Anal sex without condom

While anal sex isn’t really taboo anymore, like any other sex act, there are still lots of misconceptions out there about it. Does it hurt? Can you orgasm from it? Is everyone having anal regularly now?


Here to help clarify some of the myths around anal sex are expert anal surgeon Evan Goldstein, DO, of Bespoke Surgical; LGBT sex expert Kryss Shane, MS, MSW, LSW, LMSW; Daire Faust of; Kat Van Kirk, PhD, a clinical sexologist and marriage and family therapist; and board-certified ob-gyn Terri Vanderlinde, a sex counselor.


The myth: There’s poop in your rectum and anus, which is where your partner’s penis would enter.

The truth: Dr. Goldstein explains that stool actually hangs out higher in your body, above the anus and rectum in a section known as the sigmoid colon. In reality, if you eat healthily and get enough fiber for regular, bulky stools, this should be enough to keep the anal canal clean for play. “People tend not to believe it when we share this information, so take a toy and test the landing strip. Prove it to yourself,” he says.

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The myth: Transgender women may equate anal sex with vaginal sex.

The truth: “Attempting to equate gender identity with a sexual act is just totally incorrect,” explains Shane. “Although anal sex and vaginal sex both often involve insertion, a transgender woman is, as is true of all people, never required to engage in any sex act at any time.” There are plenty of other ways for transgender women to have sex.

The myth: Only men are interested in anal sex.

The truth: You don’t need to have a penis to be into anal at all! “Many women are interested in anal, both receiving and giving,” says Faust. “Lesbian couples and nonbinary gendered partners also can, and many do, enjoy anal using toys, finger, and rimming,” she adds.

The myth: Anal sex is just like what you see in porn.

The truth: Is any kind of sex just like what you see in porn? “Anal sex requires preparation,” Shane explains, and this can include conversations about consent beforehand, ensuring you have condoms ready, and more. When you watch it in porn, anal might seem like something you can launch into spontaneously, but real-life anal requires much more care and consideration and can go more slowly. “It can take multiple rounds to reach a point of full insertion and pleasure for both partners,” says Shane. “Both need to expect to be vocal about the experience and in agreement about how to proceed and when to stop.”

The myth: You can go from nothing to full-on anal intercourse right away.

The truth: “It’s critical to train your anal sphincters to accommodate butt plugs, toys, or penises, and that takes time,” says Dr. Goldstein. Just like any other muscle, your anal sphincters need “periodic exercise in order to increase flexibility and overall distensibility.” Dr. Goldstein recommends getting an anal dilation kit with three gradual dilators so you can work your way up. “Try to consciously relax to accommodate and then slowly remove—all in one continuous motion. Re-lubricate and insert again with a similar technique of slowly in, meeting resistance, and then slowly pulling out,” he says. If done correctly, you shouldn’t feel any pain at all. You should try practicing this technique four to six times before going for full penetration. It’s totally fine to take a few weeks to build up to the act too. Dr. Goldstein recommends practicing for two weeks with each of the three sizes before trying penetration with a partner.

The myth: No one is actually doing it.

The truth: Lots of people are. According to data from 2010, 40 percent of women between ages 20 to 24 had tried anal sex. That’s a lot of women.

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The myth: You need an enema first.

The truth: Mmm, pretty sure there’s no such thing as “needing” an enema before a sex act. But understandably, a major concern about anal sex is that it’ll make you poop. First off, it’s highly unlikely that you’ll actually poop because of anal stimulation. But if you’re extremely worried about it, there are a few things you can do to avoid An Accident. The most obvious thing is to act like you’re preparing for a road trip by going to the bathroom before you embark on this venture. And avoid things like, you know, black bean tacos or that takeout you know always gives you crazy poops. You may feel like you have to go, because anal penetration stimulates the muscles around your rectum in a similar way to having a bowel movement, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you will.

The myth: It doesn’t feel good if you don’t have a prostate.

The truth: Wrong! Even without a prostate gland and all the nerve endings it contains, anal sex can still feel great. A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that a vast majority—94 percent!—of women who received some sort of anal stimulation during their most recent sexual encounter had an orgasm.

The myth: You can jump right in.

The truth: Well, not quite. Your rectum isn’t as pliable as your vagina, and also unlike the vagina, it’s not self-lubricating. Vanderlinde strongly advises taking your time if you’re just starting out and working your way up using smaller things like fingers and thin toys. “Sometimes it takes a few different encounters,” Vanderlinde says. Patience!

The myth: It will hurt.

The truth: Anal sex doesn’t have to hurt. It’s often just done incorrectly. Many women find it incredibly pleasurable, and some even report having orgasms with it. If you and your partner start slow, work your way into insertion with smaller implements like fingers and sex toys, and use plenty of lube, pain will be the last thing on your mind.

The myth: Once it hurts, it will always hurt.

The truth: So you tried it once and insertion hurt really bad. You made your partner stop and vowed never to go “back” there again. You don’t have to shut the backdoor because of one or two negative experiences. Most of these experiences have to do with not following the above instructions: Go slow, graduate in size, and use lube. Plus, there is a nice trick to get you relaxed. If you stimulate your clitoris at the same time, it can encourage the pleasure-over-pain response.

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The myth: Only “sluts” have anal sex.

The truth: You’ve always heard that bad girls are the only ones willing to have anal sex. In actuality, anal sex was once voted the number one taboo sexual behavior that heterosexual couples want to try. So obviously, we all can’t be sluts. There’s a natural curiosity about our bodies and if there is pleasure to be had, you should feel you can explore that in a safe and healthy way.

The myth: Having anal sex will save your sex life.

The truth: Yes, I have actually heard this in my office more than once. It usually has to do with a couple that has more than one sexual issue, especially a female who might be inhibited about her sexuality and it is getting in the way of her sex life with her partner. Some men behold anal sex as the holy grail, and if they can just get their wives and girlfriends to partake, then the floodgates (so to speak) about sex would open in general. Those other issues need to be worked out ahead of time and only then, if and when she feels open to the experience, should they approach the subject. If she is just doing it out of fear of losing her relationship, she probably won’t enjoy it anyway.

The myth: Your partner won’t respect you later.

The truth: So he got what he wanted from you and now wants nothing to do with you? I’m sure this happens occasionally—but with any sort of sexual activity. Most men, though, are modern enough to see anal sex as just one component of a healthy sex life. And because of the taboo of anal sex, it might actually help you feel closer and more emotionally bonded to your partner.

The myth: It will cause you physical damage.

The truth: Having any sort of sex the “wrong way” could cause damage. Think about it: If you are vaginally dry and don’t use additional lube, you can cause micro-tears in the vagina. The same thing can happen with anal sex. Granted, the vagina does create its own lubrication usually (depending on hormones, etc.) and the anus does not, but that just means real lube (not saliva) needs to be used for a healthy experience.

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The myth: You don’t need to use condoms when you have anal sex.

The truth: This is a misconception because many people think that because there is no pregnancy risk, you also don’t need to use a condom. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Most STIs are transferrable through the anus (chlamydia, gonorrhea, infectious hepatitis, and HIV). Some even more so, because the lining of the anus is much thinner and can be broken more easily if too much dry friction occurs (again, please refer to the importance of lube use).

The myth: Once you give your partner anal sex, it will be all he wants.

The truth: It’s no secret, many men do cop to the fact that they enjoy the additional tightness the anus affords as compared to the vagina. But most men don’t want to give up the main entry either. Vaginas are still revered. Anal sex tends to be a “treat” mixed in to your regular sexual repertoire.

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The myth: Your anus will get all stretched out.

The truth: Just like the myth that the vagina gets irreparably stretched out from childbirth, this is also a misconception. There were rumors in the late ’70s of groups of men who engaged in so much anal activity that they actually lost control of their bowel movements. Regular, healthy use of anal sex will not lead to this outcome. Through regular anal sex, your anus does learn to become more relaxed, but much of that has to do with your ability to relax yourself mentally for the act. And we all know that the vagina accommodates a wide range of penises, so the anus can too—with the right introduction.

The myth: It’s dirty (literally).

The truth: This is probably one of the biggest misconceptions I run across. The anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think. This doesn’t mean you should transfer the elements into the vagina by having anal sex and then vaginal sex, though, because they are two different environments, so even microscopic fecal elements can cause vaginal infections. Just be sure to wash with antimicrobial soap before vaginal reentry or just end your sexual exploits for that evening with anal sex. Regardless, if you are still concerned, you can always have a bowel movement prior, followed by an enema, if you want to be squeaky clean.


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Carina Hsieh Sex & Relationships Editor Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals. Anna Breslaw Writer. Hannah Smothers Hannah writes about health, sex, and relationships for Cosmopolitan, and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

My discreet newsletter will teach you how to give him back-arching, spine-tingling, screaming orgasms. .

This beginners guide on how to have anal sex is in-depth. You’re going to learn the difference between having deeply satisfying anal sex that gives you full body orgasms and having anal sex that is painful and messy.

Side Note: I put together this in-depth assesment that will uncover just how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man. It may uncover some uncomfortable truths, or you may discover that you are already a queen at giving blow jobs. and find out how good your blow job skills really are…

First, I’m going to talk about some of the fundamental tips for having great anal sex, then we’re going to cover the actual anal sex techniques and positions you should be using during the act. If you want to skip straight to the anal sex techniques and positions section, . I have also created a separate guide here on how to full prepare your body for anal sex (hygiene, etc.).

