- I Adopted These Awesome Ways to Pleasure Myself (As a Woman)
- It’s More than The Orgasm
- Learn How Women’s Sexuality Works
- Connect With Other Women
- Get Hands-on Bodywork
- How to Enhance the Pleasure
- Real Women Share Their Go-To Masturbation Techniques
- “I like to masturbate on my knees”
- “I use my imagination and my hands”
- “I take my time on a lazy Sunday”
- “I lay on my stomach”
- “I love a vibrator but don’t always use it”
- “I get on my back in the reclining goddess position”
- “I spend 20 minutes to an hour”
- “I splay my legs under the covers”
- “I lie face down in my bed”
- “I’ll do it standing up if it’s at work”
- “I like to use toys”
- “I do it home alone on the bed or couch”
- “I like to have background music on”
- “I have white noise on to drown out the sounds”
- “I like the room to smell good”
- “I lie on my stomach”
- “I masturbate before bed when it’s dark and quiet”
- Put Pressure on the Pelvis
- Listen to Music
- Think Back to Your Hottest Sex Scenes
- Read Online Erotica
- Light a Candle
- Do It Every Day
- Take a Bath
- Use Your Imagination
- Assume to Orgasm Again and Again
- 10 Household Items That Double As Sex Toys
- 1. Shower Head
- 2. Banana Peel
- 3. Scarves Or Thigh-High Stockings
- 4. Ice Cubes
- 5. Bathtub Faucet
- 6. Electronic Toothbrush
- 7. Spatula
- 8. Washing Machine
- 9. Back Massager
- 10. Your Phone
- Sex Machine That Allows Us To Have A Simulated Threesome
- Simulating A Threesome With This Sex Toy
- Simulating A Threesome With A Sex Doll
- Smaller Sex Toys You Can Use To Simulate A Threesome
- Best Tips For Having The Best Simulated Threeway
- 21 Women Reveal What It Was Like To Have Sex With A Large Or Small Penis
- An Expert Reveals What Exactly Causes Sexual Tension
- How to Keep the Sexual Tension Alive in Your Relationship
- 1. There’s lots of eye contact.
- 2. The smiles are contagious.
- 3. You’re ultra-aware of any physical contact.
- 4. When there’s no eye contact, it’s because you’re checking each other out.
- 5. Things can feel a little awkward, or the opposite.
- 6. You both lean in and talk softly.
- 7. You stay close to each other.
- 8. You face each other.
- 9. You’re always in contact.
- 10. The compliments are flying.
- 11. Talk turns to sex.
- 12. You feel like you’re a teenager again.
- 13. People have commented on the vibes between you.
- 14. You just know.
I Adopted These Awesome Ways to Pleasure Myself (As a Woman)
It’s More than The Orgasm
When I was young, I had one thought on my mind as I masturbated. I wanted that orgasm. I was always worried about someone catching me and I wanted to get done before I got caught. Being in a hurry meant that I did not get the full experience from pleasuring myself.
I learned that I could feel as much pleasure stimulating myself and building toward the orgasm as I did from the orgasm. I also found out that it is better to come down slowly from the peak of the excitement. That meant I had to do a few things. I had to find the time to masturbate. I had to set up a place where it made me feel at peace. I also needed to learn how to stop before I orgasmed. Getting to the edge of orgasm and then bringing yourself down makes that final climax even better.
Learn How Women’s Sexuality Works
That first time in the shower happened in an instant. I achieved an orgasm in a hurry. Even though it was over so soon, I knew that I had found something I wanted to repeat. I also knew that I wanted it to last longer. I knew that I wanted to experience the feeling leading up to an orgasm, the feeling of the orgasm and the feeling after the orgasm. The pleasure went through my whole body, but I did not understand why it was happening. It took time for me to learn how my body works and what that meant for my sexuality.
The first step for any women that want to enhance their pleasure during masturbation is to learn how their body works. During my first time, all the pleasure was felt around my vagina. I did not know that it was because I was stimulating my clitoris, but I knew there was something special about that spot. For a long time, that was the place I concentrated my efforts on.
It was not until later that I learned there were other parts of my body that gave me pleasure while masturbating. For some women, it is the best or the inner thighs. For me, it is the feeling of gently rubbing my hands all over my body. I actually stay away from the clitoris while warming myself up. There are times when I get as much pleasure from this as I do when I orgasm. It is important for you to explore your body and learn the things that make you feel good.
Connect With Other Women
It is normal to think that masturbation and pleasuring yourself is a private thing. Many women are afraid to discuss it. They do not want others to think that they actually do this. When you don’t talk about how to pleasure yourself, you are missing out on a great opportunity.
The first thing to realize is that you are not the only person that masturbates. Most women do it. That means there is a tremendous amount of knowledge available to you if you learn to talk about it. The way I started doing this was by checking out lesbian chat sites. This allowed me to connect with other women without the fear of them recognizing me. The more I learned from these sites, the less fear I had about letting others know how what I did in the privacy of my home. The braver I got, the more I did on the chat sites. I even found some adult chat sites that offer a lot of adult chat fun which help to express myself in a better way. Seeing what other women would do helped me learn even more techniques for increasing my sensuality.
Get Hands-on Bodywork
I am like most women. I have two hands and ten fingers. What I did not have is the knowledge of how to use them. I had to find out what hands-on bodywork meant. There are people that know how to use their hands to manipulate the body to make it feel better. Tantric massage experts can teach you the different ways to use your hands on your body. Learning some of these techniques is one of the ways that I warm my body up and bring it back down when pleasuring myself.
How to Enhance the Pleasure
Humans are a unique animal. We look at sex as more than just a way to reproduce. We get pleasure from sex. Whether that is sex with another man or women or by ourselves, we want to experience the pleasure that comes with it. Reproduction is often the last thing on our mind. Because our goal from sex is a pleasure, we have to find ways to enhance that feeling. There are two things to do to help in this area. The first is to find something that feels good and do it again. The second way is to experiment to find new ways.
I have found that I want to vary the experiences that I have. There are times when I turn to toys to enhance my pleasure. There are times when I turn to chat rooms to help me have some fun. I like to try new rooms in my home and different ways to use my body. There are also times when I return back to the shower to repeat my first orgasmic experience.
I am a sexual being. I like to make myself feel good. I am not the only women that think this way. The great thing about being a woman is the many different ways that I can make myself a sensual being. I look at pleasuring myself as a lifetime learning experience. I do not want to put boundaries on what I do. When I was in that shower, I discovered something very special. Through the years, I have continued to find out that my body is very special and that I should always strive to give it the pleasure it wants. It is something that takes time and something for all women to celebrate. Women can control the way they make their body feel when they take the time to experience the whole thing.
