- The Top 3 Secrets to Achieving a Female Orgasm
- 2. Know Her Sweet Spots
- 3. Try Female-Friendly Sexual Positions
- 3 Proven Ways to Make Your Partner Orgasm Every Time
- Unexpected Benefits of Orgasm
- Barriers to Orgasm
- Keys to Unlocking the Secret
- The Golden Trio
- Practical Tips You Can Learn From Science
- 1. Touch your taint
- 2. Do kegels
- 3. Change your diet
- 4. Hold back
- 5. Find your G-spot
- 6. Boost your testosterone
- 7. Stroke your sack
- 8. Focus on the physical
- 9. Just breathe
- 10. Shorten your refractory period
- 11. Lower your blood pressure
- Having Stronger Female Orgasms, In 9 Toe-Curling Steps
- 1. Do Your Kegels
- 2. Figure Out Your Timing
- 3. Experiment With Your Breath
- 4. Compare Your Own Technique With Your Partner’s
- 5. Stay Sober
- 6. Bring In Reinforcements
- 7. Use Lube
- 8. Try Multiple Types Of Stimulation
- 9. Love Your Body As It Is
- 1. Ramp up the Foreplay
- 2. Delay Gratification
- 3. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise
- 4. Turn Up the Heat
- 5. Try the Tantric Method
- 6. Sip a Sex Tonic
- 7. Recharge Your Batteries
- 8. Strike at the Optimal Moment
- 9. Step Up for a Quickie
- 10. Try a New Rhythm Method
- 11 Ways To Have A Better Orgasm — and Finally Stop Faking It
- 1. Use Your Love Muscle
- 2. Take It to the Edge
- 3. Watch Saturday’s Big Match, or Go to the Gym
- 4. Don’t Play With Yourself
- 5. Take a Deep Breath
- 6. Use Your Brain
- 7. Heat Things Up
- 8 Ways Men Can Have Stronger, More Pleasurable Orgasms
- Live On The Edge
- Squeeze, Please
- Give Your Penis a Workout
- Breathe Right
- Toy Around
- Play Ball
- Open Up The Back Door
- Eat Clean
- Cut Back on the Booze
The Top 3 Secrets to Achieving a Female Orgasm
The key is to emphasize the “play” in foreplay. It’s shouldn’t be rushed or treated like an obligatory task. In fact, foreplay can begin hours before sex actually occurs, and every minute of it will prepare her for an orgasm. Here are some tips for getting both of you in the mood.
- Stimulate her mentally. For some women, mental arousal is just as important as physical arousal. A sexy note or a flirtatious call during the day can get her thinking about your upcoming liaison. Candles, fresh flowers, and mood music can also create a loving and sensuous atmosphere. For many women, closeness and emotional intimacy can lead to better sexual experiences and more orgasms.
- Use a tender touch. Caressing her gently can create sexual tension before you go any further. Hug her, hold her hand, or touch her thigh. Female orgasm is more likely to happen if, when you’re kissing a woman, you let your hands roam to more erotic regions of her body. (Another hint: Yes, the breasts are an erogenous zone, but they’re not the only one! Try stroking her back or her thighs, or sliding your fingers into her hair.)
- Take kissing to the next level. Kissing is essential to foreplay. Discovering new places to kiss that turn her on is both fun and rewarding. Try the back of her neck or her shoulders for starters.
- Don’t forget to talk. Women tend to be more verbal, and hearing how good she’s making you feel can help her open up and have fun.
2. Know Her Sweet Spots
There are two places on the body that are critical to female orgasm. Here’s how to stimulate them so she can achieve orgasm.
- The clitoris This tiny organ contains a high concentration of nerve endings and can be found near the top of the vulva. The clitoris is covered by a little bit of skin called the “clitoral hood,” which keeps it from being stimulated all the time, so you may have to coax the clitoris out by touching or licking it. Once she’s aroused, the hood will draw back and the clitoris will become erect.
- The G-spot This other orgasmic area is located inside the vagina. It’s a bundle of nerve endings about two inches up from the pubic bone on the inner, upper wall of the vagina. To find the G-spot, gently slide your finger inside her vagina with your palm facing up, then curl your finger up. Be warned — some women love having their G-spot directly stimulated, while others prefer less pressure on this sensitive area. Explore different techniques and ask your partner which she likes best.
3. Try Female-Friendly Sexual Positions
Given what you’ve just learned, you can pretty much guess that the best sexual positions for female orgasm involve those that provide maximum stimulation to the clitoris or G-spot (or both!). These positions include:
- Woman on top This position provides some of the best stimulation of the G-spot, given the angle of the penis. She also can move her body in a way that stimulates her clitoris.
- Rear entry This position isn’t so great for clitoral stimulation, but provides excellent penetration and stimulation of the G-spot. Either of you can reach under during sex to rub the clitoris.
- Sitting Having your partner sit on your lap allows for both deep penetration and good clitoral stimulation. It also provides plenty of intimacy.
Notice that the missionary position isn’t on this list? It’s difficult for a man to stimulate the clitoris when he’s on top, unless he really grinds his pelvis into his partner. The angle of penetration is also all wrong for G-spot stimulation.
Still having trouble? Don’t be afraid to ask your partner for feedback, to make sure she likes what you’re doing. Women may want to consider working with a sex therapist, or getting a medical checkup to see if any diseases or medications are affecting their ability to reach orgasm. Achieving the female orgasm may require some trial and error, but don’t forget to have fun while you’re trying. Your sex life will thank you.
When you’re close to orgasm, there’s nothing worse than a ringing phone or a crying kid in the next room or an awkward sex position abruptly ruining the moment. Suddenly sliding away from that peak is disappointing, to say the least. That’s doubly true for women, many of whom find it much harder to achieve orgasm during penetrative sex. In fact, according to a recent survey, only 65 percent of heterosexual women consistently reach the pinnacle of pleasure during sex.
So what can you do to help her reach that peak? Help her relax, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D. “Studies show that in order for a woman to achieve orgasm, the part of her brain associated with stress, emotion, and anxiety has to shut down,” he says. Translation: if you make a woman feel so good that she completely forgets about everything else, then you’re highly likely to give her an orgasm.
Of course, every woman is different, so what one woman loves in bed another woman might loathe. That said, there are a few moves that do tend to work — so if your partner is having trouble getting to the finish line, try these tips from real women and sexual health experts.
1) Get to know the clitoris.
First things first: the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, period. In fact, a study of more than 1,000 women in 2017 revealed that only 18 percent of ladies can orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. So when you’re having sex, you want to spend as much time stimulating her clitoris as possible.
Some sex positions make it easier to do this than others. Rachel* reveals this trick: “When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position, have him shift his body slightly forward so that, every time he thrusts, his penis rubs against your clitoris.” This tactic is even more orgasmic if the woman’s legs are together and the man’s are straddling her, says Ellen Friedrichs, M.A., an adjunct professor of human sexuality at Rutgers University. You can achieve the same effect when she’s on top by propping yourself up on your elbows, which places your abdomen in closer contact with her clitoris.
