WebMD Live Events Transcript
According to experts, as few as 30% of women achieve orgasm from intercourse. In her new book, The Multi-Orgasmic Woman, Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, offers advice for achieving extended and multiple orgasms, combining the sexual wisdom of the East with the best of Western medical research. We talked about the techniques and exercises offered to increase “chi” or “life energy” that are supposed to help women learn how to reach intense, prolonged, whole-body orgasms when Abrams was our guest on July 5, 2005.
The opinions expressed herein are the guests’ alone and have not been reviewed by a WebMD physician. If you have questions about your health, you should consult your personal physician. This event is meant for informational purposes only.
Welcome to WebMD Live, Dr. Abrams. Thank you for joining us today.
I’m so happy to be here.
Can any woman become multi-orgasmic?
I believe that almost any woman can become multi-orgasmic. There are a few conditions that could prevent women from having orgasms and thankfully, these are rare. Some of them include injury to the pelvic area, severe and chronic medical illnesses, or prior surgery to the pelvic area. But these are certainly in the minority of women. The great majority of women have learned to have orgasm or have multiple orgasms given the right information and support.
What are the first steps a woman needs to make towards becoming multi-orgasmic, especially considering that as few as 30% of women achieve orgasm from intercourse?
At the beginning of The Multi-Orgasmic Woman , I give a quiz that asks about every aspect of a woman’s life, including her health, her relationships, medications, sexual past experiences, and current partner and sexual experience. This helps women identify whatever areas of their life might be holding them back from their full sexual pleasure.
The majority of women who complain of sexual problems in the United States have trouble with decreased desire or decreased libido. I devote an entire chapter to this because it is so important. There are many things women can do to increase desire. Desire is important because it is desire, or sexual energy, that allows women to build up the desire they need to reach orgasm or multiple orgasms. In The Multi-Orgasmic Woman I give many exercises and also questions to women that help them find their own desires and increase it in their life and in their bodies to facilitate orgasm and multiple orgasms.
The second component that is necessary for orgasm or multiple orgasm is knowing your pleasure anatomy — identifying your particular hot spots and exactly what it is that you need to do for yourself or ask for to have full pleasure.
“Some antidepressants, such as Wellbutrin, do not cause decreased sexual desire or orgasmic ability.”
Can you give us some examples of things women can do to build desire?
One of the exercises that I recommend in the desire chapter is that women identify the most important components of what helped them feel desire in their last satisfying sexual encounter, whether it was the environment, being free from stress, having a particular partner, and whether any of these things can be incorporated into their current life more strongly.
It is also important to remove any roadblocks to desire, which could include medications, such as antidepressants, high blood pressure medications, or even birth control pills or patches.
If however, one needs these medications, what can be done?
Some antidepressants, such as Wellbutrin, do not cause decreased sexual desire or orgasmic ability. However, for a woman who is severely depressed, it is important to continue medication regardless of the effect on libido. Depression itself can dampen desire much more so than medication.
There are also alternatives to medications. There are high blood pressure medications that do not have sexual side effects, such as ACE inhibitors, or angiotensin receptor blockers.
For some women, oral contraceptives or the birth control patch decrease sexual desire, but this is not the case for all women, by any means. Using a lower-dose birth control pill will help with the side effect and certainly other birth control options can help with libido, though some of these are not as effective as the birth control or patch.
I find for women who have finished having children and who are in a monogamous relationship, the IUD is a good long-term option that does not cause hormonal side effect. Other options include condoms, the diaphragm or the cervical cap.
What kind of emotional barriers can be present that block orgasm?
First of all, many women can’t reach orgasm because of anxiety or fear. When you feel uncomfortable or anxious, your body increases adrenaline in your bloodstream which shifts the blood flow away from your sexual organs. This makes it impossible to increase arousal and/or have an orgasm. In The Multi-Orgasmic Woman I give many examples of relaxation techniques to help a woman feel her own desire within her body and concentrate on that. These include deep- breathing exercises and exercises that increase blood flow to the pelvis area. Doing the vaginal exercises that I teach, which are similar to Kegel exercises, can help improve blood flow to the pelvic area, and certainly help women achieve orgasm.
Other issues are fear due to previous sexual trauma. I am happy to say that it is absolutely possible for women who have experienced rape, incest or other sexual trauma to fully recover and have an active sexual life. This requires that she be willing to either do therapy or close work with someone she loves to deal with all the difficult feelings that arise. It is also the case, in my experience, that women who have experienced previous painful sexual experiences, or even genital trauma within the medical establishment, are more likely to have pain in the genital area during sex and other times, as well. The Daoist philosophy that I incorporate into The Multi-Orgasmic Woman teaches that experiences such as these actually live in the tissue as a block of the flow of energy, or chi. By doing the Daoist exercises I teach in the book, women can identify these areas of blocked energy and help heal them and keep the energy flowing.
By far the most common block that women have to full sexual pleasure from an emotional standpoint, is simply being too busy and exhausted to have time for desire and sex. Our overall level of energy and wellness dramatically influences our ability to feel sexual. It is vital that women take care of themselves and feed their own inner source of energy, or chi, by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising when possible, and generally taking time to have a good time. Most women have better sexual experiences on vacation because they’re doing things that are fun for them, rather than simply taking care of everyone else in their lives. When we spend most of our time taking care of other people and other details, we give out our vital energy, or chi, to the world. If we don’t then feed ourselves, so to speak, with experiences that give us pleasure, whether or not they’re sexual, and with rest and good nutrition, it means our overall energy and our sexual energy are low. So one of the most important things women can do is to take even a brief amount of time, even 10 minutes, in the morning, to focus on what she wants to happen in her day and do some deep breathing and relaxation so that she can have a life that reflects her passion and not a life that steals her passion.
“The experience of orgasm is different for every woman. Many women will have an orgasmic experience that is not like one mountain peak, but more like a continual unfolding of pleasure, which looks more like a landscape.”
What is an orgasm? I’m not sure if I’ve ever had one.
That’s an excellent question. Orgasm is actually more diverse than most of us would imagine. Technically, it means that you feel arousal in your body and that arousal increases to a peak where you have pelvic contractions of the pubococcygeus muscle, or PC muscle, which surrounds the vagina and the rectum. These contractions are extremely pleasurable and feel like a release of tension. Most women also have an increased breathing rate and heart rate.
The experience of orgasm is different for every woman. Many women will have an orgasmic experience that is not like one mountain peak, but more like a continual unfolding of pleasure, which looks more like a landscape. That is, instead of one peak of pleasure, there might be a plateau of pleasure in undulating waves or small hills of pleasure among other peaks.
I have never had an orgasm during intercourse, but have had them in other ways. How can I have one during intercourse? Are they different depending on how you get there? My partner is willing, but I just don’t get there.
It is very common not to be able to have an orgasm during intercourse because a woman’s primary source of pleasure is the clitoris, which is not directly stimulated during intercourse. It would be like asking a man to have an orgasm without ever touching the head of his penis.
To have an orgasm during intercourse either you or your partner need to stimulate your clitoris during intercourse. You or your partner can do this with your fingers. There are also certain positions that make this easier, including a woman on top where she rubs her pubic bone against her male partner’s pubic bone.
Orgasm during intercourse, if it is from clitoral stimulation, which is how 90% of women orgasm, is the same as an orgasm outside of intercourse. Some women, and these are the minority, are able to orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone. For women who have vaginal orgasms, they do feel somewhat different from clitoral orgasms, perhaps more diffuse and deeper and they require that a woman surrender physically and emotionally more intensely.
I certainly encourage you, if you’re interested, to explore vaginal pleasure spots, which I discuss in detail in Chapter 5 of The Multi-Orgasmic Woman , but it is most important to stimulate the clitoris during intercourse to experience orgasm.
It takes me so long to climax. I always feel like I have to hurry up because he can reach climax so much faster than I do. So, I end up not quite getting to orgasm, and am left feeling rushed and frustrated. What can we do?