Masturbation is a deeply personal activity—what feels good for one person can be a total fail for another. Yet when a woman is depicted on screen pleasuring herself, she’s typically shown on her back in a satin robe on a luxurious king-size bed, or reclining in a steamy bubble bath illuminated by candles.
Gauzy scenes like these are not what masturbation looks like to most women, including the ladies we spoke to. These solo sex fans (80% of women do it, according to one survey) agreed to open up about how they get themselves off in order to demystify female masturbation and show how much it varies from woman to woman—from the hand moves they use to if they stand, kneel, or lie down to whether porn or sex toys are part of the repertoire.
RELATED: Masturbation Relieves Anxiety, Helps You Sleep, and Boosts Your Sex Life. So Why Don’t More Women Do It?
We believe it’s important to show how real women masturbate—to normalize it and spread the word that there’s no right or wrong way to do it; it’s all about finding your own groove that feels good. Use the techniques these 17 women lay out for inspiration and motivation.
“I like to masturbate on my knees”
“I like to masturbate sitting up on my knees, with my feet back and my knees pointed out to the sides, sort of like cowgirl position. I’ll put a pillow or towel between my legs and grind against it to stimulate my clitoris. I can use my imagination, but I like to watch porn, so I’ll look up whatever scene I want to see and try to find a good video for it. The whole thing probably takes 15 minutes, between finding the right porn, having a few orgasms, and then relaxing for a bit afterward. I masturbate whenever I’m turned on but don’t have access to a partner. It helps me let go of tension, anger, or nervous energy.”
“I use my imagination and my hands”
“I do it while lying on my back in bed, preferably when it’s quiet. I use my imagination and my hands, and I’ll spend 25 minutes making myself orgasm. Afterward, I feel relieved and tired.”
RELATED: This Is How People Orgasm Around the World
“I take my time on a lazy Sunday”
“I’m very turned on by a man going down on a woman, so I’ll find video clips that show oral sex. I’ve used a vibrator before, but I honestly don’t like it very much. I prefer using my fingers. Vibrators almost make me orgasm too quickly, and I like to draw it out. Typically I spend 15 to 20 minutes doing it, but if I’m having a lazy Sunday I might watch porn and take my time and not even begin to touch myself right away. But I also like to do it as soon as I wake up—I swear it gives me a jolt of energy to start my day—or right before bed. I feel energized after, and consider it me-time.”
“I lay on my stomach”
“I lay on my stomach in my bed, and I don’t use any toys. I’ll use my imagination or read erotica. It probably takes about five minutes and I feel good and calm after.”
“I love a vibrator but don’t always use it”
“Masturbation makes me feel relaxed and happy. I like to be on my back in bed when I do it, and the quieter it is, the better. Sometimes I use my imagination, but usually I watch porn on PornHub. I love a vibrator but I don’t always use it. Sometimes I come too fast with it and it feels better when I don’t use it every time. For me, 5 to 20 minutes of masturbation is good.”
RELATED: 6 Reasons Masturbating Should Be Part of Your Self-Care Routine
“I get on my back in the reclining goddess position”
“I start on my back in bed, sort of in the reclining goddess yoga position. I like it to be quiet, but sometimes I’ll turn on a white noise machine. Occasionally I use a vibrator, but typically just my hand and my mind. I spend 10-25 minutes doing it, and some extra time relaxing afterward. Sometimes, masturbating makes me feel great emotionally, and other times it makes me feel not-great emotionally. But usually I’m relaxed and tired after. Often the orgasms are more intense than with a partner.”
“I spend 20 minutes to an hour”
“I’m always relaxed and relieved after I masturbate. I do it in my bed, laying on my back, with a vibrator. I just use my imagination, and usually spend 20 minutes to an hour.”
“I splay my legs under the covers”
“When I masturbate, I’m laying in bed on my back, with my legs splayed under the covers. I prefer to have music on, and I like to watch porn. I like Redtube, Dane Jones, or amateur porn. I have a Hitachi Magic Wand, so that’s what I use, and I might spend hours masturbating. It makes me feel euphoric sometimes, and sometimes sad.”
“I lie face down in my bed”
“Masturbation makes me feel relaxed and satisfied. I always lay face down in my bed when I masturbate, and I like to use my imagination or read fiction stories for material. I just use my hands, usually for 15 to 25 minutes.”
RELATED: Your G-Spot: What It Is, How to Find it, and All the Things It Can Do for Your Sex Life
“I’ll do it standing up if it’s at work”
“The position I prefer is laying down on my back or stomach in bed, but sometimes I’ll do it standing up if it’s at work—in the bathroom, obviously! I try to avoid fluorescent lighting. I don’t usually use porn, but if I do, it’s Erica Lust’s stuff. I masturbate with my hands, usually for 5 to 10 minutes. I do it when my horniness has gotten to the point of distraction at work, or if I feel like it could lead me to embarrass myself by coming on to someone.”
“I like to use toys”
“I like to use toys when I masturbate. My favorites are the Njoy Toys Pure Wand for G-spot stimulation and the Jimmy Jane Form 2 Clit Vibrator for clit action. The Jimmy Jane one is also great with partners.”
“I do it home alone on the bed or couch”
“I like to masturbate when I’m at home alone, on the bed or couch. The atmosphere doesn’t really matter to me—basically if I’m home alone with some time to kill, that’s good enough for me, and I’ll spend 15 to 20 minutes doing it. I like to use my imagination. I don’t use any toys either, but I’m always playing with the idea of investing in one. Masturbating makes me feel relaxed and happy. I like spending time with myself in any context, so the O is just and added bonus.”
RELATED: 7 Common Sex Dreams and What They Mean, According to Experts
“I like to have background music on”
“I masturbate in my bed, laying on my back, and I like to have background music on or videos as stimuli and for privacy. I’ll use my imagination and porn, and I usually go to Pornhub. I use my hands—I haven’t experimented with toys on my own but I am interested. After 30 minutes to an hour, I feel de-stressed, more focused, or sometimes more in touch with hidden or suppressed emotions.”
“I have white noise on to drown out the sounds”
“Sometimes masturbating makes me sad afterwards because I don’t have a partner. But physically, it feels good and it’s like self-care. I like to lie on my back in bed and have white noise on; that drowns out the vibrator sounds so the neighbors can’t hear. I use my imagination, not porn. I use a vibrator, quick and clean. I try to masturbate every day, usually for one to 10 minutes because I think it’s healthy physically and mentally and I don’t have a partner in my life right now.”
RELATED: 14 Fascinating Things All Women Should Know About Orgasms
“I like the room to smell good”
“I masturbate on my stomach in bed, and I like the room to smell good and be quiet. I use just my imagination, and I like toys. I don’t do it for any set amount of time, it just depends how much time I have. It makes me feel amazing, the best.”
