Make a woman orgasm

Contents

These Two New Toys Are Orgasm Game Changers

The hi will do it to you without touching your skin

And then there’s the hi® massage technology, a massager that hit the market a hot second ago. Like the Womanizer, I was skeptical at first glance — how was this thing going to give me an orgasm by massaging the outside of my pelvis?

The device was invented by Dr. Steve McGough with the intent to relieve his wife’s post-emergency C-section pain. Designed to mimic a vigorous massage technique on the lower abdomen, it just so happens to also induce orgasm in record time.

When applied above the pubic bone, it releases a G-spot-like orgasm without ever touching skin. The record is 12 orgasms in 20 minutes (!!!!!), McGough tells me. It took me some time to find my sweet spot — my pleasure is very clit-stim-focused; and the idea of being fully clothed while coming threw me off. Still, the hi delivered a quickie on demand.

Get acquainted with your body and learn your technique

Starting out with high-quality toys like the Womanizer or the hi is the perfect way to practice and eventually figure out exactly what needs to happen to push you over the edge. Memorize the sensations the toys are giving you. Take note of the placement of the stimulators, everything. After you get yourself off a few times, mix things up. Use the toys at different times of day, during different moods, and even in rapid succession to see if you can produce multiple orgasms.

Once you’ve determined what goes where, for how long, and with how much pressure (and have figured out how to go from zero to 100 in 60 seconds flat), it’s time to do it manually. Because sure, your partner may dig the toys. But you knowing how to make this happen with your (or a partner’s) hands? Let’s just say it’s nice to be able to MacGyver an orgasm in any setting and with any tools or lack thereof.

Practice, practice, practice

To get things off to a strong start, you need two things: a high-quality lube, and a deep understanding of what gets you in the mood fast. This can be a favorite porno, a steamy sex scene from a novel, straight-up fantasizing… dealer’s choice. With your arsenal ready, work at recreating the sensations you got from your toys with your bare hands.

The clitoris is undoubtedly going to steal the spotlight for this exercise, as the sensory epicenter is your main line to orgasm — so you’d be wise to get good and acquainted with it. The nub sticking out at the top of your vulva is the head of your clit; while the G-spot (about an inch and a half inside your vagina, toward your belly button) is the back. Focus on both and you’re well on your way.

“Clitoral stimulation… is probably more likely to work than vaginal insertion,” Queen says, “solely because so many women are more easily orgasmic clitorally than vaginally. But someone who is this turned on and easily orgasmic may well be more vaginally orgasmic than the average gal. So there’s that.”

With that in mind, focus on G-spot stimulation while rubbing the clit. Check out different levels of pressure, different speeds, and rubbing against something (pillow, corner of your bed) while stimulating your G-spot. Experiment with being on your back, your belly, your side. It might take a few tries, it might take weeks, but I promise it will be the most fun kind of practice you’ve ever done. And once you perfect your technique, you can take it right to your partner. Now, the two of you can work together to ensure you never have to fake or otherwise miss out on another orgasm, ever again.

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Let’s face it women talk, but gaining yourself a sexual reputation for the ages doesn’t have to involve six hours of Tantric foreplay. With our help (and hers of course) you can get your girl to orgasm in a mere 15 minutes.

While mastering the art of the 15-minute orgasm isn’t easy, it will turn the pre-work fumble or half-time quickie into an explosion that she’s still shuddering from two hours later. Don’t believe that it can be done? Well, research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the average time it takes women to orgasm was 13.41 minutes, so any longer and you really aren’t doing it right.

But why rush? Just because you can get your girl to orgasm in less time than Jose Mourinho’s average lifespan at a football club, doesn’t necessarily mean you should, right? Wrong, another study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, which asked sex therapists how long sex should last, found that while sex that lasted between ten and 30 minutes was ‘too long’, the ideal sexual duration was between 7 to 13 minutes, so by our reckoning that still leaves you with 2 minutes to come once your lady has been pleasured.

Oh!-minus 15 Minutes

Mouth to Mouth

The first three minutes of your 15 should be spent kissing your partner. Studies by Lafayette College in the US found that kissing reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol, quickening the time it takes to turn you both on. As you pay lip service, tilt your head to the right – scientists in Germany found this makes you seem more caring, flooding her system with the ‘connection’ chemical oxytocin, building trust and encouraging her to come quickly.

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Make sure you’re not just kissing her mouth, though. William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing, surveyed 50,000 women and 96 per cent picked a peck on the neck as the perfect warm up. But don’t overdo it, Cane says. “Slide off the lips to her neck occasionally so that her neck doesn’t become desensitised.”

Now you need to get co-ordinated. Each time you kiss her neck, remove an item of her clothes. Getting her clothes off is important for obvious reasons, but it will also let you resolve any body-confidence issues early. A study by the University of Cincinnati revealed that if your girl feels good when she’s naked, she’ll come sooner. “Compliment your partner on each part of her body as you undress it,” says psychotherapist Christine Webber. “Your approval will dramatically reduce her self consciousness.” And in just 180 seconds, you’ll have an animal on your hands.

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Oh!-minus 12 Minutes

Tease

She’s almost naked now but keep her underwear on for another minute or so. “Stroke and caress her through the fabric rather than going for gold,” says sex therapist Paula Hall. “Focus on building anticipation rather than going straight for direct stimulation.” Feeling that time is short prevents a woman from reaching orgasm, adds Webber. Act like you’ve got forever, but then peel off her underwear and use Durex’s new strawberry-scented Intimate Lube. This will get her excited, and make her more sensitive.

Research at the US Association for Chemical Reception Sciences found the scent of strawberries alerts the senses. Move your fingers in slow, circular motions just inside her vagina. “Many women need attention focused on the outer third of the vaginal canal, where the G-spot, the clitoris, and the PS-spot (opposite the G-spot) can be reached,” says Emma Taylor of the sex blog emandlo.com.