This is a problem for many couples. Women (in general) are slower to become aroused and to orgasm than men. However, women have greater sexual capacity for pleasure than men and can typically go much longer.
Having techniques for stimulation that work for you are extremely important in getting you hotter faster. I also find that women who have their first orgasm from oral sex are quicker to passion and that it is easier to have a subsequent orgasm. Do not minimize the importance of “foreplay” which is any sexual interaction prior to intercourse, and particularly clitoral stimulation, which, again, is the most important component of increasing a woman’s desire and need to orgasm.
What is a “whole body” orgasm?
Whole body orgasm refers to an orgasm that is not just felt in the pelvis but reverberates throughout your body so your toes, fingers and nose are tingling as well.
I teach women how to have this experience by feeling their desire or sexual energy in their bodies and being able to move it throughout their bodies in a simple cycle called the microcosmic orbit. This is an ancient Daoist energy pathway that runs up the spine and down the front of the body. Though it sounds strange, it is simple to learn. The benefits to your sexual pleasure and overall energy level are tremendous.
Once I have an orgasm, either orally or through intercourse — I am done. I want more but it takes me time to regroup and get stimulated again. Why?
This is a common problem because you are having a single orgasm that is similar to a male orgasmic pattern. What I teach women in my book is how to keep their desire or sexual energy high after orgasm by becoming aware of that energy and circulating it in their bodies so that having another orgasm doesn’t require that you “start all over.” It is important to begin stimulation again soon after the first orgasm in whatever way appeals to you. And to use the simple techniques I use to teach to keep the sexual energy in your body high.
Other simple sexual techniques, such as “teasing” are helpful. This involves increasing stimulation and then backing off slightly and then increasing stimulation again so your body then expects that after reaching a peak of pleasure, a second peak will follow. After having one orgasm your body then expects, after a slight drop in desire, that a second will follow.
“For women who are menopausal, staying sexually active releases estrogen and testosterone which helps with hot flashes, maintains sex drive and vaginal lubrication.”
After I have an orgasm, I can’t stand to be touched — I become hyper-sensitive.
Many women have that experience. Resume touch in an area that is not hypersensitive — typically not the vaginal area. Arms, fingers, lips, any other area that are not hypersensitive are fine to stimulate and can keep your desire boiling. There are also simple breathing techniques that help with relaxation, such as belly breathing.
Can you explain the breathing techniques you recommend?
This involves taking a deep breath so your belly relaxes. This sets off a relaxation response in the body and helps women overcome the anxious feelings that arise during sexuality.
Other breathing and visualization techniques allow women to enhance the desire they feel in their body and as I described previously, move the energy up their spine and around their body so the desire is not simply concentrated in their sexual organs, but is distributed throughout their body. This both enhances pleasure and acts as a healing force to the body as a whole.
Both Western medicine and Daoism believe and have documented that sexuality is very healing to the body when done in a loving way. Much research has been done on sexuality showing that it burns many calories, boosts metabolism, improves immune functions, improves sleep, relieves menstrual cramps and relieves depression. In older adults, those who are sexually active — when we control for other illnesses — are much healthier and live longer. Some of this effect may be from the hormones that are released from sexual activity. For example, PEA is a hormone that is high in early romance and causes giddiness and excitement. It is low in people who are depressed. This hormone is released with orgasm, giving us a natural high. DHEA is known as the “antiaging” hormone and is known to protect the immune system and perhaps prevent chronic disease and it also peaks with orgasm. This will be no surprise to most women, but oxytocin, referred to as the “bonding” hormone, increases with genital stimulation, nipple stimulation and intercourse. It promotes touch and affectionate behavior, leading to that postsex cuddling behavior that most of us love. It also promotes relaxation and happiness. Unfortunately it decreases cognition and impairs memory, but at that point, who cares?
For women who are menopausal, staying sexually active releases estrogen and testosterone which helps with hot flashes, maintains sex drive and vaginal lubrication.
The Daoists believed that sexual energy was the most potent healing force in the body, and indeed, I have spoken with many advanced practitioners who not only feel well and seem to age very slowly, but have actually miraculously healed illnesses by circulating sexual energy to a particular part of their body.
What is Daoism?
Daoism is an ancient Chinese comprehensive physical and spiritual system that helps individuals reach their highest potential. It has been present for three to five thousand years in China and is most familiar to people in the West, as the medical tradition which includes acupuncture, Chinese herbs as well as the exercise and meditative practices Tai Chi and Chi Kung. It also includes a tradition of nutrition and massage. The sexual practice was simply considered another important aspect of one’s health.
Do these techniques work if your sexual experiences are “solo” or do they work better with a partner willing to experiment? Or must you have a partner willing to experiment?
I am so glad you asked that question. The Multi-Orgasmic Woman is written so you can do every exercise in the book alone or with a partner. It works with a partner if your partner is willing to learn himself (or herself) or even if your partner is uninterested. It is a lot more fun to have a partner who is also doing the practice. We also have a book for men called The Multi-Orgasmic Man . But it is not necessary that your partner do this practice.
I usually recommend that women begin doing these exercises alone as it’s easier to concentrate. Masturbation in the Taoist tradition is called self-cultivation and is considered an important part of maintaining one’s health, libido, and general passion and enjoyment of life.
I am in a committed relationship with another woman. Do you have any special advice for us?
Have fun! These exercises are absolutely appropriate for lesbian couples and The Multi-Orgasmic Woman is written to embrace all women, no matter who their partner is. Most of the advice that applies to heterosexual couples is the same for lesbian couples.
One of the fun parts of working with lesbian couples is giving them new tools and exercises by which they can explore new vaginal hot spots. I often tell my heterosexual couples that although an erect penis is nice, it is not necessary for sexual fulfillment for women and in fact, most of the vaginal hot spots are more easily reached with fingers.
“When a woman learns how to be fulfilled sexually, it enhances her passion for living in a much deeper way.”
Can you give more detail about vaginal hot spots?
The most famous vaginal pleasure zone is the G-spot, which is located approximately one to two knuckles inside the vagina on the front side of a woman’s body, typically just at or just beyond her pubic bone. It can be difficult to feel this area unless you are very aroused. It is ideal to have already had an orgasm, typically from clitoral stimulation, which causes the G-spot to swell and become more prominent. Typically it is a bumpier feel than the rest of the vagina which is smooth. It is difficult to stimulate fully during intercourse and easiest to stimulate with fingers.
Another important vaginal pleasure zone which some women are not aware of is the anterior fornix erotic zone, or AFE zone. It is also located on the front of the body, but is deep in the vagina, just on the front side of the cervix. This area can be stimulated with deep penetration with a dildo or penis and sometimes with fingers.
Both of these places have been well documented by sexologists, but the truth is that all women are different and the nerve supply to the pelvic organs varies from woman to woman. The best way to find the pleasurable areas is to experiment and explore. Some women find that at the level of the G-spot they are sensitive around the entire perimeter of the vagina, almost like a tube of pleasure rather than one spot. For some women the cervix itself is pleasurable, either with finger, penis or dildo stimulation. Typically the stimulation needs to be gentle as most women are familiar with the deep aching painful sensation of hitting the cervix hard.
There are very good anatomical drawings in Dr. Abram’s book.
Dr. Abrams, we are almost out of time. Before we wrap things up for today, do you have any final comments for us?
It is really my belief that sexuality acts as a mirror for women for the rest of their lives. Just as your own physical and emotional well-being influences your sexual pleasure, your sexual pleasure can be an extremely rejuvenating and healing force for the rest of your life. When a woman learns how to be fulfilled sexually, it enhances her passion for living in a much deeper way.
My hope for all of you is that you find your own path of sexual pleasure and healing.
Our thanks to Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD, for joining us today. For more information, please read The Multi-Orgasmic Woman: Discover Your Full Desire, Pleasure, and Vitality.
- How to Have Multiple Orgasms: Tips and Techniques for Better Pleasure
- “How many times did you cum?”
- Thanks for the mini history lesson… how do I give/have multiple orgasms?