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Before we jump in, you may want listen to my anal sex podcast to learn some powerful anal sex tips for intense orgasms. You’ll disover 11 things you must do in order to make it wildly pleasurable, fun & satisfying and avoid any pain, embarrasment or mess.

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1. What You Need To Know About Anal Sex – The Pros And Cons Of Anal Sex

There are a bunch of really awesome things you’ll discover as you start learning how to have anal sex, but there are also a number of drawbacks that you should be aware of too. Let’s start with the pros:

Anal Sex Pros

A Different Type Of Orgasm – Many women have much more intense orgasms from anal sex. I can’t fully explain why this is. I do know that there are thousands or nerve endings in your anus, but there are even more in your vagina and clit. So if you currently struggle to orgasm from regular vaginal sex, then you may find anal sex to be way more pleasurable.

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The Kinky Factor – Another very appealing aspect of anal sex is the “kinky factor” or the taboo of doing something that you “shouldn’t.” Breaking taboos can be a lot of fun and major turn on in itself. Many people don’t see it this way, but if you do, then it’s just one more reason to have anal sex with your man.

The Replacement – Often, vaginal sex is out of the question. You may not want to have it if you are on your period. You may have a UTI that you don’t want to aggravate. You may even be sore from a previous session. This is when anal sex becomes the perfect back up plan.

No risk of pregnancy – This one is obvious, but anal sex means that there is almost zero chance of pregnancy.

Anal Sex Cons

Needs Planning – One of the biggest problems with having anal sex is that it requires some planning. You probably don’t want to try anal after a big vegan lunch.

You are also going to want to do some preparation beforehand, especially if it’s your first time to make sure you’re clean and that it’s not painful. This guide will teach you everything you need to know about getting prepared for the act before you even try it with your man.

His Obsession – Some guys seem to have an obsession with anal sex, especially inexperienced guys. For many guys like this, it’s a box for them to tick and something they can brag to their friends about. If you are not particularly keen, but your man is obsessed, then dealing with this pressure can be a real turn off.

Some Love It, Some Don’t – Some women really adore anal sex. They find it incredibly pleasurable, while others don’t find it pleasurable at all. It comes down to personal preference, so if you try it and don’t enjoy it, that’s fine. There’s no need to stress about it if you don’t get much stimulation from it. Instead, try something else from the Bad Girls Bible.

2. Do You Even Want Anal Sex?

I wish I didn’t have to write this, but I do…

Take The Quiz: Do I Give Good (or BAD) Blow Jobs?

Many women aren’t interested in learning how to have anal sex. Instead, they’re just doing it to keep their man happy. In fact, they may be more than simply disinterested in the idea of anal sex, they may dislike and even hate the idea.

While I always recommend trying out new things at least once to see whether or not you like it, you should never feel forced to do anything you don’t want to do. The same goes for anal sex.

So, if you never want to try it or if you’ve tried it once and didn’t enjoy it, then the obvious but important anal sex tip I have for you is that you shouldn’t feel that you have to keep doing it with your man. If your sex life consists of you doing things that you don’t want to do, then it’s not going to be a particularly satisfying one. Like I mentioned previously, there are plenty more things you can do with your man.

3. Communication, Seriously

Learning how to have good anal sex requires great communication with your man. This is going to be mostly one way communication by the way.

You are going to be telling your man what to do AND what not to do.

So you need to be comfortable with the idea of telling your man:

  • To slow down,
  • To pull out slowly
  • To completely stop moving.

Your man also needs to be someone who will actually follow your instructions too. If he thinks he is going to be in control and calling the shots, then you are going to have to bring him down to earth and let him know that this won’t be the case. Doing this isn’t so that you can “dominate” your man, it’s so that you get to experience the pleasures of anal sex AND NOT THE PAIN.

4. The Four Types Of Lube

One of the most important anal sex tips I have for you is on using lube: it’s almost always necessary for pain-free anal. However, not all lube is made equally, there are four types and choosing the right one plays a significant role in your pleasure.

Water Based Lube – As you can probably guess, water-based lube is made of mostly water. This makes it safe for anal sex, but it’s not perfect. The problem with water based lube is that it dries out quickly and then needs to be reapplied. Stopping to reapply lube can obviously ruin the vibe. You CAN use water based lubes with latex condoms as it does not degrade them. It’s also easy to wash out.

Silicone Based Lube – Silicone based lube is the lube we recommend you use when having anal sex. It’s compatible with latex condoms, so you won’t degrade them. It also lasts much longer than water-based lube, so you don’t have to worry about reapplying it either. It also feels super silky and smoother than many water-based lubricants. The only slight drawback is that it can sometimes be a little hard to wash out of your bedclothes.

Oil Based Lube – Oil based lube feels a little smoother and silkier than water-based lube. It also lasts for ages, so it’s perfect for anal sex, but there are some significant drawbacks. It’s much harder to wash out of linens. More importantly, oil-based lube degrades latex condoms making them tear and rip. Bottom line, if you don’t want the condom to tear during the act, then don’t use an oil-based lube.

Saliva – I decided to included saliva as often you may not have access to lube and need a backup, especially if you are having a quickie. It’s water based and so is compatible with latex condoms. It probably shouldn’t be your first choice because it will dry up and isn’t plentiful, but it works fine.

Here’s how we rank the different types of lube beginning with the most enjoyable and useful lube:

  1. Silicone based
  2. Water-based
  3. Oil based (if not using condoms)
  4. Saliva

When picking a lube from the shelf, you’ll see that some of them contain spermicide. The point of this ingredient is to kill sperm and prevent pregnancy, which has little risk with anal activity. However, most lube that is spermicidal has ingredients that are harsh on your sensitive genital and anal cavities , and even lube without spermicide can damage cells . This damage makes it easier to contract STIs such as HIV . Avoid lube with spermicide for anal or any other sexual activity

Unfortunately, even lubes without spermicide can damage the tissues in your anus . This is due to osmolality, a rating of particulates dissolved in solution. Every orifice or tissue in your body has its own osmolality, and the rating differs between your anus and vagina, so you might want different lubes for each activity.

Good Clean Love is a healthier option , and Yes But and Sliquid Sassy are designed to be safe especially for anal sex. You can also try Aloe Cadabra as slow-osmolality lube for anal sex.

5. Pain-Free Pleasure

This section is by far the most important part of the anal sex guide. Don’t skip it.

Many people report anal sex feeling painful and the reason for this is your anus. There is a ring of muscle in your anus called the sphincter that keeps it tightly closed . This muscle is NOT like your bicep or hamstring muscles that you can quickly relax and contract in a split second.

Instead, it takes quite a while for it to relax and allow things to pass through it. Think of it as a very strong, but very slow muscle.

If you try to pass something through it quickly (your man’s penis) when it’s closed, then it won’t have enough time to relax, and this will cause a lot of pain.

So, the key to having pain free anal sex is getting your sphincter muscle to relax and open up enough so that your man can enter you with ease. Here’s how:

Start With A Lubed Finger – If you read the Anal Sex Preparation Guide here, you’ll know that it’s best to try penetrating yourself ALONE first with a finger covered in lube so that you get to see how your sphincter reacts to it. If you’ve already done this a few times and have a good idea of how long it takes to relax around your finger, then you can get your man to do the honors this time. If you haven’t done it by yourself yet, then I recommend that you try it alone first while following these instructions.

He needs to apply a bit lube to the tip of his finger and some more to your ass. Next he needs to slowly slide his finger inside you, millimeter-by-millimeter, while you give him feedback, telling his to go deeper or to stop moving or to SLOWLY pull out (pulling out fast can cause some pain, he needs to do it slowly).

As he slowly penetrates you deeper and deeper with his finger, it should feel reasonably comfortable.

If it becomes slightly uncomfortable, then tell him to stop moving and to keep his finger still for a minute or two. This will allow your sphincter to relax around his finger and open up. When the pain subsides, he can push a little deeper.

If it becomes too uncomfortable and painful, then tell him to pull his finger out slowly. Rest for a minute or two and then get him to start over.

Thrusting – When he can’t penetrate you any deeper with his finger, he needs to slowly thrust in and out. Again you should control the pace here, so tell to him either speed up or slow down, depending on what you want.

Double Up – Once you are comfortable with your man thrusting in and out, he needs to try adding a second finger. Again, he should be very slow and cautious doing this, following your instructions and feedback to either continue, slow down, stop or slowly pull out.

Once he can easily thrust in and out with his two fingers, then either try three fingers or you can start having anal sex.

Don’t Numb – You might be tempted to reach for a product that numbs your anus for anal sex. However, these products aren’t lubricants and prevent you from knowing what is happening with your body. You could potentially be numb when a serious tear has occurred. Numbing ingredients may also be irritants .

6. He Should Start On His Back

The most comfortable position to start having anal sex is with your man on his back so that you are in control. This means that it’s a lot harder for him to thrust into you and it’s much easier for you to control how deep you take him and how fast he thrusts.

So get him to lie down on his back and ask him NOT to thrust into you. Instead, he should remain still.