Oh!-minus 10 Minutes

Flex Your Other Love Muscle

According to sexologists at the Masters & Johnson Institute, cunnilingus is the most reliable route to orgasm for 80 per cent of women. Lou Paget, author of The Big O (Piatkus), recommends the Kivin Method as the fastest way of getting there. “With one hand, pull up her clitoral hood,” he says. “Then lick from side to side across its base, just above her clitoris.” Place one finger of the other hand on her perineum (the area directly below the opening of her vagina). When you can feel her pre-orgasmic contractions, you’ll know you’re in the right place.

Oh!-minus 7 Minutes

Entrance Exam

Orgasms are not all about foreplay. A recent study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that the consistency of orgasms is more about the length of intercourse than the length of foreplay. And another study in the same journal clocked her average climax seven minutes after penetration. That makes now the ideal time to start the final leg of her leg trembler.

Simultaneous G-spot and clitoral stimulation is far and away the fastest route to orgasm

But what position? “Avoid deep, thrusting, and instead try the Coital Alignment Technique,” says Taylor. To do it, start in the classic missionary then pull back so the base of your penis rests on her clitoris. Brace your feet against the foot of the bed and rock backwards and forwards rather than thrusting. Your penis gently massages her clitoris, which is great for her but also gives you slow, pulsating sensations that you control.

An alternative technique is sensory overload. “Simultaneous G-spot and clitoral stimulation is far and away the fastest route to orgasm,” says Hall. Having her from behind is the best position for this because while you work the former, you can call up sex toy reinforcements to take care of the latter.

Oh!-minus 1 Minute

Keep up the Good Work

By now, your girl should be clawing at the sheets, but don’t be mistaken in thinking you need one final trick to clinch the result. “Women hate too much chopping and changing of techniques,” says Dr Joni Frater, co-author of Love Her Right (Booksurge). “It distracts us, and takes our arousal back to the starting blocks.” You don’t really want to start over just before you reach the finish, do you?

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“When you start doing something that causes a positive response, keep doing it, at exactly the same speed and pressure.” Save your new technique for next time. Since you’ve just orchestrated a 15-minute orgasm with shuttle-launch precision, that’s something she’ll be demanding very soon.

So grab a breather and prepare for take-off… again.

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Women: Here’s How to Orgasm Faster

By ASTROGLIDE Team Sexual Health

Spend More Time on Foreplay

For most women, reaching a state of full arousal can take 45 minutes. However, most couples only spend about 10 minutes of foreplay. It’s no wonder then that the female orgasm can be so elusive. Luckily the solution is relatively simple: more foreplay.

If the average 10 minutes of foreplay isn’t enough, take 20. If 20 isn’t enough, take 30.

The longer you and your partner spend on foreplay, the more aroused you will be and the easier it will be to climax. If your partner has an easier time getting aroused then the focus of the foreplay should be more on you. The goal is for both of you to be fully aroused by the time you initiate sex so that you both enjoy yourselves as much as possible.

Call in Reinforcements

We’re not talking about extra people (unless you and your partner are into that, then by all means). There are lots of different ways for you and your partner to get a little extra help where you need it.

To speed up your orgasm, have your partner rub your clitoris with his fingers while you have sex or take matters into your own hands and do it yourself. You can also use a small vibrator if your prefer. A female orgasm can be difficult to achieve from penetration alone, so don’t be shy about getting the stimulation you need where you need it and when you need it.

Grab the Lube

For lots of women, the stimulation they crave can actually feel pretty uncomfortable without the right amount of lubrication.

That’s why the trick to the female orgasm is often making sure that you use enough lube to ensure that sex for her feels comfortable and pleasurable. If you don’t have any on hand, we can send you a free sample and a coupon for $1.00 off of a full-size bottle to get you started.

Insist on Getting Your Orgasm

Unfortunately, we live in a culture where the female orgasm is seen as secondary to men.

While it can make things easier for straight couples if the woman reaches her climax before the man, it is in no way a requirement. So if you’ve tried all of our steps and reaching orgasm before your partner feels like a race you’re always going to lose, don’t — we repeat, DO NOT — allow that to be a barrier to you getting the maximum enjoyment out of sex with your partner. You absolutely deserve to get as much pleasure from the experience as he does, so refuse to settle for less.

Sit down with your partner and have a conversation about your concerns. Let him know that while you love having sex with him, it’s unrealistic to expect that you will always orgasm before he does.

Make it clear that reaching your climax is just as important to you as it is to him. If he doesn’t want you to put an end to sex the second that you have an orgasm, then he shouldn’t do the same to you. Sex is about both of your pleasure and you should absolutely insist on getting yours.

So what do you think about our tips for speeding up the female orgasm?

Are there any that you think we should add? Tweet us @ASTROGLIDE and tell us what you think.

Once you master getting that first orgasm, read these tips to have multiple orgasms!

Images are for illustrative purposes only.

When it comes to a woman’s body (or the workings of her brain), most men are quite confused. But hey! We don’t blame you, for we women are complex creatures. And because of this complexity, most men, despite trying hard, fail to meet the needs of their lady lovers.

Although you may have your trusted sources, nobody matches the super teaching skills of Monica Geller, our lovely Courtney Cox from F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Now, jog your memories, and rewind to the episode in F.R.I.E.N.D.S where Monica introduces Chandler to the 7 erogenous spots on a woman’s body. And as hilarious or silly it might have looked back then, come to think of it, it was actually very informative. I think it would be safe to say that it is the perfect guide to make your woman moan without inhibitions.

1. Ears

Gently touch her ears. Stroke them, but you might want to refrain from flicking them. Use your tongue and trace the outer ear, and gently nibble on the lobe. That should definitely get her a little excited.

2. Lips

There’s a lot you can do on the lips. Kiss her just near the lips, not on them. Tease her. Don’t slobber on her though.

3. Neck

This is the right place to plant that really sexy hickey. So don’t hesitate to go ballistic on the neck. Kiss her and then proceed to gently bite her. The back of the neck is usually unexplored by many, but it is really ticklish. So go ahead and let her know that you won’t miss a single spot on her body.

4. Breasts

Now most men go crazy on them breasts, but the trick is to build up the excitement. So don’t pounce on them, or squeeze them too hard. Be gentle, the way she responds to your moves will tell you what she likes and doesn’t.