- Set Your Intentions
- Using cannabis for multiple orgasms
- Take your time
- Take breaks
- Intrigued? Improve your orgasm(s) with The Lioness!
- Week Three: Weed Lube and No Toys
- Week Four: Exercise and Horror Films
- The Results
- Male Multiple Orgasms without Ejaculating: Exactly How to Have Them
- Discovering Multiple Orgasms
- Four Types of Male Multiple Orgasms
- Step One: Ejaculatory Control
- Step Two: Kegel Exercises
- Step Three: Daily Practice
- Step Four: Separating Orgasm and Ejaculation
- Step Five: Your First Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm
- Step Six: Intensifying Your NEOs
- Step Seven: Orgasming for 5+ Minutes: the Prolonged Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm
- Having NEOs and PNEOs with your partner
- Men can become multi-orgasmic too: Enjoy the sexual perks of these simple exercises
- How to Have Multiple Orgasms In 7 Steps
- What does having multiple orgasms feel like?
How to Have Multiple Orgasms: Tips and Techniques for Better Pleasure
Mar 1, 2018 · 7 min read
“How many times did you cum?”
If you’ve been asked this question by a partner and felt uneasy because you thought the number wasn’t good enough or that you hadn’t climaxed at all, then you’re probably wondering how to get one if not more orgasms. The expectations surrounding giving and having orgasms can make people feel inadequate or even strangers to their own bodies, especially for those who have never had an orgasm.
Everybody wants to have better orgasms, longer orgasms, faster orgasms, more intense orgasms, g-spot vs. clitoral orgasms (I could go on), but it all starts boiling down to trying to get the count instead of making it count. Being able to get your partner (or yourself) to climax over and over again has become a standard qualifier for good sex versus bad sex. A high number is a feather in one’s cap.
While being a multi orgasmic man or woman is awesome, orgasms alone are a tricky business and shouldn’t be treated as a way to separate good from bad. Add multiple orgasms and it’s a whole different ballpark of expectations.
Of course, it wasn’t always about the numbers. In Thomas Maier’s biographical Masters of Sex: The Life and Times of William Masters and Virginia Johnson, Maier notes that the medical authorities of the time (predominantly male, of course) considered multiple orgasms to be an anatomical oddity or not even a true orgasm. Shocking, right? It was thanks to the revolutionary work by researchers like Alfred Kinsey, Virginia Johnson and William Masters in the 1970’s that we can even talk about this at all.
According to experiments conducted by Masters and Johnson, women could achieve “five or six orgasms in as many minutes, while men had to leave the field for a ‘refractory’ period of an hour” after every sexual encounter. This was groundbreaking. It meant that women could be just as sexually voracious (if not more) as men. We could really enjoy sex… multiple times!
Thanks for the mini history lesson… how do I give/have multiple orgasms?
Multiple orgasms are not as easy as one, two, three. It’s not something you may necessarily learn overnight. Heck, it might never happen for you… but there are many, many ways to enhance your pleasure on multiple dimensions, not just how many times you climax.
We’ve got some tips on how to achieve prolonged or multiple climaxes. But first, we’re here to tell you that orgasms are NOT a numbers game. While multiple orgasms are great for you and your partner, it should not be the goal or the objective of sex.
Critics of Masters and Johnson’s research pointed to how their experiments were conducted in “vacuums”, the subjects were comfortable having sex with a stranger while on camera or strapped to various measuring tools, that’s not something you can generalize to the population. And, as we’re constantly learning, everybody has a different sense of pleasure, even different orgasm patterns.
Set Your Intentions
If your foreplay is starting to look like this, you might have to step back a bit and reset your intentions. You’re not ticking off a sex checklist, so put the notepad away.
We cannot emphasize this enough. Orgasms are amazing, but it’s not the be all, end all of sex. If you set your expectations too high then it’s unlikely you’ll get what you want. An experiment conducted by researchers Lori Brotto and Meredith Chivers et al, had women perform mindfulness-based tasks brought focus to their sexual arousal in the here and now. This actually enhanced their arousal and sexual function. To put it simply, it’s better to release any anxieties about reaching certain goals and be in the moment, you’ll definitely have a better time.
As in, masturbate. You know best. Whether it’s with or without a partner, figure out what takes you over the top. Only you can know how to achieve your orgasm and it’s part of your responsibility to help guide your partner. Experimenting by yourself can really help pin down what needs to happen for you to climax. There’s no perfect answer, so it’s a great excuse to try new things.
Like any good experiment, it’s nice to have a point of reference to help you learn from your experience. Keep a journal and write down what you did and how you felt while the sensory memories are still fresh. There’s a lot to be said and learned from starting a sex journal, and we think this thoughtful blog entry says it all.
If you’re not much of a writer or have more of a scientific mind, here’s a not-so-shameless plug for our smart vibrator. It’s the first sex toy to ever record pelvic floor contractions, which is the squeezing and releasing of the vagina during intercourse, and turns the data of your pleasure into graphs for easy referencing. You can even share these digital journals with your partner (and more) so they can better understand how your body reacts to different stimuli.
Experiment. Explore. Learn. Understanding your body leads you one step closer to those magical multiple orgasms.
The magic of data and biofeedback 🙂
Using cannabis for multiple orgasms
In the last year there has been plenty in the news about cannabis enhancing pleasure. While that might be old news to regular users of Mary Jane, in our own experiments (such as this data report we did with Eaze), we looked at how might cannabis might enhance pleasure and found that for some people, it increased their chances of having multiple orgasms — and for people who were already multi-orgasmic, sometimes it increased the chances of having even more orgasms. Granted, this doesn’t happen for everyone (I’m a self-admitted one-and-done—and been perfectly fine for me!), if it’s available to you, cannabis might be something worth trying if you are curious to change up your experience.
Take your time
It’s not a race! Studies conducted by OMGYES, a website dedicated to providing useful visuals for sexual exploration, found that many women have experienced multiple orgasms by changing it up and treating their bodies like “new bodies” after the first orgasm.
If you’re with a partner. Communication is key (read more about that here). Focus on what makes each other feel good. Take time to explore each other’s bodies. Tell your SO what you want more of (and less of) to keep the momentum going before and after the first orgasm. Most importantly, keep things fresh.
If you’re masturbating, slowly explore your body. Pleasure is all about touch, so work through your body (arms, legs, even hands) before you get to the erogenous zones. Get to know your body. Explore using all of your senses. Work it up and get yourself excited for the next thing. Throw in the regular stuff that you do, but also be open to experimenting with what you think you might like. Surprise yourself! Again, it’s all about enjoying yourself and being in the moment.
So you’ve had your first of hopefully many climaxes, should you immediately go for the second? It depends!
According to the same study by OMGYES, many women felt their bodies were too sensitive after the first orgasm to continue masturbating. If it’s uncomfortable or even painful to continue stimulating yourself or a partner after an orgasm, then it’s time to take a break. Like we said before, treat your body like new. Start from the beginning and work yourself back up, and give yourself time to breathe in between.
Multiple orgasms are great, but the most important part of exploration and discovery is having fun. So take your time, lower your expectations, and be ready for the wonderful surprises patience and self-love can bring.
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While masturbating with a different vibrator, the Satisfyer Pro 2—a toy that moves air around the clitoris rather than vibrating directly on it—I had one orgasm. This round, rather than porn, I tried simply fantasizing about sex with someone I care about. Once again I continued to use the toy, but this time I combined it with the Bliss Breath technique, releasing any tension with my exhale. “The Bliss Breath helps ground you in your body and keep you out of your head,” says Dellepiane. “If you focus on the whispering sound, it takes you away from thinking. It also helps spread this orgasmic energy throughout your body.”
This time, during my second orgasm, the wave was real: I ended up squirting, which is rare for me! And there was no thinking necessary.
Week Three: Weed Lube and No Toys
I’m down with any excuse to incorporate weed into my sex life, so I asked Ashley Manta, the “CannaSexual” cannabis and sex educator, if she thought marijuana could help me achieve multiple orgasms. She told me that she is personally multi-orgasmic and that weed lube—typically coconut oil infused with cannabis—helped her get there. “My clit was historically a ‘one or two orgasms and done’ situation,” she said. “With the addition of cannabis oil, down to take more stimulation.” (Damn, and I thought having two made me multi-orgasmic.)
