We all take things for granted, especially things that seem everlasting – for example, our health, our family, and even life in general.
Their presence is usually steady and dependable, and because of this they start to blend into the backdrop of our daily lives. They have been there for a long time, so we assume they will always be there. Things seem permanent, so we convince ourselves they are.
This is the fallacy of permanence.
When we start to believe something will last forever, we set ourselves up for disappointment and suffering because nothing lasts unchanging over time. Impermanence is a fundamental truth. Our relationships, the circumstances and situations we find ourselves in, everything around us – all of it eventually changes.
Most of us know this on an intellectual level, so why do we fall victim to the fallacy of permanence time and time again? If we know nothing lasts forever, why do we treat people and things as if they do? And, why would we ever take anything for granted?
In part, taking things for granted is a function of habituation. When something is new, it stands out from the “background” and we pay lots of attention to it. When the novelty wears off, however, its hold on our attention weakens and we move on to something else. This is a natural tendency rooted in survival instincts, and usually happens without us realizing it.
This doesn’t mean we stop caring about these things – when we take the time to consider them, we realize how valuable our friends and families are. And, we understand and acknowledge how fortunate we are to have them.
The problem is, we don’t often pause to appreciate them or pay attention to their presence in our lives.
Consider a child who gets a new toy. At first, they are delighted and want to play with it every chance they get. They want to take it everywhere, show it off to others, and even carry it to bed with them! As time passes and other new toys are introduced, however, they play with it less and less until it becomes forgotten in the bottom of the toy box.
Forgotten, that is, until a parent decides to pull it out and give it to charity. Then the child cries, argues, and promises that they’ll play with it – just please don’t give it away! Their sense of loss seems disproportionately acute considering the toy had been ignored for months; they had taken it for granted.
When we don’t pay sufficient attention to something, we underestimate its value and forget to be grateful. We let it sink to the bottom of the toy box, so to speak, until we are threatened with its removal.
This is ironic, since the things we are most likely to take for granted are what we value most, such as our livelihoods and loved ones. We fool ourselves into thinking they will always be there when we need them, so we get blindsided when we lose them.
And, once they are gone, we can’t help but think of all the time we could have spent paying attention to them and valuing them. This causes our sense of loss to become magnified through the lens of regret and self-recrimination, pulling us into the past to dwell and ruminate.
Or, we begin to worry incessantly about losing something else in the future. We constantly ask ourselves “What if?” instead of enjoying the present moment.
The good news is, there is a way out of this trap. Strengthening awareness and grounding yourself in the present moment makes you more likely to see the value in everything, and less likely to take things for granted. You also become more prepared for (and accepting of) change when it happens.
Because change will happen.
Staying present takes effort – it’s so much easier to cruise on autopilot and let our attention wander! But, by becoming more mindful, we can train ourselves to get better at focusing our attention on the things that really matter right here and now.
- Why It’s Okay to Take Things for Granted (Sometimes)
- 3 Things We All Take For Granted
- Success & Happiness
- Why do we take things for granted?
- So how can we overcome taking things for granted?
- 20 Little Freedoms We Take For Granted Every Day
- Running hot/cold water
- Having access to transportation
- The Internet and access to information
- Shelter and a roof over your head
- Your health
- You likely have both a computer and a smartphone
- Someone somewhere loves you.
- Opposable thumbs
- The sky
- Our access to amazing, incredible nature
- Our five senses
- Simple pleasures
- The sun
- Homemade meals
- Proper nutrition
- Vaccines and medicine
- 13 Simple Things I Take for Granted
- Maybe you do too…
- 1) Being able to set the timer on the coffee machine (and morning coffee)
- 2) Fresh clean bed sheets (and a made bed with a good pillow)
- 3) Bluetooth
- 4) Clean car (where I didn’t have to do it myself!)
- 5) Silence
- 6) Music
- 7) Freshly shaved legs
- 8) Fresh fruit
- 9) Gaslight in the car
- 10) Air popped popcorn with extra butter.
- 11) Hugs from people you love
- 12) Bookmarks
- 13) Laughter — the kind that hurts
- Final Thought
- 1) Your Health
- 2) Your Close Friends
- 3) Your Freedom
- 4) Your Surroundings
- 5) Your Time
- 6) Your Skills
- 7) Your Parents
- 8) Your Income
- 9) Your Energy
- 10) Your Job
- What Do You “Take For Granted”?
- 1) Tell them how you feel
- 2) Stop being a people pleaser all the time.
- 3) Never be too dependent on someone else
- 4) Through your absence, show how much you are really needed.
- 5) Realize that nothing is more important than Dignity.
- 3 Reasons Why People, Use, Discard, and Take You for Granted
- Being taken for granted is something we’ve all experienced.
- If you’re trying to figure out why you always feel used, discarded, and taken for granted, here are three reasons it could be happening.
- Do You Take Your Relationship for Granted? Congratulations!
Why It’s Okay to Take Things for Granted (Sometimes)
Most of the time, we take life for granted. We don’t stop to consider what a miracle it is that we were even born in the first place, or recognize that each moment could be our last. Taken to an extreme, this mindset can lead us to behave in careless ways, to mistreat the people we care about, and to fail to say or do what is really in our hearts. But taking life—and all the good things in life—for granted once in awhile isn’t necessarily something we should feel bad about. It may even be essential to our mental health.