5. Butt

Ask her consent before you go digging here. If she likes it, she’ll respond with some muffled moans and lip biting. So, look out for the cues, and you’ll be fine.

6. Inner Thighs

Yup, this counts. And trust me, it is teasing on a major level. Use your fingers to trace her inner thigh, and she’ll be left wanting for more. Use your imagination and do the rest.

7. Vagina

Now this one is a no-brainer, right? No. Most men go crazy on the vajayjay. Trust us, dear men, we don’t like you just pushing your way in. Take some time, and play around. Be creative but keep it gentle. It’s the most erogenous area, but it’s a little fragile as well. Treat it as the flower that it is.

There you go, and as Monica rightly advised, mix them up and keep them on their toes.

Source:giphy

While certain bits of anatomy (ahem, genitalia) are well-known as sites of sexual pleasure, getting turned on doesn’t have to be limited to below the belt. Other areas of the human body have a high concentration of nerve endings, so they’re particularly sensitive to touch, pressure, or vibration. These so-called “erogenous zones” can contribute to sexual arousal—think of them as the road map to a happy ending.1

According to Monica Geller of Friends, there are seven erogenous zones on a woman’s body, but the exact list (for any gender) remains up to speculation. Still, while everyone is a little different when it comes to getting turned on, people generally agree about which erogenous zones are most pleasurable.2

The human body’s erogenous zones might seem like a topic worthy of a Cosmo article, but this information matters for several reasons. Knowing these “hot spots” is a plus for both your partner and yourself—who would say no to a boost in sexual satisfaction? Identifying different erogenous zones also may improve sexual health; some research suggests that stimulating different spots may produce different reactions in the body. For example, touching the vagina appears to set off the release of the feel-good hormone prolactin, while the cervix may be involved in controlling muscle tension during sex. Understanding erogenous zones is also important to make sure that people undergoing gender reassignment surgery or breast augmentation don’t lose significant sexual function.3

All this being said, more research is needed to determine the precise effects of stimulating different areas of the body. In the meantime, might we suggest a little personal experimentation? Get started with the guide below.

The Erogenous Zones on the Female Body

1. Clitoris
A runaway winner for the title of “Body Part Contributing Most to Sexual Arousal,” the clitoris is extremely sensitive. (Hello, nerve endings!) Research shows that stimulating the clitoris is the fastest and easiest way for many women to orgasm. For the most part, pressure and vibration are the way to go; research suggests light touching doesn’t always have the same effect.4

2. Vagina
Heard of the famous mecca of sexual pleasure that is the female “G-spot?” Yeah, researchers are pretty sure that doesn’t actually exist. The interior of the vagina, however, does contain nerve endings, and women report that deep stimulation leads to more intense orgasms. The outer edge of the vagina, on the other hand, tends to respond to light touch.5

3. Cervix
The cervix, located at the lower end of the uterus, has its own feel-good nerve pathways. In fact, some research suggests that the vagina, clitoris, and cervix all respond separately and distinctly to sexual stimuli. Nerves in the cervix respond most to pressure stimulation, but light touch has been shown to elicit a response as well.6

4. Mouth and Lips
A recent survey found kissing to be more important in relationship-building than in sexual arousal. But another study suggests that many women rank the lips and mouth highly as erogenous areas. Who says it can’t be both?7

5. Neck
According to a large international survey of women, both the nape and back of the neck are among the top 10 erogenous zones. One study found that the neck is very sensitive to light touch, especially (oddly enough) among people with low body fat. Another study found that women with spinal cord injury can get pretty turned on by neck stimulation alone.8

6. Breasts and Nipples
While both men and women may like to look at breasts (for evolutionary purposes, apparently), they’re not just for show—they play a role in sexual arousal as well. Turns out nipple stimulation sets fireworks off in the same region of the brain that processes sensations from the clitoris and vagina. Just as with the clitoris, pressure and vibration are generally the way to go.3

7. Ears
Ears are super sensitive to touch, probably due to a large number of nerve endings. Although there’s no science yet to say why ears are erogenous, it seems to be a fairly common consensus that they are.

The Erogenous Zones on the Male Body

1. Penis
While this one’s pretty obvious, it’s worth noting that both survey and lab-based scientific experiments demonstrate that penile stimulation significantly contributes to sexual satisfaction. And while this can be a sensitive subject, circumcision doesn’t appear to decrease sensation or sexual satisfaction.9

2. Mouth and Lips
Highly sensitive, male lips respond to light touch, temperature, or pressure. Kissing also triggers a release of hormones involved in intimacy—especially oxytocin, the so-called “love hormone.” Pucker up!

3. Scrotum
Ranked No. 3 (behind penis and lips) in ability to produce sexual arousal, the scrotum is one of men’s most notable erogenous zones. Lots of nerves mean that this area is super-sensitive to touch. However there’s no research to back up what sort of touch works best, so you might have to resort to a slightly-less-than-scientific source instead!

4. Neck
While touching the neck doesn’t appear to be quite as much of a turn-on for men as for women, it’s still ranked pretty highly on the erogenous zones list. The neck has great sensitivity to low-frequency vibration, making it a prime spot for light erotic touch.10

5. Nipples
As with women, men rank nipples as a definite hot spot. While male nipples don’t appear to serve any real purpose (they’re basically by-products of evolution), that doesn’t mean they’re totally useless—they still have plenty of nerve endings!2

6. Perineum
The perineum (the area between the anus and scrotum) is hooked up to perineal nerves, which help convey sensations of sexual pleasure from the genitals to the brain. In other words, if you’re not familiar with this area, it might be worth your time to get acquainted.

7. Ears
Highly sensitive to touch because of a high number of sensory receptors on the skin, the ears are ranked just behind the scrotum for body parts that help men orgasm when touched or otherwise stimulated.11

The Takeaway

While sexual arousal seems like a highly individual sort of thing, people generally tend to agree on which spots get their motors running. These so-called “erogenous zones” are linked to feelings of sexual arousal—stimulating these spots can ramp up feelings of sexual pleasure and make sex more satisfying. The list above describes some of the most common zones, but it is by no means exhaustive. The best way to find out what you and your partner like? Communicate, experiment, communicate some more, and repeat.

