ED
Prostate cancer does not cause ED.
However, prostate surgery to remove the cancer and radiation therapy to treat prostate cancer can cause ED.
Treatment of non-cancerous, benign prostate disease can also cause the condition.