- What Happens When He’s Perfect In Every Way But Terrible In Bed
- My Amazing Boyfriend Is Bad at Sex. Are We Doomed?
- While in bed.
- While out of bed.
- We’ve stopped having sex
- How we can help
- 5 Reasons Men Are Freakin’ AWFUL In Bed (According to Women)
- How To Tell If A Guy Will Be Bad In Bed Before You’ve Done The Deed
What Happens When He’s Perfect In Every Way But Terrible In Bed
Ah, one of the greatest tragedies of all time: You find Mr. Right, but he’s all kinds of wrong in the sack. The only problem with this particular tragedy is we’re not prepared for it.
Like most self-respecting Americans, I let the media be my guide for everything. For the most part, the media has accurately told me what to expect in every phase of life.
Before I went to middle school, I knew I’d be dealing with puberty, my first crush and cliquey girls. Before I went to high school, I knew to expect homecoming, prom and my first drink. Before I went to college, I knew to expect Greek life, hot professors and hungover brunches with roommates.
So I had no reason to believe the media would be wrong about my sex life.
Every television and movie out there says if I’m with the right person, the sex will always be great.
Allie and Noah from “The Notebook” didn’t fall madly and deeply in love, only to find that Noah had a micropenis. When Carrie and Burger had sex for the first time on “Sex and the City,” sure, it was a little awkward, but then it got AWESOME. On “Friends,” Rachel managed to have good sex with ROSS. Even Summer Roberts and nerdy Seth Cohen from “The OC” managed to have some crazy hot sex.
Rule of thumb in film and television: If you are having sex with Mr. Right, that sex will be fantastic. Only giant douches — like Jon Hamm’s character in that awkward first sex scene in “Bridesmaids” — are bad in bed.
But in this case, the media failed me. The fact of the matter is, I’ve learned first-hand that a guy can be great. He can buy flowers and be so hilarious and nice and super hot.
He can be all this — and also absolutely f*cking terrible in bed.
We had one of those first dates that feels like magic. He texted me immediately after to ask when he could see me again, and I got butterflies in the pit of my stomach, the way you’re supposed to when you really, really like someone.
So we kept dating. He took me to great restaurants and fun bars and would do those little adorable things like hold my hand while we were driving, text me “Sleep tight” and call me “babe” — you know, the things you find repulsive unless you’re actually extremely into somebody.
On our fifth date, the sexual tension was palpable. We hadn’t been ~intimate~ yet, and I just knew that tonight was going to be the night. He held my hand as we walked back to his apartment and even just locking our fingers felt electric. This was going to be great.
We started fooling around and, around 30 underwhelming seconds later, it was over.
I would call them the most awkward 30 seconds of my life, but that would be leaving out the several other 30-second encounters we had for weeks and weeks after this.
I just wasn’t ready to give up on this guy. It didn’t make sense! A hot guy I was insanely attracted to — who also happened to be one of the nicest, best guys I have ever been with — just CANNOT be bad in bed.
And if he is, what does that even mean? Is that the be-all and end-all? Would I be shallow for ending such a good thing over this?
This had to be a Carrie-and-Burger-type situation, in that it got better with time. He was just nervous, I was just nervous, and the previous bad experiences made everything even more awkward than they already were. That must have been it, right?
That wasn’t it. I tried. I really did. I wanted it to work. Why wouldn’t I? I had a shot at something great.
I honestly wouldn’t consider myself a hypersexual being. But who doesn’t like a good pork (yes, pork)?
The only thing that separates your romantic relationships from your other relationships is the presence of sex. And I can promise you that if the sex is bad, you will not be doing a whole lot of it. So you might as well just give up and be friends.
Here’s the truth that the movies never show us: Sometimes, biology just doesn’t want two people to be together, no matter how great the banter is or strong the sexual tension.
Sure, you can give it time — and for lots of people, that’s enough — but, to put it simply, all the quippy conversation and physical attraction in the world won’t change a mediocre dick.