After applying some lube to your man and your backside, you can then straddle him on your knees like in the Cowgirl position or even the Asian Cowgirl position.

Grab hold of his penis and then slowly guide it inside your anus. Make sure to take your time. As I mentioned above, if you feel uncomfortable or experience any type of pain stop and allow your sphincter muscle to relax around his cock. Once it has, then you can try taking him a little deeper.

When your man is completely inside you and can’t go any deeper, you can slowly raise your body up and dow.

The main thing here is to take things slowly. You don’t want to hurt yourself, so if you experience any discomfort at all, slow right down and even stop to allow yourself to relax. Meanwhile your man should stay lying down on his back, not thrusting.

Once you do feel comfortable moving up and down on your man, then he can start to get involved a little more by thrusting himself. Remember that you still need to be in control here. So if he gets too carried away, tell him to slow down or stop.

And that’s it!

This is the easiest and smoothest way to learn how to have pain free anal sex. But let’s not stop here…

It’s time to change gears and learn some advanced anal sex techniques so you can discover how to have deeply satisfying anal sex and enjoy body-shaking anal orgasms.

7. The Best Anal Sex Positions

Having anal sex in the Cowgirl or Asian Cowgirl positions is fine, but if they are the only positions that you use, then you are missing out on a lot of fun.

Stay On Top – Here are ten more positions where you are sitting down in your man’s lap that you can try during anal sex. You might also enjoy these 13 positions where you are on top of your man.

From Behind – Once you are comfortable with your man having more control and doing all the thrusting, then you may want to try out some doggystyle type positions, where your man is fucking you from behind. I’ve put together an entirely separate guide on the 19 best anal sex positions here where you are in the doggystyle position or a variation of it.

8. Advanced Anal Sex Techniques

Once you master the basics of anal sex, it’s time to switch gears and start experimenting with new and more pleasurable techniques to make your orgasms more intense and enjoyable.

Your Clit – During anal sex, your clit is not going to be stimulated as it’s almost impossible for your man to maneuver his body into a position that stimulates it with each stroke. With this in mind, here are a few alternative ways to stroke it.

  • Your own hands – After all, you know what type of stimulation your clit responds to best! You may want to steal some of these 14 clitoral masturbation techniques and use them during anal. Alternatively you can finger yourself using these 8 powerful fingering techniques and tips.
  • His hands – If your man is using one of these 19 anal sex positions, then all he needs to do is reach around and start rubbing and massaging your clit and vagina. He can even use the masturbation and fingering techniques I just mentioned.
  • Vibrator – Using a vibrator is a super satisfying anal sex technique. You get to feel every inch of your man inside you while at the same time you get to feel the power of your vibrator on your clit. This can lead to some really intense orgasms. Here are 9 deeply satisfying ways to use your vibrator during sex.

Try Some Toys – Your man’s penis isn’t the only thing that can stimulate you anally. There are numerous toys you can use during vaginal sex that will give you incredible anal pleasure such as:

  • Butt Plugs – These are tapered toys with a flared base that you insert anally and stay in place. If you like the feeling of ‘fullness,’ then you will enjoy using a butt plug during sex. Most sex shops also sell vibrating butt plugs. Read our guide on butt plugs here.
  • Anal Beads – These consist of connected round beads, almost like a necklace that you insert into your anus and then pull out. Many people find that pulling the beads out during orgasm enhances it.
  • Lube Launchers – These resemble syringes and are used to get lube inside your anus before anal sex so that your man’s penis or your toys slide in easier.

Double Penetration – If straightforward anal sex isn’t enough for you, then you should try double penetration where you are being penetrated both anally and vaginally at the same time.

If you don’t like the idea (and loss of control) that comes with having two men at the same time, then using a dildo in your vagina while your man penetrates you anally is the perfect substitute. Learn how to use a dildo for maximum pleasure here.

When Alcohol Can Help – I don’t generally recommend mixing alcohol and anal sex, but if you are nervous or anxious beforehand, then drinking one glass of wine or one beer beforehand can do wonders at alleviating those nerves.

Anal Training – Many women adore having anal sex and experience powerful orgasms from it while others find it too uncomfortable to orgasm and enjoy it. The reason for this pain and discomfort is simple.

If you rarely have anal sex, your sphincter never gets used to relaxing for your man’s penis. This means that each time you have anal sex, it feels like the first time for your sphincter and it never learns to relax fully and open up.

The only way to overcome this is to have anal sex regularly. This way your sphincter will get used to being full and relaxing around your man. If you don’t get a chance for regular anal sex, then my advice is to try using a dildo with a flared base (so that it doesn’t get sucked inside you) or use a butt plug when masturbating to train yourself anally.

9. Anal Sex Sweet Spot

Once you have tried anal sex with your man a few times, you’ll start to notice that your sphincter relaxes more rapidly and that having anal sex becomes more and more enjoyable for you.

When this starts happening, then you need to start doing some experimentation so that you learn how to get maximum pleasure from anal. The easiest way is to try new positions.

As well as trying new positions, you need to try some of the following things:

  • Experiment with short, shallow strokes as well as long, deep, penetrating strokes to see what you prefer. Most couples find that they actually love alternating between both.
  • Experiment with different angles. Does a particular angle feel better than the rest? Do a little experimentation to see what you prefer.
  • A great anal sex tip is adding in a little dominance and submission play. You may find that anal sex is way hotter when your man is dominating you or vice-versa.

10. Anal Sex Safety

Anal sex can be a huge amount of fun, but there are a few safety considerations to take into account. I know this may sound like one of my less interesting anal sex tips, but safe sex is no joke.

Condoms – Unprotected anal sex is considered a high-risk activity for spreading sexually-transmitted infections (STIs) and disease , more so than vaginal sex , because the anus is more delicate that the vagina . In fact, the CDC considers anal sex the riskiest sexual activity for transmitting HIV , especially as the receiver who is 13 times more likely to contract HIV .

Other STIs that you can get from anal sex include:

  • Chlamydia
  • Genital herpes
  • Genital warts
  • Gonorrhoea
  • Syphilis
  • Hepatitis B
  • HPV, which can present as anal warts

Not only can pass infections to you, but you can pass them to him (HIV can be transmitted through rectal fluid ), so I strongly advise that you wear condoms during anal sex. Some people go as far as to say you can never have 100% safe anal sex without one .

Your partners might be hesitant to use condoms during anal sex because there isn’t a pregnancy risk (and people use condoms more often for vaginal than anal sex when asked about their last intercourse experience ). But safety should be a priority when it comes to sex.

You can use female condoms during anal sex, but some of them are more likely to slip or cause bleeding .

As I mentioned earlier, you should NEVER use oil-based lube with latex condoms. Doing so will degrade the material leading to tears and breakage . Stick to silicone and water based lubes.

If you prefer marathon sex sessions, you may want to use new condoms more frequently than with vaginal sex. Anal sex may be more likely to rupture a condom .

Don’t Double Dip – Switching from anal sex to vaginal sex without changing condoms and thoroughly cleaning his penis is going to lead to an infection known as bacterial vaginosis . It’s also important to not that anal intercourse among women who have sex with women is associate with a higher likelihood of them having bacterial vaginosis . I think it goes without saying that fecal matter in your vagina is a bad idea.

The same applies to oral sex. If you want to switch from anal to giving him a blow job, you need to thoroughly clean his penis first otherwise you risk infection. By the way, if you want to learn how to give your man the most intense blow job of his life, then you should read through the Blow Job Guide here.

Toys – The above advice also applies to using sex toys anally. Using a dildo/vibrator/butt plug anally and then switching to some vaginal penetration is going to require a thorough clean first.

A quick way to do this is to cover the toy with a condom completely and tie the end to create a seal around the toy. Then when you are finished using it anally, carefully take the condom off and replace it with a fresh condom. Then you can safely use it vaginally.

Although fecal incontinence is one and anal cancer is another risk of anal sex, following safety precautions minimizes risks for side effects of anal sex.

11. Communication & Feedback

I am always surprised at how couples often don’t talk about their sex life with each other.

A lot of guys don’t understand the potential for pain or that you need to allow a few minutes for your sphincter to relax. Many couples talk about these kinds of things indirectly and never fully express their wants and needs.

Being indirect is not a huge problem, but often giving each other more specific feedback would be much more helpful.

If there are certain aspects of having anal sex that you don’t enjoy, make sure your man knows. Instead of saying, “It was ok” be more specific.

“I need more time to relax around your penis” or “Your penis was a bit too big for my first time, so it felt quite painful” or “Next time, I’d appreciate if you don’t thrust at all and let me control the rhythm”

Make sure to ask for his feedback too. As you both figure out what went wrong AND what went right, you can both change things up so that it becomes more and more pleasurable over time. I’m talking about positions, who’s in control, how fast or deep your man thrusts and what other techniques he uses.

This advice isn’t just for anal sex by the way. You should apply it to your every aspect of your sex life. This way you can both discover how to keep satisfying each other.

On the subject of better communication and giving each other feedback, you may realize that you absolutely hate anal sex. Keeping quiet about it is not a splendid idea. Instead, you should let your man know in a straightforward, non-judgmental, non-confrontational way how you feel about it. The same goes if you adore it, make sure to let him know!