2) Pay more attention to her butt.
Unless anal is on the menu, too often a woman’s butt is sidelined during sex. And that’s a shame, because “the buttocks are packed with nerve endings,” says Gilda Carle, Ph.D., a sex therapist in New York City. “To give her a surprising jolt of pleasure, spread your fingers wide and squeeze both buttocks.”
That said, be gentle, and take it one step at a time. Yes, of course, there are women out there who crave a good spanking, but until you’ve had a conversation about this sort of thing, just keep it simple and light.
3) Learn what she likes — and follow her lead
As we mentioned above, direct clitoral stimulation is the most surefire way to bring many women to orgasm — and oral sex is a pretty good way of going about that. “Going down on a woman allows you to get a real sense of the stimulation she likes at every stage of arousal, especially the final one,” says Kerner.
To find out more about what she likes and doesn’t like, let her take the lead. When you’re giving her oral sex, get between her legs and give her a solid base of lips, tongue, and even chin to rub against. At first, use your hands to guide her hips to let her know you want her to do the grinding. When she takes over, note how hard she’s pushing and in what direction. Use that information later when using your fingers or mouth to please her.
4) Don’t stop kissing her.
Once things get more heated, you might be tempted to focus less on kissing in favor of more X-rated pleasures. But deep kissing is a must for female orgasm, according to a 2017 survey of more than 50,000 adults. The findings revealed that women were much more likely to reach orgasm if their sexual encounter included a combination of deep kissing, oral sex and genital stimulation.
5) Lube up.
No matter how hot and heavy you guys are getting, without adequate lubrication, it’s easy for sex to become uncomfortable or even painful for her. “Lubrication increases the comfort and speed with which you can penetrate the vagina and grind against the clitoris,” says Friedrichs. “But sometimes, no matter how turned on a woman might be psychologically, she can have trouble getting wet.”
In fact, studies have shown that sex is more enjoyable for women when they use even moderate amounts of lube. And here’s another fun fact: Men who add extra lubrication to their condoms during intercourse tend to last longer in bed, according to research published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine. Try squirting a few drops of lube onto the end of your penis; then thrust with short, rhythmic strokes while pressing your body against her pubic mound. (We love uberlube, $28, buy here.)
6) Focus on her neck.
Our necks are highly responsive touch pads: the skin is thin there, and the blood vessels are close to the surface. So it’s not surprising that researchers have found that the neck is one of the best places to stimulate a woman using light touch (so no hickeys, please).
When you’re having sex and she’s clearly moving toward orgasm, brush your lips from her collarbone to her jaw, then give her neck soft, warm kisses to drive her wild.
7) Don’t be afraid to talk dirty.
In the heat of the moment, a string of well-chosen four-letter words can work wonders.
“Nothing makes me hotter than when he describes what he’s doing to me in explicit language,” says my friend Lana. “But I’m picky—there are certain terms that drive me wild, and others that make me cringe.”
Test the waters by “complimenting her or talking about how good what doing feels,” advises Friedrichs. If she responds with “Oh, yeah” or a similarly enthusiastic phrase, she wants more.
If you’re hesitant, a simple compliment about how attractive you find your partner will do the trick. “You don’t have to tell or make pornographic sounds, but saying something specific about me is sexy while we’re in bed is perfect,” says Emily.
8) Break out the toys.
If your partner never hits her high note, no matter now hard you try, it might be time to enlist the help of sex toys. In fact, she’ll probably be more than happy to pull out the Hitachi Magic Wand from her bedside drawer: more than 50 percent of women use vibrators to help them achieve orgasm, according to a 2009 study.
Hold the vibrator against her clitoris as you move from one position to another and enjoy the show. Just remember to ask her preferences about pressure and speed: you don’t want to start too fast and heavy right off the bat.
9) Ask her what she wants.
This might sound obvious, but asking your partner exactly what makes her hot is the best way to help her orgasm. In fact, studies have shown that people who are more comfortable talking about sex have better sex, because they feel less anxious during intercourse. Discussing her fantasies, preferences, and turn-offs (without judgement) will make her feel more comfortable — which will, in turn, lead to both of you having incredible orgasms.
*Last names have been withheld to allow subjects to speak freely on private matters.
Nicole Beland Nicole Beland is Nicole Beland is a freelance journalist living in New York. Melissa Matthews Health Writer Melissa Matthews is the Health Writer at Men’s Health, covering the latest in food, nutrition, and health.
3 Proven Ways to Make Your Partner Orgasm Every Time
Despite having the only organ in the human body whose sole function is pleasure, people with clitorises can find it notoriously difficult to have an orgasm. Consistently giving someone with a clitoris an earth-shaking orgasm is a mystery that ranks among the Bermuda Triangle, Scotland’s beloved Nessie, and the quandary of missing socks. Many people pretend to be experts, but in truth, only a selected few crack the code.
However, sex researchers have been asking some smart questions, and with their help, we’re lifting the veil and revealing practical tips for orgasmic success (and for people with penises too—they tend to have an easier time of it, but that’s not true for everyone).
Depending on the study, the numbers vary, but about 95 percent of heterosexual men have an orgasm during sex. But straight ladies? It ranges between 50 and 70 percent, more often on the lower end.
Unexpected Benefits of Orgasm
Orgasms offer a host of benefits beyond the rosy glow and bounty of passion—there are perks aplenty for everyone to enjoy. Here are a few of the bonus rewards orgasms bring into your life.
- In the throes of pleasure, your brain releases vast amounts of the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin helps decrease stress, promote closeness, curb food cravings, and reduce pain. If all those things came in the form of a pill, we’d be crying, “Shut up and take my money.”
- There’s a reason you feel sleepy after an orgasm. Oxytocin works with the hormones vasopressin and prolactin to ease you into dreamland.
- If you get sick often, the best prescription is more orgasms. They boost immunity by increasing your white blood cells and immunoglobulin A antibodies.
- Orgasms can help you live longer. Women who have more orgasms have longer telomeres, the insulating caps on your DNA that control how fast you age. See? The fountain of youth was within you all along.
- And men get unique benefits like protection from prostate cancer, cardiovascular disease, and death.
So, why are men soaking up all the satisfaction?
Barriers to Orgasm
Science has been trying to answer this question for a long time.
Part of the issue is the different types of orgasm, for women (and other people with clits) in particular. Some women reach orgasm easier through clitoral stimulation, while others prefer vaginal sex. And some women can only achieve orgasm if they have both.
Many people have psychological or physical barriers, especially if they’ve experienced sexual trauma or uncomfortable complications, and some people simply get stuck in their head, ruminating on insecurities or fears.