My Amazing Boyfriend Is Bad at Sex. Are We Doomed?
“I recently got together with a new boyfriend—and he’s by far the best match I’ve ever been with. We’re already like best friends. We seem to think the same thoughts, and we’re totally aligned on values; we laugh constantly. I’m so happy I found him. But we recently started having sex, and…Well, this is the worst start to a sexual relationship I’ve ever had. He doesn’t seem to pick up on my signs in bed. He’s not great at oral, which is really important to me. And I’m feeling like my desire to be intimate is taking a nosedive. Although this is someone I can see being with forever, I feel sort of doomed sexually. How can we get on the same page here? Or is this going to fail, because we are not sexually compatible?”
One of my favorite pieces of relationship science over the past few years draws on this very subject. According to this study, Toronto researchers determined people fell into two camps. One group had “sexual destiny beliefs,” meaning that having great between-the-sheets chemistry instantly was a sign of fantastic relationship compatibility. The other faction had “sexual growth beliefs,” in that they believed good sex was a developed language between partners. Aka, it takes some work.
Those with sexual growth beliefs, who believed that good chemistry was earned through communication and practice, tended to have better relationships and hotter sex lives.
The lesson is this: Hot sex is not about instantly knowing exactly what gets your partner off. Great sex is about having an open mind, listening to feedback and wanting to get more and more in tune with your partner’s sexual desires.
My bet is that your amazing boyfriend would love to grow with you and make you happier and happier with your sex life. Here’s what you can do to guide him toward that…gently.
While in bed.
Most people, women especially (who are taught to be demure about sex), are not very obvious about what they want in bed—even if you think you’re being forthright. Be very, very vocal about what you like, and do not reinforce what you don’t—that means never, EVER faking your orgasm. It might seem like the right thing to do in the moment, but I’ve met women who’ve gotten into a long-term cycle of faking, lying and sexual frustration. Be honest when he’s hitting all the right notes.
When he’s not, don’t freak out. Instead, relax—close your eyes, even—and take charge of this choo choo train. Move his hands where you’d like them to be. During oral, make suggestions about speed, pressure, touch. You know what’s worked for you in the past, right? Suggest a stroke. “I love when you go slow and the pressure is firm.” Be direct. If he takes your guidance personally, it’s probably time to move this discussion outside the bedroom.
While out of bed.
It’s crucial that partners discuss their sex life outside the bedroom. Everyone does better when they have clear, direct feedback—but during or right after sex is a vulnerable time. It’s just best not to say anything that might be misconstrued as “I’m not into it,” while you’re still naked. So, save the straightforward feedback for a quiet moment over dinner at home (or something like that).
When the timing’s right, go for it. Just say, “Honey, I’d love to add more oral the next time we have sex. Can we try more/less tongue pressure and shorter strokes next time? Whenever you do that, it drives me nuts.” Or if you think you really need more foreplay, say, “The next time we have sex, I bet I’ll get off so much quicker if we amp up the foreplay. Let’s play around; surprise me.” Also, don’t forget to ask, “What do you want me to do more of? I want to do exactly that.” Then wink, or smile cheekily. This should be fun.
Sex talk can be a fun prelude to the real deal. Try not to stress about the fact that you haven’t perfected your techniques just yet; what you’re going through is completely normal. A good sex life is simply about motivation to put work into it. So…commit to putting that work into it.
Jenna Birch is author of The Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love, a dating and relationship-building guide for modern women. To ask her a question, which she may answer in a forthcoming PureWow column, email her at [email protected]
You’ve heard the saying: “Sex is like pizza—even when it’s bad, it’s good.” But is it really? According to our unofficial poll, some men and women are willing to be in a relationship if the sex is a little “meh,” but most say no way.
Here’s how 10 men and 10 women answered when asked: “Is bad sex a dealbreaker?”