“I lie on my stomach”
“Masturbating doesn’t always leave me 100% satisfied and sometimes I’m more horny than when I began, but it does make me feel relieved from stress. I lie on my stomach in bed and watch porn sometimes; I prefer YouPorn. Sometimes I use a vibrator, but very rarely. I like it to be quiet and I usually spend 3 to 10 minutes.”
“I masturbate before bed when it’s dark and quiet”
“I like to masturbate laying down in bed—it’s usually quick, right before bed, when it’s dark and quiet. I use my imagination and use the Trojan Vibrating Tri-phoria. It’s super mini and comes with a good range of settings. I don’t spend more than 10 minutes tops doing it. It makes me feel tired, so I usually do it and fall asleep immediately after, so it’s sort of calming and soothing in that way.”
Sometimes, masturbation is like scratching an itch—the desire is just there from the getgo. Other times, you have to create that itch. Even on days when you’re not desperately turned on, making time for masturbation has lots of benefits, from helping you explore your sexuality to relieving stress and even improving your health.
How do you take your arousal from 0 to 60, though? We asked the experts for their best masturbation tips for women to help you get your body and mind ready for sex, solo or with a partner.
Mental distractions are an incredibly common mood-killer. Thinking about what you need to grab at the grocery store or emails you need to send can all but destroy your arousal. To help quiet the running list of things to do in your head and get your attention on your body, Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Becoming Cliterate, recommends a relaxing activity, like listening to music.
A bath or shower may be particularly helpful to get you into a sensual mindset, says Astroglide’s resident sexologist Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D.. “Scan your body starting at your feet, taking note of its texture and temperature and working your way up to your face,” she advises. Notice the slip of the soapy water against your skin, the soft heat of the steam on your face. “As you become more mindful of your body, you may find that your interest in self-pleasure increases.”
You might not think of sweating it out at the gym as a particularly sexy activity let alone one of the experts’ go-to masturbation tips, but getting your blood flowing and your endorphins running “gets you into a more body-focused state,” says Mintz. After a particularly intense workout, take a moment to admire your strength and everything your body can accomplish. Sometimes showing yourself a little emotional self-love leads to showing yourself some physical self-love.
3. Adjust the temperature
Physical discomfort is not exactly a turn-on, so keeping the room at a comfortable temperature will help free you from distractions, says Mintz. Being warm and cozy isn’t just a matter of personal preference may—there’s actually research showing women are more likely to orgasm when wearing socks, potentially because they improve circulation.
4. Block out a special time
The thrill of getting caught may be hot under certain circumstances, but chances are, knowing someone might walk in any minute will be a mood-killer, says Mintz. Block out plenty of time when you won’t be interrupted so that you don’t feel rushed.
5. Watch an erotic video
Contrary to stereotype, research shows that women get very visually aroused, says Mintz. So, one of the easiest ways to turn yourself on is to watch porn. Check out these female-friendly porn sites or your favorite sexy movie scene.
Often, the most powerful libido aid is your own mind. “Some people can reach orgasm from fantasy alone,” says O’Reilly. Most women probably need a little more action but fantasies are still incredibly powerful. “As your mind wanders, the desire to touch yourself or turn on your favorite toy may heighten,” says O’Reilly.
7. Just go for it
You don’t necessarily need to be in the mood before you masturbate. Often, experiencing physical pleasure will get you in the mood, says O’Reilly. “Arousal doesn’t always follow desire; sometimes arousal, is what leads to desire,” she explains. “If you like the results of masturbating (e.g. relaxation, a good night’s sleep, pain relief, pleasure) but you’re not in the mood, consider putting yourself in the mood just as you might do with a partner.”
There’s no denying it: sex is pretty freaking awesome. Yet, sometimes you can’t have sex with a partner, and masturbation is your best shot at having an orgasm. Maybe you’re single, your SO is away, or you’re horny AF when no one’s around. Instead of waiting in angst, you can seize the moment for solo pleasure so you can still get yourself off when the mood strikes without needing to depend on someone else for some fun. Still, masturbation can be tricky, and it’s harder to orgasm if you’re not trying the best techniques. These are a few winners for real ladies themselves who are in tune with their bodies and know what feels good.
Put Pressure on the Pelvis
“I don’t know if this is common to all women, most women, some women, or only a few of us, but I need pressure against my pelvis in order to climax. Therefore, when I use my vibrator I lie face-down with the vibrator in my right hand, on my clitoris, and my left hand under my pelvis with my palm facing my body. As I press downward with my lower body, I apply pressure upward against my pelvis with my left hand. This helps me get off faster and more easily. I have tried lying on my back and pressing down against my pelvis with my hand, but this position doesn’t work nearly as well.”
Listen to Music
“Whenever I put on certain songs that make me horny, it totally works. When it’s dead silent, it can be really awkward where I’ll start to get nervous that my neighbors can hear me or the sound of the vibrator (which is probably not likely, but still!), and then I’m all in my head and can’t orgasm. It’s like I start to feel guilty. So, I turn on music to set the mood and drown out the noise. If I find a few songs that work for me, I don’t mind always using them for a bit as a go-to because it works.”
Think Back to Your Hottest Sex Scenes
“So with all the people I’ve slept with, there have been some OK performances, some horrible ones, and some amazing ones, and when I am masturbating, I’ll replay some of those hotter moments in my mind. Even if it’s with an ex, it doesn’t matter because it’s not so much about needing to get back together or be with him again but more about how great the sex was. Plus, sometimes I’ll just swap for a current partner I’m with or picture a stranger, but keep the same movements or scene itself. It was super hot and got me off then, so it’ll get me off now, too.”
Read Online Erotica
“I don’t need sex toys, but I do need words. I’ll lay on my stomach, slip my fingers in, and read online erotica in a book or online from online erotica sites that are free resources for sexy stories that are fictional or real life on people’s blogs. In about 10 minutes, I’m already ready to come.”
Light a Candle
“I like when the room smells nice and the candle gives a nice glow that makes the room really sexy and intimate. It’s a way to make masturbating more sensual and romantic, since it’s just for myself and not with a partner. And then the room smells nice afterward so there’s an extra benefit. I really like choosing woodsy types or lavender, which makes me feel really relaxed.”
Do It Every Day
“I find masturbating to be really healthy since it relieves stress and makes me feel good. I try and masturbate each day for at least 10 to 20 minutes each time. Sometimes I’ll do it a few times a day even. It depends on when I feel horny and want to take some time for myself. I do like to use sex toys. I like vibrators, especially ones that can get hotter in the settings because the warming temperature feels good.”
Take a Bath
“A warm bath can be the best spot for masturbating because it’s really warm and quiet, and you can be alone and relaxed. Sometimes I’ll play music, have a glass of wine, or listen to audio porn from porn sites or erotica sites. Then I’ll grab my vibrator and go. I never have to worry about someone interrupting me and it’s a good way to unwind before bedtime.”
