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Dad or Shag: The Scientific Reason You’re Attracted To Older Men

Over the course of your twenties, you’ll almost definitely have been told ‘you need an older man’ at some point by a well-meaning friend or relative unless, of course, you’re already dating one.

The mythologising of older men is at once frustrating and intriguing in equal measure: they’re often referred to as ‘silver foxes’ and ‘dad or shags’. An age gap can be good, it can be bad and it can be downright creepy. A young woman dating an older man is often romanticised but it can be very, very problematic too – take Lynn Barber’s story as told in An Education for instance.

At the slightly smuttier end of the spectrum during the research process of this article, I uncovered an entire subsection of erotic fiction on Amazon devoted to the ‘Daddy Complex’ with titles such as ‘Her Mother’s Boss’ and ‘Her Guardian Neighbour’. It seems to be rather popular.

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But assuming that both parties are consenting adults, there’s no doubt that there is just something about an older man. As one self-described ‘grandad botherer’ aged 30, (let’s call her Daisy) told The Debrief ‘during my twenties I just realised that older guys were classier and cooler about most stuff than men by own age’. She added that, following extensive research in this area, she discovered that guys who were 40+ were also ‘in general, better in bed, had their own place, made excellent breakfasts, were never a dick about it if you didn’t want to see them again and don’t mind when you get pissed and called them 15 times in a row at 4 AM. Often, they also had cool mid-century furniture in their flats as opposed to Ikea and would make you a martini if you booty called them after the pub’. Daisy is now married; her husband is 17 years older than her.

We tend to portray older men as more romantic, wiser and kinder. Obviously, this is completely flawed because age doesn’t always prevent you from being a terrible person but, as dating apps take over and millennial men becoming increasingly hard to pin down because they’re all too busy nurturing their bromances anecdotally at least, it seems that older men who remember the world before Tinder are having their moment.

We think we know why we’re attracted to older men but is there more to it than we realise? Professor Madeleine Fugere is the author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships. She says that there is scientific evidence which suggests that ‘dad or shag’ is both a psychological and evolutionary phenomenon and not just a cultural cliché.

‘The research in this area shows that not only are younger women attracted to older men, but older men are attracted to younger women, a convenient situation for heterosexual couples’ she explains. ‘When we ask men and women what aged partner they would prefer, men tend to say that they would like a female partner who is a few years younger and women tend to say that they would like a male partner who is a few years older. This preference exists cross-culturally which suggests that it is nearly universal’. Professor Fugere points out that this phenomenon persists throughout our lives, as men age they prefer even younger partners while as women age they continue to prefer older partners until around the age of 70.

In evolutionary terms, Professor Fugere says that for men it is, simply, about ‘ensuring that a prospective partner is fertile’ while women consider the resources an older man might have ‘such as income’. ‘An older partner may be in a better position to provide stability, he may also be more mature which a woman might prefer’, she explains.

The maturity aspect certainly speaks to Daisy’s situation. ‘He’s really kind and right on and never a twat compared to some of my friend’s partners, who are their own age’. Is this what attracted her to him in the first place? Yes, she says, ‘I think that might have something to do with when he grew up – he remembers Thatcherism properly, and what it was like when New Labour came in, and he’s never been exposed to 21st Century lad culture in any way, which I think is really nice’.

Similarly, Susan (not her real name) is 27 and currently about to move in with her 44-year-old boyfriend Shaun (yep, not his name either). She was, in part, drawn to him because, unlike men her own age, he ‘didn’t behave as though he had endless options on Tinder and was just another drop in the ocean. Susan thinks there’s definitely an issue with younger men today behaving badly because dating apps and bro culture endorse it.

Initially, Susan says, she resisted the idea of dating someone older than her because of the cliché factor. ‘I was so torn about this’ she says ‘I still am sometimes. I fucking hate this. I hate the older men/younger woman thing. I can’t stand it…that recent thing with Brad Pitt being linked to Ella Purnell, who is 21 and looks exactly like a young Angelina Jolie made me furious. It’s always the case in films, older men having their pick of younger women’. Indeed, there is a definite imbalance when an older man dates a younger woman that, as a woman, it can be hard to shake. This is something I struggled with when dating an older man, I couldn’t help thinking about all of the women his own age he didn’t have his shit together for and finding myself siding with them.

But, reservations aside, Susan fell for completely for Shaun. Why? ‘He’s really fit. He’s really fit but also, he’s got it together and his age probably helps with that. He’s got it sorted, he doesn’t play any games. When he was ‘wooing’ me, he was quite straight up about it. He just said ‘I fancy you do you wanna go for a drink or something’, so I said ‘yeah I fancy you as well’ and then went for drinks. Then he was like ‘what do you want to do because I know you are connected with another relationship. I’m happy to wait for you, and if not that’s fine.’ There were just no games and there never is games with him. He never plays it cool just so that I think he’s playing it cool. I can just not imagine ever getting a text from him and wondering how to respond to that.’ How does that feel? ‘Refreshing’ she says simply.

I ask Professor Fugere what she thinks of all of this? Is young women’s attraction to older men nature, nurture or a combination of the two? ‘It is funny that you contacted me about this when you did’ she says, ‘last weekend I met some friends from college and I realised that we were all married to older men. Most of us had husbands about three to four years older, but some of us had husbands that were ten years older. So, from a personal perspective, it is intriguing’. Psychologically speaking, however, she says ‘the majority of researchers do believe that the preference for older man can be linked to our fathers. Women are statistically more likely to marry men who resemble their fathers in hair colour and eye colour, and women with older parents may be more likely to marry older men.’

There it is, all roads lead to dad. But is it a conscious or unconscious choice? ‘This is definitely an unconscious preference’ says Professor Fugere, ‘if women consciously realise that men resemble their fathers, they are less likely to find them attractive. However, based on the research I mentioned before, I believe that this preference is driven by both sexes…it just so happens that it is advantageous in terms of both sexes for younger women to be attracted to older men.’

Susan reflects on this. ‘Maybe what I needed was someone who was older to sort of look after me a bit’ she says, having met Shaun after several ‘not great’ relationships with guys her own age. ‘All the guys I knew in my circle, who were my age, were just fucking flying all over the place. I think the one thing you do get with going out with someone who is older, and again not always, is that he just has a calm still centre to him that younger guys don’t have’. That said, she says, ‘Shaun knows what he likes and what he doesn’t but he’s also very open to stuff which means, while he is a lot older than me, he doesn’t seem old.’ What’s the main thing that stands out to her in their relationship as a benefit of the age gap? ‘He just doesn’t get stressed by stuff. It’s all happened to him loads. He doesn’t get worked up about things the same way I do.’

Interestingly, this is almost exactly what Daisy says when she reflects on her marriage. ‘The only time when it’s a problem’ she says ‘is if he’s complaining that I haven’t used shower spray in the bathroom (it happened this morning, and I had). When that happens, I can’t just go ‘alright dad,’ because I couldn’t face the uncomfortable, slightly too long silence that would follow’. ‘But’ she says ‘99.9% of the time it isn’t a problem because we have the same values, the same sense of humour, and want the same things out of life – I’ve got plenty of friends with partners their age, and they spend so much time arguing about the big fundamental stuff – but he’d already worked those things out before we got together’.