Originally published August 2014. Updated April 2016.

Works Cited

  1. The assessment of sensory detection thresholds on the perineum and breast compared with control body sites. Cordeau D, Bélanger M, Beaulieu-Prévost D. The journal of sexual medicine, 2014, May.;11(7):1743-6109.
  2. Reports of intimate touch: erogenous zones and somatosensory cortical organization. Turnbull OH, Lovett VE, Chaldecott J. Cortex; a journal devoted to the study of the nervous system and behavior, 2013, Aug.;53():1973-8102.
  3. Women’s clitoris, vagina, and cervix mapped on the sensory cortex: fMRI evidence. Komisaruk BR, Wise N, Frangos E. The journal of sexual medicine, 2011, Jul.;8(10):1743-6109. The assessment of sensory detection thresholds on the perineum and breast compared with control body sites. Cordeau D, Bélanger M, Beaulieu-Prévost D. The journal of sexual medicine, 2014, May.;11(7):1743-6109.
  4. Reports of intimate touch: erogenous zones and somatosensory cortical organization. Turnbull OH, Lovett VE, Chaldecott J. Cortex; a journal devoted to the study of the nervous system and behavior, 2013, Aug.;53():1973-8102. Cutaneous corpuscular receptors of the human glans clitoris: descriptive characteristics and comparison with the glans penis. Shih C, Cold CJ, Yang CC. The journal of sexual medicine, 2013, May.;10(7):1743-6109. Self-assessment of genital anatomy, sexual sensitivity and function in women: implications for genitoplasty. Schober JM, Meyer-Bahlburg HF, Ransley PG. BJU international, 2004, Oct.;94(4):1464-4096. The assessment of sensory detection thresholds on the perineum and breast compared with control body sites. Cordeau D, Bélanger M, Beaulieu-Prévost D. The journal of sexual medicine, 2014, May.;11(7):1743-6109.
  5. Is the female G-spot truly a distinct anatomic entity? Kilchevsky A, Vardi Y, Lowenstein L. The journal of sexual medicine, 2012, Jan.;9(3):1743-6109. The assessment of sensory detection thresholds on the perineum and breast compared with control body sites. Cordeau D, Bélanger M, Beaulieu-Prévost D. The journal of sexual medicine, 2014, May.;11(7):1743-6109.
  6. Women’s clitoris, vagina, and cervix mapped on the sensory cortex: fMRI evidence. Komisaruk BR, Wise N, Frangos E. The journal of sexual medicine, 2011, Jul.;8(10):1743-6109. Hysterectomy improves sexual response? Addressing a crucial omission in the literature. Komisaruk BR, Frangos E, Whipple B. Journal of minimally invasive gynecology, 2011, Oct.;18(3):1553-4669.
  7. Examining the possible functions of kissing in romantic relationships. Wlodarski R, Dunbar RI. Archives of sexual behavior, 2013, Oct.;42(8):1573-2800. Reports of intimate touch: erogenous zones and somatosensory cortical organization. Turnbull OH, Lovett VE, Chaldecott J. Cortex; a journal devoted to the study of the nervous system and behavior, 2013, Aug.;53():1973-8102.
  8. Reports of intimate touch: erogenous zones and somatosensory cortical organization. Turnbull OH, Lovett VE, Chaldecott J. Cortex; a journal devoted to the study of the nervous system and behavior, 2013, Aug.;53():1973-8102. Supracutaneous vibrotactile perception threshold at various non-glabrous body loci. Bikah M, Hallbeck MS, Flowers JH. Ergonomics, 2008, Sep.;51(6):0014-0139. Spinal cord injury influences psychogenic as well as physical components of female sexual ability. Anderson KD, Borisoff JF, Johnson RD. Spinal cord, 2006, Oct.;45(5):1362-4393.
  9. Reports of intimate touch: erogenous zones and somatosensory cortical organization. Turnbull OH, Lovett VE, Chaldecott J. Cortex; a journal devoted to the study of the nervous system and behavior, 2013, Aug.;53():1973-8102. Increased sexual health after restored genital sensation in male patients with spina bifida or a spinal cord injury: the TOMAX procedure. Overgoor ML, de Jong TP, Cohen-Kettenis PT. The Journal of urology, 2012, Oct.;189(2):1527-3792. Effects of circumcision on male sexual functions: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Tian Y, Liu W, Wang JZ. Asian journal of andrology, 2013, Jun.;15(5):1745-7262.
  10. Reports of intimate touch: erogenous zones and somatosensory cortical organization. Turnbull OH, Lovett VE, Chaldecott J. Cortex; a journal devoted to the study of the nervous system and behavior, 2013, Aug.;53():1973-8102. Supracutaneous vibrotactile perception threshold at various non-glabrous body loci. Bikah M, Hallbeck MS, Flowers JH. Ergonomics, 2008, Sep.;51(6):0014-0139.
  11. Self-ratings of genital anatomy, sexual sensitivity and function in men using the ‘Self-Assessment of Genital Anatomy and Sexual Function, Male’ questionnaire. Schober JM, Meyer-Bahlburg HF, Dolezal C. BJU international, 2009, Feb.;103(8):1464-410X.

Struggling to hit the high notes in the bedroom and hoping to reach orgasm at the same time as your other half? Or perhaps you’re looking for tips to help your female partner climax when you do? Either way, the fact you’re asking this question at all is a good start!

Great sex is all about experimentation, communication and fun, and if something isn’t quite hitting the spot, the best way to boost your sex life and quadruple your chances of achieving mind-blowing orgasms is trial and error.

Therapist, broadcaster and health writer Christine Webber explains how to find the best positions to get you (or your female partner) coming like a steam train:

The female orgasm uncovered

If you’re a woman who finds climaxing easy and can have orgasms during intercourse with little effort – even in a position where it’s difficult for your partner to access the clitoris with the fingertips – then you are very lucky indeed!

For the majority of us, ‘ringing that bell’ is not nearly so simple. Even women who can masturbate to a climax with no difficulty can feel quite anxious about ‘coming’ with a male partner.