Responses From Women
“Yes. I was dating the best, most caring, nice, and romantic guy in the world. But when we had sex for the first time, I couldn’t even feel him inside me. I knew there was no chance after that.” —Elizabeth, 32
“Not at all. If a guy is a bad boyfriend, you can’t turn him into a good one—and you shouldn’t even try. But you can totally improve a subpar performer in bed.” —Kristyn, 32
“Definitely. I want a guy who can really excite me and surprise me in the bedroom. If he can’t take charge and own it, then I’ll lose interest.” —Lauren, 31
“No. There are more important things than sex. I don’t care if a guy can’t make me orgasm if he can make me dinner, listen to a recap of my day, and treat me well. It’s not like I don’t know how to get myself off later.” —Tamara, 28
“Yes. I once dated a guy who was so unsure of himself in the bedroom, he was always asking if I liked what he was doing or if I was OK. I ran out of ways to politely say, ‘Maybe don’t ram yourself quite so hard.'” —Shannon, 32
“Yes. Even average sex is a deal-breaker. It has to be great.” —Kira, 27
“No. Relationships are about supporting and challenging each other. If he’s there for me in the ways that matter, we can work around less-than-hot sex.” —Tanya, 32
“My boyfriend basically never wants to have sex. My libido is definitely higher than his. When we do have sex, it’s pretty meh, but it works enough that I’m OK in the relationship.” —Adele, 33
“If the sex is bad the first few times, it’s not going to get better. You can’t teach someone to screw you hotter. That’s just not how it works. Get out while you can.” —Nat, 30
“Yes. Sex is an integral part of a romantic relationship. I have enough platonic friends. Last night, my boyfriend helped me with a work problem and gave me a mind-blowing orgasm before dinner was ready. A night like that always makes us feel closer.” —Serena, 32Responses From Men
1. He stares at his phone like it’s a hot girl he wants to sleep with and stares at you like you’re a pile of old cheese he keeps meaning to throw out. I know that pretty much our whole generation does this to some degree but if he’s more interested in checking out his friend Mikey’s #TBT Instagram photos of spring break ’08 than he is talking to you about your upcoming scuba trip, there’s no way he’s going to focus on giving you orgasms.
2. You have no idea whether or not he finds you pretty, even though you’re dating. If you’re dating a guy who doesn’t make you feel like the Gisele of your bedroom, it’s going to be hard for you to really let loose and have a great time in bed, because all you’ll be thinking about is, Why are you having sex with me? Is it because you’re just trying to be nice? Or did you think I was pretty at first and now you don’t? I don’t want to have sex with someone who thinks I am a troll because I am NOT a troll, Brian! and no one has ever had an orgasm that way.
3. He never asks you about yourself. If the guy doesn’t care how your day was or how your friends are doing, he doesn’t really care about you, which means he’s probably not going to suddenly become intensely invested in finding more inventive ways to stimulate both your clitoris and your vag at the same time.
4. He’s directionless. Guys who are in their 20s and still have no idea if they want to work at a gas station so they can still have free time to play video games or “I don’t know, like, run a company or something” are a mess in general. So when you end up sleeping with them and say something like, “Oh, god, that feels so good, don’t stop,” they immediately do it faster or take a detour to your breasts or something, and you’re like, “Christ, I literally told you to do one thing.”
5. When you ask him to stop doing something, he thinks it’s funnier if he just keeps doing it. Seriously, if you know a guy who thinks it’s funny to keep doing something you asked him to stop doing, or just to do it even more, run. I am not joking. Run fast and far and block his number for real. He will almost certainly not listen to you in bed. Byyyyeee.
6. He’s as clumsy as a romantic comedy movie character in the first act. If he can’t walk down stairs while holding lattes for both of you without slipping backward on an invisible banana peel and pulling down your skirt while trying to get back up, he’s probably not going to be super coordinated in bed (and there will mostly be bruising from him accidentally hitting you in the face at some point).
7. The first time you guys kissed, he put his hand down your pants immediately. Guys who move this fast are like awkward ninth graders Frenching for the first time. Do you remember what that felt like? Now think how it would’ve felt with no clothes and penises. Are you barfing? I am barfing.