Taking something for granted is typically defined as assuming, without question, that you will not lose it, or at least not lose it anytime soon. It means feeling a sense of security and permanence about something that is not, in reality, secure or permanent. In other words, it’s an illusion, but possibily a necessary one.
Research on adult attachment styles, for example, shows that people who feel secure in their relationships and don’t worry about losing their partners tend to have healthier, happier relationships and fewer psychological problems. In contrast, people who are more acutely aware of the possibility of losing their partners tend to suffer psychologically and romantically. Less secure people may actually be more in touch with reality–when it comes to fidelity and relationship longevity, the odds are not really in our favor. But being in touch with reality isn’t necessarily what makes us happier. Research suggests that people who have more accurate views of the world and themselves are more likely to be depressed than those who wear rose-colored glasses. Positive illusions have been shown in countless studies to promote well-being and help people cope with stressful events. Theater critic Brooks Atkinson summed it up well in this quote, cited by researchers Taylor and Armor (1996): “Life is seldom as unendurable as, to judge from the facts, it ought to be.”
In relationships, occasionally reminding ourselves of “the facts” is not without its benefits. It can help us appreciate how precious our time with our partner is, and it can protect us from being blindsided if a relationship doesn’t work out. But too much of it may also prevent us from experiencing the simple, almost childlike pleasure of feeling like a good moment will never end, whether it takes place on a lazy Sunday afternoon or while traveling the world together. It may seem a little naive, but believing it can make it true, at least in our minds: research shows that when we’re fully present in the moment, our perception of time slows down.
In addition to taking our partners for granted, we often take life itself for granted. Try as we might to come to terms with it, the inevitability of our own or our loved ones’ death can be unbearably painful to consider, and we often try at all costs to avoid it, even if its staring us in the face. Though this avoidance might feel weak and shameful, it’s also understandable. According to Terror Management Theory, awareness of mortality is so threatening to us that when reminded of it we will go to great lengths to make ourselves feel invulnerable, literally or symbolically, even to the point of doing things that increase our risk of death. One study found, for example, that smokers whose self-esteem was linked to their smoking behavior paradoxically showed more positive attitudes toward smoking after exposure to mortality-salient anti-smoking warnings.
Hyperawareness of death can backfire, despite our best intentions, and it can also poison the time we do have by bringing our attention away from the here and now. The knowledge that time is limited may seem to give our experiences weight and value, but sometimes it’s a relief to live more lightly, when we have that luxury. Just because something feels limitless doesn’t mean we need to value it less.
Of course, there are many times in life when taking things for granted isn’t possible, when the cold, hard facts keep rearing their ugly head. This mindset isn’t really something we can manufacture. But when we find ourselves in it, we may as well enjoy it while we can, provided that it makes us feel more connected and happy rather than less. Taking things for granted gets a bad rap because we think of it as the opposite of gratitude, but it doesn’t have to be. Those moments when we feel like we could live forever often become the ones we’re most grateful for.
3 Things We All Take For Granted
Basma KhalafFollow Aug 4, 2018 · 5 min read Photo by @bukeii
“The things we take for granted, someone else is praying for”
We’re often told or lecture this to others, but we might be as well doing it unintentionally. I myself am guilty for this too.
“Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.” — Aldous Huxley
Unfortunately, most of us forget what we have and how grateful we should be for it all. I’m pretty positive we have all been there at some point in our lives; whether at work, with people, and even worse; ourselves. There are so many things that we take for granted;
Let’s admit it. We all do it.
Unfortunately, the people we love, is one of those things we take for granted.
Most people who get taken for granted make the mistake of holding back on communication, explaining how they feel, or try to save the situation before it all collapses, yet, they tend to wait until they can’t hold on anymore. And this is when they explode, and things fall apart all at once.
This could be as simple as the attention we get from our families, friends, coworkers that we consider as a liability from their side towards us.
If you’re postponing that phone call, text, outing, or telling someone something, you might as well tell them now because that “postponing” will turn into “never actually happening” as a result of you being busy.
Tip: the way you treat and love yourself, sets up the boundaries and standards for others.
Health in body, mind, and spirit is key to a peaceful, happy life.
It includes things we do on a daily basis that we don’t even think about; walking, speaking, tasting, feeling and so much more.
I recently took my health for granted. I admit it; I pushed myself till I reached the limit, even though all the signs were clear to me.
Four weeks ago, it all started with a severe headache and a high fever. The next morning, I had a flight to catch to LA which I didn’t even bother to think of cancelling (even though one of my friends told me to, but of course, as an Aries I insisted to go and acted all cool about it). I arrived there after only postponing my flight time to a later one, believing if I’d catch up on some more sleep that would be sufficient to help me feel better.
First thing I did was meeting up with a friend who I was initially going to visit.
All of my symptoms were worsening; head almost exploding and I was indescribably fatigued and completely dizzy.
Later that day, I decided to go to the hotel thinking that if I’d sleep it off with an Advil it would go away so I could go out again later at that night.
For six continuous hours my temperature was (104 F/ 40 C). Till I eventually decided to drag myself to the ER.