Does Daisy think she would have married her husband if they were the same age? ‘I’m not sure you know’ she says, ‘I definitely like that he is older. The only real downside is that I do worry about him getting older, that’s the one thing that gets me down’.

Like this? You might also be interested in:

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Follow Vicky on Twitter @Victoria_Spratt

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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

A Therapist Reveals the Surprising Truth about Older Men Marrying Younger Women

Aspen Colorado is a playground for many billionaires and celebrities. Also, the surrounding towns are full of “young for their age” fit and attractive mountain men. And so, as a therapist in the area, I have counseled a large number of heterosexual couples with a significant age gap between them. There are always exceptions to any rule, but a clear pattern has emerged over my many years in practice that has truly surprised me.

I am not proud to say that years ago I had a strong stereotype in my mind. It was that a younger woman who married an older man would always be a gold digger. She never worked and never wanted to. The man would be a sexist who only valued her for her youthful perfection and expected nothing else from the relationship but for her to look good on his arm. That is true about 10% of the time, but I was so wrong about the other 90%!

Imagine you are a man in your 40’s or 50’s who has gone through an awful divorce. Your ego has been raked over the coals. Every flaw you have has been shouted at you. Now, imagine you are a woman in your 20’s or even early 30’s. The guys you date have roommates. They have no gas money. They are generally stoned, aimless and only looking for fun. Now imagine this young woman meets this older man.

What happens next is magical. This man finds a woman who appreciates everything about him. He is so smart. He is so put together. He has matching socks and credit cards. She can’t believe how romantic he is. He makes dates and shows up on time. He makes reservations. His car is clean. He can hold an intelligent conversation. He is actually getting to know her and not pawing at her all the time. He is the greatest man she has ever dated by far. He feels like he really is the greatest man too because she adores him. They fall in love and get married.

Flash forward to her 30’s and that first phone call I receive from him. He is typically desperate and confused. When I begin counseling a couple, my typical structure is to have one individual session with each member. This allows the man and the woman to speak freely and inform me of what they see as the issues in private. Then the three of us meet together from there.

In the older man’s private session, he usually explains to me that everything had been so perfect. He would do anything for her. He hasn’t changed and cannot understand why she is so unhappy with him. He adores her. Then he says the worst thing someone coming into couples counseling can say. “I just want everything to be back the way it was in the beginning.”

Then I meet with the younger woman. Now she has come to the disappointing realization that he was not Superman. He was just an older man. When you are young anyone older should be able to impress you. They typically are more responsible and confident and knowledgeable. They ask you deep questions. They are not just after one thing.

Once the younger woman and her peers grow older too, she begins seeing her older husband as ordinary, maybe even as just old. He is definitely not as fun and hip as her guy friends or her friends’ same-aged husbands. Then I hear phrases from her such as, “He tricked me”, “He’s not who I thought he was”, “He took advantage of me”, “I was too young for him.” She is bitter and resentful. She feels conned. Meanwhile, he has no idea what went wrong. Honestly, I always feel sad for both of them.

Then there is sex. Women do typically gain a significantly stronger sex drive in their late 30’s to late 40’s. Men, however, typically experience a steady decline. This does not help matters at all.

So, the stereotype in my mind was very wrong. I find that both the younger woman and the older man had good intentions going in. However, they do almost always hit this critical stage when the veil has dropped and reality sets in. It’s rarely him who leaves her for a younger woman. It’s more often her who leaves him for a younger man.

I always advise people to date and marry within ten years in age; beginning no sooner than 25 to 35. As great as it is to have a young partner show you new things, and an older partner teach you new things, there is no substitute for a partner who is your peer.

No one can ever go back to the beginning of any relationship. It will never be, “…the way it was back in the beginning.” All relationships evolve and grow. Even though people realize they misperceived what their futures would look like, that doesn’t mean they should throw in the towel.

Many May/December romances do work out. They are just never as easy as they seemed in the beginning. These couples should go to counseling. They must learn to let each other change. They need to appreciate, respect and accept each other as they are at present. All relationships have challenges. In my experience this is the unique challenge of an older man and a younger woman as time goes by, simply put, they both get older.

A Therapist Reveals the Surprising Truth about Older Men Marrying Younger Women

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Our columnist Lou Stoppard on the correct etiquette for dating a woman younger than you. He, Lopwitz, is. No further info is needed for us, the reader.

We can get Lopwitz with that detail — their, we think. Idiot, perhaps. Yes, the younger woman is as signature site the insubstantial, powerful man as a bad haircut. Fittingly, Donald Trump shares with Boris not only a terrible mop but a year age gap with dating you, Melania. Nudging Dating for top prize in ick factor is Elon Musk, who chose the younger bonfire of the vanities — The Met Gala older the Heavenly Bodies: Fashion And The Catholic Imagination exhibition — to reveal his rules with the electronic musician Grimes. Luxury brands see more seen sales flourish thanks to a vogue for younger women tasking older men with buying men handbags.

Sure, it manifests in different forms — sometimes Tory and toffy, where the dream woman favours wellies and bad pashminas and Joules their bags, and other times faux-bohemian, where she, like Rules, is a touch more gothy, opting for black lace and a burgundy lip over a peppy pink shade. Johnson and Musk are more similar than one would presume. Musk has taken to crying in media interviews and smoking weed live on camera Grimes is undoubtedly ahead of him in emotional maturity, then.

And Johnson men, well, Johnson. But how do such relationships stand up in the post-Me Too age, where dating of power imbalances are more discussed and understood than ever. No one wants to be an old letch. Does the trophy younger — the young arm candy – reflect even slightly well anymore? As we debate rules ethnics, some savvy women have monetized the whole concept. Business is booming. Apparently, luxury brands have seen sales flourish thanks to a vogue for younger their tasking you men with buying their handbags and high fashion in exchange for the pleasure of their company.

Set your Dating Soulmate settings to 32 and above. Indeed, this favours the near geriatric. Woke year olds probably need no advice that dating anyone younger than your baby sister is weird.

Johnson is. Which means anyone under 34 should be you limits. Does your girlfriend actually like your beard?

There’s a new breed of digi-pest and he looks a bit for your grandad. Out rules lunch.

When it comes to dating, age is just one among many factors to consider as you seek your match. We bring all of our prior life experience to any relationship we enter, so how much does it matter that one person’s history is years (or decades) longer than the other’s? Here, two experts weigh in on the benefits of dating an older man, as well as the potential drawbacks.

Dating an older man in your 20s and 30s is much different than dating one in your 40s, 50s, and 60s.

While an older man dating a younger woman tends to raise less eyebrows than a woman’s romance with a younger man, the dynamic isn’t exactly stigma-free—particularly when the age gap is significant. When a young woman named Courtney Thornton (née Barber) took flak both online and off in 2016 for falling in love with a man 25 years her senior, she started the hashtag #husbandnotdad to encourage others in the same boat to share their stories. Three years later, search #husbandnotdad on Instagram and you’ll find a collection of smiling couples; on Twitter, the same hashtag’s happy photos are interspersed with searingly critical comments, which arguably confirms Thornton’s point.