8. When you ask him what his goals for the future are, he shrugs and mumbles something about Playstation. Sex with this guy will probably be in between rounds of some kind of fighting game that you will wish would result in him taking charge and being passionate in literally any way, but he won’t. When it comes to sex, guys like this have one move and that is to wing it. No one has ever had mind-blowing “wing it” sex.
9. He wears sunglasses inside and thinks that is the coolest of looks. And not even good sunglasses (I’m looking at you, guy in the photo above). Guys who are more concerned with the way they look at all times can never really throw themselves into sex because they’re too busy worrying if their face looks porn-y while they’re doing it. Think of the last time you noticed a guy was trying to look sexy and tell me your vag doesn’t dry up like a bag of sand.
10. You hate the way he kisses. The first time you kiss someone usually needs a little work, but if it’s just capital letters BAD and you keep trying to make it work but he is just. Not. Letting. You, odds are everything else is going to result in you wanting to punch a wall on your way home because you’re so mad at how gross that was.
11. His primary form of exercise is walking to the fridge. No matter how nice he is, he’s just not used to moving anything but the remote closer to his body with his foot because he’s too lazy to get up. Sex is a workout, and he’s not up for it.
12. He makes fun of you in front of his friends. If his public “playful” insults always hurt your feelings, imagine how you’ll feel when you’re naked and all the sudden he’s making “jokes” about how your vagina smells weird and then starts comparing it to gross things while you wonder how you even got to this place in your life. Also, stop dating this guy. Everyone hates him.
13. You’re honestly not even sure if you really like him. I dated one guy recently and every time we went out (which wasn’t many times) I always came home thinking he was kind of hot and I kind of wanted to make out with him but I also kind of didn’t enjoy being around him at all. The “kind of guys” are the never the guys you tell your friends about. “Well, I kind of thought he was hot and kind of thought he was OK to be around and then we kind of had sex and ultimately I just pretended I was sleeping with exes I was actually crazy about. That part was fun.”
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Lane Moore Sex & Relationships Editor I’m Lane Moore, sex & relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.com.
We’ve stopped having sex
It’s very common for a relationship to go through phases where one or both partners lose interest in sex.
This can be simply down to the fact that sexual interest tends to ebb and flow over time. It’s not unusual for partners to have different sex drives at different stages of their relationship.
It can also be related to specific issues in the relationship or external pressures from outside it.
Why might you or your partner have gone off sex?
There are lots of reasons why you or your partner might be feeling less interested in sex:
- Feeling less connected than usual. Perhaps recently you haven’t spent as much time together. Or maybe something has happened in your relationship that’s caused a rift, such a big argument or an affair.
- Too busy to make time for sex. You may be so busy with work, looking after children or dealing with other pressures that you don’t have time to spend on your relationship.
- You don’t feel connected with your sexual self. Maybe there are things about your body or how you look that you don’t like and this makes it difficult for you to see yourself in a positive, sexual way.
- You’ve had negative experiences with sex. Perhaps you’ve been criticised by a partner in the past, or grew up believing that sex is negative in some way.
- You struggle with performance anxiety. Meaning the thought of having sex makes you worried and stressed.
- Mental or physical health issues may be making things difficult. You may have insecurities about a physical injury or condition, be unable to have sex, or your interest in sex may have been disrupted by a mental illness.
Getting perspective on sex
Anxieties surrounding sex can also come from different expectations about how much sex you think you should be having.
It’s very common for one partner to have a lower or higher libido than the other, or for one to have a more passive attitude towards initiating sex. Likewise, many people don’t experience spontaneous sexual desire and find this only usually kicks in after their partner makes an advance. They may also need the setting and mood to feel right.
Both these things can leave one of you feeling like the other isn’t attracted to them, while the other feels there’s nothing wrong.
Worrying about your sex life can also be triggered by feeing like you’re not having as much sex as you ‘should’ be – and thinking that everyone else is at it much more than you. The truth, of course, is that the ‘right’ amount is however much works for you and your partner – no more, no less.