Many women fake orgasms, and while many women fake with positive intentions, it can create problems as a result of miscommunication and unrealistic expectations—as evidenced by the fact that 85 percent of heterosexual men say their partner orgasmed last time they had sex, but only 64 percent of women report actually having one.
But most of these obstacles can be overcome—thanks, #science!
Keys to Unlocking the Secret
Plenty of studies are being done with the objective of offering tangible advice to help folks achieve a better sex life.
A study in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy indicates that 36 percent of women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Compare that to the 18 percent of women who orgasm from vaginal sex. Sounds simple, right? Yeah, not so much: They also found that specific types of clitoral stimuli are better than others, with up-and-down motions getting better results than circular movements overall.
Turns out, most women prefer a gentle touch to firm pressure on their clitoris (… which most women could have already told you), and almost half of the women in the study said there’s one specific touch that sends them to orgasm. So just ask! (We’re not leaving you hanging, but you also need to do some of the work yourself.)
The Golden Trio
An innovative study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior offers a little more clarity into our most burning question: What leads to orgasm? Using data from a diverse group of almost 53,000 people, researchers sought to discover who orgasms—and why. This study reports on people who identify as straight, gay, and bisexual, but didn’t get into issues of trans and gender non-conforming individuals.
They uncovered three significant factors that are most likely to result in orgasm. This “golden trio” can help ensure your partner is never disappointed:
This one is for the ladies: Women who receive more oral during sex are much more likely to reach orgasm. They won’t necessarily get there through oral sex alone, though: The key to orgasm is to incorporate oral with a variety of other sexual techniques. As is so often the case, variety is the spice of life (and sexual satisfaction).
Both men and women say they’re more likely to orgasm if sex lasts more than 15 minutes. Women are even more likely to orgasm if the sex is longer than 30 minutes (or an hour). Quickies have their place, but reaching orgasm might not be the best primary goal—especially if you plan on including oral. Proper foreplay just takes time.
Women who are happy in their relationship are more likely to orgasm (a novel idea, no doubt), and relationship satisfaction is one of the highest predictors of orgasm for women. This is a tricky one, though. It’s unclear which came first—does a happy relationship promote a healthy sex life, or does a great sex life contribute to relationship satisfaction?
These are the main findings from the study, but the researchers also stumbled on a few other things that lead to orgasm.
Women who frequently orgasm do more of these things.
- Try new positions
- Act out their fantasies
- Ask for something they want during sex
- Show expressions of love during sex
- Praise their partner for something they did during sex
- Wear sexy lingerie
- Include a variety of sexual acts
- Sext their partner
A whopping 80 of women orgasm as a result of this magical combination.
- Oral sex
- Vaginal sex
- Manual (hand) clitoral stimulation
- Deep kissing
Men who have more orgasms tend to do these things.
- Wear sexy underwear
- Receive a massage or back rub
- Ask for something they want during sex
- Praise their partner for something they did during sex
- Take a bath or shower with their partner
- Sext their partner
- Set aside time for sex
Practical Tips You Can Learn From Science
How does this help you make sure your partner orgasms every time?
Next time you’re getting lucky, take your time and mix things up. Go down on your partner (and stay down there)! Try something new, bring back the eroticism of kissing, and ask your partner what they want.
Men don’t struggle as much with orgasms, but some do. If you’re having trouble getting a guy off, take your time. Offer him a back rub. Make sure you’re setting time aside for romance, so he knows it’s not a chore. Provide an environment where he can ask for what he wants and explore fantasies.
Most importantly, work on your relationship. You’re both more likely to orgasm if you’re happy. One great way to make sure that happens is to communicate—you can build a healthy habit in your relationship as well as your sex life. Communication is an essential tool in the success of orgasm, and if your partner knows what touch sends them into rapture, you’ll find out much faster by asking. If your partner is unhappy, you’ll achieve more through a supportive dialogue.
Nicole was trained as a sex and relationship researcher, but as a writer, she works to bridge the gap between academia and the masses by making science enjoyable. When she’s not writing, she’s climbing mountains and photographing her adventures. You can find her at nicolematkins.com.
Find me a man who doesn’t want to have more intense orgasms. It’s next to impossible! We all want to experience those full-body, Earth-shattering orgasms.
If you learned a killer new workout that made your body feel incredible, you’d likely share it with your friends. But when it comes to sex, men aren’t as liable to trade tips. This is a shame, because most men could use some help in the bedroom, both when it comes to pleasing their partner and making their own orgasms stronger.
Because you’re not likely to get much advice from your friends, we spent some time chatting with sexologists and poring over the latest research to see what we could find. In the end, we came up with 11 effective ways for men to take their orgasms and ejaculations to the next level. Strap in and listen up.
1. Touch your taint
If you haven’t already been introduced, meet your taint—or your perineum, if we’re getting technical. It’s the strip of skin between your balls and your butt, and it’s one of many highly erogenous zones that responds well to sexual stimulation. “This area is packed with nerve-endings, so it feels really sensitive,” says Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., coauthor of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy.
Some guys say that by applying pressure to this area, they’re able to have multiple orgasms—which is probably because you can stimulate your prostate gland externally via your perineum. During intercourse or oral sex, ask your partner to place a finger here and press onto it until the pressure feels just right.
2. Do kegels
Take a tip out of your partner’s sex playbook. “You know how women do kegel exercises and say it strengthens their vaginal orgasm? Men can do the same,” says Alex Robboy, a sex therapist in Philadelphia.
Essentially, kegel exercises are a way of contracting the muscles of the pelvic floor, which give you greater control and intensity during sex. Try lifting your penis up and down with your muscles, or even try to “write the alphabet with the tip of your penis,” suggests Robboy.
3. Change your diet
Getting in shape will help every facet of your sex life, and part of getting in shape is eating better.
Start with greens. Spinach helps dilate blood vessels, which can increase blood flow to the genitals. Other greens like kale, cabbage, and bok choy are good sources of folate, which helps reproductive health.
Next, make sure you’re eating eggs. They’re rich in B vitamins, which ease stress and are important for a healthy libido, which means better orgasms.
Finally, get down with some oatmeal. Oats and whole grains are one of the few natural ways to boost testosterone in your bloodstream. More testosterone equals stronger orgasms.
4. Hold back
Delayed gratification can be hard to master, but when it comes to your orgasm, it’s well worth it. A recent study in the Journal of Sex Research advocated “edging,” or the practice of purposefully delaying orgasm for a more intense climax. The study showed that if people paused when they were about 90 percent of the way to climax, and then resumed after slowing down a bit, their eventual orgasm was way more powerful.
It’s an easy way to amp up your game: Bring yourself to the “edge” of your orgasm, slow down, pause, and then start back up again. Try to do this two or three times before letting yourself go.
5. Find your G-spot
It turns out that men have an equivalent to the G-spot: the prostate. You can stimulate it externally by applying pressure to your perineum, but if you’re interested in maximizing pleasure—and you’re feeling a little adventurous—you’ll have to do a little anal probing.
