- 6 Easy Ways to Spice Up Your (Married) Sex Life
- 1. Try something new.
- 2. Make out like teenagers.
- 3. Schedule romantic activities.
- 4. Share your fantasies.
- 5. Watch a sexy DVD.
- 6. See a sex therapist.
- RELATED: You Are What You Eat! 6 Libido Boosting Foods To Fuel Your Sexy
- RELATED: 17 Sex Positions Men Love MOST
- RELATED: What The Heck Are Ben Wa Balls And Why You NEED To Try Them!
- Court your partner
- Plan ahead… & be spontaneous
- Bring on the toys
- Farm out the kids
- Take inventory
- Meet for the first time… again
- How to beat the January Blues
- 1. Learn New Sex Positions
- 2. Explore His Fantasies (And Yours Too!)
- Take The Quiz: Do I Give Good (or BAD) Blow Jobs?
- 3. Becoming Dominant, Exploring Your Submissive Side
- 4. Pinch His Ass
- 5. Use Sex Toys
- 6. Jump In The Shower With Him!
- 7. Build Anticipation
- 8. Dressing Up For Him
- 9. Watch Porn Together
- 10. Ask For Directions
- 11. Talk Dirty
- 12. Learn How To Give A Killer Blowjob
- 13. Keep Adding To Your Sex Repertoire
- 14. Avoid Routine & Boredom
- Watch This: Blow Job Tutorial Video
- 8 Sultry Sex Positions to Spice Up Your Sex Life
- How to Spice up the Bedroom
- Why Sex is Important
- How Often Should Couples Have Sex?
- How to Have Better Sex
- How to Have Good Sex
- 15 ways to spice up your sex life
- 10 Tips To Change Up Your Sex Life
- 10 Tips To Spice Up Your Sex Life:
- How to Spice Up Your Sex Life
- 3 Helpful Tips to Spice Up a Struggling Sex Life
- Try Dirty Talk and Sexting
- Try Watching Porn Together
- Try Sex Toys
- Try Exhibitionism
- 21 Fun Ideas to Spice Up the Bedroom (That Work!)
- How Do You Keep Things Spicy in Bed?
- Who’s ready for some fun ideas to spice up the bedroom?
- How to Heat Things Up in the Bedroom?
- Fun Ideas to Spice Up the Bedroom
- Don’t be Afraid to Spice it Up! Try New Things Together!
- Let him Redeem a Naughty Coupon
- Try Something Different in Bed
- Blindfold One Another!
- There you have it, fun ideas to spice up the bedroom that are easy to do and will bring your intimacy with your spouse to a whole new level!
6 Easy Ways to Spice Up Your (Married) Sex Life
If you’ve been married for more than a few years, chances are you and your mate have fallen into a routine – from who takes out the trash to who picks up the kids from school. And while getting into a groove can be a good thing, when it comes to your sex life, it’s best to aim for variety.
Spicing up your sex life can improve your relationship with your partner and result in a host of health benefits. “Sex is an aerobic activity, which means it can boost your heart health,” says Rachel Needle, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist based in West Palm Beach, Florida. “One energetic act of intercourse burns 180 calories – which, believe it or not, is equivalent to about 20 minutes of gentle jogging or playing a 9-hole round of golf.”
Getting frisky with your significant other can also boost your mood. Sex releases endorphins, your brain’s “feel-good” chemicals. Plus, the hormones released during sex may lower depression and anxiety levels and boost immunity, says Needle. Having regular intercourse with your partner can also improve sleep, enhance longevity, and protect brain function.
So, how can you spice up your sex life? Start with these simple (yet sexy) strategies.
1. Try something new.
Over time, most couples adopt a fairly predictable sexual script, says Needle. To change things up, try something new. Start with something simple like a different position or adding a blind fold to shift your sensory experience, suggests Ellen Barnard, MSSW, a sex educator and counselor in Madison, Wisconsin. You could also introduce sex toys, role play, dress up, or change the scenery.
2. Make out like teenagers.
At the beginning of a relationship, couples enjoy deep, sexy kissing, and they touch each other in arousing ways, says Needle. But as a relationship matures, that lovey-dovey behavior can take a backseat to chores and mundane activities. Channel your inner teenager and kiss, hug, and snuggle your partner like you did when you first met. Doing so will help keep your marriage sexually alive.
3. Schedule romantic activities.
“Taking time out to spend with your partner is one of the most loving things you can do for each other,” says Susan Kaye, PhD, a sex therapist located in San Antonio and Austin, Texas, and Philadelphia. “I suggest that couples get a copy of the book 8 Erotic Nights, which offers eight sensual activities that will show you and your partner how to please each other.” Take turns picking out an activity and you’ll connect more passionately with your partner.
“Fantasies are underutilized by couples,” says Roger Libby, PhD, a sex therapist and adjunct professor and distinguished lecturer at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Sexuality in San Francisco. “But it’s important to use your imagination and share your most erotic desires with your partner.” If you’re feeling shy, set the mood by lighting some candles, turning off electronics, and playing romantic music. Once you’re both feeling relaxed and intimate, open up to your significant other.
5. Watch a sexy DVD.
“I recommend couples watch and discuss The Better Sex Video Series, which is a compilation of sex education pieces,” says Dr. Libby. “It shows real life couples exploring sexual positions and techniques and talking about what they enjoy.” You’ll learn Kama Sutra positions, sexual anatomy (including the elusive G-spot), erotic massage, and the four fundamentals of foreplay (oral sex, erotic talk, sensual touch, and kissing).
6. See a sex therapist.
Still feeling stuck in a rut? Consider seeing a certified sex therapist. “Therapy is not necessarily reserved for problems,” says Needle. “It can be about education, growth, and sexual development.” To find a sex therapist near you, check out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.
Sometimes when I think about the enormity of having sex with the same man for the rest of my life, it can get a little overwhelming. Gone is the thrill of one-night stands, intense and steamy hookups, and all those fun firsts that made sex so exciting in the first place.
Nope. Instead, I have sex with the man who has held my leg in the air as I pushed our child out of my vagina. The man I share a mortgage with. The man who buys me medicine when I have diarrhea, and the man who knows what I smell like after four days of camping without a shower.
But we remain undaunted, on an eternal quest to keep our physical lives just as thrilling as they were back in the days of frat parties and keggers. So how do two middle-aged parents in the suburbs keep the bedroom steamy? They get creative.
Here are kinky ways to spice up your sex life. Trust us, it will be insanely erotic.
We snuck out after dark with sleeping bags and blankets and attempted to do the deed in the middle of his elementary soccer field. The illicit thrill of being seen, the fresh air brushing across our naked bodies, the brand new bike path that had just been built three feet away from where we were getting it on.
Thankfully, the biker that passed just we were getting started laughed and encouraged us to “Have fun, guys!” I’m pretty sure my husband’s boner went away faster than the guy’s bike.
I love being tied up, always have. The problem is I’m also a bit of a brat and insist on breaking out of every tie-up my husband has ever tried to put me in. “YOU’RE A DAMN EAGLE SCOUT! TRY HARDER!” I yell. In retaliation, he went out and bought Velcro cuffs for my ankles and wrists that go under our mattress. Well played, boyscout. Well played.
RELATED: You Are What You Eat! 6 Libido Boosting Foods To Fuel Your Sexy
I can remember the first time he tried to spank me, it was this sort of serious tap on my butt that left me wondering if maybe I had a spider on it? Here’s the thing about spanking: The spankee has to be in the mood, the spanker has to know his or her own strength, and you have to have a safe word.
Years after our first serious spanking, I crave it just as much as any other sexual act — something about the adrenaline from physical pain coupled with the complete trust I have in him to not actually hurt me. In other words, don’t let some stranger off the street spank you. That’s unsafe. And it’s probably illegal. The sexiest part of spanking is the trust you have to have in someone in order for it to be done right.
To quote a very good friend: “My butt is a special occasion, like, Happy Anniversary, honey! Here’s my butthole!” Anal has this huge stigma around it, and I get it because I subscribed to it for over two decades. Butt sex isn’t meant as a daily indulgence because honestly sometimes you’re just not in the mood to have your butthole touched at all.
But at the same time, it’s a very unique and intense feeling I rather enjoy. Just know that there is no other act where lube is more important. (We like this organic lube from the Women’s Health Boutique.) Until you feel like you’re using too much, you’re probably not using enough. (You’re welcome.) Butt sex is fun. So there, stigma—kiss my butt, I kind of like it.
RELATED: 17 Sex Positions Men Love MOST
This one is NOT for amateurs. In fact, if you want to ruin your unstable relationship really fast, have a threesome. However, if done properly, with the right person and negotiated down to the absolute last detail as to who can touch what, when, and where, a threesome can be amazing.
Trust me, all the awkward conversations about expectations and details beforehand will make the whole experience way more pleasurable. Take communication seriously, don’t be shy, and get specific—you’re about to see each other naked. Oh, and let everyone know in advance which holes are off-limits.
Suddenly, I was convinced my husband wanted to saddle me like a pony and ride me around an abandoned mansion. But rather than saying “Ohmygod, this is so weird,” I asked him what he liked about it, knowing we were both seeing different things. If you want to try new things in your relationship, you’re going to have to be equally open-minded and vulnerable.
50 Shades of Grey was just the first book to get attention. Smut has been written for YEARS, and there are so many books a bazillion times better than the saga of Christian and Ana. In fact, reading smutty books made me realize that I wanted to try butt sex.
While I enjoy the narrative surrounding the sexual encounters, my husband just wants to know what I want him to do to me. So while I read the whole story, I’ll give him the kinky highlights to peruse as I rub my body up against him like a horny little creature in heat. And get this, guys: There’s even smut that makes the use of condoms downright sexy foreplay; now that’s erotic literature.
RELATED: What The Heck Are Ben Wa Balls And Why You NEED To Try Them!
Check out these 14 fascinating facts about your orgasm!
Who knows how I ended up on the article, but it was about a grapefruit blow job, and you know what? I had a grapefruit and a can-do attitude that night. I would have never walked up to one of my high school boyfriends and said, “Spread ’em honey, I’m about to put citrus on your penis and you’re going to like it.”
However, when I told my husband to close his eyes and trust me, he knew he could. And you know what he got? A pretty damn good blow job and story to tell his drinking buddies.
I’ve done a lot of research into the nuances and history of dominant/submissive (or D/S) relationships over the last few years. It’s nothing new—doms and subs have been around for centuries and there are varying degrees found in every socioeconomic culture across the country (and probably the world).