12. Anal Sex For Guys

Women aren’t the only ones who can orgasm from anal sex, many guys can too. Men have a gland inside their butt called the prostate gland that is highly sensitive and many guys find it incredibly pleasurable to have stimulated. Girls don’t have a prostate gland.

So, if you and your man are open minded, then you may be interested in penetrating him with a strapon. Penetrating your man anally with a strap on is called pegging and it’s very much like anal sex for you, some guys love it, while others aren’t so interested. It also means that all of the advice above applies to pegging your man with a strapon.

If you are interested in learning more about pegging your man with a strapon, then make sure to check out this guide here.

Of course, if you want to give your man some anal stimulation, you don’t have to go straight to pegging him. There are other ways to do it. He can try inserting a butt plug. Or if you like, you can insert a lubed finger in his ass during sex or during a hand job (hand job tips here) or a blow job (blow job tips here).

13. Anal Sex FAQ

We’ve tried to make this anal sex guide exhaustive, but you may have more questions. So we’ve answered the most common anal sex questions:

How can I prepare myself for anal sex?

What are some good anal sex positions?

How can I eat ass like a pro?

How do I give my man a prostate massage?

Can I have anal sex while I’m pregnant?

Can I get pregnant from anal sex? – Short answer: It’s unlikely

Does anal hurt?

Is anal sex safe?

Why do guys like anal?

What is a rim job exactly?

What is a butt plug and how can I use it for more pleasure?

What is pegging?

14. Now What?

Now that you know how to have anal sex with your man that is both satisfying and fun, my suggestion is that you read the next chapter in the Anal Sex Guide on how to prepare for anal sex. After that, make sure to check out the best anal sex positions and then learn how to eat ass (it can be very pleasurable and super kinky). And if your man is keen on anal play, then make sure you learn how to give him a prostate massage.

Watch This: Blow Job Tutorial Video

I put together this in-depth, step-by-step instructional video that will teach you how to make your man sexually addicted to you and only you. It contains a number of oral sex techniques that will give your man full-body, shaking orgasms. If you’re interested in learning these techniques to keep your man addicted and deeply devoted to you as well as having a lot more fun in the bedroom, then you may want to check out the video. You can watch it by clicking here.

Anal Sexual Health: How to Have Safe Sex

If you and your partner want to explore anal sex, it’s important to take it slowly and safely, and learn how to do it right. You want to make the experience enjoyable for both of you, and make sure you are aware of the risks in order to take the proper safety precautions.

Anal Sex: What Are the Risks?

“Any kind of sex must be safe! You should have protected sex, regardless of whether you engage in oral, vaginal, or anal sex,” says Evelyn Fisboin, MS, a marriage and family counselor at the Mind Spectrum Institute in North Miami Beach, Fla. “Sexually transmitted diseases can be easily passed along through anal sex. Anal sex, however, can be safe so long as you are engaging in safe and protected sex.”

What are the two most important safety tips for anal safe sex? Use a condom to protect you and your partner from sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and use plenty of a water-based lubricant. “Also, utilizing a condom will help the experience feel smooth and reduce the risk of an STD, Fisboin says. “Do not use scented or flavored condoms as they might cause allergy.” Specific risks related to anal sex include:

  • Pregnancy. While you cannot get pregnant during anal sex, it is still possible to get pregnant if semen comes into contact with the skin between the anus and the vagina. If some semen leaks into the vagina, pregnancy is a possibility. Approximately 8 percent of people each year who do not use another form of birth control during anal sex become pregnant.
  • AIDS. This is another significant risk consideration for couples who have anal sex. Safe sex with a condom and water-based lubricant can protect you from AIDS and other STDs. The risk of contracting AIDS from having anal sex with an infected partner is very high, so a condom should always be worn for anal sexual health reasons.
  • Infection. There is also a risk of infection if couples do not practice safe sex and follow anal sex with vaginal sex. The penis must be properly cleaned before vaginal intercourse to prevent introducing bacteria into the vagina, which may cause an infection. “Keep in mind that it is not safe to proceed with vaginal intercourse after anal sex because there is a risk of introducing bacteria, Fisboin says. “So remember to always make sure that your partner cleans himself completely and uses a fresh condom before having vaginal intercourse. If you are experimenting with sex toys, also make sure to clean them thoroughly to avoid passing bacteria.

Preventing Pain and Damage to the Anus

There are a number of measures you can take to prevent pain and prevent damage to anal tissues. Specifically, these include:

  • Use water-based lubricants. “It is important to know that the anus has no natural lubrication, which increases the risk of pain or tearing. It is therefore necessary to use a lubricant to provide comfort,” Fisboin notes. “Keep in mind that oil-based lubricants damage latex. For that reason, you should use only water-based lubricants with latex condoms. There are special lubricants for anal sex which contain benzocaine, an agent that desensitizes the anus, relieves pain, and makes penetration more comfortable.”
  • Go slow. It’s especially important to take your time and start slowly if it’s your first time trying anal sex. Without proper lubrication and slowly introducing the anus to the experience, anal sex may be painful. “If you have never engaged in anal sex, it would be a good idea to go step by step when exploring this area. There is a large number of nerve endings in the anus region that feel great when stimulated. You can start by using your partner’s finger, engaging in this step a few times on different occasions before you continue exploring,” says Fisboin.
  • Pay attention to hygiene. “Make sure that your partner has clean and cut fingernails before starting to explore, in order to avoid scratching or passing bacteria. You can then move on to exploring with sex toys, or move on to protected anal sex with your partner.”

me and my girlfriend are going to going to try having anal sex for the first time .. and she is not very convinced about how safe is anal sex ? can pregnancy be achieved by anal sex ? what are the consequences of anal sex?

It’s not possible to become pregnant from anal sex (inserting the penis into the anus). But remember that pregnancy can occur when ejaculate or pre-ejaculate gets in the vagina or on the vulva.

Like unprotected vaginal intercourse, unprotected anal intercourse is high-risk for many sexually transmitted infections, such as gonorrhea, HIV, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes, HPV, and hepatitis. Use condoms during anal sex to decrease the risk of sexually transmitted infections.

Some men and women enjoy anal sex, and others do not. Anal sex can hurt if partners do not take certain steps. The anus does not produce enough lubrication for comfortable anal sex, so it’s important to use an artificial water-based lubricant — like K-Y jelly or Astroglide — for anal sex. (Using an oil-based lubricant, like Vaseline, can damage latex condoms.)

It’s also important to stop if anything hurts and communicate with your partner about how you feel — sex that’s painful or uncomfortable should not continue.

Many people do not enjoy anal intercourse. They should not be embarrassed and should not force themselves to accept it. Many other people however, do enjoy anal sex and, for them, it’s perfectly normal.

Tags: anal sex

We Don’t Really Know How Well Condoms Work for Anal Sex

Medical authorities have, for decades, promoted condoms as the gold standard for protection from HIV during all sex, be it oral, vaginal, or anal. Even in an era of relatively accessible low viral load management and PrEP, which drastically lower the risk of HIV transmission during sex without a condom, experts still tout the value of rubbers. “Given where we are with gonorrhea and syphilis,” says Carl Dieffenbach, director of the AIDS program at the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease (NIAID), referring to a pattern of both increasing infections and drug resistance, “if you don’t know your partner very well, condom use is probably a good idea until you can both get tested.”

The US government has a long history promoting condom use, especially for anal—the riskiest kind of sex for disease transmission thanks to the sensitive nature of anal tissue. Despite that, the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA), which regulates what “medical devices” like condoms can be marketed for, has never “specifically approved or cleared a female or male condom for use during anal intercourse,” as FDA spokesperson Deborah Kotz tells me.

This might seem like a small bureaucratic oversight. However it speaks to the fact that regulators and researchers have shockingly limited information on how condoms hold up in anal as opposed to vaginal sex, two entirely different physical contexts, involving discrete types of tissue, muscle force, and natural lubrication, or lack thereof.

None of this means condoms are unsafe for anal sex. “The fact that condoms are over the counter,” Dieffenbach says, “means that they’re safe to use any way you see fit, unless you’re going to stick them down your throat and use them to choke on.” Kotz adds that the data that is available on condom efficacy for anal still shows that they “offer significantly greater protection against sexually transmitted infection (STI) transmission compared to no condom use.” However, as FDA researchers pointed out in a still seminal 1997 study, this does mean that we don’t exactly know how much more often condoms break or slip off in anal as opposed to vaginal sex and the increased risks that leads to.

Gaining a better understanding of what anal does to the average condom and its STI transmission prevention efficacy could allow the FDA to clear them for specifically anal marketing. It could also help guide the development of more effective condom designs for anal. And it could help researchers and public health officials “in targeting HIV prevention efforts, for informing HIV prevention messaging, for modeling studies, and for personal decision-making,” Johnson says.

So why haven’t we seen the kind of research that would help us understand more about how standard condoms function in anal sex in general, when clearly the data it could yield would be deeply valuable?