Next thing I remember, was finding myself on my own in an ER room, all I could think of was: why am I in this room, in a city that isn’t even home, at midnight!! I almost spent the night there. Eventually, the doctor informed me that I had pneumonia. Probably my ego was high enough that wouldn’t let me take care of myself to cancel the flight? Or could be that I just took my health for granted thinking that things will be alright and I’ll be fine.
Obviously, they weren’t. Thankfully, I’m feeling much better now.
One thing to mention is that I’ve learned a lot from such an experience besides being patient and feeling blessed for having supportive family and friends, that I’d like to share with you:
1- Health is the most valuable gift and without it we have nothing.
2- Once we are in a hospital bed, or sick at home we start appreciating being physically good, going to work, spending time with family, hanging out with friends and all the other things we would do.
3- Appreciating good health should be a daily occurrence rather than an occurrence once we experience pain or illness.
Most people leave bad events thinking about how they will change something in their lives, only to get back to their day to day routines by the time they are on the road home.
I almost regretted the time I spent staring at my screen instead of working out, or taking my iron pills consistently or eating healthier to have a better, stronger immune system.
So here I am publicly promising myself to get back to my yoga and work out soon.
Success & Happiness
This is where most people fail to enjoy the moment or to level up in their success. We almost remain dissatisfied because our desire to aim for more and elevate higher takes over and there is nothing wrong with that, because this is what leads to success.
But, on the other hand, the desire of aiming for more might make us neglect the current moment, which leaves us neither enjoying nor appreciating what we have while feeling content.
As humans, we have the ability to adjust to new levels of happiness, success, excitement, love, and big steps in our lives, that we would love to move to the next level even faster than we already do. Again, there is nothing wrong with that if we consider the “stop and smell the roses” effect because with deep appreciation to things, comes ultimate satisfaction.
Why do we take things for granted?
Sadly, most of the things that are taken for granted are important, the ones we think are always going to stay, to an extent that we barely recognize or appreciate their existence anymore. We as humans never expect to lose things, even though we all know for a fact that nothing lasts forever. Most of the times we start recognizing and valuing things, unfortunately, once we lose them.
On the contrary, we direct all of our energy to things we would like to have so we end up forgetting and not showing gratitude to the positive things that we already have, and the negative things that we are excluded from.
So how can we overcome taking things for granted?
Gratitude develops and improves our health, relationships, emotions, personality, and career.
This might be a lifelong challenge for all of us. The trick is to acknowledge and appreciate our blessings and the current moment; what life has offered us already that we cannot live without. It could be as simple as being safe, healthy, surrounded with supportive people and so much more. Stop believing that you’re entitled to stuff. It is important to know how to be present in the moment; otherwise moments will pass you by.
Try to make it as a habit to recognize things around you, and this is when life happens, it is important to learn how to be present in the moment; otherwise moments will pass you by.
Writing through this blog post made me realize the things I’m unintentionally guilty of taking for granted.
Share your experience with me, I’d love to learn what things you take for granted!
20 Little Freedoms We Take For Granted Every Day
If you live in a first world country, you likely have access to a myriad of little things that are easy to take for granted. Sometimes, being grateful can for these little items can put things in perspective.
Running hot/cold water
When all else fails, at least you can come home and take a nice hot shower. Many people in the world don’t have access to clean water.
Having access to transportation
You don’t have to walk uphill both ways to get to school or work; it’s likely you have a car or can take a train. A lot of people in rural villages throughout the world are too far away from school, food, or proper medical care to get there easily.
The Internet and access to information
If we have a question all we have to do is Google it, and copious amounts of history and research pops up. And knowledge is power. How amazing is that?
If you can say “Let there be light!” and immediately have light by flicking a switch, you’re pretty darn lucky.
Shelter and a roof over your head
While true adventurers know to be grateful even when they’re sleeping in the woods or in a tent, your average day typically involves being safe from the elements because you have shelter. This is one of the most basic human needs.
Every day you wake up, you should be grateful that you have your health and that your limbs move, allowing you to walk. Many of us don’t think about it on a daily basis, but it’s one of the greatest freedoms to have.
You likely have both a computer and a smartphone
And even if you don’t have both, one digital device is enough to be thankful for!
Someone somewhere loves you.
(Yes, it’s true, even if it’s just your mom). You matter to people, and at your lowest times it’s important to remember that.
Yes, humans take trees and their many benefits for granted — it’s why they’re chopping them down, oblivious to the harm they’re wreaking on the environment. Trees come with plenty of benefits for humans and the environment; they make the world a better, safer place. And that’s why following in Tentree’s footsteps is so important.
They’re essentially the reason why we evolved to be at the top of the food chain like we are, and they give us the ability to write, paint, hold things, etc. Thank goodness for thumbs.
Have you ever stopped to take a look at it and get lost in its overwhelming beauty? It will make you feel like your time on earth is truly lucky and precious.
Our access to amazing, incredible nature
It’s easy to forget that as living things, we’ve been given a chance to explore and see some beautiful sights — from mountains to oceans. That is pretty cool. We’re also a part of nature ourselves, and that’s something to be proud of — and something to cherish.
Our five senses
They afford us the chance to experience things and have a pleasant existence. The taste of mac n cheese, the sight of a gorgeous colorful tree, or the smell of fresh air in the mountains.