The key to any D/S relationship is trust—and I trust my husband more than anything else in the world. One night I simply asked him if he would come after me and not stop what he was doing no matter what I said or did (unless it was our safe word, of course). And you know what? It was one of the hottest nights of my life. And even better, it was with the man I’ve been monogamous with for half my life.
The next day my body was so deliciously sore from fighting against him. When you can be completely consumed and overtaken to the point of bumps and bruises, but then curl into each other when it’s over and know you are safe, loved, and respected, there’s nothing better.
Following the aforementioned confessions, mutual masturbation may seem boring. But in a world where many religions preach masturbation as a sin, I say death by vibrator! How can you truly know what you like if you’ve never figured it out for yourself?
We went the first 10 years of our marriage only touching each other, not ourselves (at least not in front of each other) and the first time I slid my hand down there and let him watch me make myself feel good it’s as though a whole new level of pleasure unlocked. Several weeks later, I saw him put his hand on himself as his mouth was on me and I immediately came.
It always seems like sex is the first thing to go. Somehow, the laundry gets your attention. The grocery shopping gets your attention. Your kids (and/or pets) get your attention. Your boss, your mother-in-law, the PTA, even the lawn seems to manage to get a piece of you. But your sex life? Nope. It seems like you’re too tired or too disconnected from your partner or too stressed out or too busy or, perhaps saddest of all, too overwhelmed to even care.
But you need to care. For your sake, for your partner’s sake, for your marriage’s sake, having sex is generally a very good thing. I know. I know. I’m a terrible, bossy person. But you’ll have to trust me on this one. Enjoying a happy, healthy sex life is really important for the majority of marriages and other committed romantic relationships. So here are seven ways to amp up your sex life.
Court your partner
Remember when you were trying to win your partner’s affections? The flirting. The love notes. The dates. The dancing in the kitchen when the only music was in your heads. The lingering looks. The sexting… I know you’re busy. But this is about intention and attention more than time. Look at your partner. Remember those first feelings of wanting to jump his or her bones. Keep those thoughts in your mind as you move through the day and seduce your partner all over again, even if it’s simply with lingering looks and subtle, naughty whispers.
Plan ahead… & be spontaneous
It may seem contradictory, but you’ll be well-served to do both. It may not feel romantic to plan when you’re going to have sex and how you’re going to have it. But it’s certainly more romantic than not having it at all. Pick a day and time and commit to it. That doesn’t mean you have to always plan, of course. Taking advantage of any chance to devour your partner is always a good idea. Suddenly have the house to yourself? Afternoon meeting get canceled? Both wake up surprisingly early and surprisingly refreshed? Take advantage of the moment. Long, lingering sex is great. But there’s nothing wrong with a quickie now and again.
Bring on the toys
Sports have equipment. Hobbies have equipment. Outfits have accessories. Heck, even cars have accessories. There’s nothing wrong with having a few things — or more — in the bedroom to help you and your partner have the best sex possible. If you want to keep it to the essentials, think vibrator, lube and a massage oil candle. Want to take it to the next level? How about handcuffs, a blindfold and a feather tickler? Having toys, including vibrators, does not mean there’s anything wrong with you or your partner. The only thing it means is that you’re both committed to having great sex!
Farm out the kids
It can be hard — maybe even impossible — to have sex with kids underfoot. Kids are great. They are amazing. They can also be a sex-life killer. There is no reason to feel guilty for handing them off once in a while. Give them to Grandma; hire a sitter and get thee to a local hotel; do a kid swap with friends once a week.
Sex in a marriage is important. Really important. It deserves your attention. You are your best you when all of your needs are attended to, including your sexual needs — which you have and are allowed to have. So allow yourself to do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your marriage. Besides, your kids will love the time away too!
When did sex get so serious? Great sex is often filled with laughter. And why not? So take it outside or role-play or bring out the whipped cream and chocolate sauce or try out some body finger painting. You get to be your whole self with your partner. And nearly everyone has a playful part of themselves that deserves to be let out. Playing takes the pressure off sex. So take a deep breath, relax and enjoy your partner. There’s nothing wrong with giggling and goofing off, especially in the bedroom.
You can find sex-life inventory worksheets — also known as yes/no/maybe lists — in lots of places, including in my own book, O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm. The sheet challenges you and your partner to each sit down and take a look at all kinds of activities and see what you would definitely love to do, what you might be interested in trying and what’s a hard no for you. Then you compare lists and see where you meet and where you miss. You just might be surprised at what new things your partner is game to try…
Meet for the first time… again
If you really want to have some fun, pick up your partner — or have him/her pick you up — as if you’ve never met before. A few minutes apart, both go to the same bar or museum or restaurant as if you’re strangers. Then you can “meet” as if you’ve never met before. Eyes catching from across the room; sending over a drink; asking one another to dance.
It can be really fun — and eye-opening — to look at your partner anew and to flirt and be flirted with as if you’ve never fought over burned dinners and late arrivals. See your partner in a fresh new light and relight the fire all over again.
Jenny Block is an expert in women’s sexuality and author of the books O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm and Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage.
Our mission at SheKnows is to empower and inspire women, and we only feature products we think you’ll love as much as we do. Please note that if you purchase something by clicking on a link within this story, we may receive a small commission of the sale.
How to beat the January Blues
As a magazine intent on providing you with all the most gentlemanly of information; from classic cars and stunning yachts to exclusive travel retreats and high-end designer brands, we feel that it is our responsibility to educate you in all aspects of a modern gentleman’s life. It is time therefore, that we feel we should broach the subject of Sex. Yes, we said it. Whether deemed gentlemanly or not, in the spirit of St Valentine it’s time we tackled the subject that, (let’s be honest), rarely leaves a man’s mind. So, to kick things off with a bang (no pun intended), we thought we’d impart some of wisdom on how to spice up said sex life.
The longer a relationship has been going on, the more likely your sex life is to suffer. Breaking news, right? No matter the situation or circumstances, with the dreaded ‘Valentine’s Day’ just around the corner, we’ve come up with a few simple ways that you and your partner can spice things up. Nothing too graphic of course, we are after all The Gentleman’s Journal, and we all know that a Gentleman never tells, but everyone needs a little discreet advice every now and and again…
While most ‘sexy’ text messages have about as much appeal as a dry-hump, there is indeed a way that you can make them work. Don’t go all X-Rated on your innocent iPhone, but try instead texting her about a memorable time you had sex – ‘I can’t stop thinking about that time on the beach* in Mexico*’ ought to do the trick. Or a similar, innuendo-ridden one liner that’s personal to the two of you.
*insert relevant time & place before she thinks you’re cheating
2. MASTER THE ART OF THE ‘QUICKIE’
We’re not talking mid-dishwasher loading or in the midst of an argument over taking out the bins, but don’t underestimate the impact of the element of surprise. If your sex life is more akin to attending double history on a Friday afternoon at school, than it is 50 Shades of Grey, it might be time to add some surprise. Grab her the moment you walk through the door after work, or even when she’s just stepped out of the shower. She’ll thank you later.
3. ROLE PLAY
Nothing embarrassing, but this really can be the best way to spice up your sex life. Tell her what you want to do or indeed who you want be and ask her what she wants. Then all you need to do is set it up – from meeting at a bar with different names to playing it safe at home with a bit of ‘dress up’, this is guaranteed to get things back on track in the bedroom.
4. THE GIFT OF GIVING
We’re not saying you have to spend a fortune (although she probably wouldn’t complain if you did), but leave a beautifully wrapped box at the end of her bed for when she gets home with lingerie inside is sure to put the fire back into the bedroom. Alternatively send flowers to her office with a suggestive note and you’ll be on her mind all day.
5. LEAVE HER A REMINDER
If your sex life is becoming predictable, try spritzing her bedsheets with your aftershave when you leave in the morning, or even better if you’re out of town for a few days. Smell is proven to be the biggest evocation of memory of all our senses, a little reminder of what she has to look forward to will keep things fresh.
6. EXPLORE NEW AREAS
Sex should be a discovery not a destination. Explore new areas and regions to find optimum sensation central – from the base of her spine to ears and neck.
If you’ve ever had a fantasy about sex (and what self respecting man hasn’t?) then a sexual rut is the perfect time to make the fantasy a reality.
8. ADD A LITTLE DANGER
Adrenaline is one of the biggest aphrodisiacs there is. Bungy-jumping, rock-climbing, or even just sex in a public place where you might get caught is enough to bid farewell to every couples dry spell.
9. GO ‘TOY-SHOPPING’ TOGETHER
No, not for god-children or siblings, we’re talking grown-up shopping. It doesn’t have to be the Soho kind of shop, you can keep it to on-line if you like, but a little added fun in the bedroom is no bad thing.
10. LAY DOWN SOME RULES
If your social or working calenders are so jam packed that sex really has become as rare as a stylish mullet then maybe it’s time to lay down the rules. Pick in a night in your calender and make sure you both keep it free, maybe turn it into an entire date night – book a restaurant or have a car collect you both.
Nothing kills a relationship faster than boredom.
Side Note: I put together this in-depth assesment that will uncover just how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. It may uncover some uncomfortable truths, or you may discover that you are already a queen at giving blow jobs. and find out how good your blow job skills really are…
It’s too easy to slip into a routine with your man. Just like with work, study, going to the gym or even eating, sex can become routine and boring. When that happens, you and your man will start looking elsewhere for your thrills.
Don’t let this happen to your relationship!
While the Bad Girls Bible will teach you everything you need to know to keep things hot, in the meantime these 14 sex tips will give you a great start to eliminating boredom in your relationship & sex life. Here goes:
1. Learn New Sex Positions
This is the easiest, but also one of the most effective ways of keeping things interesting. It’s the reason why I created the Sex Positions section of the Bad Girls Bible. It has pictures and detailed explanations on over 100 different sex positions.
My most powerful sex tricks and tips aren’t on this site. If you want to access them and give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually obsessed with you, then you can learn these secret sex techniques in my private and discreet newsletter. You’ll also learn the 5 dangerous mistakes that will ruin your sex life and relationship. Get it here.
If your man is not keen to try out new sex positions, then you are going to need to be the one who takes action.
Pick out a few positions (only 1 or 2) from the sex positions section and keep them in mind the next time you are in bed with your man. There’s no need to tell him that you want to try them. Instead, just take the position and help to guide your man.
If you’ve never taken the lead in bed before, you may feel a little nervous trying this. But your man will enjoy it. Trust me.