More from TONIC:

We do know how anal sex likely uniquely affects typical latex condoms. The FDA acknowledges that condoms may break more often during anal, since rectums don’t self-lubricate like vaginas, and so can create serious friction without the copious use of lube. Charlie Glickman, a sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, notes that “there are still plenty of people who don’t know that you should use lubricant for anal sex.” Others may be using an improper lube for anal. Beyond the clear risks of degrading latex condoms with oil-based lubes, or causing problems for the condom or rectum with products not intended for sexual usage, Matt Mandell, the owner of prophylactic superstore Condomania, has observed that the rectum seems to absorb water-based lubes, making them rapidly ineffective at reducing friction. Glickman adds that water-based lubes seem to irritate the lining of the rectum, raising risks of micro-abrasions or tears in sex, and as such the risk of transmitting an infection if a condom does break or slip.

“This is an anecdotal note,” Glickman adds, “but it does seem that condoms might be more likely to slip off during anal intercourse. If you insert so far that the base of the condom goes inside the anus, the ring of the rectum will have a tendency to pull back on the base of the condom more than the vagina does.” This seems to be in accord with what the FDA says, and others’ observations that condoms may slip more often in anal than vaginal sex.

So even if you do use a reliable lube—like a silicon or water-silicon hybrid product—to reduce the likely higher risk of a break, you may still run an extra risk of slippage. Then, because of the sensitivity of anal tissue (and the risk of causing extra damage to the rectum by thrusting too hard and fastif excessive amounts of an appropriate lube mask sexual intensity), the risk of those slips leading to disease transmission is likely still elevated relative to similar slips in vaginal sex.

The magnitude of these specific risks, though, remains unclear. Some studies indicate that overall breakage and slippage rates in anal are similar to those in vaginal sex: around 2 percent. Others have found higher breakage rates for anal over vaginal sex.

Different techniques yield radically varied results: In 2015, for example, a CDC team determined that typical anal condom use reduced the risk of HIV transmission 64 percent for the penetrating partner, and 72 percent for the receiver, lower than the 80 to 85 percent effectiveness found in studies on HIV transmission with typical vaginal condom use. But in 2018, Wayne D. Johnson, HIV/AIDS researcher at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (and his team), using new methods and data, found 91 percent efficacy for typical anal condom use. Researchers openly acknowledge the limits of their methods.

However it’s hard to tell for any of these anal rates how much of the slippage or breakage observed was influenced by the amount or type of lube used. Or how much user error, like unrolling the condom before putting it on versus rolling it down the shaft all the way to the base, came into play. Or how long, deep, or intense the intercourse involved was. As you can image, these are hard factors to measure, but they are all key to condom failure in anal and vaginal sex.

Most of these studies have also only looked at latex male condoms as opposed to other types like nitrile female condoms, which many men who have sex with men reportedly use for anal as a matter of comfort and sensation, and which some believe may be more resilient to tears. (They may, however, also be more prone to slippage than latex male condoms.)

A lack of clear information on the physics of anal sex and its effects on condoms likely played a role in the FDA not clearing condoms explicitly for anal sex, despite the higher HIV transmission risk of anal sex in the ‘70s and ‘80s that seemingly led the FDA to more proactively study condoms’ efficacy. Kotz, the FDA spokesperson, notes that the agency can now only clear condoms to be marketed for anal use if a condom maker asks to do so and supplies them with data showing clear and adequate efficacy.

That might mean conducting something like a trial in which couples where one partner has a penis and the other a vagina and both already engage in regular vaginal and anal sex use a number of the same standard latex condoms for both types of sex equally and record all the details of sex using those rubbers, including all the slips and breaks.

But that kind of testing would be complex and expensive. And, as Mandell notes, condom makers do not have any real incentive to take on that task. People already buy condoms for anal sex thanks to existing sex education and medical recommendations. If a study proved the risks of extra slips or breaks are negligible, Mandell doubts this would notably increase sales. Any of the limited new sales that did emerge would be split among all manufacturers, not just the one who ate the costs of a study on standard condoms. Companies may also fear losing sales by specifically marketing, or even being associated with a study on, anal usage, Mandell notes, given that many users may harbor negative feelings towards anal and people who do it. (None of the condom manufacturers I reached out to for comment responded to me as of publication.)

Some inventors and start-ups want to make explicitly anal-oriented condoms, perhaps using new designs and materials, which would necessitate them investigating their anal efficacy. Origami condoms especially drew a good deal of hype in 2013 (but faded from the public eye after an alleged embezzlement scandal). However innovators sometimes complain that they have trouble generating the resources they need to conduct the studies necessary, as small firms trying to break into an established and relatively sclerotic market.”

And if the studies proved there was a notably higher rate of failure in condoms for anal versus vaginal sex, Mandell adds, it could lead some to walk away from condoms altogether, even if they still offer more protection than nothing. “Is that,” he asks, “going to just harm people?”

Health experts outside of the worlds of condom manufacturing, like Johnson of the CDC, have tried to feel out the efficacy of condoms in anal sex as a matter of public health knowledge through less resource-intensive means. Usually, that means epidemiological studies monitoring how many people in a group contracted a given STI and examining their sexual behaviors, including condom usage. These studies suffer from all kinds of shortcomings, though, like self-reporting biases misrepresenting condom use rates, a lack of information on how many transmissions were due to slips and breaks and what factors in sex (e.g. lube type and amount or intensity of anal) led to those issues. More to consider: It’s hard to tell for some infections, like HIV, what type of sex led to a transmission.

Given the challenges of researching how condoms hold up in anal sex, especially when one has to control for murky factors like lube type and usage, intercourse intensity, and differences in individual anatomy—some people seem to have more resilient anuses than others—there is a good chance we may never fully understand how, and how much, anal affects them differently than vaginal play. These limits on our knowledge may make it hard, as Glickman points out, to know how useful anal-focused condom innovations would be, or even what kinds of innovations would be the most valuable. (A different material or design informed by anal tissue? A more secure base ring?) That is a problem for individualscurrently working on developing condoms geared towards anal sex, especially in terms of their ability to generate support for their projects.

Still, Glickman stressed, “just looking at sexually transmitted infection rates, we do know that condoms are a net protection.” Using them for anal is far better than not using them. And we know enough, as Dieffenbach of the NIHAID points out, to say that any increased failure risks associated with anal sex can be mitigated by making sure one properly applies a condom and uses adequate lube. Granted, adequate lube is a subjective term, and some people may like or need more friction than others, or than is really safe. But as Dieffenbach says, “if it feels like it’s not going in easily, lubricate it.” In the end, he adds, “there is a common sense element to this.”

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Can Anal Play Spread Bacteria?

Q: Anal sex is new territory for me, but not for my partner. He’s pretty into it and claims it feels good for him. Now he wants to share that experience with me… by sticking his finger in me. Is this safe? More importantly, is it clean?

Your partner is onto something! Anal play is safe, and you can make sure that your experience is squeaky clean, too. But the best way to learn if you like it is to explore it for yourself.

If you’re worried about germs, I recommend to start by purchasing a Fleet enema from your nearest drugstore. Fill it with a little bit of water from the shower. Insert and then expel slightly in and around your anus, repeating it until you feel like you’re clear.

You’re not giving yourself an enema per say, just rinsing yourself out, then washing yourself with soap and water. Plus, there’s actually not a lot of fecal matter that sits in the rectal canal or anus. Most of it is in the colon. (It’s helpful to have a bowel movement before you use the enema kit, though.)

I also suggest that your partner trim and file his nails to make sure they’re smooth. For extra comfort, he can wear nonlatex gloves with cotton balls in the fingertips. Most importantly, because the anus doesn’t produce its own lube like the vagina does, I recommend using a silicone-based lube, like Uberlube, to lessen the friction. Uberlube is awesome. It only has four ingredients and is so silky.

To avoid infections, I also don’t recommend going back and forth from anal penetration to vaginal penetration. If you’re really into it, though, and craving some G-spot stimulation, have your partner wash their hands beforehand — that really is the best practice.

Also, you definitely want to start slow. Have your partner massage your perineum, which is the area between your anus and your vaginal opening. Then take some deep breaths to allow your anus to open up and relax.

When you exhale, it’ll feel like you’re trying to have a bowel movement, but what’s actually happening is that your anal sphincter is opening up, allowing you to feel more comfortable. It might seem out of the ordinary, but anal play could become one of those things you really enjoy, especially if you touch your clit simultaneously.

Janet Brito is an AASECT-certified sex therapist who also has a license in clinical psychology and social work. She completed her postdoctoral fellowship from the University of Minnesota Medical School, one of only a few university programs in the world dedicated to sexuality training. Currently, she’s based in Hawaii and is the founder of the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health. Brito has been featured on many outlets, including The Huffington Post, Thrive, and Healthline. Reach out to her through her website or on Twitter.

Despite what you might see or hear in pop culture, anal sex isn’t really a sex act that can just happen without lots o’ lube and prep work beforehand. While yes, the ol’ “sorry I slipped and almost went into the wrong hole” happens sometimes, it’s unlikely that without a fuck ton of lube, your dude won’t be able to actually penetrate you all the way in your ass willy-nilly.

If you’re willing to put in some prep work and do your research, anal sex has the possibility of being a super pleasurable act that, who knows, might even become your favorite.

Anal sex requires a bit of extra preparation, but other than that, it’s just another sex act. Whether you are still debating getting in line for this particular roller coaster or already lurching up the steep hill, here’s everything you need to know about anal sex.