The female Vs the male orgasm

This doesn’t seem fair, because apart from the small minority of men who have psychological difficulties with sex and who cannot relax enough to ejaculate into their partner, most males have no problem at all in climaxing during sexual intercourse.

But of course, in a man, the penis is the pleasure-provider. And clearly a penis gets a lot of stimulation during intercourse.

Women, as you probably know, get their pleasurable feelings mostly from the clitoris.

Women, as you probably know, get their pleasurable feelings mostly from the clitoris – which is the bit of them that would have turned into a penis had they developed into a baby boy in the womb, instead of into a girl.

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For that reason, most women need the clitoris to be stimulated during sex – and in many positions this simply doesn’t happen. Now, please don’t feel bad if you’d never really realised this before, because you are not alone.

In my consulting room, I’ve seen many successful women – including lawyers, bankers and TV presenters – who were quite unaware of what it takes for most women to climax and who, as a result, had spent ages blaming themselves and feeling inadequate. But the truth is that:

  • Most women have to learn how to orgasm.
  • The majority of women do not climax through ‘no hands’ intercourse.

So, how do you learn to climax? Read on…

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The importance of masturbation

If you’re having trouble in reaching climax, the best thing you can do is to start by learning how to orgasm on your own through masturbation. Once you can climax easily on your own, you’ll find it much easier to have really exciting times with a partner.

Once you can climax easily on your own, you’ll find it much easier to have really exciting times with a partner.

But even if you are the queen of masturbatory techniques, you might still find it tough to climax during full sex, and this will almost certainly be because your clitoris is not getting sufficient attention.

Here are four sex positions to try with a partner that might help you to enjoy intercourse more and to have fulfilling orgasms at the same time.

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1. The CAT position

Basically this is a face-to-face position, but the man ‘rides much higher’ than he would in the missionary position so that his shoulders and head are about six inches higher up the bed than normal.

What this means is that his penis doesn’t go all the way into the vagina. Instead, the stem or root of it is pulled hard against the clitoris – producing great sensations in that all-important little organ.

🐱 CAT stands for Coital Adjusted Technique, but don’t let that technical and boring title put you off!

The other difference is that instead of taking his weight on his elbows, the man should simply let his bulk rest on his partner’s upper chest. Clearly if he’s a heavy bloke, this might be a problem!

You can experiment with this position to get it absolutely right for you. Some people do it with the man’s legs outside the woman, but you can also try it with his legs inside yours.

Many couples find they can’t thrust much in this position so they kind of ‘rock’ together. The CAT certainly produces very different sensations from many other positions, so it’s worth a try, and it might just take you to the heights of ecstasy. I hope it does.

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2. The free-as-air position

The man lies down on his back. The woman faces the other way and sits down on his penis. Then, in her own time, she gradually lowers herself so that – with his penis inside her – her back is lying fully outstretched on the front of his body.

The woman can feel genuinely weightless and free-as-air – which is quite a novel sensation. Another bonus is that either partner can touch the clitoris easily. So it’s different and fun – and usually a great time is had by all.

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3. The Pinner position

This is a particularly good position if you feel nervous about touching your own clitoris. You shouldn’t be of course because it’s yours – and you should feel perfectly free to stimulate it yourself if you want to.

But the thing about this position is that many men can’t really tell if you are touching your clitoris or not.

💟 How to do the Pinner position:

✔️ You lie flat on your front and he lies, face down, on top of you. He then penetrates you from behind.

✔️ But because you are flat on the bed, you get very different sensations from any rear-entry position where your bottom is up in the air.

✔️ And you can slip your hand in between the bed and your body and rub your own clitoris.

✔️ Plenty of women who have never ‘come’ during intercourse have found that they climaxed in the Pinner position.

4. The spoons position

Then there’s ‘the spoons’. This is the position where you lie on your side and your man lies curled up round your bottom (like spoons in a drawer) and penetrates you from behind.

Lots of women like this, though not all of them find it easy to orgasm on their sides. But the great advantage here is that either partner can reach down and rub the clitoris. Also, neither of you is having to take the weight of the other.

The right way to have sex

There is no right or wrong way to have sex with a partner. Every couple has to experiment to find out what works for them.

But I hope that trying out these positions will be fun – and that they may help you to have an exciting and orgasmic time.

Related Story

Last updated: 16-10-19

Dr Juliet McGrattan (MBChB) Dr Juliet McGrattan Dr Juliet McGrattan spent 16 years as a GP, two years as a Clinical Champion for Physical Activity for Public Health England and is the Women’s Health Lead for the 261 Fearless global running network. Her award winning book, Sorted: The Active Woman’s Guide to Health was published by Bloomsbury in 2017.

Helping Women Learn How to Have an Orgasm

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As a sex therapist in private practice, I have come to understand that for many women, orgasm is a satisfying aspect of both sexuality as well as personal growth.

Often women come to see a sex therapist wanting to learn how to have an orgasm while simultaneously feeling like failures because the sexual techniques they have tried haven’t resulted in having the Big O.

Learning to achieve orgasm involves your attitudes, thoughts, and feelings both about yourself and your body.

Currently, about 15-20% of women have never achieved orgasm. Many factors play into why women experience difficulty achieving orgasm including sexual values and attitudes including upbringing, religion, negative feelings about being sexual, experienced sexual trauma, negative body image, your feelings about your partner or your feelings about yourself. Also, many medications can interfere with the body’s natural ability to orgasm. Have a talk with your doctor if you are on any medications and having trouble achieving orgasm.

The following is a four-step program I use with women to help them learn how to achieve orgasm and have a happy and healthy sex life.

Step 1. Understanding Your Sexual Self

  • Learn about feelings and attitudes regarding sex.
  • Understand how your childhood shaped your beliefs about sex.
  • Connect what your religious beliefs taught you about being sexual.
  • Discuss what is normal and healthy for a sexual relationship while dating and during marriage.
  • Understand birth control, STDs, and sex for pleasure vs. sex for conception.
  • Use a hand mirror to look at your genitals.
  • Review visual aids of women’s genitalia and the DVD “Becoming Orgasmic” to begin to normalize female sexuality.