You’ll find it best to try out some of the easier to perform positions that don’t require lots of flexibility and are easy to transition to.
2. Explore His Fantasies (And Yours Too!)
Everyone has sexual fantasies. Everyone!
The problem for many people is that they think their fantasies are weird or a bit ‘out there’. They may not want to tell their man about their fantasies due to fear or potential embarrassment or their man thinking they are weird.
The fact is your man will be thinking the same thing!
So there might be certain fantasies or things to that turn you on, but you never actually get to experience them in real life.
What a sad world 🙁
Take The Quiz: Do I Give Good (or BAD) Blow Jobs?
What if you could explore them with someone you cared about?
Without getting judged or feeling embarrassed?
Over the coming weeks, I will be covering tactics and strategies that you can use so that sharing your fantasies with your man is easy and fun.
But for the time being, try to keep these 5 things in mind when sharing your fantasies with your man.
- Start with the tamest ones first. Then build up to the wilder ones once you are both comfortable.
- Be open and welcoming to his, even if you don’t want to try them out. In other words do not be judgemental.
- Don’t force it. If he won’t open up, then trying to force him to will make him close up even further.
- Use positive reinforcement. By rewarding your man for opening up, he is more likely to open up in the future. Rewarding him is simple. It can be as simple as saying ‘cool, I’m kinda interested in that too’.
- Keep it a secret between you and your man.
3. Becoming Dominant, Exploring Your Submissive Side
Most relationships have one partner that is slightly more dominant in bed while the other partner is slightly more submissive.
Not in the D/S sense of the word. But in the sense that one partner is more eager to try out new things, change position or engage the other in sex.
A great way to spice things up is to change your role the next time you’re in bed with your man.
- So if he is usually the one who wants to change position, you should try to beat him to the punch and change positions instead. (make sure to try out some new sex positions too!)
- Or maybe he usually initiates sex. Why not try being the aggressor this time?
- Or maybe you usually start foreplay. Try holding out until he does.
You might feel a bit uneasy about changing roles at first. But don’t worry, your man will be pleasantly surprised! You’ll find that this dirty talking tutorial video serves as a great introduction to learning how to be more dominant through talking dirty in a way that builds sexual tension, turns him on and keeps him attracted to you. Enjoy!
4. Pinch His Ass
This is probably the most ridiculous sounding sex tip you’ll hear from me. But it works really well.
The next time you are saying goodbye to your man, as you lean in to kiss him, quickly grab his bum. You can pinch it, smack it or just grab it with your hand.
Make sure it’s quick, but don’t say anything about it.
And don’t explain, if he asks why you did it.
Just smile at him.
For your man, it’s a little confusing, but it’s also a sure sign that you like him and can be naughty too.
Caveat: Don’t use this every single day or every week. Only use it about once a month to keep things fun and flirty.
5. Use Sex Toys
Sex toys are great. Especially if you want to spice things up. There is literally a sex toy for everything. For him, for her. For his penis, for your clitoris.
Using sex toys during foreplay is great for getting each other hot and bothered before sex. They can also be great instead of sex and during sex as well.
But like I advise with all of the tips you read here: if you solely rely on sex toys, then things will inevitably start to get boring and routine.
A good way to view sex toys is seeing them as a spice, not the main course.
Over the coming weeks, I will be adding a section on which sex toys work best and how to use them.
6. Jump In The Shower With Him!
This simple sex tip is similar to pinching his ass. It must be used sparingly if you want it to remain effective.
The next time your man goes for a shower, follow him in a minute later. From there, you have a choice of what to do:
- You could do nothing else but just wash him. It surprisingly sexy!
- You could give him a blowjob. Try putting a towel under your knees if you do this, otherwise your knees can get very sore.
- You could have sex. Although, you’ll find that shampoo and water can quickly dry out your natural lubrication 🙁
7. Build Anticipation
One reason why sex can become dull and boring is because there is no build up, no anticipation and no tension before you have sex with your man. It’s just a routine (for most couples it’s usually either every morning or evening).
To break out of this monotony, try building anticipation to something he’s not expecting. If you are on vacation with friends, text your man and let him know how much you are missing him (and how horny you are).
Let him know what you are planning to do with him when you return. In detail…
This doesn’t only apply to when you are on vacation. You can try it right after you leave for work or school.
Caveat: Like with the other sex tips, try to use this one sparingly otherwise it can get boring pretty quickly.
8. Dressing Up For Him
Dressing up for your man is a simple ‘sex’ tip. In a way it’s related to the last sex tip, “Building Anticipation’.
When I say “Dressing Up For Him”, I don’t neccessarily mean dressing up in costume or wearing super slutty clothes.
Instead I mean wearing something provocative. Something that will make him look twice. Something that reminds him of why he likes you so much.
This could be a dress that’s a little shorter than normal, a top that’s cut low or anything that accentuates your good points.
9. Watch Porn Together
Hear me out! I totally understand if you hate pornography and want to avoid this tip completely.
There is a stereotype than men love porn and women hate it. This is not quite true.
I feel that this is a more accurate way of describing the stereotype:
Most women hate ‘conventional’ pornography.
What’s conventional pornography? Pornography that’s degrading to women, where men treat the women like dirt and cum on their faces at the end.
However, if you search for it, you will find female focused pornography that’s not like this at all.
If you are not sold on the idea of watching porn with your man, then please don’t feel like you have to. You’ll find lots of other sex tips throughout the Bad Girls Bible.
10. Ask For Directions
Asking for directions when you really want to sexually satisfy your man, whether you are giving him a blowjob or a handjob or having sex is a really smart move if you want to improve fast.
But don’t ask him directly.
Is that ok?
I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I hope you like it.
A better way to ‘ask for directions’ is to give him a choice or to make a suggestive statement.
Are you a handjob guy or a blowjob guy?
I bet you are the kind of guy who likes his balls played with…
You seem like the kind of guy who likes being on top & in control…
I can tell you like doggystyle sex…
Some people find this to be really easy, while others find it a little trickier. But once you do ‘ask for directions’, you’ll quickly discover what your man enjoys the most. And he will be much more likely to return the favor!
11. Talk Dirty
Talking dirty to your man can be really powerful. That’s why there is an entire section of the Bad Girls Bible devoted to talking dirty, not to mention the powerful dirty talking tutorial video I created to get you up to speed, fast. You can watch it here.
Rather than rehashing everything already in the talking dirty section, you should really just check it out for yourself.
For those who don’t know about the power of talking dirty, a lot of women like it as it can be used to keep your man constantly turned on and thinking about you when you are not around.
12. Learn How To Give A Killer Blowjob
Finding a guy who doesn’t love a blowjob is difficult. That’s why I created an entire instructional video devoted to giving your man an awesome blowjob. I hope that you’ll check it out here.
13. Keep Adding To Your Sex Repertoire
If you have been with the same guy for a long time, you may have found that things have started to get quite routine in the bedroom.
While some couples like having a routine, you may find that those same 5 ‘moves’ your man uses are starting to get boring.
If you start to feel that way, then chances are that your man is starting to feel the same about your ‘moves’.
That’s why I created The Bad Girls Bible, to give you a near unlimited database of things you can do in & out of the bedroom to keep your man satisfied.
So I want to encourage you to really try out the things I am teaching you here.
14. Avoid Routine & Boredom
Routine is the ultimate relationship killer. It won’t just kill your sex life, but it will also ruin your relationship.
Now, the Bad Girls Bible is not a relationship site, but you should understand that boredom will mess up not only your sex life, but your relationship too. It’s one of the main reasons people slowly drift apart and cheat on each other.
So if you are serious about keeping both your sex life and your relationship fun, varied and satisfying, then please use the resources here at the Bad Girls Bible.
- The Blog – Updated with the freshest and most interesting content on how to keep your man satisfied.
- The Best Sex Positions – Over 100 different sex positions, with pictures.
- How To Give Great Blowjobs – The Blowjob Bible is the best resource you can find on how to give your man great oral sex.
- How To Talk Dirty – Detailed advice on what to say to turn your man on.
- The Best Sex Tips – Beginner, intermediate and Advanced sex tips.
Oh, don’t forget to leave your own sex tips in the comments below! I’ll talk to you tomorrow…
Watch This: Blow Job Tutorial Video
I put together this in-depth, step-by-step instructional video that will teach you how to make your man sexually addicted to you and only you. It contains a number of oral sex techniques that will give your man full-body, shaking orgasms. If you’re interested in learning these techniques to keep your man addicted and deeply devoted to you as well as having a lot more fun in the bedroom, then you may want to check out the video. You can watch it by clicking here.
8 Sultry Sex Positions to Spice Up Your Sex Life
Sex with your partner is fun, whether it’s cowgirl or upside down. Make their night and drive them crazy with these 8 sultry sex positions to help spice things up in and out of the bedroom:
Have your partner start in the doggy position. As she kneels in front of you, enter her from behind. Once inside, have her grab onto your ankles as you slowly lift to stand, supporting her on your slightly bent lap. For a naughty twist, add Durex Play O lube and squeeze your pelvic muscles in time with their thrusts for an ultimate night of passion.
Hot Half Headstand
Looking for the optimal g-spot stimulation? This position leaves her in control while you relax and enjoy the stimulation. This position is a little tricky but it’s a great way of working through the kinks together. Begin by entering your partner from behind as you fold forward touching the floor. Have her grab onto your ankles as she raises her legs to your side. If you can’t hold that position any longer, get back into missionary and add a rabbit vibrator for the ultimate sensual experience.
Quench your lusty desires with this sultry position and delve into a new world of pleasure. All that is required from you and your partner, is decent upper body strength and low inhibitions. Begin by facing each other, then grab her waist and under her butt as you lift her towards you. Let her wrap her arms behind your neck and her legs around your waist for additional support as you begin to move at a rhythmic pace.
In this classic position, have her get down on all fours while your penetrate her from behind. Not only does rear entry create the perfect amount of friction for the both of you, it is ideal for those who want to feel a deeper more pleasurable sensation.Edge of Love
Take control with this revamped version of the classic cowgirl. Lay back over the edge of the bed while she straddles over you stretching her hands towards your feet. As you enjoy the sultry view, add a sex toy to your love making for a memorable night you won’t forget.
If you’re looking for a smooth transition outside of your comfort zone, then this position is perfect for you. While you’re on top of her, have her draw her thighs into your chest and place her legs over her shoulders. This position allows you to bring her pelvis off the mattress, gaining leverage and support using her thighs. The tilt of her hips will allow you to penetrate her deeper, while giving your partner explicit access to your g-spot.