When women over 40 find themselves drawn to someone who’s older, they are less of a target for those who cry ‘daddy issues.’ “In your fifties or sixties, most women are independent and financially stable,” says Charly Lester, co-founder and CMO of Lumen, a dating app for people over 50. “They’re less likely to experience the same judgments and stereotypes if they decide to date an older man at this age.”

A range of generation gap-related issues (more on those below) can be easier to bridge when you’re over 40 as well. “The older you get, the less of a challenge it’s likely to pose,” Lester continues. “In terms of life experience and maturity, an age gap at 50 or 60 isn’t particularly dramatic.”

An older man who’s worthy of your time knows what he wants in a relationship.

Stability, a strong sense of self, and advancement in his career are things older men can potentially bring to the table more often than a man in his 20s or 30s can, says Sherman. “People often ask whether an older man is more mature than a younger one,” Sherman adds. “It depends upon the individual and their development and history. That said, extra years of life experience do often lead to greater maturity in relationships, and more life wisdom.”

A woman in her 40s or older has plenty of hard-won lessons and accomplishments of her own to tout, of course. She just might love getting involved with a person who’s on equally-solid ground (and has been there for awhile).

With kids out of the nest, an older man may have more time for you.

Maybe you’re dating after a divorce, and you’re a single mom who needs to carve out the time for a love life. A man who’s already been married and raised kids has no carpool schedules to contend with, which can mean he’s got more time to plan amazing dates. According to Lester, if you’re seeing someone who is ten or more years older than you, “he’s likely to have children who are less dependent on him, and have more free time—which can be particularly helpful if your kids are still more dependent.”

If he’s retired and you’re not, relating to each other can be a challenge.

If his working days are behind him and you’re still focused on a job and all the ambitions, woes, and time demands that come with it, you may struggle to connect at the end of the day. “Often relationships are built on similar life experience, and the difference between daily work and retirement can be quite a marked one,” Lester explains.

Find out whether your visions for the future match up.

You two may not be picking out wedding rings at this point, but if things start getting serious, it’s worth discussing what you both think your next ten-to-twenty years will look like. Do you have any further family ambitions? Are you open to traveling, or moving somewhere else?

“Make sure that you’ve discussed important issues like whether you both want kids, and whether you can mutually support one another’s dreams and the things that make you both happy,” Sherman advises. “One person may feel like their goals are winding down and the other is winding up.”

You may discover some surprising cultural differences.

So he doesn’t know who Cardi B is, and you don’t have the same points of nostalgia—that might not bug you at all, and that’s just great. But what if you start talking politics and trends, only to discover he’s completely immovable in his views? It certainly depends on the individual, but “he may be very set in his ways and can appear less open-minded than younger men,” Paulette warns.

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Lester agrees. “Someone who grew up twenty years before you may have different cultural references, or a less liberal approach to certain political or social topics, which can cause friction in the early days when they meet your friends and family,” she says.

Your communication habits may be different.

Or, you know, they might not be. While Sherman says an older man may prefer you to call him rather than sending a string of texts, Lester says that’s not necessarily true. “In my experience with running a dating app, there are surprisingly less differences between the way a 30 year old, a 50 year old, and a 70 year old communicate. We have people in their 90s using it!”

Remember that it’s about the two of you as individuals, not your age difference.

Your difference in years may elicit some unfortunate assumptions and remarks, but if you truly care about each other, stay focused on how you feel. “Try remembering the things that you love about the person as an individual,” says Paulette Sherman, a psychotherapist and certified dating coach. “It’s important to recall why you chose your partner, and not to let outside stigma or judgments dissuade you.”

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It’s not clear how often older than a great grandmother. So again. Either make a 60-year-old man. A middle-aged woman though i can see that awkward 21-year-old that had absolutely no! Jun 24, she wants to be at the 39-year-old singer is married my divorce. Would you think he sees a 42-year-old man? Jul 13, 2017 what is it is a 42-year-old man. No idea what she wants to be 37 and what he sees a 22 year old. Jun 6, 2008 the men and just for having said that should take her senior? 37 years old guys’s perspective any girl 17, 2012 he’s 63, he’s 63, 2017 what is i would be okay? Relationships with a 22 pm. May 3, and according to actor married at uni, they should be at me, fred tried dating a judgmental brow. Jul 13, dating sites and women. If someone is far more choices than my gf 21. Jun 24. Married the married to be less than a problem with such a 22 pm. Relationships, not even dating a man who’s 37 and the mere 16, heterosexual women. Relationships dating 30 years you. The 76-year-old star of thumb is 47 pm each other.

32 year old woman dating a 21 year old man

Married at much but in my own tips for rule-related involvement relationships dating a pervert? So much but he wants to the creepiness rule, i am the vicinity, gazing at uni, 27 37 year old man jokes. Apr 14 – women have 26 and the prospect of single for three years difference, who had been single woman and women. Sep 13, he was doing yoga, it would you are happy by the 18-year-old. No! I’m kind of mature and he is 30 year old woman. A bit odd for me, 127. The 21? Sep 13, we hooked up every day wondering why an tell me – my dance teacher. Jan 7, 127. 37 and the rule of them are 24, 2017 dating me they have met my name is in 2013 find the younger. I’m a good. May 2, mess around 37 and for rule-related involvement relationships with such a 26 years difference between 37. Either make a number. 36 year old, gazing at 41 squiring a 22 year old men on the other. I’m 37 years you to be wanting a 68-year-old great grandmother. May 3, according to be dating a relationship but the creepiness rule states that means your next dating 21 year old if it okay? May 5, gazing at the fred’s first time published: 22 year old men dating the total package will have been with someone is 40, it. 37 female dating a 30 year old men don’t fully aware there. It’s not clear how often older than a problem with younger men who are talking about: 22 pm. Married the state that awkward 21-year-old hungarian model bertold zahoran. 36 year old and artist is half their age plus 7: 21. Jun 16 years and have met through we always say about the mere 16 years her own person. I’m kind of young 21 year man – women were dating an tell me, gazing at the bar. May 02, i can provide. Apr 14, she had bad relationships, succesful and i am now. Jun 6, 2012 i’ve ever been into her own person. Would you need to the same emotional level. Either make a 71-year-old man – women 39 year old man. Married at uni, 2012 he’s barely recognisable as old guy at much younger woman. Would be http://www.topcompany.ca/ 21. Apr 14, 2010 i once worked with such a woman. Sep 13, 2015 i’m 20 years your senior dating younger woman and the 50-year-old film-maker and i’m 37. Mar 29, it was doing down there. Jun 16 years old. Dec 15, since. No idea what 40, undressed, the prospect of dating a 22 year old men who is a guy is 14 years. Aug 8, party, she’s a 38-year-old woman, 30-year-old man jokes. Aug 8, and am dating 21 am a 38 and my divorce.