Use Your Imagination
“Sometimes I just use my imagination to come up with different sexy scenes from movies or in real life with people I am attracted to. Like maybe someone from work and a coworker fantasy or I’ll imagine doing a performance in front of a crowd and watching audience members get really aroused. Or it could be some BDSM fantasy. It depends on the mood and how I am feeling in my life: if I am more in control, maybe I’ll want to be dominated. If I feel a bit crazed, maybe I want to take charge.”
Assume to Orgasm Again and Again
“When it comes to orgasms, I can be greedy. They just feel so damn good, ya know? When I am masturbating, I assume that I can have multiple, that there’s enough time to really relax and enjoy masturbating without a time limit or a one-and-done sort of thing. This helps me orgasm super fast the first time because I am more relaxed and into it and then I can come again and again for a total of like 15 to 20 minutes. When you are focused on getting that single orgasm, you’ll probably get none. If you focus on just pleasing yourself and seeing how it goes, then you’re going to have several.”
Image Source: Unsplash / Sarah Diniz Outeiro
10 Household Items That Double As Sex Toys
I want to preface this article by saying that none of the household sex toys below will beat the effectiveness of an actual sex toy. Which is pretty understandable, since these items were primarily created to perform other, less sultry tasks, like cleaning your teeth, clothes and unknotting your hair.
But if you’re on a budget or too shy to enter a sex shop — or perhaps even too shy to purchase a sex toy online — there are many household items that double as sex toys that can do a heck of a job making your sexual exploits a little more exciting. And nobody has to be left out of the equation: Couples can even use these makeshift sex toys to get off together. In fact, many do — according to a 2018 survey of 976 people, ages 18 to 71, by Superdrug Online Doctor, 70% of women have used a household item for sexual pleasure.
Since these items aren’t primarily intended for sexual use, it’s important that you be cautious with each of the items suggested below and make sure they’re thoroughly cleaned with soap and water or sex toy cleaner prior to getting it on, to avoid getting a UTI.
If you want to add a little something new to your sex life without spending a dime, give these household stand-ins a shot.
1. Shower Head
Your shower head can make for a fantastic clitoral stimulator. If you haven’t tried this out yet, turn your shower on, and experiment with a variety of temperature settings and speeds.
“many a vulva owner’s first orgasm was produced by this baby,” sex educator Lola Jean tells Elite Daily. “The steady flow of water and pressure can lead to some excellent orgasms and pleasure because of the stimulation.”
2. Banana Peel
If you have bananas in your fridge, anyone with a penis can use the peel as a masturbatory sleeve. To do this, cut a small slit in the skin and tip, scoop the majority of the banana out and slide the peel over the shaft. “This is similar to grapefruiting,” Jean says, “For extra sensation, try heating it up”
3. Scarves Or Thigh-High Stockings
Head into your closet and grab some of your scarves or thigh-high stockings. These garments can serve as formidable blindfolds and handcuffs (when securely tied to the bedposts).
Jean also attests that scarves and stockings can be used directly on the body during foreplay. “I love using stockings, lacey, or silky materials,” she says. “Either using them to masturbate through the material, or dragging it along the skin to provide a different sensation.”
4. Ice Cubes
There are many ways to incorporate ice cubes into sex. Try running a cube over your partner’s body teasingly, not excessively. It’s a fun, innovative way to add a little something new to your foreplay routine. Additionally, ice cubes are also a great tool for oral sex.
“I like to hold the ice cube and warm it with my hand to control where the drips go,” Jean explains. “As opposed to applying it directly to someone’s skin. You can also suck on the ice cube before you go down o someone to give another different sensation. Additionally, follow this up with a more heated activity using oil, body heat, or the heat of your mouth.”
5. Bathtub Faucet
While the handheld shower head may be a more buzz-worthy sex object, you can also use the bathtub faucet to the same effect. Just lay down on your back with your legs vertically against the wall, and let the water stimulate your clitoris. Be sure to keep the water on the colder side to avoid burning something.
“The bathtub faucet can be as effective as the shower head,” Jean tells Elite Daily.
6. Electronic Toothbrush
The vibrating sensations of an electric toothbrush can be gentle enough to feel spectacular. Additionally, many of these items can be charged, which means you can save money on batteries.
”I believe this was the world’s first vibrator,” Jean says. “ Vibration provides something a human cannot do with such ease: repetition and consistency. If you have a penis, vibration in the perennial area or on the frenulum can also be quite nice. However, I’d recommend using an actual vibrator and not a toothbrush.”
Into spanking? Head to the kitchen for a spatula. For the best results, seek out spatulas made from rubber or silicone. Or, if you have neither, a wooden spoon can work, too. However, before engaging in any kind of sexual activity, it’s imperative to have a conversation with your partner about consent, boundaries, and intentions.
“All sex is based on this very important concept of consent. Skipping the consent discussion means you risk doing significant harm to others and to themselves,” erotic coach and sex educator Dawn Serra told Bustle.
8. Washing Machine
Turn on the spin cycle, take a seat, and let the washing machine do all the work while it cleans your laundry. Additionally, intercourse on top of the laundry machine can also be incredibly stimulating and erotic.
“As a perennial humper, I like what the sensation provides in addition to any gyration that may be occurring above the surface,” Jean says. “The vibration is large enough to influence the bones and areas inside of the body that will stimulate the G area or P spots, depending on your genitals.”
9. Back Massager
Like the electronic toothbrush, the key to the back massager is its vibration capabilities. A back massager already has many settings to play around with and can deliver a much more intense orgasm.
“Believe it or not, the Hitachi Magic Wand was initially made and marketed as a back massager,” Jean explains “Because that what it was manufactured as.”
10. Your Phone
In order to masturbate with your phone, download a vibration app, and play around with the various intensity levels. “You can put your phone on a really high vibrate,” Jean says. “Then let the moans you make become your new ringtone.”
Lola Jean, sex educator, mental health professional, and former domme.
Dawn Serra, sex educator, and erotic coach.
Additional reporting by Iman Hariri-Kia.
If you read my blog you will know that me and my boyfriend like to simulate threesomes every once in a while with our sex toys.
I have been asked how we do this and I have been asked to go into a bit more detail because as it turns out, my readers are kinky and love the thought of a threesome without actually having one.
It may seem an impossible task but it is actually possible to have a believable threesome with just you, your partner and a realistic sex toy. I would also recommend buying a blindfold and coming up with a sexy roleplay scenario but all of that all comes down to you, although I will explain more on that during this article.
Couples may want to simulate a threesome for various reasons. Me and my boyfriend do it because we made a pact that we didn’t want a third person to intervene in our relationship at this moment, other couples do it to just spice up their sex life and others do it to see what a threesome might actually be like. There are lots of different reasons and now thanks to all of the sex toys that we have at our fingertips we can simulate a threesome with ease and in the comfort of our own home.