Who says you and your partner have to limit your sexual trysts to just the bed? Lay on the couch as she sits down on top of you facing away. Lean back until you’re propped up on your elbows with your back is on her chest. Have her lean back and keep her knees bent towards her chest as you penetrate her. Not only will she appreciate the hug, but she’ll enjoy the climax. Turn up the heat with Durex Night In pleasure set and tease and delight your partner all night long.
Begin by sitting on the edge of the bed with your feet planted on the ground. Have her squat over you on the edge of the bed with her back to you like a little frog. Grab her waist and help her move up and down, bracing herself on your thighs as you penetrate her. She will be able to support her movements with you placing your hands under her butt, giving her an extra lift.
At BCSSH, we tend to talk a lot about how to make sex safe. While informed decisions regarding sex are extremely important, we also think that sex should be fun. So, whether you want to switch things up with a long-term partner or are just adventurous by nature, here are our top 25 ways to spice up your sex life tonight.
- Get out of bed. A change of scenery is one of the simplest ways to keep a sense of novelty in your sex life. These students definitely found some creative places on campus. Public indecency aside, some popular favorites include on a couch, desk, armless chair, or testing your balance against a wall. But be mindful of roommates, please!
Make eye contact. Focus on making eye contact with your partner in (or out of) bed. While you don’t want to have a staring contest, making eye contact when you feel particularly confident will instantly transfer that energy to your partner.
- Get a new point of view. Do the deed in front of a mirror. Watching yourselves in action is a surefire turn-on, without risking a sex tape being posted online.
Keep your clothes on. Try only removing key pieces of clothing. Unzip their fly instead of removing their pants, or push your underwear to the side instead of removing it. It may seem silly to think about, but that kind of need-you-now urgency can make your session seriously hot.
- Play show and tell. This one requires a little restraint from your partner. Under their watchful eye, use your own hand to show them where you like to be touched and how. Then have them try, being sure to communicate what feels good.
Try blind oral. Blindfold your partner before performing oral sex, using an actual blindfold or a discarded piece of clothing. Inhibiting their sight will make all the other senses hyper-alert, and not knowing what you will do next will heighten anticipation.
- Saved by the bell. Set a timer for 30 minutes and don’t touch one another anywhere that would be covered by a bathing suit until the timer goes off. Though that may seem like a long time, letting the anticipation build will only improve your experience.
Look, no hands! Don’t touch your partner with your hands for the entirety of a session. Instead, explore each other’s bodies with your lips, skin, and breath.
- Play sexy trivia. If you have a significant history with your partner, take turns asking one another questions about your time together. Try “Where was our first date?” or “When was our first kiss?” If they answer correctly, you have to remove an article of clothing. If you stump them, their clothes come off.
Give sex dice a roll. We’ve all seen those dice that tell you “ a .” Try making your own. Together, list your six favorite sex acts for one die, and decide who gives and who receives on odds and evens for the other. Take turn rolling the dice and enjoying your favorite moves.
- Find your alter ego. If you’re usually quiet and submissive in bed, try taking charge. If you tend to wear soft pastels, try wearing black lace and sky-high heels. Discovering new sides of the person you’ve gotten to know in bed never gets old.
Experiment with your grooming. See our Guide to Down Under for ideas and tips. Changing the appearance of your pubic area not only adds new visual appeal, but can create different sensations as well.
- Make a sex playlist. Include different genres, tempos, and rhythms. Try to match your pace and rhythm with that of each new song.
Send a sexy message. Send suggestive messages to each other throughout the day. Be as vague or explicit as you want. Keeping your thoughts in the gutter all day will definitely pay off at night.
Or a sexy massage. Massages can be both relaxing and sexy. Get soothing-scented massage oil and take turns massaging one another. If you are using condoms (which we hope you are!) make sure the oil is marked as condom-safe.
Try a new position every time. Many couples get into certain habits in the bedroom because they know what makes their partner happy. While this definitely has it perks, trying new things is a great way to find new things that you might like. Not feeling creative? Scroll through here before your partner comes over so you have some great ideas ahead of time.
- Don’t have morning sex. Well, don’t have morning sex right away. If you and your partner usually kick off your mornings with a bang (pun definitely intended), try to hold off a bit longer. Try surprising your partner once they get out of the shower instead to keep the morning just as interesting as the night before.
Role-play. Ever had a crush on your teacher? Well, now you can act on it – legally! Role-playing is a safe, fun way for you and your partner to act out your wildest fantasies. Give “reverse cowgirl” a whole new meaning and dress up rodeo-style. The sky is the limit. As long as both you and your partner are comfortable, role-playing can provide hours of entertainment.
- Break out the handcuffs. If you’re ready to try something new, why not consider bondage? Tying your partner to the bed can allow your inner dominatrix to break out and surprise both of you with a great time; conversely, you might find that you enjoy being almost completely at your partner’s mercy. (Remember to agree on a safeword: a word that, once said, immediately stops the proceedings.) Bondage can also tie in – no pun intended – quite nicely with #18.
Buy a present for two. Not sure what to get your partner for a birthday/anniversary/Valentines Day? Let them choose their own gift. Open the Victoria’s Secret website (or any other website of your choice) on their computer, and tell your partner to bookmark their three favorite items. Pick your favorite of the three to wear for the special occasion. We guarantee your partner will spend all day thinking about which present they will get to “unwrap” that night.
- Good enough to eat. Play a little game with chocolate, whipped cream, honey, or any other of your favorite flavors. Your job: place the sweets of your choice on the spots you want your partner to pay some extra attention. Your partner’s job: find your “sweet spots.” Eyes closed.
Try silent sex. Maybe you’ve already mastered this one because of your building’s paper-thin walls. Maybe not. Either way, challenging yourself and your partner to silent sex can be even more exciting than the full-volume version. Without the usual noises, you’ll have to pay attention to your partner’s other physical cues, and that close attention could be really hot.
- Have a movie night! A dirty movie night, that is. Watching an explicit film can get you both in the mood and give you some great new ideas to try on your own!
Home movie night! Dim the lights and make your own XXX rated movie. Even if you don’t press record, setting up a camera can increase one’s willingness or curiosity to try something out of the ordinary. See the previous tips if you’re stumped on what to experiment with.
- Attend Sex Toy Bingo. Come alone and win a prize for yourself or bring your partner. We’re even selling couples’ tickets (2 for $5)!
We know that reading this post has made you eager to get to work, but please make sure you have the consent of your partner before trying anything new. One way is to “accidentally” leave this post open on their computer. When they ask you about it later, respond casually, “Oh those were just some new things I was thinking we could try.” Once they get over the shock of how amazing you are, get ready to play!
Peace, Love, and Lube,
BC Students for Sexual Health
How to Spice up the Bedroom
If you are looking to spice up your sex life you’ve come to the right place! Having better sex and spicing things up in the bedroom is so important in marriage. In any relationship, things and people change. So you need to be putting in the effort to spice things up and make them fun again so you don’t fall into a rut! That means putting in the effort and putting yourself out there. We have so many resources to help you have better sex and keep things exciting! A few sure-fire ways to spice up the bedroom and have better sex are to experiment, build the anticipation, and increase how often you are intimate. We will dive head first into each of those topics and give you plenty of resources to get you off to a great start!
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. To learn more about ’em, click here.
Why Sex is Important
According to studies, sex contributes to better moods, less depression, healthier hearts, and even lower risks for some cancers. However, in our opinion that is all just a bonus. The real value of sex comes in the connection and closeness it gives to couples. After all, you are sharing this intimate piece of yourself that no one else gets to experience with you except for your partner. That can be exceptionally bonding.
Unfortunately, couples are having less sex than they were years ago. With so many benefits, why would this be so? Answers could vary, but likely the cause is that there are too many things competing for our time. Work, parenting, smartphones, streaming devices, and so much more cause us to become distracted and lose our drive to figure out how to spice up the bedroom.
How Often Should Couples Have Sex?
On average, married couples have sex 51 times per year. That works out to about once a week. Sex is associated with greater relationship satisfaction, so sex at least once a week could be the key to a happier relationship. If your relationship is falling below this number of having sex once a week, look for ways to increase it. Especially in the case of long term relationships, excitement and arousal can diminish over time, leaving you both tired and unmotivated to initiate having sex. You need to find ways to make sex exciting again. You are certainly in the right place for that! Keep reading for tons of great resources.
Connection and closeness is a human need. We need physical touch and meaningful connection–our happiness depends on it. Sex is the perfect antidote for getting us these key ingredients for a fulfilled life. So how often should couples have sex? That number depends on the couple; however, all couples should make it a high priority in their relationship. After all, sex is a key factor that makes your relationship with your spouse unique from all of your other relationships.
How to Have Better Sex
How to Spice up Your Sex Life: Experiment
If you’re wondering how to have better sex, you need to experiment! Bring back the adventure and the spark by shaking things up. This can be as simple as trying new positions, or as steamy as using new toys in the bedroom. It is not only bonding but also exciting to experiment together as you figure out how to spice up your sex life. Spice up your sex life by experimenting with different sexual acts, or more foreplay.
You can also experiment by using different methods of mood setting. Try creating a sex playlist, lighting candles, or it could even be as simple as putting on old perfume that would remind you both of your first time. You could try having sex in a different location than you are used to, or even book a hotel for the night–science tells us it produces better sex! Experimenting can improve your sex life, so regardless of how sexually adventurous you feel you are there are so many ways to experiment.
If you are searching the internet for how to have good sex, this is a great place to start. Experimenting means more than just getting crazy, it means changing things up–in all aspects of your sex life! Try experimenting with your sexual communication as well. Talk dirty to each other during the deed. You could also spice up your sex life by enhancing your sexual communication outside of the bedroom. Text or email something sexy just for your spouse, or try leaving a sexy surprise to up the anticipation! The possibilities really are endless. To inspire your own sexual experimentation, here are a few tried and true ideas that are sure to spice up your sex life.
Sex Bucket List – Put together a sex bucket list. This will encourage experimentation in all aspects of your sex life, as it will give you different ways, and places to do it!
Hotel Slumber Party – You heard right, sex is better in a hotel. Really, sex is just better when you put a little effort into making it feel different and special. So this is the perfect way to do both of those things.
Midnight Snack – Experiment with all different kinds of tasty treats. If you are wondering how to spice up sex, there is no doubt this will do it for you! And you’ll get a yummy snack too!
Spin the Bottle – Throw it back to middle school and play a steamy game of spin the bottle together. Spice up your sex life with different sexual acts that earn you points for a sexy prize.