Step One helps connect women with their thoughts and feelings about the role of orgasm in their lives.

Step 2. Exploring Yourself Through Touch

  • Set aside 30-60 minutes to begin the touching exercise.
  • You may want to begin by taking a bath or shower, remaining nude, and proceeding to an area that is private. You may include oil, lubricant, or lotion.
  • Begin by touching your body all over, maybe while applying lotion. Focus on how the touch feels and the areas you are concentrating on. Move into touching the outside of your vagina and then the inside of your vagina. Try and think about which areas feel good when you touch them verses which areas just feel the touch.
  • After you finish, exhale a few breaths and think about how touching yourself made you feel and what may have come up for you as a result of doing this exercise.
  • Repeat this 5-15 times before proceeding to the next step. Repetition is the key and desensitizing to touching yourself is important. We want to normalize this behavior so it is coded as being relaxing and stress reducing, not stress producing.

Step Two is all about exploring how your genitals feel when you touch yourself. Learning how to touch yourself just to see where it feels good is a very important aspect of eventually learning how to connect with having an orgasm.

Step 3. Touching for Pleasure

  • Since masturbation is a good way to experience frequent orgasms, it gives the orgasmic response a way to become well-established. Practicing touching and masturbating will also help increase blood flow to your genitals and make it easier to achieve orgasm.
  • This is a good time to mention that masturbation won’t decrease the desire to be sexual with your partner. Instead, it will help you desire to be sexual, because it is a pleasurable experience for you!
  • Work on Cognitive Restructuring Techniques if needed during this step, such as making statements such as: “As a grown woman I deserve to experience natural pleasure” or “Being sexual is a healthy part of being an adult.”
  • During your sexual sessions, try and be attentive to your position and the timing of your session. Using a lubricant and distraction techniques such as reading erotic stories or watching romantic or sexual movies can help with arousal.

Step Three is all about learning where it feels good to touch and beginning to physically touch yourself through masturbation. Its important to know that almost all of the time, women will experience their first orgasm alone verses with a partner. This is because women generally can be more relaxed when their partner isn’t present, and they can have as much time as they need to touch themselves until it feels good without focusing on pleasing a partner.

While many women orgasm with a partner for the first time, I am specifically addressing women who have never orgasmed with a partner and want to learn to have an orgasm. Anxiety is often a part of the problem, so taking a partner out of the mix is helpful for creating a first orgasmic response.

Step 4. Touching for Pleasure, Focusing

  • Begin touching yourself for the purpose of seeing if orgasm can be achieved.
  • Understand that it may take 15, 30, or 45 minutes to achieve an orgasm. Don’t focus on watching the clock.
  • Listen to your self-talk and what you are saying aloud to yourself.
  • Introduce vibrators or sexual stimulation aids if that would be helpful.
  • Think about the use of fantasy, relaxation, and erotic movies or literature to include in this step, as you become orgasmic.

Step Four is all about the finale. By now you have worked through your thoughts and attitudes about orgasm, accepted it as a wonderful part of the sexual pleasure process, and began to learn how to touch yourself to hopefully achieve orgasm.

The final piece of advice is to see a qualified sex therapist if you need or want more support with this process. Sex therapists will work with women individually or with a partner to learn how to incorporate orgasm into the relationship.

Giving your partner just one orgasm is cause for celebration. But giving your partner multiple orgasms? Well, that’s enough reason to throw a freaking parade.

That said, one small note: the ability to come more than once comes (pun intended) far more easier for women than it does for guys. A man has to wait for their refractory period to pass before they’re ready for round two, but women don’t seem to need the same reloading phase, says Men’s Health sex advisor Debby Herbenick, Ph.D. So the following information applies almost exclusively to women and not men. (For more information about how to give your male partner multiple orgasms, check out this story.)

But just because a woman can come twice in a row doesn’t mean that she will. Studies suggest that somewhere between 14 and 40 percent of women have had multiple orgasms in one session.

So how do you help her become one of the lucky ones? Here are steps you can take to try and give her multiple orgasms.

1) Make sure she wants to have multiple orgasms to begin with.

Some women would rather cuddle after climaxing than be pressured into an encore. Plus, women differ dramatically in regard to how they can achieve one orgasm, let alone multiple orgasms, so it’s possible she may be too sensitive to want to go again for Round Two. Always check in with her before trying to make her come again, and never make her feel bad if she can’t pull off a repeat performance. (It’s like, come on guys, how often are you coming three, four, or five times in a night?)

2) Let go of any goals you’ve set for the night.

On a similar note, don’t put any expectations on her. You DON’T want to say something like, “I want you to come five times tonight.” Even if she wants to orgasm five times, it adds a lot of pressure. “The brain is by far the most important sexual organ, so if your partner feels as though there is an expectation to have multiple orgasms, then it’s probably won’t happen,” explains Cory B., kink coach and sex educator. “Instead, focus simply on facilitating an environment of pleasure for the sake of pleasure.”

3) Create lots of sexual tension.

Building up desire is a precursor to any sexual activity. But creating copious amounts of sexual tension can be just what she needs to achieve a bonus orgasm. “You want her to retain her feelings of overall arousal when her body starts to relax after having the first orgasm,” says Amie Harwick, author of The New Sex Bible for Women. So take a few minutes’ break in between. Give her a massage or just cuddle.

4) Keep her idling.

After she has an orgasm, give her clitoris a short break, as it becomes super sensitive for many women immediately after sex, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. If you’re too focused on that area, she may not be ready to go again.

5) Don’t ignore her breasts and butt.

During the time you’re idling, you can and should still attempt to keep her aroused. “Since after a clitoral orgasm, going right back into clitoral stimulation can be a lot to handle since the clit is super sensitive, try some internal or anal stimulation to give the clit a much needed break,” says Cory B. You can also play with her breasts and whisper in her ear about how beautiful she is. Your goal is to keep her in a semi-aroused state so you don’t have to start from scratch to bring her back to the top of the mountain.

6) Rev things back up.