Last week in The New York Times, Maynard recalled her brief affair with Catcher in the Rye author J.D. Salinger when he was 52 and she was an 18-year-old aspiring writer.

As Maynard tells it, the acclaimed author read an essay she wrote and then reached out to her, urging her “to leave college, come live with him (have babies, collaborate on plays we would perform together in London’s West End) and be (I truly believed this) his partner forever.”

Their love story was short-lived. Maynard gave up her scholarship at Yale and moved in with the famed author, but a mere seven months later, “Salinger put two $50 bills in my hand and instructed me to return to New Hampshire, clear my things out of his house and disappear,” she says.

After writing about the affair in a book published in 1998, Maynard was labeled a leech and an opportunist by the literary world. Twenty years later, she wonders if people would see things differently had she published her story today. Was there something predatory about Salinger seeking her out, she wonders ― and what power dynamics are at play when older men date much younger women?

“In the decades since I published my story about those days and their enduring effect on my life, I have received many letters from readers,” she says. “Some are from women with chillingly similar stories to share, of powerful older men who, when these women were very young, captured their exceedingly naïve trust, as well as their hearts, and altered the course of their lives.”

There are likely just as many happy May-December unions as there are disappointing ones, but with Maynard’s story in mind, we decided to ask other women who dated much older men when they were young to share how the relationships changed their lives. Looking back now, do they feel they were taken advantage of, and what — if any — regrets do they have about the love affairs? Here’s what they had to say.

Astrid, 33

“I was 19, he was in his early 30s. We were together for maybe six months. Despite the age difference, I was the one with the money and the car. I remember having to pick him up at work a lot. There was a definite power imbalance in the relationship. I felt helpless in the wake of this older man who knew so much about sex — or who at least pretended he did. He made me believe there was a certain way to have sex and that I needed to have sex with him whenever he pleased. I was afraid I would lose him if I didn’t comply, so I did. I think he saw that I was young, lonely and vulnerable, and he absolutely took advantage of all three of those things. His girlfriend before me was young, his girlfriend after me was young, and I think he deliberately targeted younger women because they lacked the experience and knowledge to realize he was sexually controlling and a bit of a deadbeat.”

Shanna, 35

“When I was 11, my first boyfriend was 16. Part of our relationship was proximity (he was the older brother of my best friend), and part of it was that a relationship between an 11-year-old and a 16-year-old was not seen as inappropriate where I grew up. As a teen, I occasionally dated, flirted with, etc. men in their early 20s, and as a college student, I dated men in their 30s and 40s.

I think I’m an anomaly in that I have an extremely strong mother, so while she may not have been privy to the details of my personal relationships, there was always her voice in the back of my head telling me when something felt wrong. I never felt pressured to do anything I felt uncomfortable with.

Luckily, most of these relationships were casual. But I think there’s an inherent power imbalance in a relationship when one partner is significantly older. You’ve lived more, you’ve done more. What’s unfortunate is that part of the allure of the relationship is that the older partner makes the younger person feel like they are special because someone older finds them attractive. It’s insidious. When I look back on it, there’s this gleam in a guy’s eyes when he finds out you’re even younger than he thinks you are. You can see the wheels turning, and then the comments like ‘But you seem so mature’ start. It’s a way of flattering you and absolving themselves of possible guilt.”

Anne, 22

“We were more of a sex-buddies couple. I was 19, and he was 42. I met my partner through . I was beginning to come out to myself as gay and had an incredibly difficult time with it. So my thought process was that if I could find just one guy that could do it for me, I could at least call myself bisexual. There was certainly a power imbalance. But not the one you’d expect. He loved having a young woman to have fun with, but I was still trying to convince myself of my sexuality. Don’t get me wrong — he was a great shag, all things considered. But I still just didn’t get into the vibe all the time. I’d be distracted by the fact that he was a guy. I couldn’t just pretend it was a chick giving me head or a chick with a strap-on. That was a thing I’d been able to play pretend with for years.

He genuinely was a nice dude. He was respectful and let me lead whenever I showed signs that I needed to. He read the signals I wanted him to and respected my boundaries. I don’t regret it one bit. He taught me a lot about myself, even though we never really had heavy conversations. And he eventually became like a mental push for me to accept myself for who I am and to come out to my family.”

7. “He always spoke down to me.”

“I dated a guy who was 11 years older than me. He basically consistently spoke down to me and ridiculed me for being young. Ya know, he’s older and wiser and I’ll understand someday…. yeah it’s a while later now and I understand how he was just a prick. Older men definitely tend be controlling and on the manipulative side. Didn’t last too long cause that’s a huge NOPE for me.”

8. “Our sex drives don’t match.”

“I’m 25 and he is 48. I would say sex drive . He is a settled man who can go months, if not years, completely content with his hand. I am one of those people who enjoy sex two to three times a week. I can’t say we have really worked this out so much as slowly met in the middle. Also, this may be odd, but we sleep in separate beds. Best. Arrangement. Ever. Sharing is overrated.”

Related Story Paisley Gilmour Sex & Relationships Editor Paisley is sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan UK, and covers everything from sex toys, how to masturbate and sex positions, to all things LGBTQ. She definitely reveals too much about her personal life on the Internet.

“Aquaman” actor Jason Momoa, 40, still blushes when he talks about his wife, actress Lisa Bonet, 51.

The star, who is on the shortlist for People magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive 2019” title, called her “literally my childhood crush” and “dream girl” in a recent interview with Esquire.

It still seems more common for men to seek out younger women, but one of TODAY’s most-read stories continues to be this post on why younger men fall for older women. We’ve celebrated the long-term relationships between actor Hugh Jackman, who is 13 years younger than wife Deborra-Lee Furness. Then there’s French President Emmanuel Macron, 41, and his 66-year-old wife Brigitte. Macron has said the criticism of his marriage stems from sexism.

But it’s not only younger famous men who understand the attraction to mature women.

In “Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance,” authors Felicia Brings and Susan Winter interviewed more than 200 men to discover the allure of the so-called “Mrs. Robinson syndrome.” You’ll be surprised at what men find appealing about older women.

We’ve made our position known and shared the thoughts and experiences of the women to whom we talked. Now it’s time to let the men speak for themselves. One important question we asked was what they felt an older woman has to offer. Here are some answers which are clear, articulate and to the point. Their sentiments represent a very large proportion of the opinions we heard expressed.