Have your partner lube up the soft pad of a finger and stick it about 2 inches inside your butt. You’ll know the spot when you feel it: it’s a small, chestnut-sized lump that feels super sensitive. Once you get there, apply some pressure and light thrusting.
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6. Boost your testosterone
The manly hormone that helps you orgasm is the same one that your body produces when you root for your favorite sports team, lift weights at the gym, or watch Game of Thrones.
Research from Athens’ Military Hospital in Greece found that when you have more T in your bloodstream, you’re more likely to orgasm—and do it big. Before your next romp, try some testosterone-boosting activities like going for a run.
7. Stroke your sack
Just before you ejaculate, your testicles rise up near your body to give more power to your ejaculation. “If you press gently upward on the testicles just before ejaculation, it’s likely to be very arousing,” says Goldman.
Ask your partner to place the palm of her hand upward on your balls, moving them a little closer to your body. It’ll heighten your arousal and increase the intensity of your orgasm.
8. Focus on the physical
Sometimes during sex, you’ll get lost in your head—thinking about how hot your partner is, pondering the best porn you’ve ever watched, or even thinking about what’s for dinner. For a better orgasm, return to your body.
Think about it like this: If you’re running, you’ll get a completely different workout if you’re letting your mind wander than if you’re completely concentrating on your form. “Focus on the physical sensation,” says Robboy, and you’ll feel your body responding differently.
9. Just breathe
“This comes from tantric sex, where you’re supposed to move the stroke with your breath,” says Goldman.
Zero in on your breath, and try to slow it down until it’s in tune with your thrusts.
When you’re just about to come, you’ll notice your heart rate and breathing naturally start to speed up—but keeping it slower will improve the amount of oxygen and blood flow that reaches your genitals, making your climax even stronger.
10. Shorten your refractory period
Mentally, you may want to go for another round after achieving a great orgasm, but most guys physically can’t get another erection immediately following sex.
“A refractory period is the time after a man ejaculates when he is no longer able to have an erection,” Emily Morse, sexologist and host of the Sex With Emily podcast, previously told Men’s Health. This period is different for every guy and can last anywhere from minutes to a full day.
However, there are ways to shorten this phase, she explains. The best way to decrease refractory time is by increasing arousal.
“This could be doing something different, like trying out a toy or talking dirty (or dirtier than usual). Even small changes can be just the novelty and excitement needed to rev up the engines for round two,” she said.
11. Lower your blood pressure
First, you should maintain a low blood pressure for the sake of your overall health. However, keeping your blood pressure low can also help with your sex life. That’s because damage from high blood pressure limits blood flow throughout your body–including the penis. This can make it difficult to maintain erections. Plus, high blood pressure is linked to problems with ejaculation and reduced sexual desire, according to the Mayo Clinic.
The Editors of Men’s Health The editors of Men’s Health are your personal conduit to the top experts in the world on all things important to men: health, fitness, style, sex, and more.
Having Stronger Female Orgasms, In 9 Toe-Curling Steps
We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today’s topic: how women can have stronger, more intense orgasms.
Q: It took me a while to figure it out, but I finally learned how to orgasm! My first few orgasms felt really tiny. I figured I was still learning how to have them and thought they would become more intense. It’s been a few months though, and they still don’t feel all that pleasurable. Don’t get me wrong — it feels good! But I want my orgasms to feel stronger. What can I do?
A: Thanks for your question, and congrats on your first orgasm! Learning how to orgasm is an incredibly exciting process, and it’s natural to want to know what the “next step” is. Here are nine tips for making your orgasms even more pleasurable.
1. Do Your Kegels
Perhaps the best thing you can do to improve the strength of your orgasms is to exercise your PC muscles. These muscles form a sort of hammock around your sexual organs, and contract when you have an orgasm. You can locate your PC muscles the next time you’re urinating. Try to cut off your flow of urine before your bladder is empty. You’ll notice an internal “pulling up” type of feeling. Practice squeezing and releasing these muscles throughout the day, and during sex.
Kegels are really easy to do, but it can be tricky to remember to do them! If you need some help developing and sticking to a Kegel routine, check out the K-Goal by Minna Life or the Luna Smart Bead by LELO. Both products guide you through specific Kegel training routines, and the K-Goal app can connect to your smartphone and show you nifty visuals of your progress!
2. Figure Out Your Timing
How much time you give yourself before tipping over the edge into orgasm can affect how powerful those orgasms will be. Some women will have stronger orgasms if they go for gold quickly, while other women respond better to drawing things out. Your own personal timeline can vary from one sexual experience to another, but most women tend to fall on one end of the spectrum.
You can use masturbation to try to get a sense of your optimal timing. The next time you masturbate, try to get yourself to orgasm as quickly as possible. You may need to move your hand much faster, or use more pressure than you normally do. See what your orgasm feels like after this rigorous stimulation! The next time, try going as slowly and gently as you can. Get yourself to the edge of orgasm, then move your hand away and take a break. Get close again, and then take another break. Do this as many times as you can stand, and compare this orgasm to the faster one.
3. Experiment With Your Breath
How you breathe plays a big role in how you orgasm. Just like with timing, different women like different things. Some women find that focusing on their breaths and taking long, slow, deep breaths will make their orgasms more powerful. Other women feel more aroused with rapid, shallow breaths (just be careful not to hyperventilate). Yet others will feel their orgasm more intensely if they hold their breaths right before climaxing (again, don’t take this too far or you’ll risk passing out!). Try all three different types of breathing patterns, and see which one works best for you.
4. Compare Your Own Technique With Your Partner’s
Some women can have better orgasms using their own hands, since they’re able to be more in tune with exactly what they want from moment to moment. Other women will orgasm harder at the hands (or mouth!) of a partner, because they like the element of surprise that comes with not knowing what your partner is going to do next. Try comparing the orgasms you have on your own with the ones your partner gives you — without judgement.
5. Stay Sober
A lot of women will have a few drinks to put them more at ease before having sex. Alcohol might lower your inhibitions, but it can also greatly decrease your experience of pleasure. If you want to have stronger orgasms, lay off the sauce that day!
6. Bring In Reinforcements
Using a vibrator is one of the easiest ways to intensify your orgasms. Vibrators are able to deliver a type of sensation that hands, tongues, and penises simply can’t recreate. If you want to use a vibrator on your own, check out the unintimidating Mimi Soft by Je Joue. If you want to use one when you’re with a partner, check out the EVA by Dame Products. It tucks into your labial folds and unobtrusively gives you clitoral stimulation during partnered sex.
7. Use Lube
This is another easy win for stronger orgasms! Putting a little bit of lube on your clitoris will make everything feel so much better, even if you feel like you get “wet enough” on your own. Natural lubrication doesn’t last a particularly long time, so most women will get some mild chafing during sexual activity. Even if you’re not consciously aware of feeling pain, any sort of discomfort can decrease the pleasure of your orgasm.