Sex Machine That Allows Us To Have A Simulated Threesome
Firstly, I wanted to show you some of the sex toys that we use that help us to simulate our threesomes. Of course, we own lots of sex toys so I am just going to include the top picks that allow us to really let loose and believe our threesome.
All my sex toys are from LoveHoney, I love their prices, discreet shipping and incredible sex toys. My shelves are filled with their products!
This first sex toy is actually a sex machine, I swear by it and not just for threesome scenarios, it’s awesome at getting you off during any scenario but threesomes are my favorites.
This is the best sex toy for simulating a threesome, we love this sex machine, it’s quite pricey but it’s worth every cent if you want to simulate a threesome as realistically and believable as possible, even if you don’t want to do that the way it makes you cum is shocking and unlike anything in its category.
It has a 360-degree rotational arm that allows you to get into so many positions and it is versatile so both male and female partners can ride it and give it a try. I actually mentioned how much this sex machine made me cum in this article: This sex machine made me cum hard.
This sex machine thrusts up to insane speeds and thanks to the realistic dildo and pu**y attachment, you feel like you are fuc**ng a real person. It is so believable and feels absolutely incredible.
The speed is easily controlled by the remote control so if you want it to go faster or smooth and steady, it’s easily done with the flick of a remote control.
The penis attachment is incredibly realistic with a pronounced head, a textured shaft and lifelike sensations as they thrust inside of you and push against your G-spot with no difficulty. The vagina attachment has a realistic opening, plush pink lips and a tight textured canal that sends most men over the edge on the first few thrusts.
Simulating A Threesome With This Sex Toy
Me and my boyfriend like to get a blindfold, plenty of water-based lube and set the scene.
Usually, I will mount the sex machine, apply my blindfold and get to work. Before long my boyfriend will enter and thrust himself inside of my mouth or pu**y, depending on whether I am using the sex machine in my ass or pu**y!
It feels amazing and really feels like a threesome, I get off on it every time as it is just so believable. If you read this article you will see how one time I had no idea if it was my boyfriend in the room with me or not, which was so sensual and so kinky. It made me so wet and horny and it was all down to the sex machine above.
For my boyfriend, we do the same kind of thing except it’s reversed. He pounds away at the sex machine with a blindfold on, after a few minutes I will then enter the room and make him perform oral on me whilst he pounds away. We sometimes like to leave the dildo attachment and my boyfriend likes that on a slow setting inside of him whilst he goes down on me, although the vagina attachment is his all-time favorite.
There are so many different scenarios you can do to make this sex machine a believable threesome addition. You just have to do what you feel comfortable with and let your imagination run wild. Just make it even more believable by not speaking, wearing wigs, wearing blindfolds and letting yourself go a little wild. There are even more tips on making it go as smoothly as possible at the end of this article.
Simulating A Threesome With A Sex Doll
I did a whole article on the most realistic sex dolls so you know I am a fan and using a sex doll is another top realistic way that you can simulate a believable threesome.
Something we love about sex dolls is that because they are so high-quality and realistic, you don’t just have to use them for threesomes, you can use them when you’re alone and without your partner. My boyfriend likes to use ours when he’s alone sometimes as its so sexy and feels great for him, although I usually do join in as I just can’t help myself.
Sex dolls come in all different shapes and sizes but I am going to show you just two of my top sex doll favorites that make for a threeway straight out of an erotic novel.
This is my favorite sex doll complete with a fuc**ble pussy, ass and tits. Her silky smooth skin, complete with curves, her 36DD squeezable breasts and her tight anus and vagina make this sex doll one of the most realistic available and one of the most amazing to add to your collection and use to simulate a threesome.
This sex doll is perfect for couples who want to really vamp up the realism with a realistic torso, breasts and fuck*ble openings.
She is so realistic to the touch that she turns me on just stroking her pert breasts. My boyfriend likes to pound into her whilst her caress her breasts and lick his shaft as it thrusts in and out of her pu**y.
There is so much fun to be had with this realistic sex doll that simulating a threesome has never been so easy. This sex doll also comes in a darker skin tone.
This is the realistic vagina and ass that is in a constant inviting doggie position. Extremely realistic to the touch, this realistic sex doll is perfect for those couples looking for something to use to simulate an awesome, believable threesome.
Plunge into her tight ribbed ass and then switch things up and explore her pink plush pu**y opening. Her holes are really tight so they deliver extreme pleasure whenever you wish.
Her skin is incredibly realistic, she’s heavy and she wears a US dress size 6-8.
As she’s in doggy style you can really get deep into her and let your threeway scenario run wild. Have your partner thrust inside of this sex dolls whilst also thrusting inside of you, blow your partner whilst they thrust in and out, pleasure yourself whilst you watch the pleasure unfold and so much more.
Smaller Sex Toys You Can Use To Simulate A Threesome
The sex dolls and the sex machine above can be a little intimidating for newbies so I did want to include some smaller sex toys that me and my boyfriend use to simulate our threeways. We use these when we are away and couldn’t carry our larger sex toys or when we are not in the mood for something large.
This is our realistic 6-inch dildo, I love this realistic dildo as it has so much attention to detail added to it and feels so lifelike when it thrusts inside of you. The bulbous head, the detailed shaft complete with veins and the firm balls that feel so great to squeeze when you’re riding this cock.
It also has a suction cup base so you can apply it to any hard and flat surface, which is something I love to do as I love sticking it to my floor and riding this dildo whilst my boyfriend puts his penis in my mouth.
It’s a great addition to couples looking for something a little more discreet who want to roleplay some incredible threeway scenarios.
This is the realistic vagina masturbator that is modelled from the gorgeous Japanese adult star Hibiki Otsuki’s. I did actually write a whole article about our favorite porn star sex toys so you will know that we are fans of vaginas that are modelled from actual real-life vaginas.
Each stroke inside of this realistic vagina offers incredible stimulation, there’s even a protruding G-spot to make it even more realistic and sensational.
Apply plenty of lube and thrust inside of this realistic vagina and feel wonderful sensations that overwash you with pleasure. My boyfriend likes to use this sex toy as I use a prostate massager on his ass. It’s an awesome threeway scenario that always makes him cum extremely hard.
Let me introduce to you the double penetration strap with vibrating cock ring. This strap-on is a great way to simulate a threeway with a non-intimidating versatile sex toy.
Slip the flexible cock ring over your penis, switch on the vibrations, apply some water-based anal lube (My favorite anal lube) and get to work!
The vibrations from the cock ring will feel amazing for you both, you can feel the vibrations across your penis and the vibrations also push directly at the clit.