Sexy Dice Game – These dice take the guesswork out of experimenting. Simply roll the dice and they will tell you what to do, where to do it, how to do it, and for how long!
Sex Position Countdown – How to spice things up in the bedroom? It’s easy! Change up the position you use every night leading up to a certain date or holiday.
Never Have We Ever – Encourage each other to try something new with this fun game that will encourage you both to venture out of your comfort zones.
Sexy Truth or Dare – Several of us have this game and can vouch for the fact that it really spices things up. Some of the sticks are super adventurous so you may want to look through them all and throw out any that are too much for you and your spouse.
Love is Sweet Game – This game is the perfect answer to the question of how to spice up your sex life! It will shake things up and have you trying new things all during a playful, sexy board game!
How to Spice up Your Sex Life: Build the Anticipation
Spice up your sex life by building up to it! Create anticipation and keep your spouse on your mind all day. It’s amazing how much better sex is when you look forward to it. We have all heard the phrase sex starts in the morning. And that’s true in so many ways. Giving each other attention and making each other our priority fills our emotional needs, but also showing our spouse we really want them throughout the day sets up the evening for success. Whether you use cheeky little notes to show your interest and build the anticipation, or fun games that make you wait for the final reward, anticipation is powerful!
Sexy Notes and Snacks – Get your spouse’s thoughts racing and the anticipation building with this sweet sentiment. It’s so simple, but the payoff is so big!
Strip Horse – Build the anticipation piece by piece… or by taking off piece after piece! Strip Horse is a playful way to spice up your sex life and have a little friendly competition.
Buy a Sexy Gift – Spice up things in the bedroom by surprising your sweetie with something special, but also steamy! This will make both of you look forward to using it later…
Glowing Black Light Bath – Have better sex using a steamy tub and some black lights. Build the anticipation by dipping your toes in a steamy bath! The glowing paint all over your bodies as you soak will make for a super sexy, and memorable, night!
Give a Sensual Massage – There may be no better way to get in the mood than having your hands all over each other’s bodies.
Strip Poker – Take it off piece by piece and drive your partner wild as you make them wait. So play some cards and get wild!
Send 14 Sexts – Send off some sexy texts to spice up your sex life and get your mind focused on your desire!
Make a Playlist – Music really has a way of spicing things up in the bedroom! Turn up spice up your sex life by creating a sexy playlist for the bedroom.
How to Spice up Your Sex Life: Increase the Frequency
Have sex more frequently. The more you have sex, the more you want to have sex. So a great way to have a better sex life is to simply have more sex! Having sex boosts your libido and gets more of those healthy hormones pumping through your body. Science doesn’t lie, the facts show if you want better sex, have more sex! They say practice makes perfect, and this will become your favorite act to practice over time. The more you have sex and are able to openly communicate, the more you will be able to become a tune to what your partner really loves and what they could do without.
Understanding your partner intimately is such a privilege, and you should see it that way. So pay close attention to what things make your partner go wild and talk about what things aren’t your favorite. When you are having sex frequently, likes and dislikes will become more apparent and you’ll be able to feel more connected each time you have sex.
7 Days of Sex Challenge – Take the challenge and make it a habit! Have sex every day for a whole week straight.
Get New Fun Things – We put together a whole page of sexy products that we have tried and loved. Getting new fun, sexy toys and products can freshen things up and get you both excited to have sex more frequently!
Sexy Subscription Box – Start a monthly, Sexy Subscription Box tradition. You can personalize it with new, fun, sexy products to keep you both want more! We also have a similar idea, the Fantasy Date Night in a Box idea, that has free printables!
Summer Sex Challenge – Turn up the heat in the bedroom by taking on a summer sex challenge!
Understand What He Wants – Learn about what men want and what men like. Study up on the best ways of how to spice up your sex life!
Understand What She Wants – Study up on what women want and need in the bedroom. Learn about her needs and how you can better please her!
How to Have Good Sex
If you want to have good sex and spice up things in the bedroom, work at it! The notion that sex is purely natural and will come about with no effort is false, and it is certainly not sustainable for a relationship that lasts a lifetime. Have better sex by putting forth some sincere effort, we made that part easy, try some of the ideas above! You have so much fun and excitement in store! All you have to do is try!
15 ways to spice up your sex life
Passion usually fades a year into a relationship, says Áilín Quinlan. So what do the experts say about turning up the heat in bed?
EVER glance at your beloved and find yourself wondering where all the passion has gone?
Don’t be alarmed — research shows that it can take as little as 12 months for a relationship to lose its sizzle.
In a study last year of 3,000 men and women aged between 25 and 41, researchers from Ludwig Maximilian University in Munich, reported that passion peaks after just a year together — and that after that things can go downhill.
The question: ‘How do we reignite the passion?’ is often posed to couples’ therapists.
But don’t presume there’s a quick fix to a flaccid love life, warns sex therapist and relationships counsellor Eithne Bacuzzi — reignition takes commitment and hard work.
“People come in for a quick fix, they want to revitalise their relationship in one easy sentence,” she says.
But it takes more than a quick-fix. “It’s not as easy as licking whipped cream off your partner’s body,” she warns. Putting the spice back in your sex life requires thought, energy, enthusiasm and passion.
Remember, she cautions, it takes two people to get to a place where the fizz in the relationship has gone flat and it takes the same two people to re-discover that spark.
Here’s how you do it:
“Fear causes lust,” declares David Kavanagh, sex therapist, relationships expert, and author of the just-published Love Rewired: Using Your Brain to Mend Your Heart.
Kavanagh points to a 1974 study by a team from the University of British Columbia who discovered that the chemicals produced when people are afraid can result in couples being far more attracted to each other.
“In other words, when couples are involved in a situation where there is adrenalin, it can cause lust,” he explains.
Researchers discovered that lust could be induced in men when they experienced the fear associated with walking across a dangerous rope bridge — they were far more attracted to the researcher on the opposite side of the bridge.
So ditch the romantic meal and opt for a more adventurous date, he suggests: “A little bit of adventure in terms of outdoor physical activities can actually be much better than a romantic meal in a restaurant!”
“Introduce an element of flirtation,” suggests Eithne Bacuzzi. Smile at each other, make a point of having coffee with one another. Give each other little compliments.
3. Move it
Try taking sex out of the bedroom, suggests Bacuzzi. Make love in the sitting room with a few candles, in the shower or enjoy a sensuous body massage. It useful to remember, she says, that good sex really begins long before you get into bed.
4. Mix it up
Routine causes boredom. The brain needs novelty because humdrum, day-to-day routine bores us, explains Kavanagh, who has worked with some 12,000 couples in marriage preparation and family therapy over the years.
“Change things around. Spicing things up doesn’t mean taking out the whips and chains but simply doing something different.”
He bases his advice on research published last year in the Journal of Neuroscience — where researchers found that subjects’ brains reward centres lit up in response to unpredictable stimuli. No such activity was found when the stimulus was expected.
Bacuzzi also believes in the power of surprise — organise a dinner date but also book a nice room in the hotel as an after-dinner surprise.
5. Take a mindfulness course
Research shows that mindfulness helps us get in touch with our bodies — and it’s actually a much better way of spicing up your love life than buying sexy lingerie or investing in sex toys.
“It helps you focus on your love-making and stops you getting distracted,” says Kavanagh.
Mindfulness trains you in the mental discipline you need to stay connected sexually — something Dr Lori Brotto of the University of British Columbiain Vancouver discovered over a number of studies. Mindfulness, she reports, helps women become more aware of their bodies’ physical response, enjoy sex more and overcome sexual dysfunction.
6. It’s nice to be nice
“The passion starts with the way to you talk to each other, the care and consideration you give to the little things and the little surprises along the way,” says Bacuzzi.
It’s very understandable when a couples lose touch with that ‘special feeling’ when they get busy with kids and humdrum daily life, but in order to keep a healthy exciting sex life you have to give your relationship time and you need to consciously make each other feel desired, valued, and wanted, she explains.
7. Take time
Recognise the need for foreplay, advises Bacuzzi. “It is fairly common with many couples that there’s no build-up to sex.
“I know couples whose sex life begins with a nudge or a tap on the shoulder and a request for sex – which is probably a huge turnoff and is unsexy and unromantic,” she warns.
It’s important to create space for sex and approach it in an attractive way — re-discover the art of making love rather than just having sex.
8. Ditch the porn
Pornography can be quite damaging if it’s part of a relationship, warns Kavanagh.
“It sets us up to have unrealistic expectations of what sex is and it removes the loving and emotional experience from this very intimate process.
“The problem with porn is that it makes sex very fast and very aggressive and that is not how sex is enjoyed by many people.”
Sex needs to be slowed down rather than speeded up, he says.
“Research tells us that far from improving your sex life, pornography has a hugely negative impact,” he says, pointing to the work of Dr William Struthers of the University of Chicago.
9. Be honest
Have a very open conversation with your partner about sexual likes and dislikes.
“Sometimes we take for granted that our techniques are good,” says Kavanagh — but do we ever really check? Having honest communication where you can give feedback to your partner is good — if they can take it. Have the conversation, he urges, and watch the passion return to your sex life.
“If your sex life is dull and mundane and if you don’t have the conversation, things will continue on as they are and it may damage your relationship in the end.”
10. Open book
Agree on what you both feel is sexually desirable.
It’s fine if both of you want to “swing from the chandeliers,” — as long as it’s mutual, says Bacuzzi. “When you want to get sex right, open communication is crucial and fundamental.”
11. Discover your sex style
Which sexual category fits you? Couples psychotherapist Vickie McEvoy refers to Sue Johnston’s book Hold Me Tight:
There are three kinds of sex, and it’s important that couples identify which type they have — and which type they want:
- ‘Sealed off sex’ is about a quick sexual gratification. There is little real connection and one or other partner will soon feel secondary to the sexual experience.
- ‘Solace sex’ is where one or both people are looking for reassurance, and to lessen the attachment anxiety of being wanted and needed.
- ‘Synchrony sex’ is where both people are emotionally open, responsive, tender and erotic all at the same time. This is the ideal says McEvoy.
12. It’s all about the chemicals
“Passion grows when you get the chemicals right,” says McEvoy, and to get them right you need to enjoy what she calls “connected sex”.
“The power of attraction is accompanied by a complex cocktail of powerful hormones that drive our behaviours which is why alcohol and some drugs affect the way we feel and behave sexually and regret afterwards.