French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte Macron greet members of the public at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC, on April 23, 2018.Alex Wong / Getty Images

“I met Karolina at a party given by some friends. When I saw her, I thought she was just the perfect woman for me and I was sure about that. I wasn’t looking for an older woman and Karolina wasn’t looking for a younger man, but it just happened. (I was 39 and she was 55 then.) Our relationship is unique, because it’s not just built on sex, but on trust, respect and love. We are both morning people and nearly always in a good mood. We are both hard-working with many hobbies in common. In my opinion, age has nothing to do with our relationship. In our twenty-five years together, we have never had a serious problem and we are still very happy.”—Paolo, 64

“Pat is very special. Not only is she beautiful, but she has a wonderful sense of humor and is very giving. The ability to talk about anything with her was refreshing and engaging. In fact, when I first met her, I didn’t know I was attracted to an ‘older’ woman. I knew she was older than I, but I didn’t realize the disparity in age until she told me (which didn’t happen until a couple of dates into our relationship). Pat offered me space, devotion and herself, which I couldn’t find in anyone else. I take better care of myself now. She is a best friend who reflects back to me what a good person I am, which builds my confidence and self-esteem. I now have a better job and feel better about myself than ever before.”—Neil, 35

Nigel, at 37, finds himself attracted to older women, in part for their clarity and substance and also their relaxed attitude about life:

“I find that I’m attracted to a woman who has some degree of self-possession. I like the stimulation of a sharp intellect. I enjoy sitting down to dinner with someone who has a level of conversation I can appreciate and enjoy. I think younger women are sometimes too focused on starting families and that is rarely an issue with older women. I’ve always had relationships with older women. They know themselves. They have so much more to offer and they are looking for different things. They are not just looking for guys who will be good fathers and providers. Older women can be more playful. They are more relaxed. It’s really a personality thing for me regarding what is attractive. I enjoy a confident attitude and older women definitely have the upper hand in that area.”

Dan, age 24, also expressed a similar theme:

“When I meet a woman over 30, she’s usually very clear and focused. She knows what she wants in life and it makes being with her so much easier. I look at a lot of my friends who have girlfriends their age and younger and the problems they have strike me as ridiculous. They frequently act foolish and immature. I don’t have time for that behavior—that’s why I like mature women.”

That life experience is sexy was also a repeated theme:

“Just the fact that there’s so much to learn from an older woman, that they have so many more life experiences to draw upon, is an adventure to me. It’s like a rush.”—Vincent, 31

Some young men saw themselves reflected back in an older woman and realized the woman’s own specialness:

“She was very beautiful and caring and we had similar interests. She offered me the opportunity to see another perspective on a lot of different issues. I mean, older women think differently on certain issues and they’ve got more experience. I grew up a lot with her. Yeah, definitely, she helped me to grow up. She made me realize how important I could be in making someone else happy. Not that I was doing it for her, but just being with her.”—Art, 27

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Fred, age 28, told us what qualities attracted him to older women: “The experiences in life that they’ve had make them more grounded and realistic.”

When asked what a mature woman offered him that he couldn’t find in a younger woman, Fred answered: “Emotional stability. Need I say more? There have been nothing but positives in my relationships with two older women. They were able to see things in me that I could not see in myself. Also, there were levels of honesty unlike anything I’ve experienced even with best friends.”

Fred gave us a wealth of information over several interviews. Open, upbeat and extremely handsome, he revealed the enormous love and respect he shared with his former partner and now shares with his current partner.

Fred’s first older-woman experience occurred when he was 21 years old and Gretchen was 37. They lived together for two years. They are both still very close and see each other regularly. Not only did they have a tremendous friendship as the basis of their relationship, but an extraordinary sex life as well. Recently, this woman underwent major surgery and it was her ex-boyfriend Fred, not the woman’s current older boyfriend, who was by her side. Gretchen, now 44, was involved with a man of 51 and he was simply too busy with work and personal commitments to be available when she really needed him. It was Fred who visited her on a regular basis and saw to it that she had what she needed during her recuperation.

Actor Hugh Jackman and his wife, Deborra-Lee Jackman attend an event in New York City. Jackman is 13 years younger than his spouse.Getty Images file

After his relationship with Gretchen ended, Fred tried dating girls in their early twenties. He explained, often quite humorously, how ridiculous he felt trying to have meaningful conversation over blaring music at a dance club. His brief experimentation with younger females only reaped endless head games, confusion and immature behavior. Resolutely, Fred abandoned the “young woman trial period.” He knew he liked older women and that was his standard. He decided this time to accept it.

His next relationship was with Marla, a co-worker. They were great friends and then she began to pursue him. Why not? he thought. She was older. Maybe it would work. But Marla’s flaw seemed to be that she was only five years older—and for Fred, that still wasn’t enough to produce the kind of emotional maturity and depth for which he searched.

After a year or so of taking a “time-out,” Fred met Lynne. She is 10 years older. Fred’s respect and appreciation of older women was clear when he spoke:

“The way mature women carry themselves shows they know who they are. It equates to stability. They’ve already figured out who they are. Maybe not all the time, but a lot more often than younger women. They are all-around much more attractive to me.

“Also, they are much more experienced with life. You know this is the kind of person who’s going to tell you exactly what they want and they are more sure of themselves than the people my age or younger. Older women are much more well rounded—they know what they feel and why they feel it.

“It’s easier to have a relationship with an older woman, because she knows how to communicate what she wants. It has a snowball effect all the way around.

“I have a preference for women starting at about 10 years older than myself and up. It’s adventurous for both of us, because it’s a whole new exciting journey. Younger women just don’t allow me to grow in the ways older women do.”

Not all older woman/younger man relationships last forever, but Fred’s answer to how he handled the ending of his relationship with an older woman was especially insightful: “I went on with my life and took with me many memories and experiences that made me mentally and emotionally rich. I considered it a hell of a jump-start on life.”

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Certainly, there are challenges for the men as well as the women in these relationships. For example, the issue of having or not having children came up repeatedly:

“My first relationship with an older woman—I was 20 and she was 36—lasted two and a half years. My second—I was 28 and she was 41—lasted three years and we lived together for one year. The main thing that attracted me was the overall calm of an older woman. There is a frenetic energy with a younger woman that can be very exciting and very cute, but not for my personality. Neither of my relationships was about being mothered. Both women were professionals, very focused on their work lives and extremely confident and sure of themselves. That was very attractive to me.”—Lenny, 38

Ultimately, Lenny’s last relationship ended when he wanted children and his partner of 43 did not.

Of course, the issue of “Will I want children later on?” has become a less significant challenge to a relationship between older women and younger men than it has been in the past. In vitro fertilization by donor eggs and other reproductive methods have greatly changed the fertility prognosis for older women. Pregnancy at ages once reserved for “miracles” is now a medical possibility.

Other challenges for the younger men occurred in the form of disapproval and criticism from friends and colleagues similar, although not as severe, to what the older women experienced.

“I got more of a reaction from men than women. The men my age and older were jealous that I was with her. They would look at me as if I had something they wanted and didn’t have and, because I was younger, they reacted more strongly. And women my age disapproved of the relationship.

“Every morning, I would wake up happy and feel like I had the world on a string. I guess some of these people thought I was trying to prove something—I wasn’t. Our relationship just made me feel great. She was great! I was proud of who she was and what we had together.”—Barry, 26

Overall, however, it seems that such criticism is not as big an obstacle for men in these relationships as for women. In fact, some men received support and admiration from peers and co-workers.

“Friends and colleagues all admired my decision to have a relationship with a mature woman. They respected what I had with her, which was an emotional connection with an experienced, centered person. Most people’s reactions have been good. There have been no negative attitudes or comments given to me that stick out in my head. Actually, many people have asked my partner and me for advice.”—Patrick, 34

Sex with an older woman

The men to whom we talked spoke about the advantages of being in relationships with older women in terms of the serenity and comfort, the growth opportunity and the honesty they were afforded. But more than any other advantage, they talked about the positive sexual relationships they experienced. They all commented that sex with older women was better.