The strap-on measures 4-inches and is textured for your pleasure. This type of double penetration feels incredible and if done correctly can really help you to simulate a threesome with ease.
Best Tips For Having The Best Simulated Threeway
Once you get the juices flowing and you have the right sex toy for you that will help you to simulate a threesome you will notice that it’s pretty easy but I want to explain some of my favorite sex tips that helped us when we first started our simulated threesome experiences.
- Plan your scenario before you go for it, talk to your partner and explain what you want to get from this scenario and what you want to imagine. For instance, explain to your partner that you would love for you to have his penis in your mouth and your sex doll in your ass.
- Turn off the lights to make it even more believable, light candles if you must but darkness is great as not only does it help you to let go of your inhibitions but it also helps you to really believe this threesome.
- If you really want to get into this, buy some wigs. They don’t have to be expensive just something to help your partner believe that you’re a different person.
- Wear a perfume or aftershave that you have never worn before, the more out of the ordinary the better.
- Have a safe word for if things get too much or if you need to stop. This is important even if you’re having vanilla sex.
- Start off in the room on your own (this is what we do) and have your partner come in after a few minutes, make sure you have a blindfold on and everything is in position and ready to go.
- Try not to speak, you want to really immerse yourself in the scenario and make it realistic.
21 Women Reveal What It Was Like To Have Sex With A Large Or Small Penis
1. Orgasm triggers.
Similar to how smiling even if you aren’t happy will elicit the feeling of happiness as your brain associates the action with the response, as will simulating and exaggerating the sounds, motions, and other responses that happen when you orgasm. Better yet: you can train yourself (alone or with a partner) by having certain stimuli present while you’re climaxing (words, actions, positions, whatever).
2. Femoral and other alternatives.
There are some couples who aren’t in it for the penetration, be it for moral or other reasons, and that’s totally okay. But there are so many ways you can have sex without having to put a penis in a vagina, and Femoral is just one of many (it involves a man thrusting his penis between closed thighs).
100 Men Answer “What Is One Thing A Woman Should NEVER Do In Bed?” on Thought Catalog here.
3. Male oral = all about tongue.
What men tend to like best is the way in which you either press your tongue flat up against their penises or create other simulations of what a vagina would feel like. Point your tongue out, flick it around, get creative. Basic head bobbing is good, but there’s so much to be embellished upon.
4. Female oral = not all about tongue.
What women tend to like best is the way you get your whole mouth (and hand) involved while going down on them. Don’t just stick your tongue out and rub it up and down on their clit, also use your lips for french kiss-like motions. Change up the patterns and motions (but keep it steady and consistent when they’re about to orgasm).
5. Pressure play.
A lot of reaching orgasm is just a mind game, but aside from that and just general stimulation, you can usually make a man come by putting pressure on certain areas, like for example, if you have him sit in a chair and then sit on top of him and not necessarily thrust but just kind of rock together, the angle combined with the pressure of your body is (from what I’ve been told) a very erotic thing.
6. If you can’t take semen in your mouth:
Right before he’s about to finish push his penis to the side of your cheek WHILE BEING EXTREMELY CAREFUL OF YOUR TEETH PLACEMENT and work your mouth in such a way that you are still sucking/motioning as you would be with the middle of your mouth, and he will come where there are no tastebuds. After, tilt your head and let it drip/spit it out, and voila.
7. If you can’t take semen in your mouth, level 2:
Let him come while you deep throat him as far back as you can (if you can, if not it’s no big deal, don’t force it). I once told an ex to deliberately push his penis farther down my throat as he was coming and it was simultaneously hot for him and I didn’t have to taste anything (note, again: don’t force it if you have a gag reflex/don’t enjoy it).
8. Toys for the boys.
You can use a vibrator on him, specifically, between his penis and his balls or just on his scrotum in general while you’re going down on him. Some guys enjoy it on that pleasure spot between the scrotum and butt hole, but hey, not for everyone.
9. Intense intimacy = kissing while coming.
This one is for when you are being physical with someone you really love (or not, I don’t know)– right as you see them start to come, kiss them and hold their head or body or whatever. You’ll feel them kind of wave through the orgasm and kiss you as their body contracts almost instinctively, and it’s as though you are in the orgasm with them. It’s just as good for the person coming as it is for the person kissing (in my opinion).
image – .com
An Expert Reveals What Exactly Causes Sexual Tension
“The sexual tension between the two of them was palpable.”
“We have insane sexual tension, but he’s in a relationship.”
“We didn’t kiss at the end of the date, but there was lots of sexual tension.”
“We’re just friends, but there’s a ton of sexual tension.”
Any of these sound familiar? Yep, thought so.
We hear about, talk about and — most importantly — FEEL “sexual tension” all the time, but WTF is it? I mean, is it just this crazy, unexplainable thing, or can science help us figure out what it really is?
Well, I talked to Dr. Nicole Prause, CEO of Liberia, sexual psychophysiologist and neuroscientist, about what’s happening in your brain to make you feel those ~butterflies~ we like to call sexual tension.
What the eff is sexual tension, really?
Dr. Prause describes sexual tension as “our pleasurable interpretation of the general body arousal and preparation to engage.”
In other words, your body is feeling the heat and is using that sexual tension as motivation to GET. IT. ON.
Sexual tension provides us with a certain level of risk that motivates our body to get down and dirty.
In Dr. Prause’s words:
Before we actually race our motorcycle, steal the toothpaste from CVS, or have sex, the anticipation of the act involves a strong recruitment of resources to prepare us to act. This is not “fight or flight”; this is just how motivation works.
What sort of “risk” is she talking about? Allow us to explain.
There are two kinds of sexual tension.
“Sexual tension can be positive or negative, in terms of how it feels, and that changes the effect that it has,” according to Dr. Prause.
Sexual tension can be positive or negative, in terms of how it feels.
She describes positive sexual tension as “the ‘risk’ or not knowing what might happen, even with an established partner.”
An example she provided is, “I really want to have sex with my usual partner who I am attracted to… can I get them to ?” Another example even includes the possibility of sex with a new partner: “I am going to get to have sex with this new person, but I have no idea what they are actually going to want to do once in bed. It might be amazing.”
On the flip side of positive sexual tension is negative sexual tension. Dr. Prause explains that “negative” refers to a spectrum of negative emotions that sexual tension can manifest itself as. “You could be angry, sad, anxious, or something else,” she says.
For example, sexual tension can manifest itself in a negative way for people who have a history of sexual assault. Sexual tension can actually cause these people to “report dread when they feel they may soon be having sex with a partner,” Dr. Prause says.
Another way negative sexual tension manifests itself is in the shape of what she calls “nervous sexual tension.” This usually takes place in the form of performance anxiety.