I decided to give some Foria Pleasure Spray a try. Since I was already using my hands to spray it on, I decided to go manual for this round. Typically, I really like using products like Foria in my masturbation routine, since adding cannabis oil to solo sex makes it more of a ritual, and it feels quite glam to have a stoned vagina (though THC topicals will only get you high if you ingest them orally). Plus, I’ve had insanely dope Foria-induced orgasms before.
This time, however, I did not fully climax. I blamed my exhausting day for ruining the mood. Plus, I was starting to worry that I had ruined my clitoris with vibrators. Fortunately, Dr. Richmond says that while it can’t hurt to shake up your masturbation routine, vibrators will not permanently ruin your ability to orgasm. Maybe this week I just needed sleep and cuddles.
Week Four: Exercise and Horror Films
According to Dr. Mintz, while taking your heart rate down a notch through relaxation exercises like bubble baths or deep breathing can help some people increase their climaxes, others actually need to take it up a notch: “For some women, the opposite of relaxing is what’s helpful,” she said. “It’s getting more blood flow, like going for a run, or watching a scary movie even.”
So after I finished work, I decided to put on one of my personal favorite horror movies of all time, The Shining. What I didn’t really think about, though, is how this particular flick is more slow-burn than jump-scare. Also, Jack Nicholson comes after his wife with an axe and shit—not content that makes me want to masturbate.
When that was failing, I turned off the television and walked up the street to my gym. I did a hard 30 minutes of cardio while listening to music, and the exercise endorphins coupled with the dulcet tones of Rihanna made me feel really good about myself. Still sweaty, I ran back to my apartment, put on some David Bowie to keep the good feelings, washed my hands, and went to town on myself. After I orgasmed, I kept going, just as I learned in week one. Sure enough, the fabulousness I was feeling about myself resulted in another climax. Exercise FTW.
So my mission was an overall success. By making a concerted effort to continue trying to orgasm after I already have—and by utilizing the Bliss Breath technique—it turns out I could be multi-orgasmic on the reg. But what I realized in attempting to become an orgasm machine is that maybe, at this point in my life, orgasms shouldn’t be the overarching goal of my sexual experiences. Sure, multiple orgasms are amazing, but the ending isn’t the only thing worth pursuing—even people with anorgasmia, or the inability to have an orgasm, can still have totally fulfilling sex lives.
“The bottom line is there is no wrong way to orgasm,” says Dr. Renye. “Having a goal in sex is not the point. The journey is where it’s at.”
From that perspective, my journey was a very pleasurable one indeed.
Male Multiple Orgasms without Ejaculating: Exactly How to Have Them
Until a few months ago, I was insanely jealous of women.
Between foreplay and sex, a woman can get off 10+ times in a single session, and those orgasms can last 10-20+ seconds.
Guys? We get one 5 second sticky white crotch-sneeze, followed by an intense desire to nap.
But then, a few months ago, I figured out something that blew my load mind…
Not only can guys have multiple orgasms in a single session, they can do it without ejaculating, with no recovery period, and they can have prolonged orgasms that last for over a minute.
Just less jizz
It doesn’t take long to figure out either. It only took me a month from discovering this was possible to actually doing it, and I didn’t have this article to guide me like you do.
When I coached a friend on it, he had his first “non-ejaculatory orgasm” in just two weeks.
So if you’re ready to radically change how you think about guy’s sexual pleasure and orgasm… read on.
Also, be sure to download the app Stamena which will help you train yourself to become multi-orgasmic along with this article.
Discovering Multiple Orgasms
I had never even considered the idea until it was mentioned off-hand in a podcast episode between Dave Asprey and Emily Morse.
The conversation went roughly like this:
Dave: In this old Taoist book… it said to limit your orgasm to no longer than 30 minutes.
Emily: A 30 minute orgasm? … Did you try it and make something like that happen?
Dave: The one time I tried, it was more than 8.5 minutes. Your abs hurt a lot, and you’re like, “Could I just stop, please?” Literally, I’ve had enough. Please go away now, which to me was a new experience. There’s all these things that your body can do around that stuff that are not taught anywhere that I know of.
And then… they just went on to something else! I was standing there in my kitchen going “what the fuck? An 8 minute long orgasm? you can do that (directed downwards)?”
Then I forgot about it for a bit… until Tim Ferriss did a podcast where he drunk dialed some of his fans and it came up again:
Guest: Tell me about Tantric sex. How to do it, how to explore it, where to start…
And while Tim said he didn’t like “tantric” or multi-orgasmic sex very much, he mentioned The Multi-Orgasmic Man and “Orgasmic Meditation,” both closely related to what’s called “Tantric sex,” something that Dave had mentioned as well.
Finally, I had somewhere to start my search. But less than 24 hours later… I was pissed off and dissatisfied.
Why? Because if you’re a remotely secular person, then good luck getting through the open-your-heart-chakra mysticism filling the pages of anything about Tantric sex.
There had to be a secular way to figure this out. Enter The Multi-Orgasmic Man. Enter problem #2.
The Multi-Orgasmic Man is the oft-cited source on this subject, but it shouldn’t be. It’s poorly written and at least 2/3 of the book is spent talking about itself instead of giving you something actionable to do.
But, with that research combined, I did ultimately figure out how you can have non-ejaculatory orgasms without any eastern mysticism.
Then with a bit of experimentation, I figured out how you can extend them significantly.
Four Types of Male Multiple Orgasms
The brief “crotch-sneeze” orgasm I mentioned at the start is what 99% of guys go through their lives experiencing. We’re going to refer to it as an Ejaculatory Orgasm (EO).
You can extend it a few seconds and increase the intensity of it (both through kegel exercises), but it remains limited in duration and you can only have one.
What most men don’t know is that there are three more types of orgasms, which most guys never experience:
- Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm (NEOs)
- Prolonged or Peaking Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm (PNEOs)
- Prostate Orgasm (POs)
What’s special about the other three?
- More intense. Once you’ve practiced, all three are a more intense sensation than an EO.
- No refractory period. You can orgasm again and again without having to cool down.
- They’re looong. A PNEO can last 1, 5, even 10 minutes. Ever been physically exhausted from orgasming? No? Well get ready.
I’m going to cover how you can have your first NEO and PNEO, but just on your own.
Having either during sex and foreplay is 10x harder, but once you can do it on your own, here’s how to have multiple orgasms during sex.
Step One: Ejaculatory Control
Before you can have NEOs and PNEOs, you need to get yourself to a certain level of ejaculatory control.
You should be comfortable masturbating for 10+ minutes with constant stimulation (not having to stop and start a ton of times).
Without that kind of control, you won’t be able to slowly bring yourself up to the point of having an NEO, and you definitely won’t be able to keep yourself right at that threshold.
If you can’t easily do that, start with the article on how to last longer in bed.
Step Two: Kegel Exercises
Having an NEO or PNEO works by getting to the point of orgasm, and then flexing your PC muscle hard enough to block the ejaculate from actually escaping.
But most men have a weak PC muscle, even if they can normally last a long time in bed, so you’ll need to train yours until you have a vice-like grip behind your penis.
You do this through kegel exercises (if you’re not familiar with them, go read that article).
The PC muscle (ejaculation muscle for our purposes) is located right behind your balls and before your anus. You’ve felt it when you’re trying to prevent yourself from peeing, or when you start peeing and then try to make yourself stop.
It’s also the muscle that you use to prevent yourself from ejaculating, and that flexes and spasms when you’re orgasming.
So in order to stop yourself from ejaculating, you need to develop a strong PC muscle.
The easiest way to do that training is to use an app called Stamena (or Kegel Trainer on Android), which will walk you through doing progressively more difficult kegel exercises and strengthening the PC muscle.
Start by practicing your kegels 2-3 times a day until you can hold for 20+ seconds. That’s when you’re at the point that you can squeeze hard enough to pull yourself back from the edge.