How to talk to your partner about not having sex
If you feel like there’s an issue with your sex life, the first thing to do is figure out why. The best way to do that is to talk to your partner.
We know this can feel embarrassing and tricky, especially if you haven’t spoken about sex together in a long time – or ever before. If you aren’t sure where to start, you might find the following tips useful:
- Try to phrase what you want to change in a positive way. Using ‘I’ phrases (‘I used to like it when we…’) rather than ‘you’ phrases (‘you never want to…’) can help avoid your partner feeling like they’re being attacked or criticised. It can also be useful to talk about the situation rather than what you feel like they’ve done to make things worse: ‘We haven’t had sex in a while’, rather than ‘you haven’t wanted to have sex in a while’.
- Listen to what they say. A conversation needs to go two ways, so once you’ve explained how you’re feeling, listen to what your partner thinks too. It may be difficult to hear some of what they have to say – but this is always a risk if you want to have an open, honest talk.
- Try to understand their perspective. It’s one thing to listen, another to really take on board what your partner is saying. Try to see things from their point of view. They may be experiencing specific anxieties that are making it difficult for them to think about sex, or may feel embarrassed, guilty or inadequate about the situation. This will also help you to understand more about what sex means to them – and whether you’ve got different ideas about what a ‘good’ sex life should be.
Working back towards it
If you haven’t been intimate with your partner for while, trying to move towards having a sexual relationship again can be a daunting prospect.
You might find it helps to take the approach that we use in sex therapy. This is based around taking some of the pressure off sex, and learning to enjoy it again – slowly – from the ground up:
- You might like to start by taking sex off the table entirely. A lot of sexual anxieties can stem from the feeling that any kind of sensual touch will have to lead eventually to full sex. This can create a strong association between sex and having to ‘perform’, which can create a negative loop for a lot of people that puts them off sex entirely. Applying a temporary ‘ban’ on sex can help to remove this anxiety, so you can focus on beginning to enjoy being intimate again without having to worry about ‘getting it right’ later.
- From here, it can be a good idea to take very small steps to reintroduce intimacy into your relationship – at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you. This doesn’t necessarily mean reintroducing sexual acts. It could mean just touching or kissing more. You might like to try giving each other massages or holding hands. That way, you can re-learn to enjoy being sensual in a pressure free environment.
- From there, you might like to try introducing more intimate acts –again, at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you – such as lingering kisses.
- You might then eventually move into sex acts such as intimate touching or oral sex – but still leave full sex off the menu, only putting it back on when you’ve both agreed you’d like to try.
Throughout this process, it’s important to keep talking and checking in with each other: telling each other what you’re enjoying, anything you might be finding difficult, and what you might like to try going forward. If one of you is finding things are progressing too fast, you could slow down.
What’s important is that you’re aware of how the other is feeling and neither of you feels under too much pressure to progress too quickly. If you think that you’ll need help, don’t be embarrassed to ask about sex therapy. Although talking to a therapist about your sex life can feel a little strange at first, many couples are surprised at how effective it is.
In fact, 94% of people who attend sex therapy with us found their sex lives had improved.
It can be particularly useful if you’ve been experiencing problems for a long time. Just because you’re stuck at the moment doesn’t mean you need to stay stuck.
Likewise, if your issues with sex stem from issues in your relationship itself, relationship counselling is a really good way of unpacking these. Again, we know it can be difficult to ask for this kind of help, but many couples find that even one session is enough to start to unplug problems in communication that have been making things difficult for years.
How we can help
If you’re worried about your sex life, there are various ways we can help.
- Find out about Sex Therapy, the kind of issues it can help with and how it can help.
- You can talk to a trained counsellor online using our telephone or webcam services.
“The bedroom can be a place where men really expose their true colors,” according to Natasha Burton, coauthor of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags. She says there are certain behaviors you should look out for when you’re getting busy or even just thinking about getting busy with a new man. “Being intimate with someone can bring up all kinds of emotions and vulnerabilities, so red flags that occur between the sheets can really confuse your feelings,” Natasha explains. To help you out, Natasha identified the following signals that should get a guy kicked out of bed — for good.