Things like coffee, driving with the windows rolled down, a good walk or hike, or even hugging a tree. It’s the simple things that make life worthwhile and enjoyable.
Without it, we wouldn’t be here, and we wouldn’t be able to see all the beautiful things our world has to offer.
It’s not until you go off to college or move to a new city that you begin to miss your parents’ home-cooked meals. But soon you’ll find that cooking at home on your own is quite nice too.
A major chunk of the human population doesn’t have access to fresh food, meat, or nutrition. Some 795 million people don’t eat enough food every day to live an active life. But many of us have enough money to go to the grocery store whenever we want.
If you had a chance to go to high school and college, that’s more than most people in developing countries ever have a chance to do. Appreciate education and learning.
We’re lucky we live in a society where people can speak their minds and exchange ideas, and we can use books to sharpen our minds.
Vaccines and medicine
Yep, we’ve probably all been vaccinated and can grab some Advil if we have a headache. Life is easy when we have access to medicine.
13 Simple Things I Take for Granted
Maybe you do too…
Apr 11, 2018 · 4 min read Photo by Sabri Tuzcu on Unsplash
I am a creature of habit. Every morning I do the same thing.
Wake up at 5 a.m, weekday or weekend it doesn’t matter. Grab my coffee and make my way to the couch for some Me-Time.
I realized this morning; I take this for granted. It got me wondering what else I might take for granted.
1) Being able to set the timer on the coffee machine (and morning coffee)
I don’t know about you, but I need my java in the morning. Delaying consumption would not be good. Who has the energy to make coffee in the morning, anyway? I’m an early riser, but I should clarify, I’m an early riser with coffee in hand.
2) Fresh clean bed sheets (and a made bed with a good pillow)
I’m talking about that initial clean smell that hits your senses as you slip in to a bed with fresh out-of-the-dryer sheets. I put clean sheets on our bed every week. A made bed is by far the most gratifying thing on my list of chores!
I connect everything via Bluetooth. Connect my iPad to my speaker for Spotify. My laptop to the hotspot on my iPhone. While I drive, I connect my iPhone to my car to listen to Podcasts. Can’t forget the convenience of connecting my headphones to my iPad to use Skype. If it doesn’t have Bluetooth, I’m not a happy camper.
4) Clean car (where I didn’t have to do it myself!)
Every day, I drive an hour to and from work. My car can get messy. If I cleaned it myself, it would take me at least 2 hours. Instead, I take it to a drive-thru car wash where they clean the inside and outside in 10 minutes for $17. Worth every penny!
Silence is golden. Need I say more?
My husband and I listen to a lot of music in our house. Many times we will clean the dishes from dinner, and a song from the 90s will play through the speakers. We can’t help it, can’t hold ourselves back and dance old-school style in the kitchen. We still know the words to the song and we still got the moves. (Although, our neighbours likely think otherwise)
7) Freshly shaved legs
Shaving is such a routine task, I always forget how much I love smooth shaved legs. Note: The longer you let your leg hair grow, the more gratifying it is when you shave. No joke — I will catch myself rub my leg and say to myself — “oh, I forgot I shaved my legs,.. nice!”
8) Fresh fruit
Ever go on a 21 day no-sugar diet? Do that for 21 days, then take a bite of a strawberry or orange. You will make a groaning sound in awe. Promise.
9) Gaslight in the car
There have been many occasions where I’m driving and look down at my gas tank indicator and assume I have enough to last me. Only to realize, I do not as per that little orange light indicator that goes on. I have to admit, this has saved me quite a few times!
10) Air popped popcorn with extra butter.
Butter is the key to unlocking my heart. I love butter, not margarine. Combine buttered popcorn with movie night and I’m ‘butter’ in your hands.
11) Hugs from people you love
There’s nothing like a hug from someone you love. You never know when you’ll hug them again. I often hug people as a hello and it can feel rushed. I need to remember to take a few seconds to be present during the hug.
Using bookmarks to keep your spot in a hardcover or paperback! I still read ‘real’ books and still use a bookmark, because I never like to bend the corner of the page. If you read online books, you can also bookmark your spot. Even the ability to add a bookmark to the stories on Medium is awesome and something to appreciate!
13) Laughter — the kind that hurts
Sometimes I’ll hear or see something that will make me laugh where I can’t stop. You know the kind of laugh? Where tears rolling down your face, stomach in pain and there’s no stopping. It’s a deep laughter, the best kind of laugh.
I could have listed so many more things!
We live in a world where so many things are accessible to us we sometimes take it for granted.
Let’s not take the simple things for granted.
On the worst days, it’s the little things that can make it a great day.
Life is never easy. We all go through struggles and tribulations as life goes on.
As much as it can suck, the worst thing we can do is dwell over those challenges. All that really does is make them worse.
Instead, it’s more fruitful to step back and appreciate what you do have in life.
After all, happiness can exist in every moment and expressing gratitude is one of the quickest ways to get there.
There’s always something to be thankful for. Unfortunately, that’s something that many of us forget.
So, in the spirit of looking at the brighter side of life, here are 10 major things we should never take for granted.
1) Your Health
The younger you are, the more resilient your body is. You could recover from knocks, bruises, pains, and illnesses with nothing more than cough syrup and a kiss on the forehead from your mother.