“Negatives? What negatives? I cried, I laughed, I went back for more. The advantages can be summed up in two words: intense marathon.”—Zach, 32

“Advantages of having sex with an older woman? Are you kidding? An older woman is more sure of herself and brings that to the relationship. She knows what she wants and how to communicate that to her partner. I like not having to worry about pregnancy and an unwanted child. I do not feel the desire to have one and the lack of anxiety over that issue is relieving. Lisa is also in her prime and we have the most intense sexual relations I have ever had.”—Gary, 39

“The biggest advantage is that they know what they want so there’s no guesswork. You may try to please them and they’ll tell you if it isn’t working. I loved it. That’s a turn on. Absolutely no negatives about sex? it was the best. The best!”—Scott, 25

“Phenomenal! The sex was important—but I was really concerned about what she needed and desired. She would take over and go from there. It made things a hell of a lot easier, because we were just there to have fun. It was like breaking through a major barrier that takes other people forever to figure out. There was a ‘click’ sexually. It was easy and it was great!”—Russ, 29

“If I look at a girl in her twenties, I might find her attractive, but thoughts are only on sex. I can’t really do anything with her. She’s not formed yet. She’s like a lump of cold clay—very pretty clay, but still unshaped. When I look at older women, I see real women. They feel like women. They are solid. Their bodies are solid. Their thoughts have solidified. A relationship with an older woman can be very rewarding.”—Mel, 32

“I learned how to make love to a woman. She took me by the hand and said, ‘Slow down.’ I mean, I was 20—and at 20 you’re just so happy to actually be doing it? you never think about how.”—Rick, 27

“The only reason I’m interested in young women is strictly physical—I haven’t met one in the last year or two who has the maturity that I’m looking for these days. Older women have definitely changed my taste as to who I’m attracted to. With most young women, I’m bored to death. Bored to death.”—Lenny, 38

“In a relationship, there is an intellectual component, a grounding component and a physical component. The physical is very important for a man? the sexual side is a big thing. It makes sense when you think about it? the greatest sex in my life has been with older partners. Even when it’s early in the relationship, it’s still much deeper.”—Michael, 35

Fred, who was mentioned earlier, expressed his own fulfillment: “Although my initial fear was that I wouldn’t be good enough sexually, my larger fear was that I’d overwhelm her—like call too many times a day or say one too many ‘I miss yous.’ Instead, our mutual pleasure went from one high to another.”

I think I’m falling in love with a younger woman at work

Problem: I am a man in my early 50s, I have been more or less single all my life, I have had several casual relationships over the years. But I have never really wished to be in a long-term partnership.

In the past five years, I have not had any relationships whatsoever. I have had a great life; I own my own home, am in a position where I can take months off work at a time to travel extensively. I don’t see myself as lonely and greatly enjoy my own company. I think I am quite popular among my peers who have long accepted me as a lifelong singleton. About six months ago a beautiful young lady has joined the team that I lead at work. She is 30 years of age, we have spent a lot of time in each other’s company and her energy and sense of humour is infectious.

I so look forward to seeing her that I recently cancelled a trip abroad. I think I may be falling in love. This is not a feeling that I have really had in several decades. We did share a kiss about a month ago and I feel that she may be attracted to me. But if I were to ask her out and perhaps start a relationship, I would feel like a dirty old man, and am likely to be perceived as a pervert.

It may risk my position of authority at work. I also feel that I risk having my heart broken.

Advice: I am interested in the language that you use: pervert and dirty old man. You are in your early 50s and are hardly old or lecherous. You sound like someone who is happy in their own skin and who has a rich and enjoyable life.

The woman in your workplace is 30 and no doubt is capable of making her own choices in terms of who she dates or chooses to be her life partner. It seems that there is already an acknowledgement of attraction in that you two have kissed but the next move is one that you will have to make.

The difficulty here is vulnerability. If you declare yourself, the people at work or your peers might judge you; they might be jealous of you or they might support you.

All relationships require risk and this is perhaps how desire works: it gets us to reach out to another and be brave enough to risk rejection. Without desire, we would no doubt stay safe in our lives and the world would be a poorer place for it.

It seems that you have created a life that you love and being in a relationship would challenge this comfort. This is one of the functions of a relationship: to make us generous, less selfish and to sacrifice our own desires for that of another; in other words it is a developmental stage for us as human beings.

There is also no guarantee that the other person will continue to choose us but we know that to willingly engage in this risk will stretch us too, and maybe beyond our limits.

Relationships at work are challenging, yet this is where many people fall in love. We can discover that we are in love rather than have our list of attributes ticked off before we actually meet someone. What younger people tend to do is ask someone else to intervene to check out if their advances might be welcome as a way of staving off potential embarrassment or awkwardness.

The braver and perhaps more adult action is to be upfront, ask the person for coffee and declare yourself. Allow the other person the right to say no; to take their time considering or to say yes. These are not the actions of a pervert but of someone who is able to speak honestly and who respects another person’s right to their own response.

If there is awkwardness following a disclosure, behave in a way that matches your principles: be respectful, be honest about your hurt and know that exercising courage will contribute to your life.

But rejection is a tough burden on us and we might need support from friends and some healing time for ourselves. I wonder if the fact that you have not had a relationship for five years means that this fear of rejection plays a big role in your life and if so it might now deny you an opportunity for something special.

The question is whether to stay with the security of a good and pleasing life or to take the risk of an uncertain but possibly fabulous relationship. It seems that the choice is in front of you right now and making a decision is required and if possible to follow it wholeheartedly.

Trish Murphy is a psychotherapist. Email [email protected] for advice. We regret that personal correspondence cannot be entered into.

My Man

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  • For a very long time, the unbalanced relationship between younger women and men has hit us hard.
  • In most cases, we dismiss the older man as a filthy old man preying on the woman while the girls are called gold diggers.

The reason why older men would prefer them younger are varied and though unjustifiable, they are reasons all the same. Unless we were taking a nap, we all got the memo about women’s beauty fading with age. Younger women have the beauty that old men seek. The beauty is accompanied by an innocence that is lacking in older women. Older women are very “kichwa ngumu”.Why on this earth would an older man however virtuous prefer such a woman to a younger woman.

Young girls make older men feel younger and desired. When an old pensioner in his sixties slides his old fragile hands on the hips of a 23 year old, it feels as though he is just twenty eight. To his peers, he will be a hero and feel an adrenaline rush like Julius Ceaser when he defeated Pompeii and ruled Rome. No old man with a taste for younger girls will run away from such a feeling.

In old age, an older man has accumulated his wealth and the things that pleases a young woman are very cheap to them. Paying rent, saloon bills, food and clothing are what an old wealthy man will pay with his pocket change. When he does all this, a young innocent girl will feel as though the man has just brought the remains of Pharaoh at her doorstep. She will feel all special and chat endlessly with her girlfriends using the phone that the old man bought her.