After a woman has an orgasm, the blood that rushes to her genitals during sex lingers, making it easier for her to climax again, Kerner says. He advises men to prime their partner for round two with some dirty talk. Talking dirty will signal to your partner that the momentum is still strong.

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7) Return your attention to her genitals.

“Start with a light touch,” says Kerner. “Try lightly circling your finger or tongue over her clitoris slowly, and then work up to more extreme stimulation with an increasingly faster pace, more pressure, and intensity until she’s ready to go again.” Starting with a slow, sensual touch gives your partner more time prepare for the next one.

8) Breathe with your partner.

“We often forget to be conscious of our breath during sex,” says Cory B. “Breathing allows us to connect in a deeper way with our body and to our partner’s body. Having your partner breathe slowly and deeply while stimulating them will increase the likelihood of an orgasm, especially if it’s not the first one of the night.”

9) Try a new route.

There’s nothing wrong with sticking with what works, but you can also try bringing her to orgasm by attending to a different erogenous zone. This can work particularly well if her clitoris is still sensitive from round one. Experiment sensually with other areas like the neck, ears, and toes and see how your partner reacts.

franckreporterGetty Images

10) Alternate between sex positions.

Novelty encourages the release of the feel-good chemical dopamine, which may help her orgasm faster, says Kerner. Aim for her G-spot with positions like woman on top or doggy-style. The change in position will keep your partner on her toes.

11) Don’t be afraid to kick it up a notch.

Feeling more adventurous? Some women can climax from nipple stimulation, research finds. Lightly trace circles on her nipples with your fingers or tongue, building pressure as you go, or try sucking on them. Want to crank it up another notch? Stimulate the area between her vagina and anus with your tongue, suggests Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of Idiot’s Guides: The Kama Sutra. Some women find it mind-blowing—but you want to check with her first.

12) Take a full stop before round two (or three).

While sometimes it can be easier to have her reach multiple orgasms if they follow one after the other, other times, you need to come to a full stop. This isn’t just giving her clitoris a break, it’s giving her whole body a break. “The body needs time to recharge after orgasm, so taking a rest period after each orgasm can increase the chances of it happening again,” says Cory B. “During these breaks, drink water, eat a light snack, cuddle, and just chill out. Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

The Editors of Men’s Health The editors of Men’s Health are your personal conduit to the top experts in the world on all things important to men: health, fitness, style, sex, and more.

When it comes to giving the girl you are with a truly incredible and memorable orgasm, there is a lot you need to know. Pretty much every guy thinks that he is a stud who won’t have any problem giving every girl he hooks up with multiple orgasms, but you don’t want to be too cocky. You will first need to learn quite a few things before you can be the stud she needs you to be in the bedroom. The more of this information you get, the happier you will make her. And the happier you make your girl in the bedroom, the more enjoyment you will both get out of having sex. You might just be surprised at how little you really know when it comes to pleasing a girl.

Get her Relaxed

If you really want to give her the best orgasm ever, you will definitely need to get her relaxed first. If she isn’t in a completely relaxed state, there is pretty much zero chance of you bringing her sexual pleasure in any meaningful way. There are a lot of different ways to relax your girl, including giving her a massage or eating her out before you actually start having sex. Foreplay is essential when it comes to relaxing her and getting her to cum like crazy.

Sex Positions for the best possible Orgasm

There are certain sex positions that are better than others for getting her to cum like never before, so you will need to keep that in mind as well. The more you change up these positions, the better your chances are going to be of giving her more pleasure than she has ever experienced before in her life. Make sure she is lying down on her back with your body arched over her. You can also try doggy style, as this will allow you to get in especially deep. The position that you use during sex can have a dramatic effect on how powerful her orgasm is.

==> Use This Technique To Make Her SQUIRT Everytime & Everwhere INSTANTLY! <==

There is what is known as the “advanced doggy style” position that you will want to know about. You will want to start off in the normal “doggy style” position, guiding her head down so it’s on the bed, making sure her ass is still up in the iar. Place a paillow underneath her stomach and tell her to rest on it. This will make her totally relaxed and completely ready to get pounded. Next you will want to just go for it. Keep a hard and steady pace while still remaining consistent. Try to keep thrusting for about five minutes. If you can manage to do that, she will have an extremely intense shooting orgasm.

The G-spot missionary position is another great sure fire way to make her squirt and scream like mad. You will want to start off by assuming the normal missionary position, taking both of her legs and placing them over both of your shoulders. Make sure that you place a pillow under her lower back and slightly arch her legs up so that her ass is just off the bed.

All you will have to do is thrust hard and keep a consistent pace. You can mix things up by moving towards her face and whispering some dirty things to her. Take just the one leg and pump into her over and over just like that. This is such a great way to get her to squirt like she’s never squirted before.

The Girl on Top position is another one that can be quite effective when it comes to getting a girl to orgasm more intensely than she ever has before. First you will need to grab a chair and tell her to sit on top, making sure she leans back and holds onto the edge of the chair, arching her back while she does this.

It will be up to her to do all of the work, but you will need to tell her to ride you hard. Talk her through it by saying some dirty things to her so she really gets turned on and keeps going. You should make a point of rotating through these positions, because the last thing you want is to keep doing the same thing over and over.

It’s all about teasing

If you want to really make her toes curl in the bedroom, you will first need to learn the art of teasing. A lot of guys just want to jump right into fucking, but this is a horrible mistake that should be avoided altogether. Your tongue is a very powerful muscle when it comes to teasing girls and bringing them pleasure, so you will want to use it as much as possible and in many different ways. Your fingers are also incredibly important when it comes to teasing, and we’ll discuss how you can use them to drive her crazy.

Steps to follow

These tips will help you become a pro at teasing girls so they will have the best orgasms they have ever experienced. It’s important that you read these steps over numerous times so that you don’t mess up when the moment of truth comes around.