“Natural chemicals like dopamine which controls our pleasure responses kicks in when something good happens between partners.
”This is followed by adrenalin, which makes our hearts at faster,” she says, adding that serotonin levels determine mood.
Oxytocin is the hormone that is the ‘cuddle hormone’ and is released after orgasm and lets us feels amazing and connected.
All of these chemicals you can get from healthy, ‘connected sex’ in which you are emotionally as well as physically close to your partner.
13. Fireworks start at ground-level
If you are looking for fireworks in your relationship, says McEvoy, you have to start with the basics of love, respect, safety and kindness.
14. Try sensate focusing
This is a great way to get to know your own likes and dislikes and educate yourself and your partner about what is exciting for you both, says McEvoy.
“Sensate focus teaches couples about their erogenous zones,” she explains. It’s about gradually becoming familiar with each other’s likes and dislikes, taking responsibility for communicating your preferences to your partner — and of course, learning how to connect with your partner.
15. Give it thought
“Mundane repetitive sex occurs when little or no thought goes into it,” says Bacuzzi.
“It’s crucial to keep the closeness, the intimacy and the connection with your partner, through making your relationship a priority and creating space for it. This can be the greatest aphrodisiac.”
10 Tips To Change Up Your Sex Life
Sex is a big part of our lives as couples; it’s true that at the beginning of relationships, the passion and desire are stronger, and over time, its normal for that to change or even lessen a bit. But having sex with our partner is another form of communicating, feeling closer, and we should never make sex a routine as the years go by, or let it be set aside.
Sex is healthy, for our body and our mind. It helps us release stress, feel alive and revitalized, injects positive energy in our bodies and helps us sleep better. Talking naturally about sex and expressing ourselves openly and with confidence to our partner helps us feel happier, and make the person we’ve chosen to have these moments with happy, as well.
If you’re going through a rough patch with your partner, change it up; take a hike, talk to each other (communication is fundamental to every couple, and no matter how long you’ve been together, there are always things left unsaid.), laugh about old times, give them a kiss on the cheek, remember why you fell in love, tell them why you love them. Rest assured the sex will come on its own, shortly after.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it
10 Tips To Spice Up Your Sex Life:
- Get in the tub. There’s nothing more erotic than having a bath or a shower together. For extra ambiance, light a few candles and use aromatherapy to your advantage.
- Play with your food. Bringing food into the bedroom can be really fun and sexy. If you’ve never tried it, go for it!
- Role play. Meet at a bar or a park and act like you don’t know each other. Start talking and say whatever comes to you; this can turn into a great time.
- Give each other a massage. Both men and women love getting massages, and it’s a great place to start…You’ll love it. However, do make sure you ask your partner what they enjoy; a foot massage can be sensual for one person, but a turn-off for another, for example.
- Have phone sex. Call them and talk about what you want to do to each other. When you see each other the mood will be set. An erotic call, email or WhatsApp message can be more than stimulating.
- Do a striptease. Practically everyone likes a striptease; for women it usually makes us laugh, which is a great way to start…and for men it’s typically very erotic. Put on some music and create a nice ambience and have fun with it!
- Go somewhere else. You don’t even have to leave the comfort of your home…the washing machine, the rug, and the dining table are a great way of escaping a routine.
- Fast. Take a few days or a week to have abstain from all physical contact. Even kisses are off limits. Just talk. You’ll see results the next day!
- Dress the part. Don’t skimp on clothing for these. Sex is communicated in a lot of ways: scents, visuals, whispers, affection…
- Cuddle. Whether you’re home on the couch or on a park bench in public, snuggling close and showing your affection can be a great prelude for what comes later…
What other great ideas do you have?
How to Spice Up Your Sex Life
3 Helpful Tips to Spice Up a Struggling Sex Life
February 13, 2019 Share Tweet Flip 0 Shares
As time passes in a relationship, it’s normal for a couple’s sex life to become a little bit less exciting. The heated passion of when you couldn’t wait to rip each other’s clothes off can find itself replaced by the desire to stay in and have little interaction other than some cuddling and a kiss goodnight.
Whether that’s your experience, or if you’ve found the sexual passion drying up in your relationship, you might be wondering what you can do about it. To bring that spark back to life, use these crucial tips for spicing up your sex life.
1. Engage in Open and Honest Communication
One of the most important and fundamental ways to approach spicing up your sex life is by talking about it.
Often, the real issue isn’t that you aren’t having sex — that’s just a symptom of some other issue in the relationship. Perhaps one (or both) of you are experiencing a lot of stress, or one of you is feeling less sexy than usual because of body image issues.
Whatever it is, you won’t be able to get at the root of it, or find a solution, until you have a serious conversation about your sex life .
According to Laurel House, dating and relationship coach and host of the “Man Whisperer” podcast, that conversation should involve you talking about everything.
“Your likes, dislikes, fantasies, what feels good, what you want them to do, what you are open to try, what you don’t like that much, your favorite position, where and how to move … talk about it!” says House. “I’m not saying to lecture or give a speech.” “Have a fun back-and-forth conversation about sex. Don’t be insecure or nervous about it. If you’re old enough and mature enough to have sex, you should be old enough and mature enough to talk about sex too.”
If you’re not sure how and when to initiate that kind of conversation, that’s totally understandable. House suggests bringing up the sex talk when the two of you are in bed together, ideally cuddling after a sexual moment.
“When you’re totally emotionally open and still in the sex mindset, go a little deeper,” she says. “This is when you talk about what you might like to try that’s different. If there’s something that you really like that does, but you’d like it even more if did it like this, or if you’ve always wanted to try ,” she says now would be a good time to bring it up.
The setting means you’re probably both not far removed from thinking sexual thoughts, so there’s a natural segue.
“This is also the time to ask them what they like, what they would like even more if you did something a little different/more/less, what they have always wanted to try,” adds House. “Be careful not to put them down or criticize. And it’s best to not generalize. By asking focused questions and giving focused information, you will be able to make this conversation constructive and encouraging, even fun and exciting.”
2. Try New Things
Having a good, healthy conversation about your sex life is just the first step to spicing things up. The meat of the action is almost always going to be changing what you do with each other. That might mean approaching the old sex you’d been having with renewed vigor and passion, or it might mean changing things up entirely.
If you’re not sure where to go beyond just wanting to try something new,, here are some suggestions. They won’t necessarily work for every couple — and if any (or all) of them seem like they’re not for you, that’s fine — but if even one of them piques your interest, well, try giving it a shot!
Try Dirty Talk and Sexting
If you want to spice things up without spending money,, step one, according to House, should be using your words in new ways by talking dirty to each other.
“Dirty talk is the easiest way to immediately improve your sex life,” she says. “Yes, it can feel scary for people who aren’t used to doing it, but easy! You don’t have to come up with anything clever to say. Simply say what you’re doing, what you’re feeling, what your partner is feeling, and more than that, what you want your partner to be feeling. It will instantly change your sex life.”
RELATED: The Official AskMen Guide for Sexting Like a Champ
Sexting is basically just taking your dirty-talk dynamic and applying it to your digital interactions. However, if you’re not sure you’re up for all that typing, there are other options.
“If you are using messaging as your form of cybersex, up your game by activating the audio element of your messages,” suggests House. “Even better than having your words transcribed, send actual audio messages, letting your partner hear your voice, so that they can feel your escalating excitement.”
One of the thrilling aspects of sexting is its portability, meaning you can get your sext on in all kinds of otherwise non-sexual situations.
“Use text sex to create anticipation,” adds House. “Maybe you’re at a family gathering and sitting on opposite sides of the dinner table. A few sexts or DMs (as long as no one is looking over your shoulder) can make the otherwise boring event more exciting, and may even lead to you both slipping into the bathroom together for a quickie before dessert. You can even do it when you and your partner are in the same house, just in different rooms.”
Try Watching Porn Together
This can be a tricky one, since often the guy in a heterosexual relationship will be the one who’s more comfortable with watching porn. However, if your partner is already a seasoned porn aficionado or simply curious and willing to explore it with you, it can be a great way to add some much-needed spice to the relationship.
If you are the more experienced porn watcher, however, you should hand the reins over to your less-experienced partner and let them decide what you watch or don’t watch so they don’t feel yanked out of their comfort zone too quickly. In that scenario, it’s better to start slowly — maybe even with soft-corn porn, where there’s no penetration — and work your way up to more intense content.
RELATED: How to Watch Porn Together, Explained
Regardless, the focus should be on scenes, story lines, or pairings that turn you both on.
“You aren’t watching because you want to get turned on by someone hotter,” says House. “You’re watching it because it’s hot to watch others get it on. When you see them licking, biting, teasing, sweating, talking dirty … suddenly you’ll feel turned on, too. (Plus, you might get some ideas as to new moves to try.)”
If actually watching porn together seems like a daunting proposition for either of you, you can also give this pro tip a go, notes House: Try listening to porn without actually watching it.
In addition to giving you the erotic thrill of hearing sex sounds (moans, gasps, and “Oh, God, yes!”) — without having to look at the porn stars themselves , it’s also a sneaky way to improve at dirty talking, according to House.
“This is one of the best ways to learn how to dirty talk! Turn on a talk-heavy porn, and turn the TV or computer around. Then, turn off the lights.” she says.
“Now you and your partner will just repeat after the voices. This gives you permission to say dirty, nasty, limit-pushing things that you never had the courage or inclination to say before. But once you get those words in your ears and hear them come out of your mouth, you have broken that barrier, and you can now introduce them into your regular routine.”
Try Sex Toys
On the other hand, sex toys are one area where men, despite all the stereotypes about their sex drives, lag far behind women. If you’re looking to spice things up in the bedroom, expanding your sex toy repertoire could be in order.
“Whatever your reason to spice up your sex life (and by the way, you really don’t need a ‘reason’ to get a sex toy), get one!” suggests House. “As a matter of fact,, get three: one that you know you will like, one that is highly rated but you don’t exactly know how it will work, and one that is dancing the line of intriguing/intimidating.”
That way, you’ll get to explore different options, and if one or two aren’t exactly your cup of tea, chances are the third one will be. Whereas if you buy a single one and come to regret it, it could be easy to write the whole concept of sex toys off in one go.
“If you try one and it wasn’t right for you, you try it again if you don’t want to,” notes House.
RELATED: The Best Sex Toys for Couples, Revealed
“Even those experiences when you as a couple try something new and share an explorative experience together — even if it’s a #fail, it can bring you closer and make you feel more connected because shared new experiences are an essential ingredient to deepening and strengthening relationships — as long as you are both open to being open, vulnerable, and playful.”