But as you get older, your body inevitably becomes less effective at resisting and consequently recovering. Your strength will begin to waver, and your immune system will stop being the impenetrable fortress it once was.
Don’t take your health for granted. Take care of yourself with a proper diet and the right amount of exercise, as well as enough sleep to keep you well-rested. Because if you don’t, you might be paying the price in a few years’ time.
2) Your Close Friends
When you are young, your close friends may be all around you. It will be easier to make and develop long lasting relationships, because you and your friends are at the stage of your life where you are all open towards new experiences and finding others to share those new experiences with.
As you get older, it becomes more and more difficult to establish those kinds of bonds with people, and those friends you already have? If you don’t actively invest attention and time in those relationships, they may one day leave your life.
3) Your Freedom
No matter what society may tell you, there are no deadlines dictating how and when you should live your life.
You don’t have to get married, have children, start a career, buy a house, get a car, or do anything at any certain given time.
You have the freedom to live the way you want to live. This can’t be said for the majority of people in the world.
Embrace that freedom, and don’t let go.
4) Your Surroundings
When we’re caught up in the modern world, it can be easy to forget how great it is to just stop running around and take time to smell the roses.
The world is a beautiful place, and even in the least ideal circumstances can you still find these little hints of wonder and beauty. Watch the sunset and sunrise; breathe in the fresh air; stop and gaze at the city lights. Slow down and reconnect with the world.
5) Your Time
Time is your life’s currency—use it wisely, invest it the right way. Let yourself be proud of the way you spent your life when you look back on it in your elderly years.
6) Your Skills
Rejection is a part of life. If you lose a job, project, or even a friend because of your skills, don’t let it pull you down.
Keep honing your skills and master what you are good at, because someday, your skills may be the best things you have.
Don’t be sidetracked by distractions; live with a purpose in mind.
7) Your Parents
One thing we take for granted so often is our parents. We love them, we grow up beneath them, and they teach us everything we know.
But when we transition towards the stage of young adult, we often leave them behind as we go off and seek for our own lives.
But remember: your parents won’t be around, waiting for you at home forever. Someday they will be gone, and the relationship you build with them now is all you will ever have left.
8) Your Income
Big or small, it doesn’t matter. Be proud of what you make, and take pride in what you spend it on.
Learn how to be mindful of what you need and what you don’t need, and how you can maximize your income and make the most of it.
Even with an average salary, you can become a millionaire in a few years if you invest your money properly.
9) Your Energy
We only have so much energy to spend. Some of us make the mistake of thinking that we have an unlimited vat of energy, which is why we don’t value it when we waste our energy on people and things that we don’t truly care about.
You need to learn how to say no to people who drain your positivity and your energy; you don’t need everyone to like you, and that’s fine.
10) Your Job
There will come a time when you will find the job that gives your life purpose and meaning.
The job that makes you wake up with an excitement in your belly and a hunger in your heart, jumping to get back to work and continue contributing to society the way you always knew you were meant to.
The day that you find this job, hold tight and never let go. Live every day fully, and work knowing that it might not last forever.
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What Do You “Take For Granted”?
What is something that you don’t appreciate?
What is something that you expect to always be there and never change?
This is something you take for granted!
When to use “take for granted”
In the video lesson, I mentioned three topics that are perfect for this expression: safety, food, and your partner (your husband or wife).
You are used to being physically safe, always having access to food, and having a partner who is nice.
Maybe you are so used to these things that you’re not really thankful for them anymore because they’re so normal for you.
These are things that you take for granted.
Let’s practice some sample sentences
-I didn’t have heat during the winter when I lived in the north of the US. Now I don’t take heat for granted. I appreciate it a lot!
-When I lived in Korea, I took for granted cheap, delicious Korean food because it was so normal. In the US, it’s so expensive. 🙁
-I usually take my health for granted until I get a cold. Then I realize that I am lucky to be healthy most of the time.
-I have been in a steady relationship with my husband for over 10 years. When people talk to me about their relationship drama, I realize that I take my relationship for granted. It’s so normal for me.
Now it’s your turn
In the comment section below, write a sample sentence about something that you take for granted… or something that you don’t take for granted!
You are always going to deal with situations where people just don’t seem to be grateful for all that you do for them. You are always going to encounter people in life who take advantage of you and take you for granted.
This maybe the case in your personal life as well as your professional life. Some of these people may work with you, or they maybe your bosses.
Others may be people who claim to be friends. Still others may be people who are a part of your family or maybe your relatives. They might even be your romantic partner.
Being taken for granted never feels nice in life. It feels even more terrible when you are giving it your all because you love the person. So how do you deal with people who are ungrateful and pretty much use you all the time even if your very existence is crucial to their lives?
Here are 5 ways in which you can make sure people stop taking you for granted.
1) Tell them how you feel
Initially you need to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes these people do not even know that their actions are hurtful or that they are mistreating you. They may not be a bad person but they might lack the ability to see things from others’ point of view instinctively.
So initially, it is a good idea to let them know clearly that you feel you are being taken for a ride.
If you feel people at work are using you and are not paying you enough, then tell your boss about it. Why would any of your superiors raise your salary if you make it appear like you are perfectly happy working for much less than you deserve.