1. If you haven’t already tried dipping into anal training, try that first. Your muscles probs need it!

As the saying goes, “Don’t go from 0 to 60 without anal training first,” (just kidding, this isn’t actually a saying, but it should be). Going from having nothing up your ass ever to suddenly a whole penis can be jarring (in many ways). You can make it easier for yourself by anal training or gradually introducing larger and larger toys into your anus to “train” your muscles to get used to it.

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2. Get your space ready.

The rumors are true: Anal does have the possibility of getting messy. Like anything sex related, when you’re swapping bodily fluids, unwrapping condoms, using lube, there’s the potential to stain or make a mess. If you want extra peace of mind, make sure the surface you and your partner engage on is comfortable and washable. “That way, you can focus completely on creating a memorable experience for yourself,” says Danyell Fima, cofounder of Velvet Co.

3. Stay away from numbing creams.

Sure, the idea of a numbing cream that protects you from feeling any potential pain during anal is nice, but the risk for injury down the line is not worth it. “Avoid numbing creams. I know they are tempting, but pain is your body’s way of letting you know something is wrong,” says sex educator Wendasha Jenkins Hall, PhD. “If your anus is numb, you can’t tell if any of your activities are causing damage. You can’t feel if you need more lube or if your body is tightening up to the penetration or impact.”

4. Try it solo first.

Take any pressure to perform off yourself by trying penetrative anal sex alone first. Get a toy and a condom (for easier cleanup) and go at your own pace. “Solo anal play allows your body’s sensations and responses to flow more freely, helping you gain a much better understanding of what feels good and what doesn’t, which you can then share with a partner before you try anal sex together,” explains Jess O’ Reilly, resident sexologist at Astroglide.

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5. Don’t try it if you don’t want to.

There’s a big difference between “I don’t necessarily fantasize about getting a penis enema but I want to blow my partner’s mind” and “I would rather die than do this but I guess I can suffer through it because he’s been pressuring me.” If you’re in a mutually caring, healthy relationship (with a guy who goes down on you for half an hour, minimum), maybe you’ll want to do it for your partner or you won’t. Either way is a hundred percent fine, and if he keeps pressuring you when you have made it clear that it is not on the table, tell him to suck it.

6. Try out non-penetrative anal play first.

Before embarking on the full monte of penetrative anal sex, you can—and should!—give lighter anal play a try. This is open to interpretation and could mean anything from toys to fingers or mouths. It’ll give you a lower-pressure idea of what the ~sensations~ of anal stimulation feel like and is a way of working up to the big show. Or not! If you decide some light anal play is all you’re interested in, camp out there forever. No rules here, except to use lube, have consent, and USE LUBE.

7. If it hurts, stop!

Some, well, let’s call them new sensations are to be expected—a lot of women say it feels like they need to poop or like a primal, pressure feeling. But like any other sex act, if things start to hurt in a way that’s no longer fun, you should stop. Injuries from anal sex are possible but super rare. Pain most commonly comes from anal fissures, or little tears in the tissue around the anus, which is very thin and delicate. A good way to remedy that is using lots of lube and smarting with smaller objects, rather than big ones.

8. You might bleed a little.

As always, if you’re bleeding profusely or persistently (like for longer than an hour), you should call a doctor. But a little blood during anal play or sex isn’t abnormal. Partha Nandi, MD, a gastroenterologist and health editor with WXYZ-TV in Detroit, tells the most common reason for bleeding after anal sex is anal tears—small tears or fissures in the delicate anal canal tissue. Before you freak out at the thought of “anal tears,” know that most of these are so tiny you won’t even feel them, and a lot of them don’t produce any blood at all. But, like snowflakes, no two anal tears are the same, so yours may bleed a bit. These little guys should heal within a few days but may cause a bit of mild discomfort when you’re pooping.

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Another really common cause is a hemorrhoid (yup, we’re talkin’ hemorrhoids, folks) you didn’t know about. This is a bit more alarming, because a hemorrhoid holds a bunch of blood inside. You’ll probably feel some level of discomfort or pain if you have a hemorrhoid, and if it bursts, you’ll definitely see some bleeding that should totally subside within a few days.

9. You’re gonna wanna be vocal during this process.

Even if you’re normally very quiet during sex, this is a time you’ll wanna speak up—especially your first time trying it out with a new partner. Tell them if they’re going too fast (or too slow—see point 10 below), if you feel like you’re literally about to poop everywhere or if you’re experiencing pain/discomfort. Also, tell them if it feels good! If you’re feeling nervous, chances are your partner is too. Positive feedback—we love it!

10. Throw other stimulation into the mix.

Listen, they don’t make those wild-looking, three-pronged sex toys for nothing. Once you’re in the groove of things, add in some clit stimulation, some vaginal stimulation, or heck, all three. Some women say this combo feels overstimulating in the best way. In any case, most women need some combination of stimulation to orgasm—whether that’s clit/vaginal, or anal/clit+vaginal is totally subjective. But isn’t it fun to learn new things about your own orgasms?

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11. Even if you’re monogamous, a condom is probably a good idea.

It prevents bacteria from the bowels spreading anywhere. (I know, you really wanna fuck now.) Sexpert Emily Morse advises keeping baby wipes on the nightstand and to “never use the same condom going from vaginal to anal and back again.” For obvious reasons/poopy vagina.

12. The right lube is twice as important as it is when having vaginal sex, which is already super important.

You might have heard that too much lube takes away the friction that makes it feel good for the dude. That’s bullshit. There is no such thing as too much lube, because it makes it feel slightly less like you are using your butthole as a handbag for a flashlight.

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13. Between thin water-based lubes (like Astroglide) and thicker ones (KY), go with the thicker ones, because they don’t dry out as quickly.

In sex educator Tristan Taormino’s crazy-helpful Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, she mentions that Crisco has been a favorite of the LGBTQ+ community for a long time, but it’s bad to use with condoms because it can eventually poke tiny holes in the latex.

The oil-based ones are also pretty annoying to get off afterward. We used Vaseline, but my boyfriend later realized that it deadens sensation on the skin, which was obviously helpful for my asshole but bad for his orgasm. So maybe don’t do that or start with a bit of that but then switch, because it’ll take really long for your partner to come, if they even can.

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14. Getting the tip in hurts the most, because the head of the penis is the widest part.

Once you’re past that and up to the shaft, it’ll feel a little better. Remember how much regular sex hurt at first for some of us? (Unless I guess the guy’s shaft is the same width as his head, in which case are you guys gonna break up when he has to go back to Xavier’s Academy for Gifted Youngsters?)

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15. Relax your PC muscles as much as possible.

Relaxing and constricting the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles is like the anal version of doing Kegels. You can worry about that later on—right now just let your butthole muscles go, like you’re about to poop (you won’t, probably).

16. You’re going to freak the fuck out that you’re pooping but you’re not.

Honestly, it becomes hard to tell if you are or aren’t; additionally, this Tucker Max story was not helpful for my butt-sex phobia. You’re probably not gonna poop. If there’s a little bit of poop, as my partner said, it’s not a big deal, because “ asked for this.” (There wasn’t.)

17. You can lie flat on your stomach, get in doggy-style, or do missionary—and that is the order of what will hurt the least to the most.

At least, in my (minimal) experience. You can tear your anus if you use a certain position that allows for more penetration before you’re ready, and Taormino points out that the missionary position allows for the least clitoral stimulation and suggests receiver-on-top for beginners. “Insertive partners who are inexperienced, nervous about how to penetrate their partners anally, or fearful of hurting their partners may find this position most relaxing because the receiver can do much of the decision-making and work.”

Don’t worry about disappointing him by wanting to go slow and gently. You’re not being a buzzkill who’s squashing his porn-influenced fantasies of pounding the shit out of a girl’s butt. You are being an awesome and selfless (if butt sex is not on your list of must-have sex) partner.

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18. Like peeing immediately after sex to avoid a UTI, it’s good to go to the bathroom right after you’re done.

You’ll also probably feel like you have to anyway. You have also opened yourself up to the joy of butt queefs. They’re not farts, no matter what anyone says. Unlike frontal queefs, they might go on for a few hours as the air escapes. On the bright side, you are a human beatbox, and your partner can lay a sick freestyle over the top if s/he feels so inclined.

19. If you despise it, never do it again.

It shouldn’t take you a few hellish rounds to finally decide it’s not for you. If you hate it, you hate it, and that is fine. I didn’t hate it, and it was psychologically gratifying to watch my partner’s mind being blown. I’d do it again as a “special occasion” thing, like on our anniversary…or Flag Day.



Anna Breslaw Writer. Carina Hsieh Sex & Relationships Editor Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her on Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging out in the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting lost in Amazon spirals.

The bottom line is that no form of sex is completely without risk, but there are precautions you can take to make it safer.

Does anal sex hurt?

Anal sex can feel great, which is why many people include it as a regular part of their sex life. But Planned Parenthood notes that anal sex can hurt if you’re not relaxed or if you don’t use lube. As we explain below, it’s not something you should jump into without a little preparation. Things like using plenty of lube and starting by inserting smaller things (like a finger) into your anus, then working up to bigger things (like a penis) can lessen the pain. You should also keep an open flow of communication during partnered anal sex so you can tell your partner how fast or slow they should go, if you need more lube, what feels good, and anything else that’s on your mind. Great communication can help you have a more pleasurable experience.