“Plus,” she adds, “you just might feel more aroused than you could have even imagined. give you new opportunities to play, explore, and enjoy both yourself and your partner. They get you out of your normal routine and can transform your average pump and grind into a playground of fun.”
Whether you’re in a secluded area out in the wild, outdoors in your backyard after dark, or pressed up against a window in a hotel or office building, having sex outside of the traditional confines of the bedroom can be hugely exhilarating.
“There’s a naughty, dirty, exciting element to having sex in clear view of a stranger’s eye,” says House. “But sometimes, the desire stops at being visually accessible, and not physically accessible.”
It’s one thing to know you might be seen during sex, but it’s another thing entirely if someone could actually walk in on you. Before you propose an erotic adventure, it’s a good idea to know what your partner’s comfort level is when it comes to this kind of thing.
RELATED: How to Have Public Sex Without Getting Caught
“Sex in public or semi-public spaces feels like role play. Literally, it feels like you are playing a role, which gives you permission to act and therefore feel like you are ‘someone else,’ when really what you are doing is exploring another secret side of yourself,” notes House.
“It might feel like young love, remembering those high school or college makeout sessions in the back of the car or behind a bush in the park,” she says. Think of it like a form of sensual time-travel that could be just the thing to ignite a spark in your sex life.
3. Consider Couples Therapy
If you’ve tried proposing a bunch of new things to fix your sex life but nothing much has come of it, it can be easy to feel discouraged. If you’re still committed to your partner and to the relationship, though, it might be worth seeing a couples therapist who focuses on sex therapy.
If you’re someone who doesn’t have any therapy experience, this could feel daunting, or like a sign that the relationship is a failure in some way. However, if you’re routinely feeling frustrated, hurt, or hopeless about your sex life, you need to recognize that you’re confronting a serious relationship issue, and only a serious approach will be able to resolve things.
“Sex therapy can be really helpful for couples because often there has been a moratorium on sex and no one feels comfortable bringing it up to talk about it, much less to do something about it,” says Dr. Paulette Sherman, a psychologist and author of the upcoming book, “Facebook Dating: From First Date to Soulmate.”
“So, a therapist can catalyze the conversation without judgment. They can explore ways to increase intimacy, frequency, types of sex, any sexual issues and their possible sources.”
It might take a bit of trying before you find the right person to help you both, but the right couples therapist will be someone who can talk to you and your partner about your sexual histories, your sexual dynamic together, what your sex life has been like so far, and where you’d like to take it. Then, they should be able to suggest different ways to work together on building a sex life that you both find satisfying, erotic, and fresh without taking either of you out of your comfort zone.
Realizing that you’re in a sex rut is a difficult moment, but whatever you do, don’t panic or pretend the problem isn’t there. If you’re willing to be open, honest, and proactive about the issue, with some hard work and the right approach, you and your partner can completely revolutionize your sex life.
You Might Also Dig:
- The Best Sex Games to Play
- How to Prepare to Have Anal Sex
- The Best Sex Positions You’ll Ever Try
Roberto Westbrook/ Getty Images
Alrighty, folks. Time to drop some truth. As much as we might not want to admit it, we all get into a sex rut now and then.
Maybe we’re tired af because of hectic work schedules or raising kids (or both). Maybe we’ve been with our partners for a long time and have lost some of the thrill and excitement we shared when we were younger and less busy or exhausted. Maybe our mind is constantly racing with those meetings that need to be prepared for, that laundry that needs to be done, those dishes that need to be cleaned or those bills that need to be paid. Or maybe we’re single and are just starting to venture into the world of sex and dating once again. There’s a lot going on in our day-to-day lives that leave us feeling a little worn-out or deflated. And when you’re lethargic, it’s hard to motivate yourself to get excited for romance and spice things up in the bedroom.
Whatever the reason, sometimes when we fall into a sex rut and want to get our mojo back, we need to take things to the next level when candlelight and baths just won’t do the trick. Thankfully, Scary Mommy’s here to help you get your head back in the game and, as the Spice Girls would say, ‘spice up your (sex) life.’ We turned to an expert for help and got a list of super hot and steamy tips from Dr. Shannon Chavez, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist with 12 years of experience in the field.
Grab a pen and some paper, it’s time to get frisky.
1. Set a date night and start with sex. “Don’t wait until the end of the night for sex. Starting with sex will prioritize connection and can boost your mood for the evening. Sex can help you build up an appetite for a good dinner and release the feel good chemicals in the brain that make you feel closer and bonded to your partner. If you wait until after your date, you will more than likely feel full, fatigued, and not so sexual.”
2. Play erotic games and get creative. “One of the most common complaints of couples is sexual boredom. Sexual routines can be boring and feel like work. Sexual novelty is an essential ingredient for motivation towards sex. It can increase desire to be creative. Sex is a way for adults to play and enjoy mutual pleasure. Games can include making a sex fort (a place to have sex other than the bed including your favorite blankets, pillows, sex toys, and lube) or dressing up and exploring role play. Games can be a striptease, exploring sensory play with objects or toys, or erotic truth or dare.”
Related: How To Cope If You’re Living In A Sexless Marriage
3. Get dressed up and then take your time undressing each other. “Dressing up helps you feel good about yourself. It doesn’t matter if you are going to get messy or naked later on. Put something on that makes you feel good in your body and that feels sexy to you. Take your time undressing each other. Start with one piece of clothing at a time and come into contact with every inch of your partner’s skin as you remove the clothing. Make it a sensual and slow experience. This gives you time to get aroused and turned on.”
Cavan Images/ Getty Images
4. Move your bodies. “Lack of exercise can dampen libido. Movement helps increase circulation, release tension, and make you more connected to your body. Try different forms of movement together like dancing, yoga, or stretching as a form of foreplay. Getting embodied helps you get out of your head and focus on your arousal.”
5. Ditch the TV watching at the end of the night. “Most people are connecting with their TVs and phones more than a partner. It consumes energy and can be an unnecessary distraction from your partner. Plus TV watching can drain your libido and interrupt your sleep cycle. Focus on activities that are relaxing and connecting like a hand caress, kissing, massage, and sensual caressing.”
6. Make a sexy playlist that puts you in the mood. “Music evokes emotions and helps you feel more present. Focus on songs that turn you on and make you feel good. Include songs that bring back positive memories together. Dancing together can be erotic and sensual. Make eye contact with your partner and move your bodies together before getting in bed.”
7. Write your own erotic story and read it to your partner. “Fantasy is a big component of sexual desire. Write a sexual story about you and your partner. It doesn’t have to be a long novel but a short story that involves the sexual acts and build up that you are craving in your relationship. It allows you to open up a dialogue about fantasies and share these with each other in a creative way.”
8. Create erotic menus together. “Sex doesn’t always need to be passionate lovemaking. Sometimes you need a quickie or a sensual massage or something like mutual masturbation. Design different erotic activities that you can choose from on different nights. Make a calendar or schedule for your erotic menus that you both can commit to and prioritize. Alternate with who initiates the erotic activity so that you can both get comfortable with asserting your erotic desires. Erotic menus are helpful to get out of routines or specific sexual scripts around sex.”
This article was originally published August 2018. It has been updated with even spicier tips for the bedroom.
Are Emotional Affairs Cheating? Experts Say It Depends
How To Save A Marriage Worth Salvaging, According To Experts
Photo: Bruce Ayres/Getty Images
Sexual lulls are normal even for the most passionate couples — and they can actually be a good thing. One psychologist related an aspect of the issue to ennui: “The emotional experience of boredom is impossible to ignore, and in this way it indirectly helps people engage.” Researching the science of boredom helped one of our writers prepare for marriage.
For advice on how to spice up your sex life, we turned to Emily Morse, a sexologist and host of the podcast Sex With Emily. “The problem isn’t the fact that passion fades, it’s that we’re so unprepared when it happens,” she said. “Hot sex is effortless” during the honeymoon phase of a relationship, she explained, and then things inevitably start to cool off. “The bottom line is that we’re hardwired to crave surprise, variety, and adventure — and long-term relationships are the exact opposite. Stability is the enemy of the surprise. Routine cancels out variety.”
Her advice: “Prioritize sex as much as any part of the relationship, and work to bring back the variety and surprise.” Below, she and other sex experts share ideas on how to have more (and better) sex with your partner.
1. Never stop sharing your desires.
“As time goes on, passion fades,” Morse says. “Expect it, and expect to work if you want to keep things hot.” When you feel the fire starting to burn out, “take control and communicate with your partner. If you’re bored, chances are they are, too. The only way to make it work is to do it together.”
Kait Scalisi MPH, a sex educator and the founder of the award-winning sex education platform Passion by Kait, uses an example from her own relationship to echo the importance of regular communication about sexual desires. “Every new year and anniversary, we each share one new thing we’d like to try in the bedroom,” she says. “Sometimes we decide to try it, and sometimes we keep it for fantasizing and sharing via dirty talk. Either way, it’s sexy and fun way to stay connected and keep our sex life intimate, exciting, and fulfilling.”
2. Send a spontaneous sext.
“Instead of ‘what’s for dinner?’ try adding some sex to your texts by sending a message about you want to do when they get home,” Morse says. “Don’t be afraid to get specific. Recall details about one of your hottest experiences, describe an outfit you’ll be wearing — or maybe send a pic of yourself in it. An unexpected sexy message to your partner is a great way to build that tension throughout the day, so as soon as they get home, you both know it’s go time.”
3. Role-play outside the bedroom.
Role-play doesn’t just have to be limited to inside of the bedroom. Courtney Watson, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in sex therapy in her private practice, suggests the two of you can dress up, go out, and arrange a “one-night stand.” During the one-night stand, “act like strangers the whole night: different names and backstories, and flirt as if you just met. At the end of the night go home together.”
If the exercise worked for you and your partner, she suggests keeping it up by using “the same alternate identities once a month date as if you’re starting a whole new fling with one another.” (Think of April and Andy in Parks and Recreation, when they would pretend to be Burt Macklin and Janet Snakehole, or Phil and Claire in Modern Family with their annual Valentine’s Day “Clyde and Julianna” role-play.)
4. Watch porn together.
“Porn doesn’t need to be something you keep to yourself,” Morse says. “Try finding something you both like. It’ll get you in the mood and give some ideas for role-play or positions that you’d like to try.” If porn isn’t your thing, she suggests playing a sexy game using erotic literature. “Find an erotic story or novel and take turns reading to each other. See how many pages you can get through before you can’t keep your hands to yourself.”