  1. Begin by running your fingertips up and down her inner thighs. You don’t want to touch her pussy at all just yet.
  2. Start kissing and licking her inner thighs as well as running your hands up and down her legs, moving closer and closer to her pussy without actually touching it.
  3. After you have done this for a little while (don’t drag it out too long), start moving up to the area just under her pussy.
  4. You will want to start by very lightly running your fingers across the outside of her pussy, along the inside creases between her labia majora (outer lips) and thighs. It’s important that you not actually touch her pussy yet.
  5. Kiss and lick her outer labia, going back to her inner thighs and even her pelvis (the part of her waist just above the pussy and below the belly button.)
  6. Once you have done this for a minute or so, start stroking and then kissing and licking the inner lips of her vagina, going back to her inner thighs and pelvis.
  7. You can finally start licking and touching her vaginal opening now.
  8. Make sure that you do this touch the clitoris yet. At this point you should make her feel like you are giving attention to everything except her clitoris. She may try to guide your hand to her clitoris or tell you to touch it, but you must resist. This is the whole point of teasing, so don’t give in. Whisper “patience” to her as you keep kissing and licking the areas around her clitoris. When you finally do get to her clit, she is going to go crazy with pleasure.

Basics of Squirting

What a woman squirts out of her vagina upon orgasm contains very small amounts of urine, though overall it is closer to male semen in terms of what it is made up of. If you are able to make a girl squirt, you know that you have done something right. As a guy who is trying to please his girl, it should be your ultimate goal to make her squirt as much as possible. There are a lot of different ways to do this, including the sex positions mentioned above.

Making a girl squirt really isn’t as difficult or time consuming as it might seem. Once you get your technique down pat, you will most likely find that making her squirt will come effortlessly for you. If you make a girl squirt you definitely know she is really turned on, which is obviously a good sign overall. Not all girls are big squirters, but you can get any girl to squirt if you use the right technique.

Create a Comfortable Environment

Make sure that the girl you are with in bed is completely relaxed, because otherwise there is virtually no chance of making her squirt. This could mean putting some music on, lighting candles or even giving her a nice long back rub. The fact is that she will need to be relaxed in order to have such an intense squirting orgasm from sex with you. Make sure that you dim the lights, as most women don’t want to have sex with the lights on.

You should also make a point of selecting a nice water-based lubricant to use with her. This will quickly increase her level of arousal. You should also make certain that you have trimmed your fingernails so they are short and won’t hurt her if you decide to do some fingering. If your nails are long, it can actually scratch and hurt her vagina quite a bit.

Foreplay

There is truly nothing like some good foreplay to make her squirt. There are quite a few different things that you will need to know when it comes to making your girl squirt. The way that you eat her pussy before you actually start having intercourse will be incredibly important. First you want to tease her vagina with your tongue, just licking around before going full force inside.

Step-by-step Instructions

Once she is ready, you will want to tear off her panties and get on top of her. Grab her neck and kiss her hard. Then slowly start to move your hand down to her pussy. Start rubbing her clitoris ever so gently. You will then need to grab the lube and use some on her to increase the pleasure. Make sure that her pussy is already wet before you start using the lube though. If she is good and wet, you can start fingering her. Start by stimulating her g-spot (you learned how to do that earlier on), going back and forth in a come-hither motion. Make sure that you start slow and soft, building your way up.

Next you will want to insert another finger and start again. Go slowly at first, gradually building up the speed and intensity of your strokes. You should keep doing this for at least five to ten minutes. She should be starting to moan at this point if you are doing it right. The next step involves what actually makes her squirt. When you have two fingers inside of her, turn your palm so that it’s on the clitoris while your two fingers are hitting her g-spot.

Your other hand is going to be on the left-middle part of her abdomen and close to her vagina, right above the pelvic bone where her bone starts. You will be pressing down with a decent amount of pressure on this part of the stomach with your hand.

As you are pressing down with your other hand, your palm should be on her clitoris with your fingers stimulating the g-spot. Start speeding things up, going faster and faster. You will notice her start to become more and more wrapped up in the sheer pleasure. Keep going until she starts to squirt!

Switch it up

The method we just discussed involved using your fingers, but some girls don’t always enjoy that. You will definitely need to try switching things up. The girl you are with might just prefer to get fucked hard. If you try fingering her but she doesn’t squirt, you can always try fucking her hard and deep. This method usually works, especially with girls who don’t really like to be fingered. When she starts getting all hot and bothered, get on top of her and throw her legs over your shoulders. Spread them apart until your pelvis is touching her clitoris. Next you will want to start rocking back and forth. This movement will allow your penis to stroke her g-spot deeply while rubbing up against her clit.

This will get a lot of girls to ejaculate, but only if you do it right. If this does not work, you will have to keep going until she is moaning like crazy. Then, while you are passionately kissing her, start to finger it as you pull out. Slowly breathe warm air onto her vagina as you finger it. Then you will want to suck her vagina into your mouth as you finger her. Start going faster and faster with the movement described above.

This method is a great way to stimulate any woman and get her to moan and squirt like she has never experienced. Some girls prefer to get fucked for a while before coming, while others prefer oral sex. You will be able to tell by her reaction which she enjoys more. By doing this you will be able to give her more pleasure than she ever thought possible. There are a lot of different ways to go about pleasuring a woman, but these part by far the best.

The Double Grip

There is another technique called the “double grip” that you will definitely want to know about when it comes to giving a girl the best orgasms of her life. Try grabbing both of her butt cheeks when she is on top. While this may sound a little simplistic or even strange, the buttocks are packed with nerve endings and are more sensitive than you might think. By doing this while she is riding you on top, you might just send her over the edge into fits of pleasure and ecstasy. Make sure that you don’t grab her cheeks too firmly though, as you don’t want it to be a painful experience.

Improvisation

There is always at least a little bit of room for improvisation when it comes to sex, so you will need to remember that as well. You definitely don’t want to get too caught up in following a specific set of steps every time you have sex, because that will get boring. If you don’t want the sex to become too mechanical, you should be spontaneous, improvising when it is appropriate. Always use your head when it comes to deciding what to do, because one wrong move could mean a very abrupt end to the fun.

The Drop Trick

The “drop trick” involves steady clitoral contact, but you will need to make sure that she is properly lubricated before starting. Pool just a couple of drops of lube on your penis and thrust into her in short, rhythmic strokes while pressing your body against her pubic mount.

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