Once you’re there, keep doing kegels for maintenance, but you can move on to the next step…
Step Three: Daily Practice
While you’re learning to have NEOs and PNEOs, set aside 20+ minutes each night to masturbate and work on it. I found that if I went more than a couple days without experimenting, I’d be set back considerably.
Once you’ve practiced enough you can go for a few days without it, but until you have it mastered, set that time aside every night.
During the practice, work yourself up to a peak (somewhere around a 9-9.5 out of 10 for how close you are to orgasming) and then bring yourself back down to a 5-7. This is called “edging.”
Stay in the upper range as long as possible, but when you feel like you’re at risk of ejaculating, cool yourself down using the STAB technique from the last article:
- Squeeze: Squeeze your PC muscles HARD like you’re doing an intense kegel. Hold for at least 10 seconds, but the longer you can hold the more you’ll come down. (A few shorter holds, or a bunch of 1 second ones can work too)
- Think: Think about something else
- Avoid: Change your stroke (avoid the head) instead of stopping entirely
- Breathe: Take deep, diaphragmatic (with your stomach) breath
The idea is to become extremely aware of how close you are to ejaculating. Having that awareness is crucial for separating orgasm and ejaculation.
For that reason, I’m going to make a recommendation you might not like…
Don’t use porn.
I found that using porn when practicing pulled me out of the experience too much, and I lost awareness of where I was on that 1-10 scale.
By not using it you’re forced to focus on the experience more, and it will give you significantly more awareness of how close you are and when you need to pull yourself back.
Once you’ve mastered edging, you can start to separate the orgasm and ejaculation.
Step Four: Separating Orgasm and Ejaculation
To have non-ejaculatory orgasms, you need to train your body to separate the experience or orgasm and ejaculation.
You’ve likely experienced ejaculation and orgasm at the same time for your entire life, but that’s just a strategic biological move on your body’s part.
Orgasm is not caused by ejaculating, rather it normally happens in sync with and actually slightly before ejaculating. Your body needs to make sure you don’t stop pumping away as you get closer to cumming (since it wants to reproduce), so it gets you closer to orgasming as motivation.
All we have to do is untrain that impulse.
Partial Orgasm Separation
As you’re masturbating for your daily practice, you’re going to start working on briefly separating the orgasm and ejaculation as you finish.
When you hit the point of no return where you know you’re going to ejaculate, squeeze your PC muscle as hard as you can as if you’re doing a long kegel hold.
You should feel your penis twitch, swell, and the ejaculating will be delayed a second or two… but the orgasm sensation won’t. You’ll feel a couple seconds of orgasm right before you ejaculate, and then you’ll have the regular ejaculation plus orgasm that you’re used to.
Congrats! You just separated orgasm and ejaculation for the first time.
This is the “holy shit” moment. Once you feel this happen, everything else will feel 100x more possible.
Now you just have to do it without ejaculating at all.
Step Five: Your First Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm
Now that you’ve seen that there’s a difference between when you start to orgasm, and when you start to ejaculate, it’s time to make the first happen without the other.
You’re going to keep the practice going like you have. Work yourself up to a peak, and bring yourself down. Up and down.
When you get close to cumming, you’re going to do something a little different: right when you hit the point of no return, squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can, open your eyes (this helps, not sure why), and stop stroking your penis.
One of a few things will happen:
- You’ll stop too early and not get the orgasm. This is fine, just work yourself up again and try it a little closer to orgasming
- You’ll do it too late and you’ll orgasm + ejaculate anyway. That’s fine, just try again next time but at a slightly earlier point.
- You’ll have an NEO! I doubt you’ll get it your first time, but if you do, congrats! Work yourself up to that peak and see if you can do it again.
My progression went like this:
- Days 1-7: Not much
- Days 8-14: Some separation, still ejaculated though
- Day ~15: Oh my god I’m never leaving my bed
Even when you do it right, some cum might leak out, or you might have one small squirt. That’s fine! You’ll notice that there’s no refractory period, you’re just cooled down to a 5 or 6 again and still completely able to keep going.
Good work! You’re now able to have non-ejaculatory orgasms. But, as you probably found, the first one isn’t anything crazy to write home about. Which is why we need…
Step Six: Intensifying Your NEOs
For every guy I’ve talked to, the first NEO is disappointing. It will be extremely brief and not incredibly pleasureable. Womp womp.
Don’t stop there. Unlike a regular EO (ejaculatory orgasm), an NEO isn’t immediately extremely pleasurable, it’s something you have to build up to through practice.
The best way to do that is to keep having them. The good news is that since you don’t have a refractory period, you can have multiple in the same session.
What will make the biggest difference in how pleasurable they are is how close to actually ejaculating you are when you have them. If you’re squeezing your PC muscle with the vice-like grip to keep yourself a hair-width away from ejaculating, it’ll be much more intense than if you’re just loosely squeezing a few times at a 9.
You can also try changing how you do your kegel squeezes. I find the long hard squeeze most effective, but for some guys a few medium length squeezes or a bunch of very quick ones are better.
Step Seven: Orgasming for 5+ Minutes: the Prolonged Non-Ejaculatory Orgasm
After figuring out NEOs, I had an idea:
What if you could chain together and extend NEOs the same way women extend their clitoral orgasms?
Women can orgasm multiple times in quick succession, and stay in that peak state for over a minute, so why couldn’t I do the same?
That was the question that led me to the abs-destroying orgasmic intensity that David Asprey alluded to.
Think about the pleasure graphs I’ve used before.
You started out here, with a build up to one orgasm:
With NEOs, you can create a graph more like this:
That’s just having a regular orgasm a few times, though. It’s awesome, but you can make it even better by significantly increasing the duration of the orgasms, until the graph looks like this:
If you have an idea for how to better visualize this… let me know
Normally, we think of an orgasm as a point in time, something that happens to you. Instead, you need to think of orgasm as a state of being, in which the sensations can become more or less intense.
It’s like being turned on. You could be a little horny, or sex-on-the-kitchen-floor horny, but it’s all just different levels of horny.
Orgasm is the same. Once you’ve separated it from ejaculation, you can move between different levels of orgasm for as long as you want.
You’ll have peaks of pleasure that you would normally call “orgasms,” but instead of cooling down afterward you’ll stay in a less intense orgasm. The spasms, contractions, and mental pleasure of an orgasm will all be there, just with different intensity.
Your First PNEO
To have your first PNEO, start with a regular NEO like before but as soon as you hit the peak, try to make yourself immediately have another one.
Don’t let yourself cool down. Shift the focus to the head of your penis, and use a fast stroke to keep yourself right against that edge. You should be able to quickly get to the NEO peak again, and when you do, just do the same thing and immediately try as hard as possible to have another one.
As you keep doing this, the gaps will get shorter and shorter until you manage to keep yourself right in that orgasmic state between the successive peaks. It might take a few tries and you might have a few misfires, but eventually you’ll hit that point where you’re in that blissed out orgasm state beyond just when you’re having the peaks.
Once you have your first one in a session, the next ones get easier.
Second, third, and future PNEOs
Once you’ve had the first PNEO, the next ones are much easier.
Get yourself up to the point just before you would have an NEO, but now you’re going to clench your PC muscles earlier, and make all of the movements as if you were having an orgasm.
Do the thrusting, leg twitching, thrashing, etc. If you’re not sure what motions to make, just imitate what you see women do when they orgasm.
This is the same principle I talked about in the article on lasting longer in bed: if you smile, you make yourself happier. If you breathe like you’re not going to cum, you won’t. And in this case, if you move your body as if you’re having an orgasm, you will.
You’re stroking, you’re close to an NEO, and now you’re clenching and moving as if you’re orgasming. Keep your eyes open like before, and keep stroking to keep yourself right against that no-return threshold.
At some point here you’ll feel a sudden rush of pleasure and the sensation will noticeably change from just the pleasure of stroking to being in the orgasmic state that you felt before. You’ll be able to manipulate how intense the orgasm is by stroking harder or faster, and you’ll be able to pull yourself out of it just by stopping if you get tired or get too close to ejaculating.