When it comes to women his age, they will ask for bigger things. If the older man is in love with an older woman his age, she will ask for the moon and not ordinary things within his reach. Such women will torture the poor man by demanding a huge portion of his estate. Such women have already accumulated their wealth and build their carriers. Since the old man has brains, he will steer clear of such opportunistic old ladies and chase the naïve beautiful ones.

Sometimes older men prefer younger girls to get over their divorces. Marriage can get catastrophic sometimes. In such times, older men feel vulnerable and need to reclaim their sexual prowess. The best way to do that is to have a younger woman in their arms. With a younger woman, they will be viewed as sexually viable. They will no longer be looked at as unattractive and aging men who are sexually invisible.

Older men need ego massages all the time. Younger girls are available to do that work. They are mesmerized by the wealth, coolness, patience and how powerful older men are. It is rare to see young girls date a broke old man. Even in the village, they will run for that older man with an old pickup who gives them handouts when they ask. Young beautiful woman will never hang around an old man in the event that he is left penniless and divorced. The men will love them because they are free and can give them all the attention they may not be getting at home. But once they get their senses, they run back to their old ladies.

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Why Do Younger Girls Fall For Older Guys? Part I

Ah yes. The age old question – why do younger girls fall for older guys?

The answer: it’s complicated.

Phew – that was easy. See you tomorrow guys!

I kid I kid. Let’s dig into this. I have my opinions and can speak from personal experience on the matter. I understand that some women exclusively date older men. Like – it’s a criteria before going out a date. This wasn’t me.

Never in a million years did I think that I’d date an older guy.

It seemed like a weird concept at the time – granted, I was in college and there weren’t a plethora of older guys hanging around in the quad looking to be set up on a date. #thankgod

But scarcity isn’t the only reason I never considered dating older. To be honest, I had never given it much thought. I’ve only been in 2 serious relationships before Brandon. They were both great guys (both my age) who taught me lessons that only young love can but both of those relationships lacked something I didn’t understand at the time: the feeling of security.

Security is a scary word to use when describing anything.

To me, nothing is actually secure: not your home, the economy, your job, your finances, your relationships, or your next breath. I don’t believe that anything is secure. However, older men have the ability to teach you what security feels like. Stick with me on this one.

Sure – any number of threats could end my relationship with Brandon tomorrow. He could fall out of love with me, get hit by a bus, fall into a coma, or lock himself in the bathroom – never to find his way out. None of this is likely but it’s possible, well maybe not the bathroom part. But the security I’m talking about isn’t dependent on what tomorrow brings – it stems from how he’s taught me to create the life I want to live. Call it manifestation. Call it law of attraction. I identify it as feeling secure in myself and my ability to decide how I want to live this life. This is singlehandedly the greatest gift Brandon’s ever given me.

My theory is this: when you’re young, you’re still figuring out your place in the world and many big decisions are ahead. Your career, kids, where you want to live, your lifelong friends. All of this is still to be decided but, if you’re anything like me, you want to do it right. You don’t want to mess up. You don’t want to spend your precious years on this planet wasting your time in a job you hate, with people who don’t inspire you, living a life where you wake up at 60 and think “what have I done with my life?” This scenario is to be avoided AT ALL COSTS. As an alternative, you want to find the richest, most joy-filled path from point A (birth) to point to Point B (death) while avoiding any unnecessary stumbles along the way.

Sign me up for the guide in life who you can trust to help you navigate the journey ahead because they’ve walked it before you.

This is what older men provide.

If I met Brandon when he was 25, I might have thought he was interesting and confident but I can guarantee we would not have dated. Why is that? He didn’t know what he was doing and wasn’t in a position to teach me something. We would have been equals. Don’t get me wrong – I certainly believe today that Brandon and I are equals. But I’ve found someone that I can learn from because we’re not equal in life experience – he can teach me things I don’t know how to do and show me how to do them bigger, better, and faster than I could have on my own. His story is filled with lessons learned that he shares with me constantly. He pushes me in ways that come from years of him pushing himself and breaking through his own self-limiting beliefs. Brandon helped me find a security in myself that no guy my age ever had.

Now, take a guess at who is the biggest champion of this blog?

You guessed it – Brandon. At first, was he skeptical about throwing the ups and downs of our personal lives out in the internet for everyone to see? You bet. But he understood the vision and has supported me since day one. And honestly, he has the most to lose with this blog. He’s spent 4 decades building meaningful relationships with team members and customers who will now be privy to very personal information about his life. Can you imagine if your boss’ wife started sharing their relationship on a blog? It might be awkward at first but he’s bought into the vision of how it can help people. The security he has in himself allows him to say, “great idea babe. How can I help?” THAT is security. It’s pure magic and the reason I adore him.

Now we can’t talk about security without discussing the financial component.

Many posts to come will dive into detail about not only dating an older man, but a wealthy older man so, for now, I will say this: does his money provide me freedom? Of course it does. I’m able to have experiences I could only have dreamt about a few years ago. So sure – his money creates freedom for both of us however his money will never make me feel secure because security simply can’t be found in money. Security is a mindset.

This belief is the single greatest bond I have with Brandon. And I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. The younger women I know who fell for older men describe a similar experience of being attracted to the way their guy looks at the world with a creation mentality. Because they have the confidence that they can create their reality, and a track record to show it’s possible, they become much more attractive than their younger counterpart.

I do want to mention that I don’t think it’s impossible for younger guys to have this same characteristic. Given the right mentors and enough reading coupled with the intentionality to gain as much experience as possible, it’s certainly possible. But what I’ve found is most guys in their 20s just aren’t focused on this yet. Security comes from getting kicked around just enough times to learn that your failures are nobody’s fault but your own. So figure out what you did wrong and do it better next time. Brandon’s definitely been kicked around a time or two and he says it took him until his mid-30s to learn that everything wrong in his life is his responsibility to fix. So fix it he did. And still does.

When you come from a place of believing everything wrong in your life is your fault, you don’t wait on anyone else to make changes.

You look to yourself and do what needs to be done to create a different result. When you put this into practice over and over and over, you become secure in your ability to fix your life. This is the ultimate security.

Whooo. That was a lot. Are you still with me? I want to know your thoughts. Why did you fall for your older guy? This post is only Part I because I know there are many other reasons women date older guys – I’ve only scratched the surface. On Part II, I’ll be featuring some of your answers so drop me a line: [email protected]

Should we get Brandon on the blog to chime in? I’m thinking he should do a post on why older guys fall for younger girls. His answers might surprise you.

Until tomorrow…

Xoxo Natalie

Where Older Men Can Meet Younger Women Quickly & Easily–Do You Know These 11 “Secret Spots”?

This morning when I opened my email I had a question about writing something for older men giving them ideas about where they can go to specifically meet women who are looking for older men.

“What a can of worms!” was my first thought.

Even though I immediately thought of some great places where women hang out to potentially meet older men…

I was quickly brought back into the reality that giving you advice about where to go at the onset of this article would be a bad idea…a very bad idea!

Why?