8. Try Multiple Types Of Stimulation
If you’re trying to orgasm, you’re probably focusing the majority of your attention on your clitoris. That’s great! Seventy percent of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. But don’t forget about all of the other erogenous zones in your body. Stimulating different areas of your body simultaneously can lead to more intense orgasms.
A lot of women like the combination of penetration and clitoral stimulation. You can try touching your clitoris while your partner uses their hand inside of you. Have them make a “come here” motion with their fingers to stimulate your G-spot. Or you can try playing with your backdoor. A huge number of women will orgasm faster and stronger with just the smallest bit of pressure on the anus. Try having your partner use just a fingertip if you’re squeamish or new to anal play.
9. Love Your Body As It Is
Studies have directly linked body confidence with the ability to orgasm — and even with the quality of the orgasms themselves. Body confidence is a struggle for most women, and is obviously something that takes time. But knowing that you could improve your orgasm by being kinder to yourself just might be the motivation you need.
There’s also something to be said about accepting and loving your orgasm it as it is. It’s so easy for women to get wrapped up in not being “good enough,” and orgasm is another one of the endless number of ways that women can feel inadequate. It’s natural to want to experience as much pleasure as possible, but try not to obsess about your orgasm or judge yourself because of it. Enjoy and appreciate what you’ve got, and see where that takes you.
Want to learn more orgasm techniques? Check out my online orgasm school designed to teach women how to orgasm on their own and with a partner!
Images: Lulu Lovering/Flickr; Giphy
No one actually needs to rally for the wonders of an orgasm when there’s enough research—as psychologist and sex therapist Mary Jo Rapini explains—that the tremor-inducing release of serotonin and endorphins can boost the immune system and decrease stress and anxiety.
But when there’s still a wide “pleasure gap” to bridge today—the term describing the slim number of women who experience orgasms during sex in relation to men—the main question is how.
Below, we consulted advice from across the scientific spectrum, from medical studies to sexperts to sex therapists, on ways to enhance the female orgasm and feel connected to your partner without giving up your primal right to come.
1. Ramp up the Foreplay
A study in the journal Hormones and Behavior shows that an increases in the “love drug” oxytocin helped couples have more intense orgasms. It doesn’t require any supplements for a big boost in the hormone, though, as your average cuddling, hugging, kissing, and bonding activities can do the trick. Make sure to carve out more bonding time with each other or extend your foreplay sessions before sex to enhance your sexual performance.
2. Delay Gratification
Instead of speeding toward the finish line, science says that building your way up to the brink of an orgasm then stopping—otherwise known as edging—and building yourself back up to the point of climax can encourage better, stronger orgasms.
3. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise
Sign up for a 5K race or schedule a game of tennis. Merely anticipating a competition triggers a 24 percent boost in testosterone for women, according to a study published in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior. And any increase in that hormone also drives up your libido, so consider it a win-win. Plus, exercise stimulates blood flow to the genital area, increasing desire and lifting your mood.
4. Turn Up the Heat
Prior to sex, take a hot bath, or—if you’re short on time—place a warm washcloth over your vulva for a few minutes. Heat boosts blood flow to your vagina, leading to increased lubrication and sensitivity, says Hilda Hutcherson, author of Pleasure.
5. Try the Tantric Method
As tantric instructor Dawn Cartright explains, harnessing the power of breath can slow down your mind and make it hyper-sensitive to full-body sensations. Open yourself up to orgasmic joys by breathing and rocking together, then tightening your PC muscles before sex.
6. Sip a Sex Tonic
Let an ancient sex stimulant work its magic: Warm some milk, add a pinch of saffron, and drink up, says Aliza Baron Cohen, author of Sex: Rediscovering Desire Through Techniques & Therapies. Saffron, which releases its intense flavor when heated, has been considered an aphrodisiac for thousands of years. Or, take one of Amanda Chantal Bacon’s cult-favorite Sex Dust formulas for a spin.
7. Recharge Your Batteries
Women who use vibrators say they have an easier time reaching orgasm during (vibrator-free) sex with a partner, according to a survey of 1,656 women conducted by the Berman Women’s Wellness Center. If you’re tech-friendly, try a vibrating “bullet” attachment that’s discreet enough to fit in your pocket (or on your neck). Or, get him in the action with one of the many couples’ vibrators out there, from the We-Vibe to the Eva.
8. Strike at the Optimal Moment
During the first two days of your cycle, your testosterone levels surge, your libido soars, and your breasts and clitoris become ultra-sensitive, says Gabrielle Lichterman, author of 28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals about Your Love Life, Moods, and Potential. Intense orgasms may happen more easily than usual—and multiples are much more likely. Experts also suggest timing sex in the early morning when men experience their highest testosterone levels, or in the afternoon on weekends when women tend to ovulate.
“For stellar sex in a hurry, pull on a skirt and find a deserted staircase.”
9. Step Up for a Quickie
For stellar sex in a hurry, pull on a skirt and find a deserted staircase, suggests Sex for Busy People and The Field Guide to F*cking author Emily Dubberley. If you’re shorter than your guy, stand a step or two above him. Face him or turn toward the railing so he can enter you from behind. (Hint: Grip the rail for leverage—and don’t lean over too far!)
10. Try a New Rhythm Method
Majorly elevate your odds of climaxing during sex with the Coital Alignment Technique, says Dubberley. Have your partner lie on top of you, with his pelvis directly over yours. Wrap your legs around his thighs and rock together gently. Push up and forward so that your clitoris makes contact with the base of his penis. Patience is key: Find your rhythm and stick to it until you orgasm.
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Happy National Orgasm Day! Yup, July 31 is the one day of the year dedicated to praising orgasms. Although fun holidays like this one and others in the same vein—National Margarita Day, anyone?—aren’t as established as, say, the Fourth of July, they’re still worth celebrating. And when it comes to National Orgasm Day, the best way to celebrate is by hanging out in bed (or in the kitchen, or on the living room rug, or some other inventive locale) and having an experience that redefines the word “climax.” Here, experts explain 10 techniques to help your vagina feel like it’s Christmas in July.
1. Make it a point to masturbate.
Touching yourself solo can help you understand exactly what you do or don’t like in a way partnered sex can’t. “Getting to know your own body and the type of pressure and friction that feel good really sets a template for knowing how to arouse yourself and have an orgasm during sex,” sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First, tells SELF.
2. Fantasize without guilt.
Fantasies can help you forget about the anxieties of day-to-day life, feel less inhibited, and home in on your pleasure, Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationship expert, tells SELF. “Thinking about a sex act isn’t a sign that you want to live it out in real life, and fantasizing about people other than your current partner is not cheating,” she says.
Kerner agrees. “Don’t underestimate power of mental arousal,” he says. If you’re not sure what gets you going, O’Reilly recommends reading up on Literotica.com for inspiration.