Anal sex should never be painful if you take the correct steps, and if it is, you should stop. As Planned Parenthood notes, sex should feel good, so if it’s painful or uncomfortable, ask your partner to stop.

The appeal of anal sex when you have a prostate

Corinna Bourke

For those of you with prostates, being on the receiving end of anal sex can be a great experience.

First of all: What is a prostate? The prostate is a gland near the bladder that produces prostate fluid, one of the main elements of semen. It is located just in front of the rectum and can be stimulated with a toy, fingers, or penis. It feels like a solid, small bulge.

It feels good to have the prostate stimulated. This is one of the reasons receiving anal sex when you have a prostate can be very enjoyable. You can even have a prostate-induced orgasm!

The appeal of anal sex when you do not have a prostate

Just because you have a vagina does not mean anal is off-limits. Many vagina owners love anal play. You don’t need to have a prostate to enjoy anal sex. For those without a prostate, having your anus stimulated can still be great — remember all those nerve endings are still in the fold here.

The anus is not as malleable as a vagina, which has the ability to accommodate an infant’s head by design. The anus is very tight, and the feeling of having something in your rectal area is unique. It is often described as a feeling of fullness, which can be delightful.

How to ask your partner if they’re ready to try anal sex

Whether you are planning to give or receive anal sex, a conversation must take place beforehand. Enthusiastic consent is necessary for both parties to enjoy the experience.

Asking for anal can be a bit daunting, no matter who you are. Have a one-on-one with your partner and let them know that this is something you want to try. Be honest about your feelings about it. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to discuss anything openly. Everyone wants to have a good experience. If they are into it, go ahead and get started.

How to have anal sex

Here is the real deal. You can’t just decide you’re going to start having anal one day and then go for it, anchors away!

Nope. Not a great idea. You need to start slowly. The anus is a muscle that needs to be worked up to having larger objects inserted. Start with finger or a small (I do mean v. small) butt plug and either warm yourself up or have a partner help. To do this, lube up your finger or toy and gently massage the anus. As you feel more aroused and comfortable, work the object inside. Gently move it around to loosen up the area.

Never put any toy up your butt that does not have a flared base. You do not want to lose anything up there — the rectum is expansive. No, you cannot just “poop it out.”

When you do have anal sex, go slowly. Regular communication with your partner is essential. If something hurts, say so and stop. Take a breather. Be sure to relax as much as possible. If you tense up, it will make things much more difficult and therefore less fun. And as always, remember to prioritize your safety and use protection.

Lube is a must

Lube is essential for comfortable (and safe) anal sex. The anus does not naturally lubricate the way a vagina does. If you want to have a good experience, the more lube the better.

Is Anal Sex Safe?

There are a number of health risks with anal sex, and anal intercourse is the riskiest form of sexual activity for several reasons, including the following:

  • The anus lacks the natural lubrication the vagina has. Penetration can tear the tissue inside the anus, allowing bacteria and viruses to enter the bloodstream. This can result in the spread of sexually transmitted infections including HIV. Studies have suggested that anal exposure to HIV poses 30 times more risk for the receptive partner than vaginal exposure. Exposure to the human papillomavirus (HPV) may also lead to the development of anal warts and anal cancer. Using lubricants can help some, but doesn’t completely prevent tearing.
  • The tissue inside the anus is not as well protected as the skin outside the anus. Our external tissue has layers of dead cells that serve as a protective barrier against infection. The tissue inside the anus does not have this natural protection, which leaves it vulnerable to tearing and the spread of infection.
  • The anus was designed to hold in feces. The anus is surrounded with a ring-like muscle, called the anal sphincter, which tightens after we defecate. When the muscle is tight, anal penetration can be painful and difficult. Repetitive anal sex may lead to weakening of the anal sphincter, making it difficult to hold in feces until you can get to the toilet. However, Kegel exercises to strengthen the sphincter may help prevent this problem or correct it.
  • The anus is full of bacteria. Even if both partners do not have a sexually-transmitted infection or disease, bacteria normally in the anus can potentially infect the giving partner. Practicing vaginal sex after anal sex can also lead to vaginal and urinary tract infections.

With proper planning and preparation, anal sex can be a safe and pleasurable experience for you and your partner. Protect your health by following the guidelines on how to have safe anal sex below.

  • Be open with your partner:

If you’re hoping to explore anal sex, start an honest conversation with your partner and discuss any concerns. It’s OK to have second thoughts even after you’ve decided to spice things up in the bedroom. Sex should never make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.

  • Use an enema:

Yes, anal sex can get messy, and there are a few different options available for maintaining good hygiene. Consider using an enema to rinse out your rectum if you think it’ll put both of you at ease and up the enjoyment factor.

  • Wear a condom:

Do condoms help protect you from most STDs and STIs during anal sex? Absolutely. Though condoms don’t take the place of regular testing, they can be just as effective at safeguarding your health as they are during vaginal intercourse. Simply remember to swap out your condom prior to vaginal penetration to prevent the transfer of bacteria from anus to vagina.

  • Wash your hands and trim your nails:

Another way to ensure you’re engaging in safe anal sex is by keeping your hands clean and your fingernails short. This will lessen your chances of tearing delicate anal tissues and causing abrasions or bleeding. Scrub thoroughly, including under the nails, with warm, soapy water before inserting your fingers into the anus, vagina, or mouth.

  • Clean your sex toys:

Take a few moments to clean and disinfect all toys before and after anal sex. E. coli, hepatitis B, and other dangerous viruses and bacteria are easily spread by these objects.

  • Use a lubricant:

Apply plenty of lube during anal sex to decrease your chances of injuring sensitive anal tissues. Many couples turn to Vaseline as a convenient and inexpensive option but it is not recommended. But is vaseline safe for anal sex? If you’re wearing a latex condom, stick with water-based lubricants since oil-based varieties weaken latex and lead to breakage. Furthermore, Vaseline can ruin your sex toys, stain your bedsheets, and be tough to remove.

  • Warm up with foreplay:

A brief 10 to 15 minute period of foreplay prior to anal sex creates a more pleasurable experience for both you and your partner. It’s particularly essential for safe anal sex as it allows your anal sphincter muscles to loosen up and relax.

How Risky Is Anal Sex? A Gynecologist Explains

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When Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle site Goop devotes space to a feature about anal sex for hetero couples, it makes some waves. The Q&A with psychoanalyst Paul Joannides, author of The Guide to Getting It On!, delved into the history of anal and its rising popularity, as well as some how-to tips.

“First it was shocking, then it was having a cultural moment, now it’s practically standard in the modern bedroom repertoire—or so a quick scan of any media, from porn to HBO, will tell you,” the Goop editors wrote in the introduction.

While research suggests anal isn’t quite as prevalent as pop culture might suggest—a 2016 study found that just 12.2% of American women had done it within the last three months—there’s no question curiosity about the backdoor position has grown.

To find out more, we spoke with ob-gyn Lauren F. Streicher, MD, director of the Center for Sexual Medicine and Menopause at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University. There are a few risks involved with anal that women need to know, she says.

“Let’s face it, the anus was not made for intercourse. It’s supposed to be a one-way passage,” Dr. Streicher points out. The vagina, on the other hand, “has a thick, elastic, accordion-like lining designed to stretch to accommodate a penis, or a baby.”

Rectal tissue is thinner and doesn’t share the same elasticity, so there’s a greater chance it can tear, says Dr. Streicher, who is the author of Sex Rx. And tearing increases your odds of contracting a sexually transmitted infection.

Rectal gonorrhea, anal chlamydia, and HIV are all real risks. According to the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “anal sex is the highest-risk sexual behavior for HIV infections.” But anal sex is perhaps most likely to transmit the human papillomavirus (HPV). “Very few heterosexual men have HIV, but over half of men have HPV,” says Dr. Streicher. HPV can cause anal warts and anal cancer.

RELATED: 13 Truths About Sex Every Woman Must Learn Before Turning 30

What’s more, she points out, you’re probably not going to get screened for anal STIs at your doctor—unless he or she specifically asks if you’re having anal sex (unlikely) or you specifically request those tests.

Then there’s pain, bleeding, and fecal incontinence. “Poop in your pants is not a nice thing to talk about,” says Dr. Streicher. She points to new research from a team at Northwestern University that found that women who considered anal part of their regular bedroom behavior were more likely to say it changed the consistency of their stools, and report both urinary and fecal incontinence.

But if you’re interested in trying anal sex, or giving it another whirl with your partner, what’s the safest way? Use protection no matter what, says Dr. Streicher. “As a gynecologist, I tell people even if you are in a monogamous relationship, you should always use a condom for anal sex.” And if you have vaginal sex after anal, have your partner put on a new condom to protect against the likelihood of a urinary tract infection.


  • Anal sex is enjoyed by many people – straight, gay and bisexual.
  • Unprotected anal sex carries a higher risk of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) than many other sexual activities. Using a condom correctly will help protect you and your partner.
  • Taking pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is another way to prevent HIV infection, but it may not be available everywhere.
  • Use lots of lubricant! But only use water-based lubricant which is specially designed for sexual intercourse. Oil-based lubricants can cause condoms to break.
  • If you are having oral sex or vaginal sex straight after anal sex put on a new condom to avoid cross infection.