Eventually, you’ll get to the point where the reason you let yourself come down (or finally ejaculate) is because your abs hurt (seriously, this is an insane ab workout) or your throat dries out from breathing so heavily.
Having NEOs and PNEOs with your partner
You can go from zero to having NEOs and PNEOs on your own in less than a month. Once you know the sensations you’re going for, getting to them is not particularly hard assuming you have the sufficient PC muscle strength.
But having either with your partner is considerably more difficult because you’re no longer controlling the amount of stimulation. Instead, you’re relying on them to provide the constant pressure you need to reach an NEO, or stay in a PNEO, without providing so much that you actually ejaculate.
That’s why I recommend figuring out how to do it on your own first. Once you’ve gotten it down, then you can work on incorporating it into sex and foreplay with your partner.
Ready to have NEOs and PNEOs during sex? Here’s how.
Men can become multi-orgasmic too: Enjoy the sexual perks of these simple exercises
We tend to associate kegel exercises with women. But men have pelvic floor muscles too, and exercising them regularly can create a host of sexual perks, from delayed ejaculation to multiple orgasms.
The first step in learning how to exercise these muscles is to locate them. Stopping the flow of urine midstream tends to be an easy way to figure out where and what these muscles are. Though, as is the case with women, men shouldn’t exclusively rely on this technique. “That’s not good for your bladder, constantly stopping and squeezing,” says sex educator and author of “Sex Yourself” Carlyle Jansen. “But you can do it a couple of times to isolate those muscles.”
“One fun way to exercise these muscles is by putting a towel over your erect penis so you can raise and lower your member. You’ll see the towel going up and down,” Jansen says.
But perhaps the most pleasurable means of performing kegel exercises is through sex. Strong pelvic floor muscles are often associated with improved orgasms.
“Those are the muscles that contract when we orgasm. The stronger they are, the more powerful the orgasm,” Jansen explains, adding, “For men who have a hard time controlling their ejaculation, learning how to do this will also help them delay ejaculation.”
In some cases, Jansen explains, kegel exercises can help men learn to become multi-orgasmic. Achieving multiple orgasms as a man often involves what’s known as squeeze techniques. Through this method, men are taught to place their index finger and thumb around the shaft of the penis upon reaching “the moment of ejaculatory inevitability.” Jansen explains that men who have strong pelvic floor muscles are able to perform this technique through kegel exercises alone, no hands needed.
“The idea with squeezing your urethra is that you get closer and closer to having the orgasm while stopping before the ejaculation,” says Jansen. “Orgasm and ejaculation are two separate events. But for most men, with penile stimulation, you have the orgasm and ejaculation within one second of each other, so it feels like it’s one and the same.” (There are also other ways for men to achieve multi-orgasmic experiences.)
Jansen suggests that men try performing their kegel exercises in the nude.
“When we try to squeeze our pelvic floor, we often engage our abdomen, and/or our butt muscles, and/or our thigh muscles,” she says. “One advantage of doing it naked is that you can look in the mirror. When you squeeze, you shouldn’t see your abdomen, your thighs or your butt moving, or feel them moving.”
Of course, kegel exercises aren’t just about sex. In many cases, Jansen says, men are instructed to perform pelvic floor exercises in order to address urinary incontinence, which can be brought on by a number of different factors, including diabetes and prostate surgery. “It’s sort of something doctors tell you to do behind closed doors, “ says Jansen.
Carrie Weisman is an AlterNet staff writer who focuses on sex, relationships and culture. Got tips, ideas or a first-person story? Email her.
I’ll set the scene. There will be a man and a woman and they are having sex. Up against a wall, in a bed, in a car, anywhere. Vertically, horizontally. Clothed or unclothed. None of that matters, because the outcome will be the same. Within a minute, usually, the man and woman will have an orgasm at the same time. It will be visible, spectacular, satisfying. Then perhaps, she will have another and another and another.
This scene will be familiar because it has been enacted ever since sex was allowed onscreen. But it is fiction. Not because women can’t have multiple orgasms. But if they do, it is unlikely to be because of thrusting. That’s if they get an orgasm in the first place.
The orgasm. “A feeling of intense sexual pleasure that happens during sexual activity,” according to the NHS. That much is known. But dive any deeper into the science of women’s genitalia, and how they work, and there will be surprises. We’re still in a black hole of not knowing very much about the sexual health and mechanisms of half the population. A few things that scientists and academics are still fiercely debating: how a female orgasm is triggered, what it does and what it’s for. Things are better than they were in the 19th century, when male gynaecologists examined women while standing behind a cloak. But in the late 1970s, medical men were still having earnest discussions in the pages of medical journals about whether menstruating women emitted a poisonous substance called menotoxin, that made flowers wilt. The US National Institutes of Health only set up a programme to research vaginal health in 1992 – the male orgasm was first researched a century earlier.
There are just nuggets of information for women: a paper from the 1930s establishing that women reported having several orgasms. In the 1960s, studies by the superstars of sexology, Masters and Johnson, and others that found 14-16% of women had multiple orgasms. Or they said they did: proper analysis of even the single female orgasm has only become possible with the advent of diagnostic tools such as the fMRI scanner or EEG, which can see what happens in the brain. Before that, researchers were dependent on what women told them, always an inadequate method (as humans don’t tell the truth about sex). even when – as in one survey by Florida State University in 1991 – the respondents were nurses, chosen for their articulacy about body parts. (Nearly half of the 805 nurses questioned reported multiple orgasms.)
Blood flow to the genitals, an important part of orgasm, can now be tracked. We can watch over 30 areas of the brain light up, including ones that govern emotion and joy, and release oxytocin, a feelgood chemical that enables bonding. We can see the physiological process of orgasm: the tensing of muscles, the acceleration of heart-rate, the blood flowing to the genital area, and then the blessed feeling of release and pleasure. At this point, women and men diverge. For a start, the man is more likely to have had an orgasm than a woman. A recent national study in the US found that 95% of heterosexual men and 89% of gay men said they always climaxed during sex. In heterosexual women, the rate was 65% (but in lesbians 86% ). This is called the “orgasm gap” and it is usually filled by lying: 67% of heterosexual women admitted faking an orgasm in a 2010 study, while 80% of men were convinced their partner never faked it. I look at that gap, and see the clitoris. This mighty, magnificent organ, that has more nerve endings than the penis, exists, as far as we know, only to give pleasure. As possibly the female orgasm does: it has no known reproductive purpose, but there is no clarity. One theory: that the orgasm is a way for the female body to capture more sperm with the contractions of climax. This is called, delightfully,“insucking” or “upsucking.” The role of the female orgasm in reproduction, or even human behaviour, is, wrote one baffled researcher in the journal Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, “a vexed question”.
After climax, or resolution, the man enters a “refractory period,” where he has to recover. This varies from a few minutes in young men to 20 hours in older ones, but however long it is, there will be no response to sexual stimulation. A woman has no such barrier. If she has had an orgasm, and not faked it, she may “plateau”, but within seconds or minutes, or when she feels like it, given the right stimulation – probably (but not only) clitoral – she can feasibly orgasm again. The circumstances required include her environment, her partner (if she needs one), and her knowledge of her own body. It’s surprising, says Professor Linda Cardozo, a spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, “how many women don’t even know what their genitalia are called”. We say vagina (the internal passage leading to the cervix) when it’s the vulva (external genitalia). We see images of women with improbably shaven genitalia, and supposedly female dolls with no external labia. The authors of one study that attempted to understand how women’s genitalia varied in appearance marvelled that “even some recent textbooks of anatomy do not include the clitoris on diagrams of the female pelvis”. When women come to her thinking they are dysfunctional in some way, says Sarah Martin, executive director of the World Association of Sex Coaches, one of the most powerful things she can do is send them away to look at their vulva in a mirror. Using the right words is important too. Vulva, not vagina. Otherwise, says Vincenzo Puppo, a sexologist at the University of Florence, women think of their vagina as “just a hole”.