He treats you like a slut. “Even if your relationship is largely sex-based,” Natasha advises, “a man should still be interested in your comfort and pleasure — not using your body as if it’s simply there for his disposal. Without some tenderness, sex becomes more business transaction than intimate encounter . . . in which case, you may as well ask him to leave you a check by the nightstand.”
He doesn’t want to get off . . . or can’t. “Sure, guys can be tired, upset, or not in the mood: but if your guy is only game for getting you off, and doesn’t want you to reciprocate, it’s a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored and could even indicate a medical problem,” she warns. “Something is definitely up, if his penis isn’t.”
He pressures you to do something you don’t want to. “Plain and simple: If you don’t feel comfortable doing something in bed, and a guy makes you feel bad about it or tries to convince you to change your mind, you, honey, need to run away fast,” Natasha says. “This control freak does not respect your boundaries.”
He tries things on you without asking. “We know a gal whose boyfriend peed on her in the shower ‘just to see what it was like.’ Talk about rude, inconsiderate, and, well, gross.”
He’s just terrible in bed. But not in the way you’d expect . . . “Bad bedroom etiquette or skills are one thing: A guy who makes you feel insecure or uncomfortable when you’re having sex with him is another,” Natasha cautions. “Whether he’s too aggressive, disrespectful, or chauvinistic, he has forgotten this simple fact: Having sex with you is a privilege. Make sure he knows that.”
Natasha’s advice focuses on finding a sexual partner who respects you and makes you feel comfortable. Do you think these qualities are easy to detect before you get busy?
For more advice on dating red flags, check out our series with the authors, or pick up their book The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags.
Image Source: Thinkstock
5 Reasons Men Are Freakin’ AWFUL In Bed (According to Women)
It’s not us … it’s you.
We’re not going to lie — women are a fickle sort. When it comes to sex, some women like this, some women like that, and some women don’t know what the hell they want.
One thing we are sure of, though, is if you’re bad in bed — at least, in our opinion.
Maybe it’s us. Maybe it’s you. But if the sparks aren’t flying when we’re banging uglies, it could be because we think you don’t have what it takes in the bedroom. What’s up with that?
1. You’re a two-pump chump.
Newsflash: If the sex is over less than 10 minutes before it started, with some exceptions, we barely had a chance to get into it before you were done with it. Look, we understand having a penis isn’t easy. They sure look complicated to us. (God knows we don’t understand them.)
But make sure that when you get down, you reset your clock to operate in sync with ours. Women are notoriously slower to get into it, so take your time. Then, when our girls ask how it was, we won’t roll our eyes and proclaim you a T.P.C.
2. You think this is a porn movie.
We don’t expect you to “make love” to us every single time, but, for chrissake, you’re not Dirk Diggler, and we’re not Amber Waves.
If you’re spending more time looking at our crotches and boobs than our faces; if you’re trying out a series of death-defying sex moves that include the Pile Driver; if you’re saying a bunch of ridiculous stuff like, “Give it to me, baby, one more time,” we’re probably wondering how we got on the wrong train that took us straight to Porn Valley.
We’re not porn stars, honey; we’re sexy ladies.
3. There’s something … off.
It could be anything. You smell funny. You grunt like a pig. You’re a toe-sucker.
Women are creatures of habit and hygiene, and if there’s something off, weird, or rank about you, we’re turned off. The funny thing about women is that we won’t necessarily tell you what’s wrong. We’re cage-y like that.
But if we stop talking, start staring at the ceiling, and you spot us checking the clock, in all likelihood there’s something about you that we find funky. Ask us. We might tell you. Or, well, maybe you’re better off not knowing.
4. You’re just not that good.
Maybe you’re a newbie. Maybe you suffer from penis-crippling anxiety. Maybe you just don’t get this whole sex thing. Maybe you find women intimidating. Maybe you need to do some additional research in the sex department.