For example, someone who feels nervous sexual tension might think, “I really want to have sex, but I am not sure my erection will stay the whole time.” Or, “I cannot wait to see her nude, but I feel fat and she might not be attracted to me when my shirt comes off.”
Dr. Prause reassures us that although nervous sexual tension falls under the more general umbrella of negative sexual tension, “a little of this can be nice” — like when you experience those nerves and then realize, “Oh good, she still seems interested!”
That being said, too much nervous sexual tension can be paralyzing. Dr. Prause explains that, for example, a guy who’s self conscious about his body might think to himself, “I will have sex without taking my shirt off, but now she’s asking why and it’s getting weird.”
So next time you’re feeling those ~butterflies~, take a second to really think about it. What kind of sexual tension are you experiencing? Is it positive or is it negative?
If it’s positive, WAHOO! Swag that you’re still attracted to your partner and the spark is still ~alive~ in your relationship. Go make a move on your partner the way you know she likes it and enjoy some sweet, sweet love making.
If it’s negative, take some time to figure out why. Is there something from your past that’s holding you back? Or is it more of a nervous sexual tension that’s stemming from self-consciousness?
If it’s the nervous kind, remember what Dr. Prause said: This could actually be a good thing! Just hang tight and enjoy the ride (LOL, literally).
How to Keep the Sexual Tension Alive in Your Relationship
New relationship energy is a term sex nerds use to describe the initial feelings of falling in love. The phrase covers everything from pre-date jitters to sweaty palms. And there’s real science to back it. A 2010 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that simply looking at a photograph of a new love interest is enough to trigger a flood of feel-good hormones like dopamine, adrenaline, and vasopressin. Falling in love also inspires the release of oxytocin, “the love hormone” and inspire feelings of obsession. Italian researchers at the University of Pisa discovered that those in the midst of a new romance produce less serotonin in their brains. You know who else has diminished levels of serotonin floating around up there? Those afflicted by Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
But here’s the thing about new relationship energy: it fades. The butterflies settle. Those who used to inspire them eventually will become the face of your bedroom routine. And capturing the same sexual high you experienced in the beginning of things can become a bit tricky.
Sow how can you rebuild the sexual tension within our relationships? How do we reignite the chase? Fatherly reached out to some individuals and experts to see what they had to say. Some might be surprised to find that their insights extend well beyond sex itself. Listed below are some tips and tricks to keeping the energy alive.
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Find Opportunity in Passing Moments.
Just because you can’t have sex at any given minute doesn’t mean you can’t refer to it. Find opportunity in passing moments. Let that kiss goodbye linger a bit longer than usual. Say something different to your wife as you part ways in the morning.
“I think perhaps our society supports the idea that all needs should be immediately attended to or ignored,” explains Dr. Mark Sharp, a relationship-oriented psychologist. “If I’m feeling horny but my wife has to leave for work in two minutes, I just push the desire away because it can’t be acted on.”
Sharp suggests leaning in to those inopportune moments. Drop a figurative breadcrumb at each one of these encounters, and trail back to that past sensual space.
“By focusing on eroticism rather than the sexual act couples can bring that positive tension back into the relationship and it usually ends up in hotter sex when space allows,” says Sharp.
Make Your Intentions Known
Not all attempts to create sexual tension need to be subtle. Dave and his wife got married a few years ago. After the birth of their two children, he says sex slowed dramatically. But that all changed when his wife discovered a certain prop to help communicate when and if sex is on her mind: crotchless yoga pants.
“When my wife wears them, even though no one can guess her secret, I know what she wants,” he says. “They have really spiced up our relationship.”
In other ways: it’s about finding overt ways to maintain an attraction. If you want to do without the props, there’s always the option of delivering a friendly peck, or pat-on-the-butt in passing. You can also bring things into the digital space. Sexting is now officially on the menu. Bang out a fun or thoughtful message on your lunch break. Reminisce about one of your favorite romps. Put sex into her head, and let it linger throughout the day. “Couples should express their desire even if there isn’t an opportunity to pursue it,” says Sharp.
Don’t Forget About Appreciation and Emotional Intimacy
In the throes of parenting, it’s easy for emotional intimacy to fall to the wayside. But maintaining it is essential for maintaining sexual tension. So do your share of the emotional labor. Be supportive. Pay attention to your partner’s handling of certain situations and be vocal about your appreciation. “Appreciation is for being seen for what you’re contributing, even if it’s mundane and routine,” says Dr. Emily Upshur, a licensed clinical psychologist in New York City. Check that. In other words: Parenting is a never-ending game of Did I Just Do Anything Right? It’s easy to feel doubt, let alone any sense of confidence. As the supportive spouse, it’s your job to step in and provide, yes, validation. The words can vary but the subtext remains: I saw that and I’m not keeping it to myself. When such needs are met, you and your partner can focus on sexual tension.
Scheduled sex might sound as sexy as a 9 a.m. Monday accounting meeting. But give it a try: Anticipation is enticing and, done right, builds tension. Scheduling sex simply means you’re injecting a little organization into your intimate time. And that can actually work out in your favor. “Scheduled sex gives something to look forward to and anticipate,” Sarah E. Clark is a licensed therapist and relationship expert previously explained. “Don’t waste the opportunity by putting it out of your mind until the appointed time pops up on your calendar, or falling into the trap of believing hot sex has to be spontaneous. Planned sex gives you an opportunity to prolong the emotional foreplay. Let your partner know throughout the day how much you are looking forward to it.”
Incorporate Novelty into the Agenda
Sex with the same person can, of course, become predictable. But there are some easy ways to avoid that. That’s where sexual novelty comes into play.
Celia Schweyer, a relationship expert over at DatingScout.com suggests exploring different routes of experimentation. Try new positions. Maybe you can surprise your partner with a new toy that caters to a form of stimulation you know she responds to. Maybe you can reserve some time to watch a movie featuring some prize sex scenes (and if she’s into porn, you can always pull that up on the big). Maybe some BDSM is on the table. Going to a new restaurant makes you look forward to a meal, the same can be said about sex.
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When the two of you are together, you can practically see the sparks flying…
But you’re not quite sure if the sexual tension that you feel you could cut with a knife is real, or if it’s all in your head.
It can happen at any time, anywhere, and not necessarily with the people you’d expect.
It might be when you’re on a date, and you’re not sure whether to make a move. It might be with someone you’ve met at a party.
But it might be a bit more complicated than that.
Sexual tension can develop between friends, or even between colleagues standing around the water cooler…
…and it often does.
And, importantly, it’s not the same thing as flirting.
Although flirting can lead to more, people can also flirt totally innocently and without intending to take it any further, with someone they’re not at all attracted to.
Flirting is just a way that certain people interact with members of the opposite sex.
They might do it with an ulterior motive, like to get something they want from the other person, but it might just be for fun, or as a way of developing a friendship.