3. Insist upon foreplay so you can get super turned on.
Foreplay primes your body to have the best orgasm possible. “For orgasm to happen, two processes need to occur in parallel,” says Kerner. One is vasocongestion, or blood flow, to the genitals, and the other is myotonia, or muscular tension, he explains. “You can certainly achieve the minimum amount of these necessary to have an orgasm, or you can push beyond that and generate even more vasocongestion, myotonia, and arousal than usual.”
Taking enough time to get as turned on as possible gives your body a chance to maximize these feel-good processes. That extra blood flow increases sensitivity, and the tenser your muscles are, the more likely you’ll feel a huge sense of release during orgasm. Kerner suggests thinking of your entire body as an erogenous zone instead of jumping into the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am type of deal.
4. Get used to being a little bit selfish—not just in bed, but in life.
“Many of us are so concerned with pleasing our partners that our own pleasure becomes secondary,” says O’Reilly. “As you learn to accept help or pleasure outside of the bedroom, you’ll become more comfortable receiving pleasure during sexual activity with a partner.”
She recommends tactics like asking your partner for a quick massage without feeling like you always have to return the favor, accepting help other people offer up, and learning to say no when someone has a request that really inconveniences you (and that you actually want to say no to, we’re not trying to create a monster here). “Learning to accept help, support, and pleasure is essential to orgasm,” says O’Reilly.
5. Figure out exactly what your clitoris likes.
Kerner calls the clitoris “the powerhouse of the female orgasm,” and for good reason. “Think of the clitoris as the kindling in the campfire that gets the blaze going,” he says. Also, as O’Reilly notes, “Research shows that lesbians have more orgasms than women who have sex with men, suggesting that penis-in-vagina isn’t the ultimate path to orgasm.” While many women need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, that can mean different things to different people. Determine what it means for you, then make sure either you or your partner incorporates that during sex. “Even if you’re having intercourse, you can reach down and rub your clit with your fingers or a vibrator,” says O’Reilly. It’s also possible that your clitoris wants less action sometimes—learn to listen to her.
6. But don’t only focus on your clitoris—make sure to mind your mons.
O’Reilly suggests stimulating your pubic mound (aka mons pubis), too. “That fleshy area above your lips is primed to help you enjoy orgasm,” she says. “As you grind against it—use your hands or rub it against your partner’s pubic mound depending on what position you’re in—you simultaneously tug on the hood that covers your clitoral head and shaft.” It can create a kind of stroking motion that she likens to a penis getting a hand job. And beyond the pubic mound, definitely explore toying around with your labia, too.
7. Bring in the G-spot for reinforcement.
Many scientists think the famed G-spot is actually an internal extension of the clitoris, but all that really matters is that paying it attention feels really good for some people. The easiest way to tap into that pleasure is by inserting your index finger (or having a partner insert theirs) a few inches into your vagina, palm up, and curl your finger in a come-hither motion.
11 Ways To Have A Better Orgasm — and Finally Stop Faking It
Maybe you’re one of the few lucky women who has never faked an orgasm in her life, but many of us have either faked a handful (and given quite a performance), or don’t fake it but aren’t sure we’ll ever have a real one. Or we have them, but they feel like near misses, and every time we’re building to one, a familiar question rises: Will this be any good? It should feel more than good!
The good news is that you’re not destined for a lifetime of mediocre sex. You actually can take control of the situation. Here are 11 ways to start having bigger, better orgasms:
1. Stop Faking It
First, be honest if you’re not getting there. How the hell will your partner ever know what satisfies you if you’re straight-up lying about it? The only think that does is condition him or her to keep on doing whatever s/he’s doing that’s not getting you off. So speak up after sex, rather than pseudo-moan your way through it, and you’ll never have to fake it again. Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D., a sex therapist and author of She Comes First , explains that while many women fake the big O to avoid bruising egos, in the end, it’s just putting off conversation about sex, and communication is the key to better sex (and bigger orgasms).
(She Comes First, Ian Kerner, Amazon.com)
2. Understand How It Works
Now let’s take a moment to stop and ask: What the hell happens to our brains when we orgasm? Understanding what’s going on in your body when you climax will help you figure out what makes the experience better for you. So, you’re having sex. The pleasure center of your brain lights up and tells your body that it’s receiving stimulation. That’s when your brain’s reward circuit kicks into action: The cortex takes that feeling of stimulation and sends messages to a part of the mid brain, the ventral tegmental area. The VTA’s activity starts increasing, and then dopamine (the pleasure hormone) gets released, and that’s when you’re like Wow, this feels good. You need proper stimulation to get the dopamine flowing, which is ultimately what’s going to lead to a powerful O, so it’s important to find out what gets you turned on. Without stimulation, there’s no activating the reward circuit, no dopamine, no orgasm.
3. Learn What You Like
You can’t tell your partner what to do if you don’t even know your own body. Masturbation can actually really help you with your sex life. If you know what turns you on and makes sex explosive for you, then you can tell your partner just that. Dr. Laura Berman Ph.D., renowned sex expert and relationship coach, says that touching yourself in front of mirror will help you get to know yourself, overcome any shyness or embarrassment you feel about your body, and figure out exactly what you like.
4. Work Your Sex Muscles
Muscle tension is key to reaching climax, so it’s time to do some toning. Kegel exercises tighten the muscles that allow for the contractions that happen during an orgasm. To do them, you squeeze together those muscles in your pelvic floor that you use to stop urine flow. By doing Kegels everyday (like while you’re sitting at your desk, on the train, eating a sandwich, whenever), you get your body in better shape, and while doing so, gain more control over the muscles involved during sex, which can help you turn OK orgasms into amazing ones. Berman suggests holding the muscles for three seconds and then releasing them for three seconds, and to repeat it ten times, three times a day, and to try to work up to holding it for ten seconds. You can even do this during sex for an even more intense orgasm.
5. Trust Dr. Ruth
Dr. Ruth Westheimer (you know, the famous Dr. Ruth), says that foreplay is incredibly important because it takes women MUCH longer to reach arousal than men do. So if it’s taking you some time to get warmed up, don’t feel bad about it. Unlike men, women can’t just think about sex and be in the mood immediately; there has to be stimulation. Focus on the clitoris — blood flows to it the way it does to a man’s penis, and you know how a guy would respond to sex if you completely ignored his penis during sex? You need stimulation, too!
6. Use Your Words
They don’t have to be porn-y (or they can be, if you like!), but being comfortable saying naughty things to your partner, or just telling him or her what you like, is huge when it comes to sex. Why? Because, as stated previously, arousal happens as much in the brain as it does elsewhere. Berman suggests moaning, or telling your partner what you want, and later, saying what you’re doing to him or her while you do it. This will only build up arousal and lead to a bigger O.