If you are not happy with the way your partner is treating you, then first you need to tell them. Don’t expect them to be all knowing beings who are supposed to know the moment something begins to bother you.
Many people often expect their partners to know instinctively that they are not happy with them. On the other hand their partners often have no idea what they did wrong. If you are upset with your partner with the way they are treating you, then tell them, and tell them clearly!
Many times, implementing this point alone maybe enough. People may understand that you were hurt and are being treated unfairly so there is a good chance that for many of you, your problem will be sorted.
See Also: 5 Body Postures That May Actually Boost Your Self-Esteem
However, there will be others who will pay no heed to what you say. The next steps four steps will be helpful in those scenarios.
2) Stop being a people pleaser all the time.
Some people have been mentally programmed with the idea that they ought to make others happy under all circumstances. They try so hard to make people happy that it backfires.
Instead of earning others’ admiration, these people are just seen as vulnerable targets that can be controlled and used. They are not respected or admired. How can one admire someone who doesn’t have a backbone?
Now I am not asking you to be rude but you don’t have to always be a yes man (or woman) to everyone all the time. I had this problem when I was young. I had been brought up with this idea that you should always be nice to people which in itself isn’t a bad thing. But when you begin to over-generalize it and let people use you, it becomes a big problem.
There have been many times where I have had to compromise my own happiness to make others happy. But then I realized there is no joy in making others happy if it makes you depressed.
One of the reasons why people find it so hard to say no is because they are scared of being judged. They are scared of what others will think of them once they change their attitude and stop saying yes to everything.
Well, here is some information for you:
People will form an opinion on you NO MATTER WHAT you do.
If you are a yes man, they are going to laugh at you and tell others how simple it is to take advantage of you. If you say no, they are going to complain about how you have now become arrogant and tough to deal with.
People are never going to stop forming opinions so why care what they think? It’s not like you got tons of respect for saying yes to everything earlier! The only difference is, this time you are actually happy for choosing what you want to do instead of doing what you are forced to do.
3) Never be too dependent on someone else
It is pitiful to see how the vast majority of us, especially those in corporate jobs are still slaves in a way and get little respect from their superiors despite the fact that they are hugely talented.
Now, don’t get me wrong, without a doubt, even this so called slavery is a million times superior to “genuine slavery.” However, treating people with respect never hurts.
People say that they stay in corporate jobs where they get no respect because at least they are making money there. Now, there is nothing wrong with materialistic success. In today’s world everybody needs it and they ought to. We need to bring home the bacon, right? But the question is, at the expense of what?
Will you really be pleased with what you accomplished in life if that meant being treated with contempt and losing all your dignity? For the vast majority, the answer would be no.
I chose to end up independently employed and maintain my own business since I knew I didn’t need a manager yelling down my throat. Now it is a myth that in business, you are the only boss. You are, but only to an extent. You do have clients to cater to and obviously you need to address their worries. And I am cool with that.
What is not acceptable to me is compromising my dignity and the minute somebody goes too far, I cut them off and do not work with them anymore. I am grateful that I can choose to do so.
If I were in a corporate job and had an evil boss (as most people do!) I would have no choice but to put my head down and deal with disrespect quietly. I would have to do it because I would be totally dependent on that person for my livelihood.
But because I run my own business I walk with my head held high and choose to only work with respectful people. I am far happier this way.
Introspect and see if it is possible for you to ensure that you are never fully dependent on one organization or person. Many people tolerate abuse simply because they are 100 percent dependent on someone else.
If you are totally dependent on them then you are putting yourself in a position where people will take you for granted BECAUSE you have no where else to go.
When it comes to work, see if it is possible to create multiple streams of income. If you are totally dependent on someone else emotionally, then realize and begin implementing the fact that true happiness comes from within, not from some other person.
4) Through your absence, show how much you are really needed.
If you are always available for people, no matter how they treat you, in their minds your value will become cheap. The truth is that your perceived value in the eyes of the person has nothing to do with how important you are to their existence. It has everything to do with your availability for them. The moment you disappear, it is only then that they will truly appreciate your existence.
The most urgent and essential thing for a living being’s survival in this world is not money, it’s not even love, it’s not even food or water, it is oxygen. Without oxygen you cannot even survive beyond some minutes and do you ever get up and say, “Today I am grateful for oxygen?!”
Nope! Because it is so readily available that you don’t even notice it.
But if someone puts your head under water, you will realize the value of oxygen in less than a minute and be yearning for air . The only thing that you will want is some oxygen to be able to breathe.
From something you didn’t even notice, in less than a minute it becomes the most important thing you desperately need for your very survival. Oxygen was always crucial for you but did not value it because you took it for granted.
People who take you for granted are not much different. If your availability to people who are ungrateful is always guaranteed, why should they value you? By choosing to consciously make yourself absent to such people , you rob them of the power they think they have over you.
You also make them value you by showing that you won’t be available for them all the time. People who have some sense in their mind will not repeat their errors again as they will realize how important you are.
Some people will act like they are apologetic but will go back to their old ways the moment they realize you are back in their lives. In this case you may have to take the decision of cutting them out permanently. People who do not value your efforts for them do not deserve you to begin with.
5) Realize that nothing is more important than Dignity.