Martin also tries to get women to relax. Before orgasm, alpha waves in our brains slow down. A recent documentary on the “super-orgasm” – actually multiple orgasms – found that women who had multiple orgasms had slower alpha waves than the average woman. Their brains were quieter, making more room for pleasure. “The thing about sex of all sorts,” says Martin, “is that sex takes place in the body. It’s very hard to think about pleasure if you are worrying instead of focusing on your body.”
What might you be worrying about? Probably whether you’re going to have an orgasm. Only about 20% of women can reach orgasm by penetration alone; the rest of us need clitoral stimulation. The vagina is marvellous, but it is not packed with nerve endings like the clitoris.
You may think differently about the vagina if you believe in the G-spot. Puppo has little patience with it, and labels anatomical illustrations with: “the invented zone for the G-spot”. It is named after Ernest Gräfenberg, who wrote a paper in 1950 about an erogenous zone on the vaginal anterior wall. This was launched into popular perception by an eponymous 1981 book written by two psychologists and a nurse, and by countless articles since. The nurse was Beverley Whipple, who told the Science Vs podcast that her team had investigated by inserting fingers into women’s vaginas and feeling around the clock. “Between 11o’clock and 1 o’clock,” Whipple says, “we got a lot of smiles.”
What a great thought. Except Gräfenberg never wrote about a G-spot. He did write about women he called “frigid,” and reported that some women were stimulated by inserting hat pins. There is still no good scientific data to prove its existence, although plenty of women believe they have one. “The G-spot,” wrote the neuroscientist Terence Hines in 2001, “will remain a sort of gynaecologic UFO, much searched for and discussed, but unverified by objective means.” The debate matters, says Puppo, because “women who fail to ‘find’ their G-spot, because they fail to respond to stimulation as the G-spot myth suggests that they should, may end up feeling inadequate or abnormal”.
Cardozo is circumspect. “There is some doubt as to whether a particular spot in the anterior vaginal wall is relevant in terms of orgasm. When women have had that part of the anterior wall excised, they have still been able to orgasm.”
The G-spot debate hasn’t prevented cosmeto-gynaecologists from offering procedures such a G-spot amplification, a concept first offered by the Californian gynaecologist David Matlock, who decided injecting collagen into the vaginal wall would enhance sensation for four months and the chance of single or multiple vaginal orgasms. The American College of Obstetricians disagreed, deciding that the procedure had no scientific basis, and anyway, Cardozo says, “the herd of cows that provided the collagen died out”. Now the money-maker is the O-shot (O for orgasm), an injection into the vaginal wall of platelet-rich plasma (PRP) derived from the woman’s blood.
“There is no scientific data on this,” says Cardozo, with some finality, although PRP has worked in dental patients, allegedly enhancing the healing process. You probably want tips for how to get a multiple orgasm here. Or even a single one. I prescribe better research, of course. But also, better talking. Communication is as powerful as lube, whether it’s with a partner or a doctor. For women who think they need to surgically alter their vulva because they are abnormal, the American College of Obstetricians prescribes “a frank discussion” about the wide range of normal genitalia.
I also prescribe a feminisation of gynaecology, but that is already happening: in the US, 82% of residents in gynaecology now are female, and half of the UK’s Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists’s members are women. I prescribe better knowledge: women can orgasm singly and multiply orgasm, but often it has to be learned.
The clitoris should be placed on equal standing with the penis. All these prescriptions can combine for as pleasing an outcome as an orgasm, single or multiple. Because it matters. The female orgasm may have a reproductive role or not: I’ll leave that up to scientists to debate, and celebrate the fact that they are debating it. Perhaps it’s enough to know that an orgasm feels good, and in these dark times you deserve it, or many.
How to Have Multiple Orgasms In 7 Steps
We’ve all heard whispers and rumors, but actually having multiple orgasms? Well, that’s on par with having hair like a Victoria’s Secret angel and a metabolism that can burn right through morning bagels. But sexperts are here to reassure us all that multiple orgasms really do exist and-even better-that we can all have them!
How many orgasms can you actually have?
The limit does not exist. “I had a client who would regularly have 30 to 40 orgasms in a session with her partner. She may be the extreme but having one to five is totally normal and doable for any woman,” says holistic sex and relationship expert Kim Anami.
Obviously, we don’t need to convince anyone how great an orgasm is, but there are actually benefits beyond just pleasure. (And, that being said, there are a ton of health benefits of sex even if you don’t O.) “Touch, pleasure, and orgasms all have a host of health benefits, including boosting your immune system, regulating sleep cycles, alleviating anxiety and depression, and creating emotional well-being,” says Chris Rose, sex educator at PleasureMechanics.com. Plus, she adds, the more pleasure you feel, the more adept your body becomes at releasing the pleasure hormones, so it becomes a positive feedback loop. In addition to the chemical and hormonal benefits, orgasms also lead to greater degrees of emotional release and openness for the woman. (Read more: Your Brain On An Orgasm)
And if one orgasm is healthy, imagine how much better off you’d be with two or more!
So, the question on all of our minds is: How can you have multiple orgasms?! “Many women don’t allow themselves to get fully aroused, and arousal is what fuels multiple orgasms,” Rose explains. This is a long road, and one you might not reach the end of on the first try, but Rose and Anami have a pretty thorough guide to help you get there. To achieve maximum arousal and multiple Os, follow these seven steps:
Image zoom Photo: Serge Krouglikoff / Getty Images
1. Check your emotions.
Building arousal and experiencing multiple orgasms in one go is definitely about physical technique (don’t worry, we’ll get there), but the first step is setting your thoughts and emotions straight. “Becoming a multiorgasmic woman is a mindset more than anything,” says Rose. (And avoid these five common libido-crushers.)
It’s as easy as believing it’s possible for you personally to climax more than once, Anami says. Next is learning to relax: “Deeper orgasms are all about a very intense state of release, so you have to be willing to dive into the unknown and let go,” Anami adds. Once your attitude starts to shift, two or more orgasms may well become your new normal, Rose says. (If you’re having trouble just getting to one, read about the real reason you can’t orgasm during sex.)
2. Slow them down.
This is important if you’re with a male partner. (If you have a female partner, you might not have to worry about this one.) “Male stamina is crucial in women being able to reach higher states of pleasure and orgasm more,” Anami says. In fact, the average man takes anywhere from three to seven minutes to climax, while the average woman requires anywhere from 10 to 20-a discrepancy researchers call “the arousal gap.” How do you close that time frame? Female-focused foreplay is one of the best techniques because it allows you to start down the excitement path earlier than him, which leads us to…
3. Let them lavish you with pleasure.
Your partner wants nothing more than to see you orgasm once or twice (don’t worry, if it’s a guy, he’ll catch up!). “Most lovers are generous and willing and take pleasure in seeing their partner enjoy more than one orgasm-but many women have a hard time receiving so much attention and letting the erotic focus be on their own pleasure,” says Rose. If you want to experience the thrills, give yourself permission to be the star of the sexual experience. If you have any worries like “I’m taking too long” or “They must be getting bored down there,” then no amount of great stimulation will help. (Learn how to have an amazing orgasm by eliminating distraction.)
4. Help them with hand work.
“For most women, your partner’s hands and mouth are the best tools for helping you peak, so make sure they know how to use them,” Rose says. Show them exactly how you like to be touched-and then let them explore. (If you aren’t quite sure, it’s time for some solo exploration: Follow these tips for an amazing masturbation session.) “A lot of women love the combination of oral sex with a few fingers inside. This works for a good reason, as this combination allows stimulation of both the external clitoris and its internal roots,” Rose suggests. Move their hands to where you touch yourself, and give them audible feedback on what is working for you-right up until you reach your first peak.
5. Take a breath.
“After your first orgasm, take a moment or two to savor the afterglow before you start building arousal back up again. Your next orgasm might be mere minutes away,” Rose says. Focus on your breathing: “When people get sexually excited, they tend to hold the breath or breathe really shallow,” Anami says. “The more you can practice deep, steady breathing, you’ll relax, stay in the present moment, and also increase the power and pleasure of your orgasm.”