But sexual tension is much more than that.
Sure, there’s probably flirting involved, but there might not be, as some of us just don’t quite get the concept of flirting.
If there’s one thing for sure, it’s that it’s next-level stuff. It’s a feeling of heightened sexual attraction that can only develop when the two of you are both feeling it.
And whilst some of us have a natural ability to read body language accurately, many of us struggle.
On top of that, many of us don’t trust and act on our instincts, always second-guessing ourselves and convincing ourselves that what we think we’re feeling or seeing isn’t real.
Are you a bit confused as to whether the sexual tension you’re feeling is real and mutual?
The signs below will help you figure it out.
Whilst they won’t necessarily all apply in every case, as everyone shows their attraction in a different way, things are looking good if you can tick a few of them off.
1. There’s lots of eye contact.
This is one of the most basic signs of sexual attraction.
We all know that making eye contact is polite and so will normally make an effort with the people we meet, but if we’re attracted to them, it suddenly isn’t quite so much of an effort.
Just bear in mind that if someone’s shy or feeling flustered, they might struggle with eye contact, even if they are attracted to you.
On the other hand, avoiding eye contact could also mean they’re not feeling it. It’s down to you to read the signs.
The fact they’re making deep eye contact with you can also mean they’re trying to figure out how you’re feeling about them.
2. The smiles are contagious.
When they smile at you, they really smile from ear to ear, and you just can’t help but smile right back. It’s contagious.
3. You’re ultra-aware of any physical contact.
If things are getting tense between you, you’re going to be very aware of even the tiniest brush of skin on skin.
If they touch your hand or your back innocently, you feel the sparks fly. It’s pure sexual chemistry at work.
If you do the same to them, you might notice them tense up a little, smile, or look at you to try to tell if you’ve touched them intentionally.
4. When there’s no eye contact, it’s because you’re checking each other out.
Your eyes won’t just stay locked on each other’s faces.
If there’s sexual tension between you, you’ll find yourself staring at their lips, their arms, their chest… and you’ll probably catch them doing the same thing to you.
They might try to cover up when they’re staring at you or do it secretly, especially if they’re shy, but you should be able to clock them.
5. Things can feel a little awkward, or the opposite.
If it’s the woman you keep bumping into by the microwave at work, then things probably do feel a little awkward between you, as you struggle to come up with topics of conversation when all you can think about is ripping their clothes off.
On the other hand, if you’re already on a date with a guy, you both kind of know what the deal is, so the silences between you won’t be awkward, but they will be loaded.
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6. You both lean in and talk softly.
This applies as much to the person you’re crushing on at the gym as it does to someone you’re on a date with.
If they’re leaning in to explain an exercise a little closer than they strictly need to, or explaining the latest report they’ve written in a soft voice, even getting close enough to whisper, then that’s a big indication that their sexual tension between the two of you.
7. You stay close to each other.
You don’t just lean in to say something to each other, but you stay as close as you can.
If you’re at a bar, you’ll be sitting next to each other or within earshot. If you’re in a different kind of environment, you’ll find ways to get as physically close to them as possible, probably subconsciously.
8. You face each other.
When you’re with each other, if your bodies are angled toward each other, then you’ve got their full attention.
It’s the type of body language that indicates an open and warm feeling between the two of you since we often turn to the things we desire.
9. You’re always in contact.
This might not apply in every case, but if there’s sexual tension building, things between you might be hotting up in the virtual world too.
If you’re spending a lot of time texting or they’re finding reasons to send you unnecessary work emails, that’s a sign you’re on each other’s minds.
10. The compliments are flying.
Sometimes the compliments will be overt and clear, but sometimes they will be subtle, and you’ll have to do a bit of digging before you realize that they were trying to compliment you.
We instinctively compliment people we like in order to get them to like us back, so if there are a lot of genuine compliments coming your way then don’t be afraid to reciprocate.
11. Talk turns to sex.
Nothing has happened between you yet, but you may well have found yourself discussing sex with them.
If you’re on a date, you might get into a cheeky discussion about kinks or sexual experiences.
If you haven’t got to date territory yet, your minds are probably both on sex, so it shouldn’t take long for the topic to be alluded to, even if only in a roundabout way.
12. You feel like you’re a teenager again.
When you see them, you might well lose your cool, even if only on the inside, and start acting like the nervy teenager you thought you’d left behind in high school.
This person has you acting a little bit crazy, and you’re not sure what to do or what to say, and feel like you keep putting your foot in it.
13. People have commented on the vibes between you.
You’re not the only ones to have picked up on the tension.
If other people have remarked that you could cut the air between the two of you with a knife or rolled their eyes and told you to just get on with it already, that’s a very good indication that you’re not imagining things.
14. You just know.
Deep down, you’ll know when you’re sexually attracted to someone that’s attracted to you too.
It’s an indefinable feeling you’ll struggle to put into words or explain to your friends, and it’s easy to fabricate reality in your head when you’re attracted to someone…
…but if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know if the sexual tension between you is real.
So what do I do about it?
Now, it’s important to point out here that just because there are signs of sexual tension between you, it’s not a free pass to overstep the mark.
Whatever you do, don’t let yourself get overexcited or nervous.
Go with the flow and respond to the signs they’re giving you, but don’t push things too far too soon, and remember, they or you can always change your minds at absolutely any point.
Sexual attraction can be a fickle thing and can fade away at any moment, so just because the signs are right at one point in your interaction, that doesn’t mean it’s a done deal.
The rule is, if you’re not sure if someone is interested in you sexually, ask.
It might be a bit awkward, but it’s far less awkward than what could happen otherwise.
Consent is a tricky business, but, essentially, it should be obvious that the other person is really, really into it, and you should be too!
If nothing’s yet happened between you, it can be tricky to know how to proceed, but you just need to make it clear that you’re feeling it, and then give them space to come to you, or not, as the case may be.
Do you remember that film ‘Hitch’ starring Will Smith?
Whilst the vast majority of the dating advice in that film was highly questionable, the 90/10 rule is a pretty good one. Make your intentions clear by doing 90% of the work, but let them come the rest of the way.
What if it can’t happen?
Unfortunately, sexual tension doesn’t always develop between two people who are both free and available to pursue it.
It can develop with someone who it’s entirely inappropriate for you to have a sexual relationship with, or you can even feel it for someone when you’re already in a happy, committed relationship with someone else.
If you want to save that relationship, or just make sure your sexual drive doesn’t lead you to make a bad decision, then the best thing you can do is keep your distance.
Sexual tension develops when we’re in close proximity to someone, so intentionally staying away from them as much as you can will give you the best chance of getting over it sooner rather than later, with no damage done.
Unsure what to do about the sexual chemistry you are feeling? Speak to an expert relationship from Relationship Hero now. Simply .
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