Nothing is greater than dignity. Apart from being happy, if there is one that matters most in life, it is being proud of yourself, your actions and the way the world treats you. And by the way if your dignity isn’t intact, happiness is not possible in the first place. This is true regardless of the cash you make or the materialistic success you attain.
What is dignity?
Many people confuse dignity with pride. They are two separate things.
Pride is about trying prove yourself better than the other individual, whether by attempting to insult them or by trying to exert control over them directly or indirectly.
Dignity on the other hand is about looking in the mirror and being truly content and pleased with who you are and not giving others a chance to see you like a slave or a thing they can use or discard according to their desires.
This often happens to people in their professional lives but I see the the same happening to people in personal relationships as well. In fact, far more! Many women as well as men choose to stay in relationships that are abusive physically or emotionally or both.
They may be demeaned, taken for granted and manipulated all the time. But still they choose to stay because they either don’t see an identity for themselves, except when they are with the other individual or they are afraid of being single or they have been brainwashed with the idea that abuse is normal
They believe that by tolerating that kind of treatment, the other person will really value their faithfulness and adore them more. Or, in the end, understand their mistakes and change. Sadly that never happens.
In actuality, the individual begins respecting them even less and that only worsens things. They feel that regardless of what happens, you are continually going to be there and quietly accept all the crap they give you.
I am not saying that at the first sign of disagreement or problems, you ought to pack up and leave. To an extent, compromising is okay and is a smart way to save any relationship.
But you have to define limits. When they are crossed by the other person, you have to let yourself know that the last straw has been broken and cut them out of your life.
If you don’t, then I am sorry to tell you, but things are never going to change. You are going to be mistreated for the rest of your life.
Are you really okay with that? Start having some dignity, without pride of course. Realize that nothing is more crucial than your self respect. Do not give others the chance to keep treating you like an object they can use.
If you are continually being put down, offended or manhandled, whether emotionally, verbally or physically by somebody who says they love you, then regardless of what they claim, the fact of the matter is in their eyes you are simply a toy over which they think they have complete force.
If you are being treated with disrespect in your job all the time, then even the highest salary won’t change the fact that according to your manager, you are an object, not a human being.
See Also: Stop Being Treated like Garbage
Do you truly think you can be cheerful in such sort of an existence, where your extremely presence turns into that of a thing, not a person? Stand firm, let people know you have had enough and you won’t give them a chance to abuse you any longer.
When you have a back bone, not only will you begin having a healthy self image, others will begin giving you the admiration you deserve as well.
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Author: Anubhav Srivastava
3 Reasons Why People, Use, Discard, and Take You for Granted
Being taken for granted is something we’ve all experienced.
It’s one of the most common interpersonal problems that people encounter nowadays. There are a number of situations that can make you feel as if you’ve been used and abused, or taken for granted. These include romantic relationships, friendships, and even work and business relations. Although such feelings are common, they can sometimes hint at a larger issue.
For some people, the feeling that they are constantly being used by others becomes a permanent state of mind. As a result, they start relationships where they are constantly being taken advantage of, no matter what they do. It becomes almost like a vicious cycle that can be incredibly difficult to escape.
If you’re trying to figure out why you always feel used, discarded, and taken for granted, here are three reasons it could be happening.
1. You Fail to Set Appropriate Boundaries
Personal boundaries are important for a healthy relationship. Having set stable boundaries means that you can teach others how to treat you, rather than letting them figure it out on their own. If you establish boundaries and learn to stand your ground, people won’t be able to take advantage of you in the first place.
You will finally be able to earn the respect you’ve always wanted. If you want to be taken seriously, make sure you let people know people know what you can put up with and what you can’t. If you find that you aren’t being taken seriously, then you need to say something so that it doesn’t happen again. Be firm when it comes to your boundaries. Yet, you should be ready to demonstrate reasonable flexibility, when the occasion demands it.
2. When in a relationship, you put in too much energy and affection
There’s nothing wrong with giving, especially when it comes to love and affection. However, if you give too much, you put others in a situation where they can easily take advantage of your selflessness, whether intentionally or not. Self-sacrifice doesn’t define your self-worth. The earlier you learn this important lesson, the better!
If you are firmly convinced that the more you give in a relationship the more highly regarded you will be, you run the risk of being taken for granted by the other person. it’s because you believe that your self-worth is defined by others’ opinion about you, and not by your personal qualities. In essence, you let people take advantage of you.
3. Reprogram your mind
If you are constantly under the impression that you are being used and abused by others, you will almost certainly find yourself in such situations. This is psychological, and it’s also a fact. People get taken for granted because they believe that they don’t deserve anything better.
You need to change the way you perceive yourself and recognize your self-worth. That way you will get the sort of treatment you’ve always wanted. Fairness isn’t something you need to work for, it’s something you already deserve to have within your relationships, that’s why it’s called fairness.
Do You Take Your Relationship for Granted? Congratulations!
“In all affairs, it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.” —Bertrand Russell
“Being taken for granted can be a compliment. It means that you’ve become a comfortable, trusted element in another person’s life.” —Joyce Brothers
One popular piece of advice given by marriage counselors is not to take your partner for granted. In order to fan the flagging flames of romance, the argument goes, it’s helpful to introduce changes and uncertainty into the relationship. Taking your partner for granted, on the other hand, is typically associated with stability and confidence in the status quo, which can lead to the assumption that no further effort or resources need to be invested.