6. Turn to orgasmic intercourse.
If you’re moving on to penetrative sex, keep up the clitoral stimulation, Rose suggests. The majority of women worldwide don’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone, but instead can only climax from clitoral stimulation, reports a study in the journal Clinical Anatomy. “For most women, this is how they can get to full (and multiple) orgasms during intercourse,” she adds. (Start here: Make use of these best sex positions for clitoral stimulation and how to get more pleasure out of common sex positions.)
7. Keep the connection.
The deeper vaginal orgasms are all about a very deep state of release and letting go. Feeling like you’re on the same wavelength as your partner can help. “Maintaining eye contact is intense, but this forces you to be more vulnerable and open, which is key to these deeper orgasmic experiences,” Anami explains.
And once you reach your second orgasm, the doors are wide open: “If you can have two, you can have three, four, or more! There is no limit on how many orgasms a woman can experience,” Rose says. If it doesn’t happen the first time, don’t worry-practicing having multiple orgasms is something you and your partner can both enjoy.
- By Rachael Schultz @_RSchultz
What does having multiple orgasms feel like?
In some ways, any conversation about the female orgasm is defunct before it even starts. After all, little is known about it, it varies hugely for every woman, and, for a lot of women it comes with no sudden physical ejaculation of fluid as it does with a man, rendering the entire thing a much more subjective and interiorised experience.
And yet, perhaps this is all the more reason to talk about it, not only from a scientific point of view, but a socio-cultural one too. In general, when it comes to sex with a partner, men have more orgasms than women. A 2018 study on the subject surveyed 52,600 people, and the results are telling: straight men reported orgasming 95% of the time. Straight women? 65% of the time. For lesbian women, however, this figure leapt to 86%.
So it’s not simply the case, as many (men) would hope, that women just don’t orgasm as much in general, but rather it takes more skill, and more patience. Taking into account that 75% of women never orgasm from intercourse alone, and the fact that men come in about four minutes while women take up to twenty minutes, the problem begins to become clear. And so, any discussion that broaches women’s oft-overlooked orgasms is probably worthwhile.
The problem is, while these discussions they can be hugely beneficial, perhaps helping women learn more about themselves and their own anatomy, it also adds pressure. When conversations drift on to the G-spot and suchlike, it can leave some feeling jaded: How does she do that? Why can’t I do that? Is there something wrong with me? (No – the existence of the G-spot remains disputed).
Some scientists have speculated that the contractions of the vagina that occur when you orgasm are supposed to help “catch” the sperm and push it towards the womb, a phenomenon known somewhat offputtingly as “up-sucking” in these academic circles.
Which brings us to the ‘multiple orgasm’. Unsurprisingly, a quick google search around the subject takes you to articles written for men telling them how to give “their girl” multiple orgasms. But is it that simple? What even is a multiple orgasm? How many multiples and in what timespan?
Why are women able to have multiple orgasms?
Why women are blessed with the ability to have a streak of orgasms and men not remains unclear. Indeed, we don’t even really know why a woman comes at all. After all – we can reproduce without ever having had an orgasm. This doesn’t stop theories abounding.
Some scientists have speculated that the contractions of the vagina that occur when you orgasm are supposed to help “catch” the sperm and push it towards the womb, a phenomenon known somewhat offputtingly as “up-sucking” in these academic circles.
Others believe the vaginal muscles tightening around the penis make it more stimulating for a male sexual partner, although obviously if this is the case then evolution didn’t develop a plan B for the amount of women who fake orgasms.
What we do know is that the average female orgasm is estimated to last around 20 seconds and involves contractions of the muscles in the vagina, uterus, and anus. MRI scans conducted during studies have also shown considerable activity in many areas of the brain as a woman reaches orgasm.
What is a multiple orgasm?
Among professionals, a clear definition for multiple orgasms hasn’t really been reached, partly because what might be one woman’s multiple might simply be two orgasms, with a gap between them, for another.
One study has shown that the same contractions occur in multiple orgasms that happen one after the other, but gradually decrease in intensity, suggesting even in multiple orgasms in very quick succession each orgasm is “individual” in its own right.
Sex therapist Dr Juliana Morris believes that not only can we differentiate between multiple orgasms and one orgasm (as we do with vaginal orgasm and clitoral orgasm), there a few different types of multiple orgasm.
“When the initial orgasm arrives, there is this tingling sensation as if it isn’t over. Then, there is a small dip that sometimes requires a little extra stimulation, and then an orgasm arrives again, and then there is a repetition, three or four times, with everything in the span of 15 minutes tops.”
“One is called compound singles,” she says. “This is where each orgasm is separate and distinct, and in between orgasms the woman is either partially aroused or not aroused at all, and the time between them can be fairly substantial.”
The other type she refers to as “sequential multiples”. This is where, she says, orgasms are a few minutes apart with fairly consistent arousal in between fairly distinct orgasms. Finally, she mentions the “serial multiple”. “These orgasms are only a few seconds apart and often feel like one large orgasm with spasms of different intensities,” she says.
Do multiple orgasms feel the same as ‘normal’ orgasms?
“It feels like something is lingering, as if it hasn’t finished yet,” says Naomi*, describing what a multiple orgasm feels like for her. “When the initial orgasm arrives, there is this tingling sensation as if it isn’t over. Then, there is a small dip that sometimes requires a little extra stimulation, and then an orgasm arrives again, and then there is a repetition, three or four times, with everything in the span of 15 minutes tops.”
Conversely to men, women are capable of coming in quick succession. Whereas a man might need a considerable rest period before going again, women don’t. Some women may consider multiple orgasms exactly as described above, one after the other in quick succession.
For others, a multiple orgasm might be one, then another shortly after, both separate of each other. Others may even consider several orgasms in one sex session to be multiple orgasms.
Patsy*, 54, is another woman who experiences multiple orgasms, up to five in one go, spaced out with a few seconds to up to five minutes between them. These orgasms, however, are not identical to one another.
“Women shouldn’t worry if they don’t have ‘multiple orgasms’. Let’s change how we look at it. It isn’t an ‘achievement’. It’s an experience.”
“I usually have 2-3 orgasms when having sex with my partner and 4-5 when I’m alone, although the later ones can be elusive,” she says. “The first 2-3 usually come in quick succession, with subsequent ones taking longer.” The first two, she continues, are always very different from each other. “The first is more intense, bigger, but the second is sweeter and often more enjoyable,” she continues. “Once I get to the fourth or fifth they are more ordinary.”
Other women, such as Anna*, say the orgasms they have in multiples are similar to singular ones. “It feels like it could go on forever,” she says. “Once you’re in a streak it comes easily. The orgasm itself doesn’t feel that different, but what I remember most is that I feel lightheaded afterwards.”
Should I worry if I can’t have multiple orgasms?
You know what you consider to be multiple orgasms if you have them. After all, the experiences Anna, Patsy and Naomi describe are very different in many ways. The problem with labels is that if a person feels something, or doesn’t, or doesn’t consider themself to be able to have multiple orgasms, they might believe something is missing.
“Women shouldn’t worry if they don’t have ‘multiple orgasms’,” says Dr. Juliana. “Let’s change how we look at it. It isn’t an ‘achievement’. It’s an experience. When felt, it’s amazing, but it doesn’t mean you have achieved orgasmic nirvana and it doesn’t mean your sexual life isn’t amazing if you experience orgasms as a singular sensation.”
As Dr. Juliana points out, women already have so much we’re expected to worry about – adding multiple orgasm to the list would be silly. “The pressure,” she continues, “is often rooted in how it is perceived as the amount of love and generosity your partner gives you. I think the competition among women is there, but it’s subtle and mostly unintentional.”
If you don’t have what you would describe as multiple orgasms it doesn’t matter, as long as the sex you do have, if you choose to have sex, is consensual, enjoyable, and satisfying.
*Names have been changed
Page last updated August 2018