5. Create your own erotica.
“Get a journal to pass between the two of you,” Watson says. “One person starts the erotic story and the other picks up where they left off. If you want to make it really explosive, agree to no sex for a week while you’re writing your steamy story. By the end of the week you will be bursting to get your hands on one another.”
6. Send your partner a “special delivery.”
While getting ready in the morning, Watson says to “make sure your partner takes note of you putting on lingerie.” Then, as the day goes on, send a surprise by dropping off the lingerie in an envelope at their office.
7. Schedule sex.
“As busy as we all tend to be these days, prioritizing sex may mean you need to add it to your calendar,” Morse says. “While that may seem like the least sexy thing on the planet, knowing there’s time designated for intimacy can really help build arousal all day.” Rather than letting it be another boring plan in your Gcal, Morse suggests using it as an opportunity to get creative. “Don’t just set the time — plan for different rooms, positions, outfits, etc.”
Watson says this has worked in her own marriage. “Even though I’m a sex therapist, my long-term relationship is not immune to lulls. We just had a baby and haven’t been able to connect as much as we’d like.” She and her partner take a shower together every Sunday morning. “We have two kids under 3 and interruptions happen, but we definitely feel more sexually connected from it.”
8. Create a sexual bucket list.
“If you’re in a long-term relationship, chances are good that one of you has mentioned a fantasy or two. It’s time to make some of those a reality,” Morse says. “Next time you’re out to dinner or hanging out at home, lay down the challenge to write down five things you’d each want to try sexually. Then, swap lists, see what you had in common, and pick some things you’re both willing to try.”
9. Plan a sexy scavenger hunt.
“Start with a photo of yourself in lingerie,” Watson says. Next, “leave pieces of clothing or sexy items (i.e. handcuffs) around the house, along with a clue to where the next item is. At the end of the scavenger hunt, use all the items for the rest of the night.”
10. Switch your birth control.
See your OB/GYN before considering this option. “I didn’t even realize how low my desire had gotten until after I stopped using the Pill,” Scalisi says. “While this won’t work for everyone, it did wonders for me.”
11. Add some kink to your routine.
“Talk about ways you each would feel comfortable including pleasurable pain, bondage, new gadgets, or role-plays into your relationship,” Watson says. “Go to a sex store and pick out some items to try.”
12. Shop for sex toys together.
Just the activity of going to a sex-toy store and shopping for them together could be a fun activity for a couple to try, according to Watson. (Read about the 30,000-year history of the sex toy here.)
13. Try new things together both inside and outside the bedroom.
“Our sex lives get stale because we fall into routines, that includes the everyday things we do together,” says Morse. “Create new shared experiences by making an effort to try new things together. Whether it’s taking a cooking class, going snowboarding for the first time, or taking a walk around a part of your town you’ve never been, breaking the routine can lead to renewed intimacy.”
14. Create the optimal sexual environment for yourself.
Scalisi says creating “the right context for the most intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex” for her was the key to spicing up her sex life. “Reflecting on past sexual experiences that were oh-so-pleasurable taught me what works and doesn’t. For example, I have the best sex when my stress is low, after a long luxurious back rub, and when I’m feeling in love with my body — to name a few things.”
15. Try mutual masturbation.
Scalisi calls mutual masturbation her “secret sexy weapon.” “It is so damn hot to watch each other self-pleasure, plus it takes less time than other forms of partner sex.”
16. See a sex therapist.
Watson says if a sexual lull persists, sex therapy is always an option for you and your partner to discover deeper reasons behind sexual issues and, in turn, find ways to address them.
21 Fun Ideas to Spice Up the Bedroom (That Work!)
The most common question married couples ask when it comes to their relationship is What are some fun ideas to spice up the bedroom? Well, we are sharing simple and fun ways on how to heat things up in the bedroom!
How Do You Keep Things Spicy in Bed?
Table of Contents
~We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Many of our readers are always asking me, “Michele, how do we keep things spicy in the bedroom?” My answer is usually the same, “You have to keep it fun and interesting!”
This is usually followed by the question, “Do you have any fun ideas to spice up the bedroom?” At this point, blushingly I say, “Oh I have all kinds of ideas on how to heat things up in the bedroom!”
So, with Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I thought it was the perfect time to share fun ideas to spice up the bedroom with our spouse along with some romantic bedroom ideas for married couples as well!
Who’s ready for some fun ideas to spice up the bedroom?
How to Heat Things Up in the Bedroom?
Before we talk about fun ideas to spice up the bedroom let’s first talk about how to heat things up in the bedroom and it actually starts before you hop into bed!
One of the best ways to spice up the bedroom is to go shopping! Buy new lingerie, update your bras and panties! Make your husband go wow with your new purchases! Step outside your Mom Life Comfort zone.
Wanna spice up the bedroom? Then prepare yourself and the room! You know, shave your legs, splash on some perfume. Then head into the bedroom, light the candles and put on some romantic music!
Bathing can be so relaxing, but when you do it with your spouse it brings your intimacy to a whole new level. Just sitting relaxing together can really spice up your relationship! While you are at it, add a romantic bath bomb for an even more intimate time!
Talk about Sex!
Did you know talking about sex gets everyone in the mood? So start talking with your hubby about sex. Drop hints about things you like or be bold and tell him exactly what you like! Trust me he wants to know these things! If you are having trouble getting the conversation started, grab our couples conversation cards!
Sext Text Your Spouse
Sometimes spicing up the bedroom starts with picking up the phone. Yes, that’s right! Sending a sexy text is a perfect way to spice up the bedroom! Why? Well, guess what? Sending sexy messages back and forth builds anticipation and excitement! So go ahead pick up the phone and try it!
RELATED ARTICLE: Sexy Texts Your Husbands Wants you to Send!
Make it a Priority!
Sometimes when we want to spice up our love life with our husband we have to make it a priority. So evaluate how to do this! Perhaps it is scheduling sex or putting it on your to-do list or maybe it is as simple as making sure the kids get into bed on time. Whatever it is, be sure you make it a priority.
RELATED ARTICLE: 5 Ways to Make Your Marriage a Priority with Kids
So now that we know how to heat things up in the bedroom before we get there, how do we heat things up in the bedroom once we are there?
Fun Ideas to Spice Up the Bedroom
Set the Mood
Setting the mood can be simple. Light the candles, turn on your favorite romantic playlist, and don’t forget to lock the door!
Come to Bed in Style
Ladies, I am just going to say it, our husbands LOVE IT when we come to bed dressed up! This might mean new lingerie, maybe it is one of his dress shirts without anything underneath! Whatever it is your husband will love it and those sparks will fly!
Put on Some Makeup/ Curl Your Hair
Okay, so I am not one to get all dressed fancy on a daily occasion, but let me tell you, ladies, this works! When you are heading to bed, rather than taking off your makeup and throwing your hair in a ponytail, do the opposite! Fix your makeup and curl your hair! This Urban Decay Smoky Eye Eyeshadow is an awesome after dark makeup! Then go hop into bed and you can almost guarantee that there will be some action happening!
Massages are always a great way to spice up the bedroom. Use massage oil or coconut oil. If you need some massage techniques, check out this video!
Don’t be Afraid to Spice it Up! Try New Things Together!
Let him Redeem a Naughty Coupon
Try Something Different in Bed
Husbands like to do new things, but sometimes we are just too tired to think of new things to do. But guess what? This Naughty Coupon book is perfect because it is packed with 52 great ideas to really spice up the bedroom! So you need to grab this naughty coupon book like now! And as a bonus, it is super affordable too! USE CODE COP20 to save 20% off it!
Whipped Cream and Cherries!
A way to really spice things up is by using whip cream! One of you places the whipped cream wherever they want on their body, and then their spouse gets to lick it off! It’s a win-win for everyone!
Blindfold One Another!
If you want to add a little bit of seductive bedroom fun into your marriage get a blindfold! Along with a blindfold grab a feather duster and just relax!
Play Bedroom Games!
There are so many great couple’s bedroom games out there! So, do a little Google search and unlock all kinds of options! You can also find some great bedroom games on Amazon
Going to bed naked is so simple and adds a ton of spice to your marriage, but so often we don’t do it! Why is that? So rather than put on your baggy t-shirt and flannel PJ bottoms sleep naked! As an added bonus when you go to bed naked you have less laundry!
So often we so no. This is quickly followed by, “I’m too busy!” “I’m too tired.” “Aunt Flo is here.” But let’s change that and say YES more often!
Find New Things to Try in Bed
You and your husband love to try new things outside the bedroom, so why not inside the bedroom? To really spice up the bedroom with your hubby try a new position or maybe a new toy. When you experience new things together it helps you grow closer as a couple!
Whether you or your spouse want to admit it or not, everyone has a fantasy! So, why not discover what each other’s fantasy is and try it out one night!
Grab some seductive bedroom costumes and role play because everyone loves to pretend!
Sometimes when we want to spice up the bedroom it is as simple as telling him what you want! Do you want more foreplay? Do you want to experiment with other things? Talk to him and tell him! Chances are he is open to doing them!
Face Your Fears!
When we really want to spice up the bedroom sometimes that means stepping outside our comfort zone you have gotten accustomed to. It’s time to face your fears and the unknown! So venture outside your comfort zone and see what can happen!
Ok, news flash! Sex is supposed to be fun! So make sure you are having fun doing it! Be the person your hubby fell in love with! So often we can get overwhelmed with life and weighed down. This causes us to just go through the motions. Don’t do this when it comes to intimacy with your husband! Add some spice and have fun!
There you have it, fun ideas to spice up the bedroom that are easy to do and will bring your intimacy with your spouse to a whole new level!
LOOKING FOR MORE TIPS ON WAYS TO CONNECT WITH YOUR HUSBAND?
- The Importance of Dating Your Spouse
- Naughty Stocking Holiday Tradition for Couples
- How to Become A Better Wife
- Keeping the Spark in Marriage
You can also FOLLOW ME on FACEBOOK, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM, and PINTEREST to find more great ideas on raising kids, spicing up your marriage, and having fun as a family!
What do you do to spice up the bedroom tell us in the comments?
Related posts you’ll love!
RELATED POST: HOW TO BE A BETTER WIFE
RELATED POST: SEXY TEXTS TO SEND YOUR HUSBAND
Michele is a Family Life Educator. She is a mom to 5 kids and loves helping others strengthen their families! When she is not blogging she is spending time with her family and running around drinking Diet Coke trying to get everything done!