I propose that although this advice is adequate with regard to some aspects of some relationships, it is basically incorrect when a couple’s love is profound, and trust prevails. In such circumstances, taking the partner for granted in a deep sense is the most natural and optimal attitude.
“Do not take anything for granted—not one smile or one person or one rainbow or one breath, or one night in your cozy bed.” —Terri Guillemets
The many dictionary definitions of being “taken for granted” include “to fail to appreciate the value” and “to treat someone in a careless or indifferent manner.” These definitions are independent, and the presence of one does not necessarily imply the presence of the others. You can take for granted either negative or positive assumptions about your partner, but the definitions generally carry a negative connotation, and presumes underestimation and/or inconsiderate behavior.
And yet these definitions are not adequate when describing taking a partner for granted in profound love. In such love, the definitions are associated with trust and related to promoting the partner’s flourishing. To clarify, let me first discuss the distinction between romantic intensity and profundity.
From Intense to Profound
“We cannot be happy if we expect to live all the time at the highest peak of intensity. Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony.” —Thomas Merton
Profound activities are essential for our development and flourishing; superficial activities have a more limited impact on us. Profound activities have a lingering influence on our life and may also shape our personality. Superficial activities affect only the surface—they are more limited in their scope and immediate impact, although their impact can become significant if we engage in them frequently.
Romantic intensity is like a snapshot of a given moment, but in romantic profundity, the temporal dimension of love has greater significance. Romantic intensity expresses the superficial, momentary measure of passionate, often sexual, desire. Romantic profundity embodies frequent acute occurrences of intense love over long periods of time, along with romantic experiences that meaningfully resonate in all dimensions of life, helping individuals flourish and thrive. Time is a crucial aspect of romantic profundity, but hardly relevant (and potentially destructive) for romantic intensity. The major concern of profound love is the long-term flourishing of each partner and of their relationship, while the activities associated with romantic intensity are primarily focused on short-term excitement.
The Role of Change
“Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.” —Mae West
We generate emotions when we perceive significant positive or negative changes in our personal situation or the situations of those close to us. Like burglar alarms going off when an intruder appears, our emotions signal that something needs attention. We respond, in other words, to the unusual.
But a change, by definition, cannot persist for an extended period of time—after a while, the system construes it as our new normal state, and it no longer excites us. From an evolutionary point of view, it’s advantageous to focus attention and resources on changes rather than on stable stimuli whose nature we can take for granted. Changes indicate that our situation is unstable, and our awareness of this is important for our survival. But once we have become accustomed to the change, mental activity decreases, as there is no sense in wasting energy on something to which we have already adapted and about which no new information need be generated.
These considerations are relevant to romantic intensity, whose presence typically requires changes from us. They are less relevant for romantic profundity, whose presence involves building upon familiar and similar shared activities. Change is indeed highly significant in generating sexual desire. Thus, the frequency of sexual activity with one’s partner typically declines steadily as the relationship lengthens. Changes are crucial to more superficial activities whose value depends to a large extent upon novel stimuli—their function, after all, is to prevent boredom. In profound love, however, familiarity and stability are of greater value. While the value of romantic intensity is in preventing boredom (or other negative experiences), the value of romantic profundity is in promoting flourishing.
Although both aspects are important, in profound love, promoting is of greater value.
Profoundly Taken for Granted
“A skeptic is a person who would ask God for his ID card.” —Edgar A. Shoaff
In relationships in which romantic intensity and changes are essential, the lover must always be on the alert, seeking more and more novel external stimuli to fan the sexual flame. In relationships of romantic profundity, promoting the flourishing of each partner and their togetherness is the essence of the relationship, and trust in the partner—and shared supportive activities—are essential.
Engaging in a constant search for verification and novel stimuli is likely to ruin the relationship. Taking a partner for granted in profound love, on the other hand, does not imply being insensitive—it just excludes being worried all the time about how to prevent the partner from leaving you. The trust underlying profound love is not oblivious to risks, but the default attitude is not constant suspicion.
Taking your partner for granted does not imply doing repetitive, boring activities. When love is profound, romantic activities are calm yet still very dynamic. The calmness stems from the trust in the beloved and the relationship, not merely for the present but in the future as well. The dynamic nature is due to the ongoing activities that the lovers constantly share.
A Note on Trust
“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough.” —Frank Crane
Trust is one of the most frequent attributes associated with the experience of “being in love.” My view concerning taking the partner for granted is based upon the essential role of trust in profound love. Trust does come with risk—the risk of betrayal—but still typically involves a positive attitude toward the partner and optimism concerning his or her trustworthiness. Trust does not mean ignoring risk, just not constantly worrying about it. Constant suspicion is incompatible with trust and can ruin a relationship. In profound love, we are not continually on guard. Calmness and feeling comfortable are core characteristics of profound love; being on guard is the opposite of this.
In profound love, taking the partner for granted in the deeper sense—that is, being relaxed about the partner’s activities—is compatible with trust. Just as trust does not mean ignoring the risk, taking a partner for granted also does not mean ignoring the need to fan the romantic flames. But the essence remains trust and calmness.