7. Bring Out the Toys!
According to Berman, vibrators and toys can help you reach your orgasm faster. And, you can use sex toys together because it’s important to share the fun, you know? Sex toy purveyors like Babeland are great for providing you with ample options, plus a lot of helpful sex information and tips.
8. Try Aligning
Maybe you’ve heard that being on top ensures a better orgasm during heterosexual sex, but another position may be best. Coital Alignment Technique is actually designed to improve your O. It’s basically missionary, but when the male partner enters, he lifts himself further up, so that as he thrusts, he makes contact with your clitoris. The idea here is that intercourse isn’t just about penetration, it’s about simulating the clit, which is so key to orgasming.
9. Stay Fit
Kerner says that exercise is key to a good sex life, including better orgasms. Not only does working out make you feel better about your body (and being comfortable with yourself is such a key part of good sex), but aerobic workouts help the body produce nitric oxide, which is the stuff the makes sexual arousal happen. It’s also imperative to eat well — if you’re eating crap, your desire will drop, and less arousal = less stimulating sex = fewer orgasms. You need vitamins to be able to reach the levels of arousal that will prompt a mind-blowing O: Omega-3s, for instance, reduce the build-up around arterial walls that can slow blood flow, and vitamins C and E are powerful antioxidants. If you needed a little extra motivation to make it to spin class or drink that green juice, now you have it.
10. Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
If none of the steps above help, something else could be going on. For instance, antidepressants can make orgasming difficult — SSRI’s limit production of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that helps you feel pleasure. However, according to Psychology Today, medication isn’t necessarily a death sentence for your sex life. Talk to your doctor about finding a medication that allows you to manage your depression and experience the pleasure you crave. If the issue is psychological — maybe something in your past that makes letting go during sex especially hard — it can be useful to see a psychologist. A sex coach can also be incredibly helpful, and can give you (and your partner) exercises to do to increase your pleasure. (Just make sure that the sex coach is board-certified with the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.)
Yet another option is to see a pelvic floor therapist. Dr. Lauren Streicher, associate professor of gynecology at Northwestern University, told Refinery29 that visiting one of these experts is like seeing a personal trainer for your pelvis. The therapist can diagnose problems relating to the pelvis, including the inability to orgasm, and help you strengthen your pelvic floor. Think about it this way: If you couldn’t ride your bike anymore because of a knee problem, you’d see a PT. Same thing goes for sex and orgasms.
Remember when we discussed how tension is essential to climaxing? Paradoxically, so is relaxation. You want your muscles tense and your mind chilled out, and your best tool for calming your brain is your breath.
According to sex and tantra expert Suzie Heumann, conscious, rhythmic breathing helps you focus on the pleasure you’re about to experience rather than the outside stressors (credit card statements! rent checks! feeding your fish!) that can be an enormous buzzkill. When your mind wanders, your breath can bring you back to what’s going on in the moment and how it makes you feel. The type of breathing Heumann encourages here increases the flow of oxygen and our friend nitric oxide to the brain.
Think of this breathing as an act of control — you’re taking conscious steps to ensure your own pleasure — that also allows you to let go. You’ve got nowhere to be, nothing to do but enjoy every minute of this.
Everyone wants to experience their best possible orgasms, right? Believe it or not, you can actually train yourself to have bigger, better, more fulfilling ones—with a little bit of practice, of course. Sex expert and relationship coach Lila Darville, part of the Well+Good Council, believes that “edging” can help anyone shift from being climactic to fully orgasmic. Here’s how to try it for yourself.
In the world of sex, climax is sometimes referred to as the genital sneeze. (Evocative, right?) Those brief few seconds of pelvic contractions and peak pleasure are typically triggered by focused clitoral stimulation. It’s a sharp rise of pleasure or energy, followed by an expulsion of that energy, just like a sneeze.
Orgasm, of course, isn’t the goal of every sexual encounter (in fact, I highly recommend spending more time engaging in foreplay without a “main event”) and not all women experience orgasm the same way. But if the Big O is your goal, you want it to be energizing, transportive, fulfilling, connective, and undeniably pleasurable—right? If it’s not, then you may be experiencing climax (or a genital sneeze) rather than your orgasmic potential.
There are many ways to shift from being climactic to being orgasmic, but one of my favorites is called edging.
The more you can build the sexual energy present in your body, the stronger and longer your orgasms will be.
Edging, sometimes referred to as prolonged orgasming or teasing, happens when you consciously increase your pleasure by approaching climax but ease away before reaching it. Edging takes a little practice, mostly because climax can be tempting and we love a instant gratification. But by repeatedly approaching the point of no return and then backing away from it, you increase the amount of energy in your body. (And, according to my fellow Well+Good Council member Alisa Vitti, can improve your overall health.) The more you can build the sexual energy present in your body, the stronger and longer your orgasms will be. Or, you might even find yourself experiencing orgasmic pleasure outside of what you originally defined as an orgasm.
The key to edging is becoming aware of your pre-climactic signs and then using one of the following techniques to draw yourself away from it. A little verbalization is often needed, so it’s best to try on your own before introducing a partner.
Who doesn’t want stronger, longer-lasting, more intense orgasms? That’s what we thought. Thankfully, it’s pretty simple to achieve a jaw-dropping orgasm. All it requires is a little know-how and a little patience. So sit back, and get ready to feel things you’ve never felt before. People, prepare yourself, things are about to get bumpy.
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1. Use Your Love Muscle
Great abs may help you get lucky, but if you want to get the most from the experience you need to work on your pubococcygeal (PC) muscle. At the floor of your pelvis, it controls peeing and spasms during climax, which is why doctors and sex therapists recommend developing it to improve orgasm and reduce the chances of premature ejaculation (try this workout that will strengthens erections and stops premature ejaculations).
It’s also the muscle that enables dogs to wag their tails, but that’s another story entirely. Kegel exercises will develop PC power. Squeeze the muscle you use to hold back your pee. Once you’ve identified this muscle, tighten it, hold for two seconds, then release. Repeat 20 times, three times a day, gradually holding it tight for longer. And keep at it. “Kegels must be done on a regular basis to have any benefit,” says Gordon Muir, consultant urologist at King’s College Hospital.
2. Take It to the Edge
No technique is as successful in improving male orgasms as edging – holding back at the point of no return, resting, then working up to it again. And again. And again. Practise by masturbating until you’re about to come, then stop, slow your breathing and wait 30 seconds before carrying on. Or try preventing ejaculation by gently pulling down on your testicles or squeezing the tip of your penis just as you’re about to orgasm. Then repeat the process. Master the art of edging and you’ll achieve contractile or “dry” orgasms: all the fun of the Big “O” minus the ejaculation and subsequent loss of wood. If you practise enough you may even experience the male multiple. “The technique can result in incredibly intense orgasms,” says Dr Barbara Keesling, lecturer at California State University, USA.