Here’s the thing: If, for whatever reason, you suspect you may not be that good in bed, here’s the immediate appropriate course of action: Find a sympathetic woman and get her to teach you. All women think they’re secret sexperts. If you come across like a guy who’s willing to learn, we’d be happy to turn you out, baby.
5. We’re over you.
Want to know if a relationship is over? Have sex. There’s no hiding true feelings when the clothes come off and the boning starts.
We’ve been dating for a while. We’ve gotten a little distant lately. We don’t return your calls and texts as quickly as we used to. And exactly what were we up to when we stayed out until 3 AM with our girlfriends last Saturday night? We’re just not that into you anymore.
It’s not you — it’s us. Instead of hanging around and banging your head against our cervical walls, take your sex act on to another woman who will appreciate what you do when you get down.
This article was originally published at The Frisky. Reprinted with permission from the author.
How To Tell If A Guy Will Be Bad In Bed Before You’ve Done The Deed
You don’t have to sleep with someone in order to find out how great he is beneath the sheets. You can figure it out before you take your clothes off by examining his behavior during dates. After all, the way he acts out in public won’t be all that different from the way he’ll act in the privacy of your bedroom. That means you can avoid making a big mistake by looking for warning signs that suggest he’s bound to be a bad lover.
He doesn’t listen when you speak.
If he can’t keep focused on a simple conversation during dinner, then how is he going to notice the hints you give him in the bedroom? A good listener will pay attention to your trembles and moans to see what makes you tick, but a bad listener won’t have any idea what you want in bed. Even if you spell it out for him, he might not listen.
He’s a horrible kisser.
If he’s bad when it comes to kissing, then he’s probably going to be just as bad in the bedroom. You can learn a lot about a man’s technique by watching what he does with his lips. So if your first kiss didn’t feel magical, you probably don’t want to take things to the next step.
He drinks way too much.
If he’s always drunk or high, then he’s not going to be able to perform well in the bedroom. He might even have trouble getting it up, which means you won’t be having sex at all. Even if you do, no one wants to taste alcohol on their lover’s lips.
He has bad hygiene.
If his hair always looks greasy and his body always smells pungent, then it’s a bad sign. If he doesn’t take care of the pieces of his appearance that everyone can see, it’s doubtful that he takes care of the areas you’ll be dealing with during sex.
He rushes through life.
If he rushes through dinner and rushes through traffic, then he’s probably going to speed through foreplay as well. Sex is best when it’s nice and slow, so if he can’t sit back and enjoy the moment, then you shouldn’t expect intercourse to last for more than a few minutes.
He’s a couch potato.
If your man refuses to take the stairs instead of the elevator and hasn’t hit the gym in a decade, then he probably won’t be able to last long in the bedroom. His low stamina means that you’re going to be stuck doing all of the hard work. You need to pick up his slack.
He only talks about himself.
If every conversation centers around him, and he never asks about your life, then he’s probably going to act similarly in the bedroom. That means he’ll be happy to let you go down on him, but he won’t offer to go down on you. As long as he gets what he wants, he’ll be satisfied.
He brags about his sex life.
If a man constantly brags about how amazing he is in the bedroom, he’s probably not that great. If he was, then he wouldn’t feel the need to overcompensate by telling everyone about his conquests. Besides, do you really want to have sex with someone who will give details to his friends in the morning?
He sticks to a set routine.
Spontaneity can keep your sex life spicy. If he refuses to try anything new, and always wants to have dinner at the same restaurant at the same time each week, he probably won’t be versatile in the bedroom. You need to be with someone who isn’t afraid to experiment.
He doesn’t make you feel sexy.
Sex feels amazing when you’re both dying to touch each other. However, if he doesn’t seem like he’s all that attracted to you, then your experience isn’t going to be as exciting. If you feel like he’s sleeping with you just to do it, and not because he’s crazy about you, then you’re going to wonder if you’re just being used.
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