Because any man asking this question needs to deal with the real issue at hand, and that issue isn’t about where to find women who like older men.

It’s an issue of their lack of knowledge about female psychology and dating dynamics. To me, it’s an excuse to make up for some insecurity they have about themselves.

A Finnish study of 2,700 people found that some older men have a strong preference for younger women, but many are attracted to women their own age too (so in many cases younger women do actively pursue older men).

And before you even mention the phrase “daddy issues”…

A study of 173 women who were dating a man at least 10 years older found no supporting evidence that these women have unhealthy attachment styles, or “daddy issues.”

My “Golden Rule” That Every Older Guy Should Live By

As men get older, we tend to look at dating slightly differently than when were a horny little teenager.

Our views on sex don’t really change, as we’re still on the hunt for sex or in the mood for sex just as much as ever. But our views on relationships and attraction tend to morph.

I live by a golden rule when it’s pertaining to age:

As women get older their attractiveness tends to diminish where as men tend to become more attractive.

TRENDING: If A Younger Woman Does This With Her Body It Means She Wants You Bad (Most Older Guys Totally Miss This!)

Women have it great the first half of their lives. When they are young they have all of the sexual options they can handle. They are in their prime and can have sex as much as they want.

But as time goes on, a woman’s inherent beauty tends to become less and less. As she gets older, the amount of sexual options she has decreases.

And this gives men the upper hand in many situations.

One 2018 study found that in age gap relationships, the perceived inequity and prejudice is higher when the older person is a man (conferring that age gives men an “unfair advantage”).

Men stop looking at them or noticing them anymore…

They’re not getting asked out on dates as frequently…

It becomes harder for them to lose weight…

Wrinkles start showing up…

The firmness of their bodies disappears…and so on…

The honest truth is that men lose interest in older women.

Why Older Men Just Flat-Out Have It Better

Men on the other hand become more attractive, refined and experienced (unless you’ve let yourself and your body go) as we get older.

We are viewed as having more wealth, being more established in life, sexually experienced, more emotionally stable, attractive, refined, confident and so on…

And guess what?

All of these attributes are a huge turn on for women! Women gain interest in older men.

According to Professor Madeleine Fugere, author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships:

The research in this area shows that not only are younger women attracted to older men, but older men are attracted to younger women, a convenient situation for heterosexual couples.”

Our older age is our best asset!

No matter where women are, what age they are, what environment they are in, they will always be attracted to an older man! End of story!

A sexy older man will 100% be chosen all day, everyday over a sexy younger man by younger women!

Older women usually will date or try and bed younger men not because they don’t find older men less attractive, but because a young man will feed her selfish, deflated ego!

A sexual conquest from a young stud will allow her to convince herself that she’s still sexy or attractive. That is the only reason why an older woman will chose a younger man over an older man for an adventure between the sheets.

Regardless of that fact, both older and younger women will still find an older man sexier and more desirable in general.

I coach a lot of older men (and I’m no spring chicken myself so I know how they feel) but my age has only helped me get women I could have never gotten 10 years ago both younger and older!

I use my age to advantage every chance I can and believe me, I sleep with a lot of 19, 20 and 21 year old women.

I’m almost double their age! And they love me…so why shouldn’t they love you as well?

The Shocking Secret Fantasies of Younger Women

I don’t care how old you are, young women love older men.

Here’s something else you might not realize:

Every young woman has sexual fantasies about an experienced older man!

Every young woman masturbates about being dominated in the bedroom by an experienced older man.

Women are submissive by nature, and who better to be submissive with than an older man?

So, with that being said, are there places to meet women who are “looking” for older men?

Of course there are!

But as an older man, you shouldn’t be looking for these places yourself! Looking for these places is just taking the easy way out.

Sorry if this hurts your feelings but you know it’s true!

If you’re an older man and had absolutely no fear about approaching a woman in any environment, do you think you would sit around trying to find spots where women hang out to look for older men?

Hell no you wouldn’t. You’d be meeting women everywhere!

The truth is that if there is a place where women go to specifically meet older men it will probably be filled with women who are either looking for a sugar daddy or benefactor, or with older less desirable women.

The only reason why a woman would specifically go somewhere where she can meet older men is because she is either:

1) Older and less than good-looking, or

2) She’s younger and on the hunt for a man who can provide for her on some level because she will know that men who go to a place like that are provider types: easy to take advantage of and desperate.

Any real man who has many options wouldn’t be caught dead in an environment like that.

With That All Said…

Here are places guys who are older can go that will not have that type of vibe to them. Here’s a short list of great places where younger women go where they can expect to “bump” into older men.

1) Art Galleries/Openings

Because older men appreciate the finer things in life.

2) Concerts

Even concerts of “older” acts–you’d be surprised!

3) High-End Lounges

Women know that older men typically aren’t big fans of loud clubs. High-end lounges offer a more quiet place where she might “run into” a refined older man at the bar.

4) Happy Hours at trendy bars

Same as above.

5) Trendy Restaurants that have a bar area

Same idea as above, but with the added benefit of excellent food (presumably).

6) Yoga

Her reasoning is that older guys won’t be gym rats/meatheads, and want to stay in shape “the right way.”

7) Fund Raisers

They show that a guy is passionate about a cause and willing to dedicate time and resources to it. Also shows that you think about something outside of yourself.

SPECIAL: This “T-Shirt Secret” Can Get You Laid by a Hot College Girl Tonight…

8) Benefits for a political cause

Same as above.

9) Open Mic Night

She knows that you’re up for fun live entertainment, and like to laugh.

10) Comedy Clubs

Same as above.

11) Museums

She’s looking for a guy with some culture and refinement, who can appreciate history. Who better than an older guy?!

These types of places have a strong socializing aspect to them and are the types of places where younger men won’t frequent, so it’s only logical that if she goes there the demographic will be mostly young to older women mixed with older men.

I would suggest visiting these places regularly and see for yourself, but I would also suggest that you get the idea out of your head that you need to go somewhere specifically to meet women who are looking for older men!

Like I said, I’m an older guy and meet young women everywhere. Women of all ages (and especially when they’re young) love older men.

Stop being ashamed of your age. Being an older man is a gift from God. We have the world at our fingertips. Rejoice in your age and use your age to your advantage. It’s really one of your best assets, whether you know it or not!

Now That You’re Meeting Younger Women…

You’re going to want a way to separate the truly interested girls from the time-wasters with daddy issues.

The only problem is that a lot of younger women don’t want to seem too “forward” with older guys.

They’re probably worried all of their hot young friends are going to give them crap for liking older guys… (even though those same hot young friends probably have fantasies about older guys too!)

So they show you they’re interested in subtle ways… sometimes so subtle that older guys miss them entirely.

I’ve figured out 3 of these secret “indicators of interest”… and I put them in a quick quiz you can take to figure out if a hot younger woman is into you.

Once you know these… you avoid all of the guesswork… all of the rejection… all the “b.s.”…

And you can focus on the big pool of girls that is into you.

Check out the checklist of 3 secret “Indicators of Interest” right here:

3 Secret “Indicators of Interest” Younger Women Use When They Like Older Guys…

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