3. Watch Saturday’s Big Match, or Go to the Gym
Or work out. Or rent The Godfather Part II. Or go for a run. All of these activities have been shown to raise testosterone levels. (By studies at the University of Northumbria, the College of Kinesiology at the University of Saskatchewan, Canada and the University of Michingan, USA, respectively, if anyone asks.) And researchers at Athens’ Military Hospital in Greece found that the more testosterone a man has in his bloodstream, the better his chances of achieving orgasm.
4. Don’t Play With Yourself
Okay, stop “practising”. Masturbation won’t give you the kind of mind-blowing eye-roller that sex will. You know it, your partner knows it and what’s more Mother Nature likes it that way. According to a study by Stuart Brody, professor of psychology at the University of Paisley in Scotland, the body releases 400% more of the hormone prolactin (which makes us feel sexually satisfied) following vaginal penetration than it does after masturbation.
“Evolutionary forces always reward behaviours associated with successful reproduction,” says Brody. “And penile-vaginal sex is the only sexual behaviour that passes on your genes.”
5. Take a Deep Breath
Ask any tantric sex therapist, or Sting, how to achieve full-bodied orgasms and they’ll tell you the key is controlled breathing. “If you keep it deep and regular, allowing more intense arousal to build, your orgasming will become more and more satisfying,” says Barnaby Barratt, formerly of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Rapid breathing, on the other hand, increases your excitement, pushing you over the edge.
“Breathing methods intensify male orgasm by increasing oxygen to the physiological processes involved in arousal,” says Barratt. Take shallower in-breaths through your nose and deeper out-breaths through your mouth to diffuse inevitable psychological and muscular tension and intensify your orgasmic experience.
6. Use Your Brain
“Orgasm is all about brain activation,” says Gert Holstege of the University of Groningen in the Netherlands, who has studied men’s and women’s brainwaves during orgasm. “The brain activates the genitals and controls everything.” Unlike women, though, who experience intense activity in the area of the brain connected with emotion, men experience most activity in the secondary somatosensory cortex, which deals with physical sensations. The upshot? For better orgasms, your partner needs to focus more on your penis and you need to focus on the sensations coming from it.
7. Heat Things Up
Really. Scientists at the University of Groningen stumbled across a curious fact: men with cold feet had a much harder time reaching orgasm than those wearing socks. The more comfortable we are, the more relaxed we are, and relaxation means better orgasms. However, since most women find the sight of a man wearing nothing but his socks about as sexy as a parking ticket, just stick the heating on.
8 Ways Men Can Have Stronger, More Pleasurable Orgasms
Orgasms feel pretty good. But as the romantic comedies of Nancy Meyers and Rob Marshall have taught us, why settle for something good when you can have something great? And, chances are you never thought your orgasms could feel even better. But with some attention and a little bit of open-mindedness, it’s possible for men to have stronger, more pleasurable releases during sex. So, in the effort of enhancing the already amazing, here’s a simple guide designed to help you realize your ultimate orgasmic capabilities. Read up and take your pleasure up a notch.
Live On The Edge
There aren’t a lot of bad things to say about orgasms. But one of the chief complaints seems to be that they just don’t last enough. If you want to prolong the experience, you should probably get familiar with the concept of edging. This form of orgasm control requires you to decrease stimulation before you hit climax. Sure, it takes some self-control, but some say putting things off lead to a more explosive reward in the end. Plus, it gives your partner more to hit their mark. The more orgasms, the merrier.
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Another way to enhance orgasm revolves around something called “the squeeze technique.” The method requires you place your thumb and index finger around the shaft of the penis and squeeze slightly just before reaching “the moment of ejaculatory inevitability.” Remember, orgasm and ejaculation are two separate events. The more you practice, the more likely you’ll be able to attain the sensation of orgasm without ejaculation. And nailing that skill could bring you closer to the holy grail of climaxes: multiple orgasms.
Give Your Penis a Workout
If that bit about multiple orgasms got you excited, then you’ll be over the moon to hear that exercising a certain group of muscles can help you get there even faster. We often associate kegal exercises with female genitalia, but men have a pelvic floor too, and engaging it can lead to all sorts of orgasmic perks. Some guys like to perform these exercises by stopping the flow of urine midstream. Others like to put a towel of their erect penis and watch it move as they engage the kegal muscles. Gaining control over this area will allow men to perform the “squeeze technique” discussed above without having to use their hands.
RELATED: 6 Tips To Help You Last Longer In Bed
Proper breathing is key to good sex. Really. As we previously discussed, deep breathing helps engage the pelvic floor. It also helps improve cognition and circulation. It can give us a boost in energy and make us feel closer to our partners. And all of that leads to more quality sex.
The sex toy industry is estimated to be worth around $15 billion. That kind of money seems to suggest that they’re onto something good. While it’s true much of the industry is designed to enhance female sexual pleasure, there are plenty of quality products on the market for men. Cock rings are always a crowd favorite. They’re worn around the base of the penis. The idea is to prevent the blood from flowing out of your erection. That’s going to intensify your hard-on, and help it last for a longer period of time. There are even some vibrating rings on the market, which helps deliver a rumble both partners can enjoy.
It’s easy to prioritize the penis during sex, but the body contains a wealth of erogenous zones outside of that one organ. Take the testicles and scrotum, for instance. This area is packed with sensitive nerve endings, which make it responsive to all sorts of stimulation. Some guys like gentle tugging, others prefer some sensual licking. The only way to really know what you like down there is by fooling around. So go ahead, and play ball.
Open Up The Back Door
Men may possess hanging genitalia, but they’re also host to a more hidden pleasure center. The prostate is located about two inches below the rectum, toward the scrotum. While is possible to locate the area externally, via the perineum, the most direct approach requires some penetration. Try inserting a finger into the anus. Start with a “come hither” motion, toward the naval. Be on the lookout for a squishy gland about the size of a walnut. That’s your target. The area has been known to provide such enormous amounts of pleasure that it’s been dubbed “the male G-spot.”
What we decide to put in our bodies can have an enormous impact on our sexual performance. According to the experts, it’s best to stay away from junk food if you want to be a star in the sack. Poor cardiovascular health is said to be one of the most common causes of erectile dysfunction. That’s because clogged vessels make it harder to get the blood flowing into penis. It’s no coincidence that obesity has been linked to low testosterone in men. Of course, you don’t want to be too restrictive in your diet. Animal products are an excellent source of Vitamin D. Cutting them out puts you at risk of a deficiency, which has also been linked to an inability to get hard.
Cut Back on the Booze
Alcohol is fun, but it has also been known to rob men of their erection. Whiskey dick is real, and there’s some science to prove it. If you want to be on top of your game, try not to indulge too often. After all, alcohol is a depressant, and it can affect parts of the nervous system that are key to orgasm and arousal. Fortunately, you don’t have to cut all vices out of your life to maintain peak performance. Caffeinated beverages have been shown to help boost circulation. The more blood you have rushing around, the stronger your erection will be.
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