Anal sex is any type of sexual activity that involves the anal area and many people, whether they are heterosexual, gay or bisexual, enjoy it. Whether you are thinking of having anal sex for the first time, or you just want more information on how to stay safe and enjoy it, this page will help answer your questions.

What is anal sex?

Most commonly, people think of anal sex as when a man’s penis enters the anus. However, it might also mean using fingers or sex toys to penetrate the anus, or using the tongue to stimulate the anus (called ‘rimming’). You can read more about oral-anal sex on our ‘How to have oral sex’ page.

Anyone can enjoy anal sex, whether they are a man, woman, gay, bisexual or straight, and whether they are giving or receiving it. Many gay men enjoy penetrative anal sex. But being gay doesn’t mean you have to have anal sex – you decide what you enjoy!

How do you have anal sex?

It can feel strange when you start exploring the anal area during sex, so start slowly with touching and caressing to get used to the idea. If you don’t like it, it’s a good idea to talk to your partner and explain that anal sex isn’t for you. While lots of people enjoy it, many others would prefer to leave it out of their sexual activities.

If you decide to have penetrative anal sex, take things slowly and communicate with your partner. If you are giving anal sex, use plenty of lubricant and then start by penetrating just a little and then pulling out completely. When your partner is ready, penetrate a bit further and then pull out again. Continue with this until you are fully in – but be prepared to stop at any time if the other person is uncomfortable or in pain.

Anal sex can feel stimulating and pleasurable for both the person giving and receiving – but it can also take a while to get used to the sensation of it. If it doesn’t go perfectly the first time you can always try again when you’re both in the mood. Remember that you can pause or stop at any point you want. Just because you have started something doesn’t mean you need to continue – stopping is actually very normal.

Anal sex, HIV and STI safety

Whether you’re a man or a woman, straight or gay, it’s important to protect yourself against the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including HIV, when having anal sex.

The lining of the anus is thin and can easily be damaged, which makes it more vulnerable to infection. This means that if you are the receptive partner (often called the ‘bottom’) you have a higher risk of STIs and HIV from unprotected anal sex than many other types of sexual activity.

While the risk is less for the ‘top’ (or insertive partner), HIV can still enter through the opening at the top of the penis (urethra), or through cuts, scratches and sores on the penis.

STIs that can be passed on during anal sex include:

  • HIV
  • Chlamydia
  • Genital herpes
  • Genital warts
  • Gonorrhoea
  • Syphilis.

Using protection during anal sex is important to reduce your risk of catching an STI. For penetrative sex, make sure you use a condom and lots of lube – some people feel safer using extra-thick condoms for anal sex. Dental dams also offer good protection for rimming. Taking pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is another way to prevent HIV infection, but it may not be available everywhere.

You can use either a external condom (which goes on penises or sex toys) or an internal condom (which goes in vaginas or anuses, also called a female condom) for anal sex, depending on your preference. The female condom is inserted into the anus before sex, just as it would be used in the vagina.

It’s a good idea to put condoms on any sex toys you are using for anal sex too, making sure you change them between partners. Also use a fresh one if you are swapping between anal and vaginal stimulation. This is because the material of some sex toys may harbour bacteria and infections even after cleaning (though not HIV).

If you’ve had unprotected anal sex and are worried about possible HIV infection, go and see your healthcare professional straight away. You may be able to take post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) to prevent HIV infection, but it has to be taken within 72 hours to be effective. However, PEP is not a replacement for condoms and isn’t available everywhere.

Love your lubrication

Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication (or ‘lube’), so it’s important to use a good product to help the penis or sex toy move freely and prevent damage to the inside of the anus.

Don’t use your partner’s semen (also known as cum) as a lubricant. It’s best to use a water-based lubricant which has been specially designed for sexual intercourse. Oil-based lubricants (such as lotion and moisturiser) can weaken condoms and make them more likely to break.

How do I stimulate a man’s prostate gland?

Many men also like having their prostate stimulated. The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located just below the bladder and is highly sensitive to stimulation (usually gentle finger stimulation through the anus). However, there are many blood vessels in and around the prostate and it can get bruised if handled roughly, so always treat it gently and use lots of lube.

Is anal sex painful?

For lots of people anal sex is a pleasurable part of their sex life. However, whether you are a man or a woman, penetrative anal sex can be uncomfortable or even painful if rushed, especially if it’s your first time.

Luckily, there are things you can do to lessen any pain. These include going slowly, working your way up to penetration with the penis with smaller objects such as fingers or sex toys, and using a lot of water-based lubrication.

Continual communication as you progress is the best way to make sure you both enjoy anal sex. If at any time you are feeling strong pain then you should stop immediately.

Safety for women having anal sex

Be careful not to use the same finger to stimulate a woman’s anus as you use to touch her vagina. This is because you could transfer small amounts of faeces to the vagina which can cause urinary tract infections such as cystitis.

The same goes for using a finger to stimulate the anus and then putting it in the mouth, as this can pass on STIs such as hepatitis and shigella.

If you have anal sex and then move onto vaginal sex or oral sex you should use a fresh condom to prevent these infections. The same applies if you are using sex toys.

Technically, it’s not possible to get pregnant from anal sex as there’s no way for semen to get from the rectum into the vagina. Be aware that there is a small chance of semen leaking out and dripping into the vagina after anal sex. Using condoms is the best way to make sure you are always protected properly against STIs and pregnancy.

Should I have anal sex?

As with any type of sex, it’s important that both people are enthusiastic about having anal sex and that no one is feeling pressured or forced into doing anything they don’t want to do.

Talk to your partner about protection before you start having anal sex to help things go more smoothly. Remember that having unprotected anal sex puts you and your partner at higher risk of HIV and other STIs such as hepatitis A and shigella than other sexual activities. Being safe will help you both feel more relaxed and make sex more enjoyable.

Deciding whether to have anal sex is a very personal thing. The main things to consider are whether it feels right, and whether you and your partner are both sure. Our article ‘Am I ready for sex?’ will help you think about this.

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Anal Sex Safety: Everything You Need to Know

Anal sex can be a great way to have fun with your partner. You just need to give this new sexual adventure a bit of planning and preparation. As long as the two of you are on the same page about what you’d like to do and how, you can enjoy this experience together.

1. Talk with your partner

Anal sex shouldn’t be a surprise request mid-tryst, and no “Oops! It slipped!” excuses here — that’d be a major violation of trust and consent. If you’re interested in trying anal sex, have a conversation with your partner. Just out with it one day, and let them know you’re curious.

If the feeling is mutual, adventure awaits. If one of you decides anal sex just isn’t your thing, that’s OK. There are lots of options for spicing things up in the bedroom without adding anal sex.

2. Consider an enema

Worried that doing the dirty will, ahem, be dirty? It’s possible. If you want things squeaky clean down there, you can use an enema to clean the lower half of your rectum after a bowel movement, but it’s not necessary. You can find these products at most drug stores and pharmacies.

3. Cut your nails

Reduce your risk of cutting or scratching your partner by trimming your nails. Long nails might tear the thin, delicate tissue of the anus, which could lead to bleeding. It also increases the risk of spreading bacteria that could cause infections. Be sure to wash your hands well and scrub under your nails after anal sex, too, especially before inserting them into the vagina or mouth.

4. Wear a condom or dental dam

People who have anal sex have a higher risk of sharing STIs, but using a condom or dental dam reduces that risk. If you want to move from the anus to the vagina, be sure to use a new condom. If you’re not using a condom, wash the penis — or a toy if you’re using that — well before inserting it into the vagina.

5. Get in position

Many people find lying on their stomach with their partner behind them works well for anal sex. Missionary can work, too, as long as you adjust the point of entry. Doggy style is also an easy position. The receptive partner can slowly back up onto the insertive partner to control depth and pace.

6. Lube is a must

For comfort, you’ll need to provide your own lubricant — and plenty of it. Look for a water-based option, as it won’t break down the condom you’re wearing. Keep a wash cloth or baby wipes handy to clean up from excess lube.

7. Go slow and check in with your partner during

Don’t jump into anal sex cold. Give yourself 10 to 15 minutes of foreplay to warm up. This helps you — and the anal sphincter — relax, which can make the experience more enjoyable.

Take things slowly, use plenty of lubrication, and stop if it becomes too painful. Don’t aim to have full penis penetration your first go-round. Try using a finger, and then upgrade to two or three fingers. A toy might be a good option, too, as you grow more comfortable with the sensation. After the first time or two, you and your partner will likely find that the pleasure trumps any initial discomforts.

8. Accept that there will likely be some poop involved

This is, quite simply, a reality of anal sex. Even if you do wash or use an enema beforehand. If the idea of poop getting on you makes you uncomfortable, anal sex may not be the right option for you.

9. Clean up afterward or before you do anything else

Although your anus and rectum are cleaner than you might think, microscopic fecal matter will always be present. You can reduce your risk for infection by changing condoms and washing well. You should never go from anus to vagina or mouth without cleaning up first.

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